episode_0026

“Obviously, until yesterday───”

“That’s the chief’s opinion.”

‘Chief? Heukrangi? ‘Why that hosot?’

It’s sudden.

Not even a day had passed since I spoke with the priest.

I have never had a long conversation with Heilang.

But we weren’t even close friends.

Although it only happened a few times, the look in Heilang’s eyes as I passed by was just cold. So much so that I feel dizzy just by looking at them.

‘···Jules must have broken his promise to the priest!’

If you do this, you will end up being a slut who hides behind power until the end.

There was no way Heilang would look at me favorably.

“Wasn’t that what the priest told me to do yesterday?”

“You know. I know, but I was simply curious about what my younger brother thought of you, so I went to ask him.”

Did God listen to the priest’s words with one ear and let them go with the other?

I want to crack Jules’ head.

Probably shit will come out instead of brains.

Wow, are you laughing now?

“It was something I had to do.”

“Don’t misunderstand. Because my younger brother said he liked you first. And he told me to come up because he has something to tell you.”

It becomes dark before my eyes.

‘Are you trying to kill Yamsaeng?’

Don’t be so puffed up, if you say shit, I’ll eat you up.

Juul is so ignorant that he will most likely lose first and then accuse me of a shameful crime.

‘First we have to clear up the misunderstanding!’

“I’ll be back.”

“Let’s go together!”

After organizing my clothes, I hurried to the highest house. On my day off, I chased after him, but fortunately Jules didn’t chase me. I wanted to be alone, but Heilang’s house is Shir’s house.

Even if you ask, there is nothing you can do if you refuse.

Wow ──

There was a fly on the spear where Terup’s head was hanging.

Maggots fell out of my throat. Although the temperature was low because there was a waterfall nearby, the humidity was high, so it seemed like decay was slowly starting to occur.

‘···Wouldn’t it be nice for my head to hang next to me?’

Chicken flesh sprouted.

I can’t figure out what to say and my head is a mess.

I stood in front of the tent and couldn’t bring myself to open the door.

What should I say when I go in?

‘I came here because you said you called me.’ Should I say that? Or, from the beginning, ‘Please forget what Seolrang said.’ Should I say that? Should I just apologize? Before speaking first, should I say hello?

“Mom. Sihyeon has arrived.”

“───────?!!”

That fucking bitch?!!!

─Is her name Sihyeon?

Shir was looking back at me and tilting his head.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

I want to hit Shir in the back of the head. With a full swing.

─Don’t stand around outside and come in.

“I’ll go in.”

When I entered the tent, I saw that Shir was clinging to Heilang’s legs as if he were wrestling with him, but Heilang was sitting on a chair roughly fighting him.

Does he not like the rough treatment of Heilang?

It bites with its fangs.

“Hello. I came here after hearing from the owner that I had some business to do.”

“Sit down first.”

First, let’s take off our shoes.

The feel of rawhide fur feels pleasant.

Heilang put Shir aside, stood up and took out a bottle of alcohol from the shelf.

Shir had already spread out on the chair where Heilang was sitting. Heilang gives me a glance.

“Would you like to drink?”

“Is it alcohol?”

“It’s alcohol.”

“I’m fine.”

Heukrang returned after putting the bottle back and pushed Shir, who was just hanging out on the sofa, off the chair.

“Eck.”

Shir let out a strange groan.

Heilang, who was sitting on the sofa and ignoring Shir, looked down at me.

“I heard about the situation from my sister. I like you just like you.”

‘no. ‘I don’t think so.’

The eyes are strange.

This is not the look in the eyes of someone you like.

“···Yes.”

“The reason I called you is because I have a few questions for you.”

Heilang rested his chin and turned his head crookedly.

“Why did you leave your parents?”

‘what? ‘Why is that question coming up now?’

Did Jules ask for it?

“That’s right, Seolrang is me───”

“My sister is. He is not a good person who will take responsibility for someone he ruined.”

I wasn’t sure if I could join in the gossip.

But that was definitely the impression from the first day.

“···Is that so?”

“However, he cannot defeat people who depend on him. You have a unique personality.”

‘···Is that why you brought me with you?’

Because I depend on it? Just for that reason?

Amber eyes stare at me.

“Didn’t you ask me to take you with me?”

It doesn’t matter if you say no, but Heukrang’s reasoning is correct.

He wanted me to take him with me and asked him not to leave me behind.

It’s good to solve questions.

Otherwise, you will be suspected, and as doubts build up, checks will come.

In the first place, I have nothing to lie about except about my past life.

“That’s right.”

