episode_0039

**

It was two o’clock in the afternoon. Hayun, who had been sleeping less recently to study, had no memory since four o’clock yesterday. It was the time when she woke up feeling refreshed, but it was also the time that could have made her sufficiently uncomfortable.

My head throbbed, as if I had taken medicine, and I didn’t feel very well. Hayun glanced at the dressing table in the room, sighed, and realized that time had already passed and there was no turning back, so she sat down helplessly.

No matter what, I was embarrassed that all the hard work I had done for a month had gone to waste because of one mistake. Even though his younger brother Hansol got up earlier and went out, he couldn’t sleep at all so he was left alone here.

Hayun, it was my fault. Even though I said that, I was in pain.

I wanted to blame Hansol right away, but I groaned at the fact that I couldn’t. I wanted to say that I ended up like this because I was exhausted yesterday while hanging out with Hansol. However, it would be unfair to say that he didn’t enjoy it, and he was also worried about what would happen if Hansol committed suicide because he couldn’t get out of the shame he heard.

In the end, Hayun just stared into space with empty eyes without any intention of saying anything. Then, I carefully muttered to myself in this empty room, in this house.

“I only failed two classes, so I can retake them… .”

The exam was a failure anyway, it was late, and Hayun had no choice but to compromise herself. I frowned, thinking that I could just listen to two short lectures in the afternoon, one each next year and the year after that. If I thought it would take the maximum number of credits, I planned to complete it in 5 years by adding in seasonal semesters. I think I’ll get a little tired after 6 years.

“Ugh, damn it. I’m crazy.”

No matter what, Hansol knew that it was a foul. A few days ago, I was so discouraged that I faced my own mistakes and the reality of this relationship and even contemplated suicide, but I thought, ‘Okay, do you understand now? Isn’t it impossible to say, ‘Either die or not.’

The result was that Hayoon, who could not ignore Hansol’s foolish behavior yesterday, accepted Hansol as is. From Hayun’s perspective, it seemed like Hansol would collapse at any moment if she didn’t do something like that.

Is it because I slept deeply for the first time in a long time, or is it because I am stressed? Hayun, who woke up and ran her hand over her throbbing head, groaned and hugged her knees. She sat on the floor of her room, using the bed as her backrest, and chewed her lips.

My heart was becoming increasingly heavy because I never dreamed that I would make such a mistake in an unexpected place, and because I couldn’t blame it anywhere. As I was thinking about it, I heard a ringtone coming from somewhere. It was a notification that Hayun’s smartphone was receiving a call.

18 Seong Ha-jin.

It was the name of a classmate who was in the same class as Hayun. Hayoon was also a friend I knew because we occasionally talked to each other. Why did he call me? Thinking about this, she stared at the screen for a moment and eventually picked up the phone to stop the incessant ringing.

The music stopped and what was heard was Seong Ha-jin, the owner of a soft voice.

[Oh, I got it. Hayoon, you didn’t come to the test today… What happened?]

Hayoon was moved to tears when she heard the voice coming from over the machine. If I hadn’t been able to attend because I got some kind of award, I wouldn’t have been so resentful. If I had an accident and woke up tomorrow, I would have ruined a semester, so I would feel like attending a 6-year school. It might have been a compromise.

However, Hayun, who knew full well that even if she made such a voice, it was like taking out her anger on someone she didn’t like, she was able to let out a low voice only after she calmed down by exhaling.

“No. I was going to stay up all night and take the test, but I guess I fell asleep on the way.”

Who would talk about their sleeping conditions? Hayoon made a laughing sound and at the same time slyly gave another answer. Anyway, it was none of Hayun’s business whether she believed it or not.

I didn’t really feel like talking to anyone right now, so I just wanted to hang up if I didn’t have anything else to do. However, Ha-jin continued his next words as if he did not know Hayun’s feelings.

[…] The other kids were worried about you too. Would you like to come out when you have time?]

“… … Why?”

It was such a random remark that Hayun listened to it blankly and then asked it back without realizing it. Hajin, who seemed taken aback by the question, spoke again in a voice as if he was trying to sort something out.

[Oh, no, I heard Yeji and Jinah are worried about you too.]

Hayun, who moaned, was silent for a moment and then spoke carefully to Hajin.

“Thank you for your concern. But, it’s a bit like that now. Let’s talk later.”

[Oh, yes. are you okay. I’ll tell the kids well, get some rest.]

Hayun declined his offer as gently as possible, without offending Hajin, who cared for her. Ha-jin reacted as if he was surprised and said it was okay, and a shy laugh was heard.

The call was suddenly disconnected and several messages appeared on the screen. However, when Hayun saw it, she indifferently threw the phone next to her without even pressing it and brought her knees together again.

It’s good to have someone who cares about you, but the best thing for her is not to worry, and she just kept sighing as she bit her lip. The bell rang again, signaling another sigh.

Hayun muttered, ‘Who is it again?’ and buried her face as if she was annoyed. Hayun, who was closing her eyes tightly and trying to cover her ears, glanced at the smartphone next to her.

Dengsaeng.

It was a call from Hansol. Hayun, who had been looking at it blankly, stared at it for a few more seconds, then closed her mouth and answered the phone.

[Uh, sister? Where are you now? Is the exam over?]

Hearing Hansol’s voice as if he didn’t know anything made me feel a little confused, but I thought it wasn’t Hansol’s fault either, so I spoke in a weak voice.

