episode_0040

Let’s make a confession.

I made that decision, but since I made that decision, nothing has changed in my daily life. I couldn’t confess.

It would be correct to say that the timing is not right.

It is a daily life that is no different from usual.

And more precisely, I don’t know how to confess.

‘You must have confessed before.’

You have to have confessed before to know how to do it.

Confessions and romance were things that had nothing to do with my life.

Previous life Mosol, who is over 30 years old. That’s me.

There was no way I knew how to confess.

‘…I don’t even have anything to refer to around me.’

Unfortunately, I didn’t have many friends.

Of course, the four friends I have all like each other, but I’m not actually dating anyone.

What is the confession in the cartoon…

You will know even if I don’t say it. That is not a confession made in real life.

Time passed and Christmas came without me being able to find the timing or even say my confession.

It’s been a week since I made my decision.

“Sihyeon, aren’t you eating?”

“…I have to eat.”

Riya and I took a walk down the street together to celebrate Christmas.

We talked, ate food, and enjoyed Christmas events as usual. Now, I had entered the store to eat.

And for that time.

If it weren’t for my mind constantly fluctuating, my daily life was no different from usual.

‘How do I confess?’

This was a question I always thought about while walking around with her.

How do I confess?

At what timing should I make a confession that is meaningful and sufficient?

I was troubled by these thoughts, but in reality, I may have been ignoring what I already knew.

‘Just say it.’

The location or special event is not important.

All I had to do was speak my truth.

I turned my head away, knowingly or unknowingly ignoring this simple and certain truth.

I didn’t know the reason either.

‘…It must be something to be afraid of.’

To put it simply, the feeling of fear within me was the greatest.

If this confession causes the distance between me and her to grow further, what will happen then?

What if my relationship with her somehow takes a turn for the worse?

‘I don’t even want to think about it.’

To exaggerate a little more, it is the meaning of the life I live now. It might have disappeared in itself.

When I think about it now, I was very young.

Even I, who was helpless before meeting Riya, could have been driven.

To that time when we live helplessly without being able to realize and acknowledge reincarnation.

I absolutely hated it. Such a future.

That was the reason I was afraid of confessing to Riya.

‘You’re not going to do that?’

So, will he just pass by without being able to confess to Riya because of that fear?

I hated that too.

It would be more accurate to say that I was pathetic.

I’m afraid that the relationship will change, so I can’t do anything. It’s beyond pathetic.

As I remained still, lost in my thoughts, Riya, who was in front of me, asked me a question.

“No appetite today? Where does it hurt?”

Riya looks at me with worried eyes and asks that question.

If anyone saw it, it would be no different from usual, but I knew the subtle difference.

“No. It doesn’t really hurt.. I’m just a little worried.”

“Concerned?”

“Yes… worried.”

At my words, she put down the spoon she was holding and said to me.

“I will listen. If it’s okay with me.”

Is it right to say this to Riya herself?

My head was telling me no, but my complicated mind pushed me back.

It was an impulsive, if impulsive, remark that came out of a complicated head.

“I have a feeling I want to convey to someone, but it’s difficult to convey it because I’m afraid of what’s ahead.”

I said it, but it was just very abstract words.

I couldn’t tell who the target was, what my feelings were, or why I was afraid.

However, anxiety stopped me from saying any more.

“But I want to tell you somehow.”

I really want to convey this feeling. Even in the midst of my complicated feelings, this was my true sincerity.

“Umm…”

Riya seemed to be thinking for a moment, rubbing her chin with her hand and letting out a soft voice. Then, she opened her mouth again.

“In the end. That’s what I want to convey.”

“…right.”

“Are external factors other than your own thoughts preventing you from speaking?”

“No.”

“Then just say it.”

Riya spoke to me clearly, as if she was saying something really simple.

“In the end, if you want to convey your feelings, it is better to say it than to keep it silent.”

In the end, if it’s something you want to say to the other person and you regret not telling it to them.