“I thought so. Since humans are not allowed in the Union Alliance, they are probably made into slaves only for the sake of appearance.”

“Yes.”

“Why did you want to follow your sister? Don’t you usually ask for help or to let go?”

Heilang’s amber eyes seemed to penetrate into my heart.

I’m running out of breath.

I had to lie, but looking at those eyes, I felt like no matter what I said, it would be caught.

“I wanted to leave home. Besides, there was no choice back then.”

“Why?”

You can never reveal the truth.

What excuse should I make?

“Seolrang took me hostage and ran around for a while, so I got too far from home. When I asked, he said they wouldn’t send it back.”

“No. But that doesn’t mean I’m asking you to take me. Even a young ogre knows that Yunaira’s hosot is dangerous.”

The seeds don’t even work.

“Ask again. Why did you follow my sister?”

“Because I had nowhere to go and I thought Seolrang wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Why?”

“He said he liked me. Since I didn’t have the confidence to live on my own right away, I begged Seolrang.”

In the end, I couldn’t tell a lie.

Heilang covered his eyes, shook his head, and laughed lowly.

“Everyone is innocent when they are young. Among them, Ain especially.”

But the eerie look in his eyes at first glance still remained.

“Children are pure and follow their parents even if they are treated as devils. They never leave their parents’ side until they have a clear sense of self that can make judgments.”

“Are you wondering why I left the house?”

“Okay. Don’t avoid the answer.”

Heilang simply pointed out the truth I was trying to hide.

But I am not in a position to understand my concerns.

‘You can’t reveal the truth.’

At worst, an angel could come to kill me.

Religion and death are closely related.

It is obvious that most things related to the soul are considered a matter of dignity.

You wouldn’t even believe it in the first place.

It is better to make something up from the beginning than to make a bad impression.

We need a lie that can fool Heilang.

The short silence feels so long.

I didn’t know what to say.

Even if I thought about it, every time I looked into her eyes, my mouth would get sore that I couldn’t even spit out the words and swallowed them.

That doesn’t mean you can tell the truth.

I prepared my best lie.

“Do you know why I can talk to other races?”

“I know. My sister told me.”

“I have never been able to come down from the mountain since then. In a sense, humans are more cruel and cold-blooded than anyone else. Plus, they are afraid of things they don’t understand and enjoy risk.”

As I looked into Heilang’s eyes, I couldn’t tell the lie I had made up. I had no choice but to mix half the truth with half the lies.

“I would have had to live on that mountain for the rest of my life. But Seolrang… no, Jule just smiled and accepted me like this.”

“No.”

Heilang’s voice interrupted the conversation.

The eyes are ax-shaped.

‘It’s ruined!’

It’s clear that he’s angry about such a trivial lie…!

Shir was leaning on Heilang’s legs and looking at me.

“You didn’t think I would fall for a lie, did you?”

“Really?!”

Shir looked back and forth between me and Heilang, as if he had passed.

I feel relieved by innocent admiration.

If I had come alone, I might have been so nervous that I couldn’t say anything and would have been whisked away.

But I couldn’t help it.

“Sorry. I can’t tell you.”

‘He’ll be angry.’

But it was different from what I thought.

Even though the slave insisted on his right to remain silent, Heilang’s momentum faded slightly.

‘···why?’

“Is your purpose to harm us?”

It seems that Shulang has the ability to see through lies.

If so, wouldn’t it be possible to find out the truth?

There was a wind.

…If only we could understand that there is no malicious intent.

He spoke firmly with such an absurd wish.

“No. I just had to leave home for personal reasons.”

Heilang’s eyes were staring at me.

Yellow… slightly darker amber eyes are burdensome.

The hand was stroking Shir’s head.

I couldn’t bear to make eye contact with him so I sent him to Shir.

“Okay, let me trust you. But there’s something else I’m curious about.”

I don’t know if it worked or not.

But you have a question for me?

“What is it?”

“You.”

Heilang’s eyes turned cold.

“I don’t know your identity.”

My identity?

“I am…”

“Looking at your tone and actions, it feels like I’m seeing a dragonia or an immortal.”

Dragonia?

“You can’t do that at that age. Are you really a child who is not even an adult? No, are you even human?”

‘···Why are you curious about that?’

If you call someone like a child, most people get angry.

Why is the word ‘child’ an insult?

The etymology of ‘child’ is ‘fool’

In history, the first time children were treated well was after the modern era.

Then, in this era, children are nothing more than animals.

But, are you looking for childlikeness in slaves?

‘Don’t you like it when children grow up quickly?’

“I am human.”

“No purity can be found in you. I can’t find any hope, I can’t find any purpose.”