“No, I couldn’t go. I guess I slept too much because I was tired.”

Hansol knew his situation anyway, so he told him the truth. Hansol then responded, ‘What?’ as if he had misheard, and then spoke to Hayun again as if he was worried.

You won’t know anyway. The fact that he lied and took prescribed sleeping pills. At first I was excited. Is it okay to feed it? I felt that way, but I decided that if I failed my sister’s exam like this, she would probably retake the course for her grades, so I took action.

[What should I do, is it difficult? Should I buy something?]

Hayun could only guess why her head was pounding, and didn’t know that it was because of the medicine, so she had no reason to suspect Hansol. Hayoon just felt relieved to see Hansol worrying about her.

When she heard that, she let out a chuckle and instead of doubting Hansol, she was even more grateful and answered, ‘It’s okay.’

“That’s it. Is the exam over?”

[Yes, it’s over.]

“Did you enjoy it?”

[It was difficult, but I think I solved it well, perhaps because my older sister taught me a little bit.]

Simple questions and simple answers went back and forth, and Hayun closed her eyes. I sat down with my knees straight, placed my back on the bed, and tilted my head towards the bed.

Still, Hayun, who was smiling at the thought that her younger brother did well on the test, smiled self-mockingly and lowered the corners of her mouth again, thinking that even if she did poorly, it might be okay if her younger brother did well.

It was definitely a good thing that my younger brother was doing well, but I couldn’t just be happy because he had failed his own exam.

Hayun glanced at the ceiling of her room, sighed, said, ‘Then be careful,’ and hung up the phone.

It was a mind-boggling moment. Hayun knew that she had a test tomorrow, but she didn’t want to do anything, so she just stared blankly into space.

*

After calling to check on my sister’s condition, I knew I had achieved pretty good results. I was a little hesitant, but I was glad I did because the results were good in the end.

In conclusion, it seemed like my sister fell asleep at dawn, took the medicine, and woke up after a good night’s sleep. Since I couldn’t take the test because of that, it was safe to say that I had given up on Monday’s lecture. Since the midterm exam was a failure, Monday’s lecture will probably be postponed until next year.

After I became convinced of that, I felt a little sense of accomplishment.

Once you get used to going to school, it’s easy to go, but once you get used to taking breaks from school, it’s easy to take breaks too. Isn’t it the human mind that if you rest for one day, you want to rest for two days, and if you rest for two days, you want to rest for a week?

I know that very well, and if I slowly pull my sister away from school like that, she won’t meet other men at home and will only talk to me.

Honestly, I thought that if I sacrificed this much to take responsibility for my sister’s future, she would be able to live comfortably at home and it would be good for both of us. After my first midterm exam in college, I left the department building and looked around. After the exam, I could see the kids rushing home.

I must have taken some medicine. Should I buy something for my sister, who is feeling heavy and mentally tired? I thought about this and looked at the surrounding scenery without meaning.

“Shall I buy you some porridge?”

I felt a little tired, perhaps because I went to bed past 5 o’clock to change the bed sheets in my sister’s room while she was sleeping, and woke up at 8 o’clock to take the test at 9 o’clock. I was too tired to eat anything and was just trying to sleep, so I closed my mouth and fell asleep. I walked out of the university grounds, wondering if I would feel better if I bought some porridge.

Although Daehakro is nearby, it is still quite far away, so I glanced at the porridge store in front.

I guess I woke up now anyway, so I bought two servings and went home thinking I probably didn’t even have lunch.

*

When I returned home, my older sister was lying on the bed in a daze. There would be an exam tomorrow as well, but my sister, who seemed a bit discouraged, was struggling to get up when she heard me coming home.

No, it’s not that I don’t have motivation, it’s just that I’m feeling weak?

Anyway, when I glanced at my sister, I saw her wearing only shabby white short sleeves and panties without any underwear. I greeted her with a tired expression and her body seemed to have become heavy.

“I’m here. Are you okay?”

“… Ugh, I’m just not feeling well because I didn’t pass the exam.”

My sister seemed to dismiss the fact that she was feeling heavy from the medication as just being in a bad condition or feeling bad. It was quite cute to see him like that.

My older sister, who was barely over 150 centimeters tall, seemed to be acting cute and moving, which made me laugh. But now is not the time to laugh like that.

I closed my eyes for a moment, stroked my sister’s head, and placed the plastic bag I was holding in one hand on the kitchen table. And when my sister saw it, she tilted her head and looked at the vinyl, then realized what it was and glanced at me.

“What is this… Oh, did you buy porridge? How do you know I didn’t eat lunch?”

“Sister, when you’re in a bad mood, you don’t even eat.”

“Oh, is that so?”

My sister must have been hungry, or she seemed happy that I had brought her porridge. I was sleepy and my sister was heavy, so it was the perfect time to eat porridge. My older sister raised her tiptoes and started searching through the plastic bag I had put down. I touched my older sister’s butt.

My older sister, who was startled, shook her shoulders and straightened her back.

Then he looked at me intently, as if he was angry or dissatisfied with something, and pursed his lips.

“Sleep, don’t just watch, sit down.”

“… … Yes.”

My older sister looked at me like that and muttered as if she had something to say, but nothing much came out of her mouth. He just looked relieved and sat down across from me and took out the contents.