episode_0034

*

After that, while washing my sister’s body, I continued massaging her thoughts. I repeatedly tried to make decisions for my sister before she could make her own decisions, preventing her from reaching her own conclusions.

My sister was wrong, and I was right. After dismissing all of my sister’s natural reactions as ‘sensitive,’ how would she react if I told her that what I said was right? The reaction wasn’t as harsh as I thought. Rather, my sister said, ‘Is that so…? ‘?’ He just tilted his head with an uncertain expression.

Even after thinking and thinking for a while, my sister’s thinking ability was gradually declining. From the beginning, my sister had been telling me since high school that I should end this relationship. I used a similar method back then and have continued it until now, but while I used my older sister’s guilt to extend the time, this time my goal was to make my older sister dependent on me and make her doubt her own choices without my words.

Because I started a relationship that would inevitably be criticized socially and ethically, my sister began to be influenced by me and was unable to end it. Because my sister started first, I took advantage of that fact to make her feel guilty. And this time, it clouded my sister’s judgment.

My sister made a mistake, this time she thought wrong, and it was clear that she would make a mistake again next time, so I thought I would help her.

At first, there was a lot of resistance, but now he just tilted his head at my words with blank eyes. It has to be that way. Even in situations where I would be justifiably angry, I would look embarrassed and ask, ‘What’s wrong? The moment I add a word like, ‘Aren’t you being too sensitive?’ my sister becomes a strange person.

Gradually, my older sister stopped getting angry even in situations where she would get angry, and she became someone who followed what I told her as if she were possessed. It was so funny to see my older sister, who had tried to quit because she was tired of a relationship that started out of curiosity, forgetting about herself and now leaving herself in my hands. And it was lovely.

A relationship that started in middle school, a relationship that I was dragging on without ending, was becoming more and more exclusive to me. As each year passed, I wanted to continue this relationship with my sister, I liked her so much that I wanted to be by her side, and I wanted her to speak to me directly. The words ‘I like you.’ But there was no way my sister would say something like that.

As a result, my greed grew bigger. It has become so much that I can no longer handle it. I wanted my sister to be ruined. If I tried too hard, it would only hinder me. If I go out into society as is, my sister will meet another man and start a family. Even if I were to be ruined, I still had a leash to hold my sister back.

If you don’t let me go to school, or if you reveal my relationship when you find a man.

“… Sister, you promised me before, right? I won’t stay still when I get a man.”

“You didn’t say that.”

I did “. It was a few days ago, but you don’t even remember it anymore? I’m really sad.”

It has been slowly mixing lies, and it will continue to do so. Every time that happened, my sister’s expression became distorted, but after a while, she lowered her eyebrows as if she was sorry. The older sister gradually begins to question her own memory and reaches a point where she doubts whether her thoughts are truly correct.

It has shaken them to the point where everyday life becomes impossible unless someone brings confidence to their thoughts, choices, and memories. I continued to make my sister not trust herself.

I could hear the cool sound of water pouring like rain from the shower. The sound of water dripping from a closed bathroom reached my ears, and my sister’s pure white flesh was revealed before my eyes. Her backside, which was naked from her back to her feet, was so close that it almost touched my body, and when I looked into the mirror, I could clearly see my sister’s uncovered naked body.

My older sister, who was an honors student and a model student, had beautiful black hair that had never been dyed, and her brown eyes looked uncertain, met mine, and then lowered them. On the contrary, it seemed as if I felt guilty because of the remark I made.

Even if I didn’t mean to, even if my sister didn’t want to do it, she stayed silent, as if she didn’t know her clothes were getting wet in a light rain, and my words eroded her. If I feel doubtful about myself for doing the right thing, if consideration and interest become meaningless, and if I become unable to choose things that I can choose for granted, then my sister will need me. Rather than saying I should quit the relationship after a few years, I can’t do it without you. They will tell you that.

My sister, who opened her eyes and fixed her gaze downwards, gently grabbed her chin and raised her head. At my gesture, my sister naturally raised her head and gaze. Although the two were looking in the same direction, they were able to make eye contact through the mirror.

“Sister, don’t you still remember?”

**

Hayun couldn’t remember exactly what Hansol said. I kept my mouth shut and searched through my memories several times, but there was no way I could remember anything like that. Because there was no such fact.

However, whenever she saw Hansol’s stern appearance, tone of voice, and facial expression, Hayun began to doubt her own memories. Is your memory bad? I gradually lost trust in myself to the point where I thought, I thought I just treated the matter as usual, but maybe I was being sensitive. Hayun could not express her thoughts properly.

That’s right, it’s something that Hansol, my younger brother, has repeated since he was young.

When Hayoon was in the second year of middle school and Hansol was in the first year of middle school, the two came into contact with each other. As time passed, I continued to mix my body to satisfy my curiosity about my body and my thirst for sexual desire that I felt for the first time. How many years have passed like that? When Hayun was in her third year of middle school, Hayoon realized that family members shouldn’t do things like this and tried to stop.

And there was no way Hansol would accept that. Even though they liked each other except for the first time, they used that first time as an excuse to dig into Hayun’s guilt. It was not something Hansol consciously acted on, but rather it was the result of him acting unconsciously in order to manipulate Hayun as he pleased.