The words I spit out are too abstract. pure? hope? purpose?

“I got goosebumps when I saw the look in your eyes as you comforted my sister. Because I couldn’t feel anything from you who was actually soothing people.”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“Tell me. What is your goal in life, what do you want to do, what do you want to achieve, what do you want to become, what do you like, and what are the reasons for them. Even small things are good. Right now.”

“Well, after learning how to read and write, I honed my hunting skills and became a hunter…”

I was speechless.

I didn’t understand most of what Heilang said, and I couldn’t understand the intent of the question.

I thought it was because he just spoke abstractly.

But the last question was clearly a direct question.

Even if the question asked is contradictory, not being able to understand and answer it means there is a possibility that there is a problem with me.

‘···But this isn’t it.’

Isn’t that asking a 14-year-old who doesn’t even know how society works to decide on his future already?

You are still in the process of planning your life.

…I’m twenty-eight years old.

This is a self-excuse.

The very reason you came here was for self-development.

I slowly floated the luck in my heart.

What did you plan to do when you became an adult and left here?

Why wasn’t the design done after that?

·

·

·

I didn’t want to do anything.

It’s different from laziness.

There was nothing in this world except family.

There is no one I love, nothing I like, nothing I want to do.

Humans walk the path before their eyes.

There is no right or wrong path. Just walk because it’s in front of you.

But in order to walk that path, to realize that it is a path, you need someone’s help.

Born as a person, as a human being.

Humans were never created alone.

The time I spent in Korea was much longer than the time I spent here. My rich friends Lee Sang-ho, Kwon Dae-il, Daehyun, mother, father, older sister.

When I was quiet and lost in thought, I always thought of Korea.

By this time, my friends must have gotten married.

Did your sister pay all the money for the 60th birthday party?

How are father and mother doing?

I got lost in thoughts that would never be answered, and when I returned to reality, life here did not feel real.

That’s right, I was an Earthling until three weeks ago.

The paths of ‘Rian’ and ‘Jeon Si-hyeon’ were cut off.

I hung up on it myself.

It felt like I had committed a crime and was imprisoned.

Just like other people forget their dreams, I only vaguely remember the events of the past 8-9 years. Ever since I completely regained my memory, I have been Korean.

Memories of Korea became nostalgic and became clear as if it was yesterday.

Thanks to that, Jeon Si-hyeon’s values became an homage to life even while living in a different world.

─That’s why I can’t focus on this new life.

It still comes to mind.

Memories of laughing with my family, memories from when I was in middle school more than 10 years ago. I don’t know how many times I thought about going back. It is not a problem of backward culture.

I just miss the places where traces of my life remain.

But now, ‘Jeon Si-hyeon’s’ family and friends don’t remember me.

When I remembered that fact, my heart ached to the point of being sore.

In times like these, it is more appropriate to let go of the past.

Even though I understood it with my mind, my heart couldn’t.

Because I’m not that strong of a person.

So I never truly fit into this world.

That person saw right through it.

···Perhaps I could ask for some advice?

“If you can’t meet your family no matter what… what will you do if you can’t come back here?”

“I will cry.”

It’s a serious voice.

But the answer is ironic.

I don’t know if it means something abstract or was said directly.

I didn’t understand so I took it straight.

” Nothing changes even if you cry, right? If I keep feeling sad, should I just shed tears?”

I didn’t know my voice would come out so cynical even after I spit it out.

‘I’m crazy!’

I looked at Heilang because I was worried that he might think I was being rude.

Fortunately, he doesn’t seem angry.

“You must not continue to mistake yourself for being sad.”

“···What are you saying?”

“Let’s give an example. I have often seen the dead, and I have also seen many people who mourn them. Usually the parents died first.”

Most of them are like that.

“Everyone was sad when a family member died, but those who did their best for their parents did not have regrets. But the stagnant person could not let go of his regrets. Isn’t it ironic?”

─Resentment.

It’s so many things to me.

“Continuing to feel sad means that you have regrets that you might regret. Those are the shackles that you must break off.”

I don’t understand.

This kind of conversation is a skill.

In Korea, if you said something like this, you would be treated as a middle school student.

I, too, have never listened to such emotional stories so as not to be put through such colored glasses.

Because I didn’t understand, I couldn’t lead the conversation or answer.

“Hmm. What were you saying earlier?”

“Nothing will change even if you cry.”

“That’s right. You can’t do anything, so what can you do?”

The anger seems to have subsided, but it is difficult to read the expression.

“If it were me, I would cry to wash away my sad heart. Because the mind is something that cannot be trained.”