It would be better to say it directly rather than keep it buried in your mind.

That’s what she said to me.

‘…is it.’

She was right.

I knew very well that if I passed by without conveying these feelings, I would regret it more than anyone else.

Even if the results are not good.

Rather than regretting it for the rest of your life…

‘I don’t know.’

Honestly, even if I thought about it any longer, I couldn’t figure out what would be good.

This question and loop was like a Möbius strip that seemed to never end.

I won’t completely agree with either one, and my anxiety won’t completely go away.

There is no point in further worries and questions.

There is only one answer I came to in this situation.

‘It must be done within today.’

This was the conclusion I came to.

#

Of course, it wasn’t my nature to confess right then and there.

It is almost impossible to immediately change and confess something that has been ignored until now.

After finishing our meal, we started walking down the street again.

The steps were not taken with a specific destination in mind.

It was just something we did because we enjoyed this time together so much.

“Sihyeon.”

After covering almost all of that distance, I would normally go home now. Around the time these words came out.

When I was getting a little nervous, it was at that time that Riya called me.

“It’s a Christmas present.”

What Riya handed me with those words was a not-so-large paper bag. A gift is something inside.

“…Scarf?”

What was inside the bag was none other than a scarf. A long scarf made of soft fabric.

However, the quality was not good enough to be said to be better than commercially available products.

There were clearly some sloppy parts, and there were also rare parts where the fabric was rough.

It is an object that looks as if it was made by hand, with parts that have been touched by human hands.

“This?”

When I raised the scarf and gave her a questioning look, she responded with a slight blush.

“I wrote it myself. It was my first time so I wasn’t very good at it…”

“You wrote it yourself?”

“Yes. I made it while looking at the internet.”

It was a combination scarf with a black base but some white accents.

I felt like I knew the meaning of that color.

“It took quite a while. I messed up a bit in the middle…”

I looked at her blankly for a moment at her words, then quickly wrapped the scarf around my neck.

It was warm.

The cold of midwinter was blowing, but it was warm enough to forget even that. This heart was so warm.

“Are you okay?”

“….Yes. Good.”

“…Thank goodness.”

“Thank you for making it.”

Riya came up to me and lifted her hand to straighten the scarf around my neck.

I felt the fabric moving gently and tickling the back of my neck. Riya’s face came into my eyes.

‘…There’s no need to hesitate.’

If I don’t tell you now, when will I tell you?

I thought about that as I touched the scarf around my neck.

I have to say it now.

…If not now, I don’t know when I will make this decision.

“Liya.”

That’s why I pushed my anxious feelings to a corner of my mind.

My anxious feelings did not disappear.

It wasn’t something I overcame.

I just turned away for now and focused on conveying my feelings to her.

I feel like I won’t be able to tell if I don’t do something like this, so I ignore the worries that won’t go away.

“…Why?”

Riya looks at me with a puzzled expression.

Pure white silver hair, bluish blue eyes.

It was a side of Riya that I had seen since I was young and that I still like.

I opened my mouth to her.

“……”

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out.

The anxiety that had been pushed to the depths of my heart took hold of me for the last time.

If you say something here, there is no turning back from there.

There will be another opportunity next time.

At most, I had to say three words, “I like you,” but I couldn’t do that, so I couldn’t convey my feelings.

My heart tightened and beat rapidly.

therefore.

This was the compromise I gave myself.

“….I’ll write a wish ticket.”

The wish ticket Riya gave me during a sports competition that has now passed a long time ago.

From then until now, I used the wish rights that I remembered as rationalization.

I was finally able to speak.

“Wish ticket?”

“Yes, Sowon-kwon.”

This is a wish right.

I am telling her my wish, something I long for.

There is only one wish that I wish for the most.

“…I like it.”

i like you.

Lee, I like you.

From the first time I saw it until now.

I like you.

“Let’s date me.”

Maybe I’ve finally put into words the biggest wish of my life that I’ve had since I first met her.