episode_0027

If a person who has been doing something consistently for a long time does the same thing, you may just think it’s normal and ignore it, but if a person who doesn’t normally do something unexpectedly does something, the shock is doubled. I didn’t know what to do in a situation I had encountered for the first time in the past few days, so I looked around while holding Bryn in my arms, and when I saw Hannah, I looked for help. But Hannah refused to help me.

“Oh my, the young lady started crying and drank it. But Paula probably knows better than me how to soothe a girl’s crying, so why don’t you use that method?”

“That… method… Ha, but… I’ve never breastfed before…!”

“No matter what, the first time is the most difficult, and the second time becomes easier. Please make a decision for the young lady…”

If Hannah turns out like this, I have no choice but to solve it myself. As I patted Bryn’s back while she was crying sadly, I thought about whether there was any food I could feed her other than the powdered milk she refused, but everything was defective. Raw milk? A child who says he doesn’t want to drink powdered milk will do just fine with cow’s milk. Baby food? Since Bryn is 1 year old, you can feed her baby food, but I don’t think this is the right answer.

In the end, is there nothing but breast milk? Ha, but… I don’t know how many times I’m telling this story… I was… originally a man… No, now I have a body that anyone can see as a woman, so it doesn’t matter?

In fact, last night, I breast-fed Elisia, and at the time when I decided to breast-feed and raise the baby in my womb once it came out of the world, it may be irrational to be reluctant to breast-feed Bryn based on my memories of when I was a man.

After some conflict, I made a decision for Bryn: I had no choice. It’s not a human thing to talk about your pride as a man in front of a crying baby. This is a problem that can be easily solved if I just close my eyes, take off my top, and breastfeed.

“My baby~ Tears are falling! Stop~ If you stop crying, I will give you a delicious mama~”

“Sniffle… Are you really… Are you really going to give it to me?”

Oh my god… did you stop crying when you heard me and pronounce the onomatopoeia out loud? I’ve heard that babies use onomatopoeia or mimetic words for that purpose, but now is not the time to be thinking that it’s cute when you actually see it!

Although Bryn stopped crying, when follow-up measures were needed, Hannah, who had previously refused to help me, came up to me and handed me a handkerchief with a cute animal character on it.

“…It’s a handkerchief. I think you might need it.”

As soon as I saw the handkerchief, I realized what I was going to use it for and grabbed it with one hand, keeping my eyes on Bryn and saying,

“My baby was crying, so his pretty face was covered in tears and snot. Shall we put our nose in this handkerchief and hum? After I clean it, I’ll feed it to you~”

“Yes… Yes!”

I wiped Bryn’s tears with a handkerchief, then held the clean side of the handkerchief under Bryn’s nose. Bryn, who saw that, did as I said, buried her nose in the handkerchief in my hand, and squeezed out the snot. When I put the handkerchief aside, I saw that Bryn’s face was definitely brighter than before.

“Ayu~ My baby! It looks great because your face is clean~ But I have to take off my clothes to give my baby to mommy, so just sit on the bed for a moment~”

If I waited too long, Bryn, whom I had tried so hard to soothe, might start crying again, so I hurriedly unbuttoned her top a little, exposed one of her breasts, and took her, who had been sitting calmly on the bed while waiting, in my arms again. Of course, I carefully adjusted Bryn’s position to prevent her from suffocating under my huge breasts while breastfeeding.

After that, without me having to do anything other than place the nipple in Bryn’s mouth, Bryn started to move her lips and eat her mother.

“Page, side, side, side…”

Bryn’s face looked really happy after getting what she wanted, but a new problem arose. I ended up saying that every time I solve a problem, a new problem pops up, but this problem was a little more serious. The new problem is that as I suckle my nipple against Bryn’s baby lips, I am feeling sensations that a mother should not feel.

Every time Bryn’s immature teeth touched my nipples or her little tongue stroked my nipples, I felt the area between my crotch becoming a little more humid, and I was rubbing my thighs and thinking about everything. To someone who doesn’t know me, it may look like I’m holding in my urine, but in reality, I’m not holding back my urine, but my vaginal juices.

Ssss… Ssss… Att att… Me… I don’t get caressed while having a relationship with a grown-up… I breastfeed a baby who is in the prime of her growth… when she hasn’t even grown her primary teeth, let alone her permanent teeth. Are you feeling it while feeding it? Just how bad of a person is a woman like me?

