episode_0039

Raoul Bergé.

It was the name of a friend I was now sickeningly familiar with, and an idiot I was still excited to meet.

“Then please take care of me.”

That idiot handed me the letter he wrote only after I returned to the capital.

I knew the behavior was frustrating, but it would have been better if they had told me about this in advance.

Judging by the dark circles around his eyes, he must have been revising and revising letters all night long for his fiancee, or rather, for that spoiled little boy. If that’s the case, you’re a fool who would pound on a stone bridge until it breaks.

“You can’t be sick until your sister comes?”

“… I think I said it yesterday too. I’m a year older than you.”

“It’s about mental age.”

“You get into fights so often, I don’t think you’re that mentally mature either.”

“Shut up, if you are strong, you are my older sister and older brother. Don’t mess around with the strict woman until I get back. Also, don’t go around hungry like you would on the battlefield. When I go to sleep, I cover myself with a blanket. Got it?”

I can’t help but be worried because he is a fool who is always insensitive when it comes to his own work.

“Then I’ll come back. Even if you are not here, don’t cry and wait.”

“… Say it again. I’m one year older than you. Rather, shouldn’t you be prepared for when you lose a bet?”

Even if this fool threatened me like that, I could be sure. It would be very awkward for this idiot to laugh out loud.

“Then I’ll come back, idiot.”

Even though I could have thrown the spear and flown away, I deliberately put myself on top of the carriage.

I wanted to organize my thoughts, it was hard to fly like that, and I didn’t want to turn down the favor this idiot had offered me.

I really didn’t like the rattling of the carriage, but I could bear it because it was Raoul’s kindness.

This feeling must be love. Yes love. A feeling we all once decided to loathe.

Love was the cause of the war that killed so many people. I couldn’t understand it at first, but now I think I can.

Now, I felt like I could understand the words the Demon King spoke with my heart, not my head. The fear is still vivid in my memory.

Early part of the war.

In the past, we attempted to assassinate the Demon King while he was visiting his wife’s grave alone. At the time, he did not even carry a weapon and was not accompanied by an escort.

That’s why we rushed in without worrying about who would go first. The five of us thought that we would be enough to kill him.

‘… This is truly foolish, reckless and cowardly. Are you not even allowing me a chance to pray for her rest?’

‘Come. I will teach you.’

We vigorously swung our weapons at the Demon King, but he picked up a nearby tree branch and blocked all of the attacks at once.

‘If it were your teacher, you wouldn’t be able to kill me. There isn’t enough blood on my hands.’

We were all seriously injured by the tree branch he swung and fell down.

I only swung the branch once, and small peaks and trees nearby disappeared without a trace.

Nevertheless, a small grave nearby was left intact as if nothing had happened.

He turned his back without even giving me a glance, as if he had chased away a bug.

Instead of killing us, they just turned their backs on us. It was an incredible insult to us.

‘Aren’t you going to kill me…?’

He answered my question in a trivial voice.

‘It looks like there’s someone checking on the fate of the flies they’ve caught.’

‘You will feel shame for surviving today. A shame beyond what my rain felt.’

‘Reflect on that shame and get blood on your hands. Go into war thinking only about winning. So that you can become a blind beast and bite the back of my neck.’

Raoul, who had suffered the most severe wounds, raised his battered body and asked a question.

‘Why on earth are you committing such an act…? If he had formally protested… no, if he had used his skills to assassinate our emperor… wouldn’t that be the end of the matter…?’

‘… foolish creatures. If that were the case, wouldn’t her tragedy end there?’

What we felt from him was pure madness.

This is the madness that aims to destroy all living things by clashing with demons and other races.

‘Her tragic death will lead to the annihilation of countless nations and tribes. ‘Until I am left alone in the world.’

‘Because that would be the only way to restore her honor that was tarnished by you.’

‘It’s good to be crazy. You could say it’s blind. Because I’m actually crazy and now all I see is her. Isn’t that what love is all about?’

He said this with a sad smile.

‘Love is an act of letting go. Everything other than her smile. Any sound other than her voice. All values other than her existence.’

After feeling that madness, we came to think that love was just a dangerous and foolish emotion.

“I am also a crazy person who understands such crazy words even a little bit.”

I also had similar feelings. If Raoul died, I didn’t think I would be able to forgive everything around him.

