episode_0040

“By any chance, are you two already dating?”

Rustle.

The grip on the bag tightens.

“Why would you think that?”

“If you’re not in that kind of relationship, then why go any further?”

Dakota crosses her arms, squinting her eyes as she probes.

“Do you think it’s common for a man and a woman to be in a relationship where he takes care of her menstrual needs? Most men don’t even know about a woman’s period, let alone going as far as providing for it. It’s common for men to be clueless about the different sizes of pads and how to manage the pain. There are surprisingly many who think it’s just a monthly burden.”

Providing the right amount of pads and even preparing foods that are good to eat during menstruation.

It’s not something that would look like a typical relationship to anyone.

But how would he explain that he helped based on ‘his own experience’?

“I told him.”

So that’s how it came out.

But Dakota persisted.

“It’s strange even talking about it. What woman would tell a man who’s not even in a relationship about her period? Isn’t it more appropriate to avoid even mentioning going to the hospital for menstrual cramps?”

That statement is true.

It is true, but…

“What’s your point? What do you want to say?”

I was starting to get annoyed at having to respond logically to these suspicions one by one.

Coincidentally, my lower abdomen started to ache again.

Dakota’s expression turned fierce. She took a step towards me and growled in a low voice.

“If you’re in a relationship, just say you are. Are you trying to hide it until the end because of the rules?”

“I clearly said we’re not in a relationship.”

“How long are you going to deceive me?”

“Deceive? What are you talking about, when did I…”

“You told me to do well in front of him, and now you keep creating this strange atmosphere. What kind of game are you playing?!”

She raised her voice for the first time. Her agitated voice echoed through the empty dormitory hallway.

Since it was during morning classes, there were no students in the dormitory to witness the commotion.

Dakota was so worked up that she spoke boldly up to her shoulders.

“Are you having fun? Are you enjoying making fun of me every time I try to create an opportunity, and seeing me shy in front of him?”

The situation was getting more and more peculiar. It had long passed the point of just treating her as a childhood friend.

What childhood friend lets someone lick their fingers one by one?

What childhood friend brings up menstruation without hesitation, and what childhood friend meticulously prepares necessary items during menstruation?

And then, if you want to insist that there’s no relationship at all.

Of course.

“Then answer this. If you’re not in a relationship, then what are you? What kind of relationship is it?”

I had no choice but to ask.

If she persists in denying it this time, it’s my turn to come up with a convincing excuse.

I didn’t want to bring up this topic. It was the biggest embarrassment of my life that I wanted to bury and forget forever.

I wanted to pretend it never happened.

But to completely shut down Dakota’s suspicions, this was the only way.

Rustle.

Twisting the bag in my hand, I slowly opened my mouth.

“…We confessed and got rejected.”

“Are you deaf? I confessed to that bastard before. And he rejected me.”

Dakota’s expression stiffens in confusion.

“So, what Chloe is saying is that, it’s not about dating or building a relationship.”

“It’s about a relationship that never even started and already ended. I was rejected by that guy a long time ago. It’s been years.”

Dakota’s angry demeanor gradually subsides. At the same time, his gaze wavers, and he starts fidgeting with his hands.

He seems to think I was reckless.

“Just stop getting involved with him. You keep getting involved because you have no friends, but I’m not interested anymore. Seriously.”

“….”

“Do you know how much effort it took for me to lose interest in him?”

This was sincere.

To prevent my heart from fluttering, pounding, or hurting when I see Jisoo.

I did everything to kill my feelings.

I even started smoking. It was a way to calm my restless heart, and when I found out Jisoo didn’t like men who smoke, I deliberately smoked more.

I ended up becoming addicted while puffing away in defiance.

That’s how I lived. I really liked him once, but his words made sense.

As much as I crossed the line first, if I continued without backing down.

I could end up in a situation where I couldn’t even remain friends.

“He said to me, ‘Even after 10 years, we can still be friends.’”

“Chloe.”

“He jokes around like a fool, flirts, and sometimes helps when needed, but fundamentally, he’s the kind of guy who won’t tease you unless you let him, the kind of guy who can still be friends even after 10 years.”