It’s no use trying not to recognize this strange sensation while looking at Bryn’s cute face… My nipples are getting harder and harder once Bryn is in her mouth… I can’t stand it…! Oh, no… please… I don’t want to leave while breastfeeding my baby… ugh…♡

Just when I thought that at this rate, she would win the title of ‘Mom who disappeared while breastfeeding’, Bryn took her mouth off my huge breasts and burped.

“Kkeeoeook~ Uh, mommy… drink it up… stir, I’m full now…”

“Haa…♡Haa…♡Haa…♡”

“Mom…Mom…? Are you sick? It wasn’t like that before, but now my mom’s face is really puffy. When someone as pretty as my mother hurts, my heart hurts too. Chakan Bryn will tell mom not to get sick!”

After somehow finishing breastfeeding, Bryn saw her mother sighing with a hot face and gave a worried look to her mother’s face. Thanks to this, I was able to relieve some of my self-blame and gain the strength to walk to the chair and sit down. If I had gone all the way, my legs would have been so shaky that I wouldn’t have been able to walk properly, but this was a blessing in disguise.

But what should I do here now? Breakfast, mom, I fed you. The bathroom doesn’t look like it’s urgent. Maybe it’s because he woke up from a nap, but he looks very refreshed. I have nothing else to do. Should I play with Bryn? I also have some good news to tell Bryn. I’m going to have you sit on my legs and tell you the news.

“Bryn, mom brought me some good news. Would you like to hear it?”

“Good news? What is that? I want to listen! I want to listen!”

“Bryn has a little brother in mom’s belly. In ten months, he will be born and will be able to play with our Bryn. how is it? It’s really good news, right?”

Babies usually like babies smaller than themselves, so I thought Bryn would smile as soon as she heard what I said, but unexpectedly, she put her ear close to my stomach and seemed to be concentrating on whether or not there was a sound coming from inside. Then he said it while tilting his head…

“Mom… I can’t hear anything. As soon as you have a younger sibling in your mom’s womb?”

“Ah~ What did Mom say again? Since my younger brother is so small now, it’s natural that he can’t hear anything from Bryn. It is said that if the moon in the sky rises and falls and rises again a few times, you will be able to hear the sound.”

Bryn agreed to my answer and stroked my stomach with her small hand, saying kind words to her younger sister who was not yet grown enough to respond to her older sister.

“Our cute little brother~ Grow up quickly~ Grow up well~”

If it had ended here, it would have been a heart-warming story, but the baby’s unique curiosity created new questions and put me in trouble.

“But mom, how does a cute baby like me come into being?”

“Uh…huh? Have you ever asked how babies are made?”

“Yes, the children’s book my mother gave me only shows the mother, father, and baby holding hands, and does not teach how babies are born. This is the first time I asked Wing Wing, but he didn’t answer. Does the mother know how babies are born?”

Here, ‘Wing-wing’ is another name for Hanna. I don’t think Hanna has ever told us about the process of having a baby in order to protect Bryn’s innocence… Even though I try to escape reality by thinking like this, I will never be able to ignore Bryn, who is shooting bright eyes at me. I couldn’t do it. In the end, this situation could only be resolved if I came up with an answer in some way.

It’s the process of a baby being born… I’m not someone who lived in a monastery my whole life, so of course I know that. Yesterday, I put into practice what I only knew in theory and created a younger sibling to play with Bryn. But… this is too dangerous knowledge to allow to a child with a childlike innocence like Bryn. So I can’t tell you straight away.

If Bryn had been around elementary school age, I would have been able to tell her the story little by little as a matter of sex education, but that won’t be possible until several years have passed… Sigh… It hurts my heart to lie to my child, but I can’t help it. I have no choice but to give an answer based on what appears in the children’s book.

“I think there was one about a bird carrying a baby among the children’s books that my mom read to Bryn. Do you remember?”

“Uh… Yes! That kind of children’s book… I’ll tell you what my mom gave me.”

“Actually, the mother hid it from Bryn and prayed that she would meet the bird and have a baby. And then, voila! Bryn has a younger brother.”

“Wow! Then, does Bryn also use a bird to carry it to him?”

“Uh… Umm…”

This is an ambiguous question to answer based on a children’s book. I said to my child, ‘I don’t know because I’m not your biological mother. I can’t say, ‘For more details, go find your biological mother who abandoned you and run away because she said it was difficult to make a living due to the Great Depression in the U.S.’, and since I didn’t see Bryn born, it’s difficult to convince me that you were a baby brought to her by a bird. …

I couldn’t find the courage to bring up the uncomfortable truth, so I passed on the story, and then I brought Bryn’s favorite children’s books and started reading them to her one by one. When it is difficult to give an answer, there is no better way than to change the topic of conversation.