That same face looked like it would kill his mother and pull out her internal organs.

Even with his help, it seemed like they were going to kill the scruffy little boy who ignored his atonement and only poured out bad feelings and feed his body to wild dogs.

I was confident that I would do it because my reason would not stop me from doing so.

That feeling only became clearer after Raoul disappeared from the capital. Face, voice, presence. Since I couldn’t feel them, I always felt anxious and empty.

“A frustrating and insensitive child.”

I know that there is a woman that Raoul cannot forget.

They also had such a special relationship that they called each other half-body and worked well together even on the battlefield.

But that friend is no longer there. If she had been around, I would have given up too, but now she is just a remnant of the past. There was no way her reverberations would be good for Raoul.

Rather, he just developed the attitude that it doesn’t matter if he, too, dies. I wanted Raoul to forget her because I wanted him to live. Even though I know that it is an absolute disrespect towards that friend.

After several days of driving and arriving at the mansion in the capital, the usual boring scenery caught my eye.

As the Demon King said, most sights were now annoying and most sounds just sounded like noise.

“I was surprised that the lady disappeared again without saying a word.”

The old butler was worried about me, but honestly, I wasn’t the type of person who would get into trouble somewhere.

Isn’t that why my father and brother stay still because they know that?

It may be because they are humans who have no worries about their own flesh and blood in the first place.

“… That’s rare. I can’t believe you calmly entered the mansion.”

The next head of the family and my older brother came out to greet me, which was rare.

I can assure you that compared to this man, Raoul was no different from a lyrical bard.

I wanted to respond with my fists, but I calmed down my fists because it was clear that doing so would result in instant death.

“Well, what does that have to do with it? If you don’t know where I’ve been, why don’t you just shut up and go play some crazy numbers game?”

“Didn’t you go to the outskirts where Raoul was?”

“How did you know that?”

“Because you are horny for him.”

Even though there were words like love and like, this idiot who doesn’t know the existence of mood just said it like that.

One of the reasons why I was familiar with Raoul’s speaking style was this bug. He’s a guy who has to make the listener feel like shit to feel relieved.

“What kind of bullshit is that about being in heat…”

“There is a lot of evidence, but let me give an example of a time when we shared a meal together. You looked at his face 47 times during the meal, 34 times you smiled softly, 3 times you put his favorite food on his plate, 12 times you deliberately spoke to him during the meal, and 12 times he The number of times I got irritated after leaving…”

“Stop. If you talk any more, I’ll impale you with a spear.”

“Even if you pierce my neck, the shame will not change.”

If Raoul was just a guy who was not good at expressing himself and had most of his emotions paralyzed, this guy was just a guy who had no emotions.

Raoul’s sentiments are humane and he has a soft heart, but this guy is just like a rock.

“When you analyze those numbers and statistics, you are definitely in heat towards him. Is there an error in what I said?”

“Do you use the word “heat” when referring to people?”

“A person whose behavior is like that of an animal has no choice but to use the expressions of an animal.”

I felt like it would be a loss for me to talk to a rock like this, so I turned my back and tried to go back to my room.

“That’s it, that’s it. What are you talking about?”

“The story I’m going to talk about now is also related to that, but I guess it’s not necessary.”

“What? What do you mean by that?”

My brother was a person who didn’t hate Raoul, but he didn’t like him either. I couldn’t help but be surprised that Raoul’s story came out of my brother’s mouth.

“I was going to say that I rejected all marriage talks that came to you because I knew you were horny for him.”

It wasn’t a particularly relevant story, but it was still surprising. I’m not interested in things like marriage, but I didn’t expect this person to take such a step.

“You sent him a reply saying that he was in love with you, so it would be a stroke of luck for him to marry you. Rest assured that there will be no more marriage talks in the future.”

I just wanted to kill them all and go to hell.

“And if you want to go to the Nevermore family mansion, I recommend going tomorrow. The head of the Nevermore family will be busy today as there is an event.”

“How did you know I was going to meet that kid?”

“In order for you to resolve your own heat, getting rid of her will be a priority.”

“Hey!!!!”

Even though it was frustrating, I started to miss Raoul, who was at least considerate.

As the devil said, if love is an act of relief, I will first save the lives of my family.