“Why not? Isn’t the patience of a child different from that of an adult?”

” Because I’ve been hurt a lot, I just realized how to get hurt less and ignore the hurt.”

···A person’s spirit is not something that can be trained?

“People who live hard lives and cannot enjoy life are broadly divided into three categories.”

“What is that?”

“A person who has a closed heart and is rotten inside because he cannot give instead of receiving. A person who foolishly accepts everything and has their heart torn and destroyed, even losing what is theirs. A person who is afraid of being hurt and avoids all emotions from others.”

“···I don’t know what it means.”

“You accepted everything too foolishly. Now I think I know why I got goosebumps.”

There was no longer any ferocity in Heilang’s eyes.

However, there was sympathy.

“Your heart is broken and your emotions are flowing out through the wound. Since there are no emotions contained in the actions, the actions contain only the basic emotions left behind the wound.”

“So, I have no feelings to give to others. Before it can be filled with emotions from others, it flows down as a wound, so it cannot be accepted as straight as it is now.”

“Wounds need to be treated, but in order to heal, the rotten part must be cut out. You can’t do that.”

“If you remain in that state for a long time, you will not even know why you cannot sympathize. Still, he’s human. Since we have to live together, we become emotional and rational people in order to empathize.”

Heilang looks at me bored.

“Do you know what the characteristics of a person like you are?”

“······I don’t know.”

“It is not about trying to avoid the absurd situation that comes your way, but accepting it naturally. I can’t decide if my treatment is right or wrong.”

I don’t know.

I don’t understand what the heck you’re talking about.

“You need to reflect on yourself.”

It didn’t really hit me.

But that doesn’t mean it’s too far-fetched.

Life was insensitive.

I thought it might be because I got older and got used to life.

That wasn’t it.

“Then what should I do?”

“They say that time washes away sadness and pain, but I think differently. The only thing time can achieve is oblivion.”

“If you find a memory from oblivion and recall it, just remembering it will make your heart ache again. What truly washes away sadness is not time, but tears and happiness.”

“Your id is crushed beyond understanding.”

“That’s why I can’t get angry when I need to. It’s easy to swallow the tears and hot fireballs that should be spit out.”

“Always have childlike selfishness.”

···This is not it.

“Selfishness requires patience.”

Heilang glared at me as if excited.

“Who said that?! What kind of bastard forced that on you?!”

It was my father.

Courtesy, duty, and patience.

An old message that remains in my heart.

“That’s not true, but isn’t that how life is?”

Heilang’s eyes became hollow.

“You think the id is a sin.”

“No?”

“The id is the food of the mind, the superego is the brain of the mind, and the ego is the body of the mind. Nothing should be ignored, and when these two are in balance, Ajin finally shines.”

“Don’t be swayed by what others say. Those ugly things are hungry for mental pleasure and have robbed you of your happiness.”

···I see.

In other words, I was deprived of my food.

Looking back, my father was a fiery person when he needed to be angry.

“···Thank you.”

“Your parents don’t want to see you in such a state of despair, so I hope you don’t take my words lightly.”

parents?! how?!

Can you really read minds?!

‘···no.’

This is not a story about my parents on Earth.

It was clear that he was referring to my family here, not on Earth.

Since I talked to Jules, he probably talked about me first. You’re misunderstanding something about me.

A chill down my spine.

At the same time, I could see that Heilang did not treat me like a slave, but treated me as a person.

‘But why?’

Why nourish my spirit?

I am a slave and food.

In all my life, no one has ever lectured me like this.

Except my father.

To them, they are nothing more than working livestock.

Why are you saying that to your slave?

“Mom was like a priest!”

Sigh!

“Aaappa──!!!”

Heilang hit the back of Shir’s head.

As I look at it, I feel relaxed.

···I felt like a fool for thinking in such a complicated way.

The introduction was long, but isn’t the conclusion about enjoying life?

Basically, leave life to your emotions.

‘···They said they would share their happiness.’

─It means that they will accept me into the tribe.

“I knew from the first time I saw you that your mentality wasn’t bad. I already told my father, so after 20 days, I will be able to learn to read like other children my age.”

“But, it’s been 3 days since I saw you. You can’t completely trust it. If I think you are dangerous based on my subjective judgment, you will die by my hands.”

That’s obvious.

Still, it was a little bitter.

It’s the first time in my life that I’ve been comforted and threatened at the same time, saying they’ll kill me outright.

But more than that, my heart tickled.

“We will make sure that does not happen.”

“Okay. You can go.”

“Thank you.”

I bowed my head to Heilang and left the tent with Shir.