Even though we had fun together and did as much as we wanted, Hansol said, ‘I’ve been hanging out with my sister because she wanted to do it.’ But now that I’m trying to do something, you’re thinking of quitting? ‘Isn’t that really selfish?’ he said, dismissing Hayun’s words and throwing them away like trash.

Hansol’s statement that he likes his sister more than anything means that he likes him, but that does not mean that he is asking what the other person thinks. I just wanted a sister who thought of the other person as her property, knew everything about what the other person was doing, had no secrets, made love whenever she wanted, had sex with her, and did whatever she was told.

At first, it started out as pure love, but after facing the fact that it was a love and relationship that could not be socially recognized, that love also began to distort.

I wanted it, I wanted to own it, and I didn’t want anyone to covet it. He moved with the thought that it should only be in his hands. That too was not something Hansol did consciously, but something he thought and did unconsciously.

From then on, every time Hayoon wanted to quit, Hansol dismissed Hayun’s words with similar words, and Hayoon was finally able to say she wanted to quit after one more year in college. Since Hansol is going to go to the military soon, I thought I could use this opportunity to end my estranged relationship.

Hansol pretended to give in and put up a time limit of three years, and Hayun nodded. I accepted the condition, thinking I would just have to wait a little longer until I graduated from college. If Hansol was satisfied here, he could quit.

Just give in a little more, think a little more, just a little more, a little more, just a little more.

Hayun, who had been adjusting to Hansol in order to escape from him, was suddenly eroding and agreeing with Hansol’s thoughts. After being told, ‘If you’ve decided to do it, enjoy it,’ I scolded myself, saying, ‘Okay, you have to do this for three years anyway, and if you show any signs of dislike, it’s going to be a difficult relationship,’ and after being told, ‘Don’t be too sensitive,’ Is that true? Am I paying too much attention? There were cases where I intentionally pretended not to know even though I knew about it.

After repeating this a few times, Hayoon suddenly began to no longer know herself. Even though his own subjectivity was gradually disappearing, he stared blankly at Hansol without feeling it. Whenever I came to a conclusion, I would secretly look at Hansol, and whenever something happened, I would secretly confide in him and ask for an answer. The things I followed to get away from Hansol soon became like putting a leash on myself and giving Hansol the end of the leash.

I couldn’t even say that I shouldn’t do this. Why are you angry? Why are you so sensitive? Why are you so angry? Are you suspicious? I was worried, but wasn’t that too much? As the phrase is repeated, Hayun ultimately wonders if she is strange? I came to the conclusion:

“… I think I remember.”

“Yes. I told you so?”

Hayun said that she remembered even though she couldn’t remember. Why did you do that? Sometimes, people don’t want to be told that they are wrong, so they agree with what others say and lie as if they know or think the same thing, and this is the same case.

Hansol heard Hayun’s words and smiled to himself. His heart began to pound as he saw his older sister increasingly distrusting his own judgment and lying and claiming that what he said was true, insisting that something had never happened. For some reason, I was even feeling a thrill from the pleasure of massaging my older sister at will.

“Then what should I do? Wouldn’t it be better to just follow what I asked?”

“That’s a little… First, listen and tell the story… ”

Hansol carefully massaged Hayun’s breasts. I made fun of her protruding breasts and the nipples that protruded from Hansol’s constant touching, and thought about what to order Hayun to do. He grinned and asked Hayun as if asking for her consent. However, it was an order disguised as consent. Since Hayun had no intention of accepting rejection, she clutched her chest hard when she hesitantly tried to refute the words.

“Aya!”

“I think my sister forgot everything I said and even made up a secret on her own. In the meantime, why should I listen again?”

Hansol squeezed Hayun’s chest and spoke in an intimidating voice. Hansol usually treats his sister in a gentle manner, but the moment he caught Hayun and accused her of doing something wrong, his attitude completely changed. Although he deliberately overlooked minor mistakes, he spoke angrily about Hayun meeting a man or keeping secrets.

The reason was simple. It was meant to let people know that when someone who doesn’t normally get angry gets angry, it’s because they’ve really crossed the line. Hansol’s attitude now was to say this to Hayun. ‘I’m angry, and it’s my sister’s fault. ‘Because my sister made a secret, because she met a man.’

Hayun, who momentarily felt pain in her chest, frowned and looked at Hansol carefully. Hayun, who is short, slightly raised her head and looked at Hansol’s face. Not knowing if she was angry because of her guilt, she apologized in a trembling voice and tried to make Hansol feel better.

“Mi, I’m sorry. Because I’m too selfish.”

Hayoon began to feel guilty about the fact that she had kept a secret from Hansol despite her promise to him. Even though I didn’t need to, I felt increasingly guilty about making promises that didn’t happen because it seemed like I was in the wrong. Without even knowing it, Hayun was continuously falling into a swamp of lies.

There was no way Hansol was going to miss that opportunity, so he grabbed his older sister’s leash and wrapped his arms around Hayun’s neck as if to take control and hugged her tightly. As soon as he felt the warm, soft skin, Hansol spoke as if giving a command.

“I’ll forgive you if you crawl on the floor this time.”

The corners of Hansol’s mouth slowly rose, and Hayun’s expression gradually hardened.