This time, I took a step closer to her. Due to my slightly taller height, Dakota looked up at me cautiously with a bewildered look in her eyes.

“So. Stop provoking people. It’s annoying to get involved like that.”

With those words, I turned my back and headed towards the dormitory. The sound of the door closing loudly echoed in the empty room. Due to my nervousness, the sound of the door closing reverberated even louder.

“Why do you keep misunderstanding things.”

Muttering to myself as I took off my shoes, the phone rang.

Annoyed, I took it out of my pocket.

It was Dakota.

“…What is it.”

Was there still something left to say? If I just opened the door, it would have been over, but I didn’t want to face her again and mix up the conversation, so I answered the phone while heading to the bed.

“What now.”

“Chloe. My words may be uncomfortable for you. But I have to say it. It’s also for my own sake.”

“…What is it.”

I took out a sanitary pad, a hot pack, and seaweed soup from the plastic bag one by one. It had been a while since I stood outside and let time pass, so they had cooled slightly.

Too bad. But somehow, I instinctively blew on the hot soup when I took a sip.

I pushed a spoonful into my mouth and chewed. I thought it would just be convenience store food, but it tasted good.

As I was wondering how I had thought of eating this, I asked while slurping the seaweed soup.

“Chloe’s words, it’s possible that Godeun rejected you. At that time.”

“…What are you talking about?”

I asked while slurping the seaweed soup.

“But think about it. Why would you go out of your way to provide a finger, a sanitary pad, a hot pack, and seaweed soup for a girl you rejected? Usually, to draw a stricter line, wouldn’t it be more common to refrain from being kind to avoid any misunderstandings?”

“Well, she’s just a long-time friend. We agreed to remain friends for over 10 years….”

“Chloe.”

Dakota interrupted me.

Taking a deep breath on the other side of the receiver.

I calmly confessed.

“There is no such friend in this world.”

I silently pushed the seaweed soup into my mouth. Gulp, gulp. Swallowing the seaweed soup as if I heard a ghost.

I didn’t want to respond.

Just this conversation itself.

I hated it too much.

“Miss Chloe. I admit that I may not be a likable woman. But this is not a matter of likability, it’s a conclusion that anyone can deduce from his actions.”

“Why are you taking so long to get to the point?”

Gulp again. With courage, I scraped up every bit of rice and ate it bluntly.

And as she continued speaking.

I.

“No matter how you look at it.”

“Now he likes you.”

I quickly got up, opened the door, and rushed outside.

She looked slightly surprised, hunched her shoulders, and looked at me with a cautious expression.

“Miss Chloe. So, I want you to have a sincere conversation with him again. I also like him, but if his heart is with you, I don’t want to pursue my feelings at the expense of that…”

“Hey.”

With a short one-word response instead of my name, she shut her mouth in surprise.

“Just stop.”

Leaving only those words, without waiting for a response, I headed towards the elevator.

After finishing my meal, I was craving a cigarette.

Annoyingly, the elevator was on the first floor. Who took it down? Grumbling, I waited for the elevator to come up, but Dakota was standing still in the same spot, silently watching me.

Is she trying to send me off by taking the elevator together? Well, do as you please.

I took the elevator down. Although the rooftop smoking area was closer, for some reason, I wanted to go to the first floor now.

Sitting in the smoking area, I lit a cigarette and took a drag. The smoke quickly filled the air.

“Ouch….”

My stomach started hurting again. Maybe due to stress, it hurt more than before. I hunched over, finished the cigarette, and threw the butt in the trash.

Feeling dizzy and unwell, I tried to leave the smoking area.

“Damn it.”

I cursed for no reason and took out another cigarette to smoke.

Feeling a bit lightheaded and disoriented, I realized that my condition was deteriorating. I thought I might vomit if I smoked one more cigarette.

After hearing that men don’t like women who smoke, I smoked three cigarettes in a row for the first time in a long time.

– If you don’t want to smoke, then don’t.

“Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are coming now…?”

I put the third cigarette in my mouth and forced myself to inhale deeply. Feeling queasy and weak, I almost collapsed on the bench.

I was dizzy.

In many ways.

I felt really dizzy.