episode_0026

I had a dream.

It was a dream about childhood memories.

It was the memory of when I suddenly lost everything and came to this world, not long after remembering that fact.

At that time, I was very confused.

The body of a child of about five years old was too small for me, who had been living in an adult’s body, and there was nothing I could do.

Even if I knew something, I couldn’t say it. I could only know that I was in an orphanage, but I couldn’t recall what had happened.

I didn’t know what kind of world this world was. I didn’t even know who the people around me were.

Being with young children was also difficult. Children are still young. It was very difficult for me, who had the thoughts of an adult, to fit in among them.

How many years?

I also experienced childhood, but the memories of that time are almost gone. At some point, what should I think? How can I blend in and live normally?

The gaze of the teachers was also frightening. Sometimes, when my “own” actions appeared by mistake, the teachers looked at me with strange expressions.

Some doubted whether I was not a genius. It was just that the memories I had learned in advance were in my head.

Sometimes people looked at me with expectant eyes, and sometimes they looked at me as if I were not a normal being.

Whether it was instinctive or whether I had become alienated without realizing it, the children were gradually moving away from me.

It was scary.

That’s why I went outside the orphanage to avoid the teachers’ eyes.

Was it because I didn’t think that a young child alone could unlock a lock high up and go outside?

I didn’t go outside with any purpose. Just as I am living without any particular purpose now, I couldn’t have had any specific purpose back then either.

I can’t use the excuse that I was young. Because I didn’t realize myself like that.

I walked around shivering in the cold weather, with my nose running.

It was a familiar world.

It wasn’t much different from what I remembered.

Maybe at that time, I wanted to confirm that.

In this world where I happened to be born, could I live normally, could I live a regular life?

It wasn’t the time when I had cosmic awareness.

So the world was ordinary.

I don’t remember whether I was relieved or not. Maybe it was half relief, half disappointment.

Even though I was reborn, life didn’t seem easy.

I was just reborn in a known world that I knew.

I wasn’t yet at an age to be considered a proper adult, but still, I must have felt empty thinking that everything up to that point had flown away.

The fear has not completely disappeared, but it comes to mind quite vividly.

Everything I had was gone. I wasn’t the kind of person who had everything to begin with.

The shock came late. Everything went dark before my eyes.

Passersby all glanced at me as they went by. Their expressions seemed to question why such a young child was out alone playing.

It seems that, like most protagonists in disaster movies, I didn’t have a strong mental fortitude.

Was it a delayed reaction from my body?

It was hard to hold back tears.

Standing alone on the roadside without a guardian, the young child sniffled as if about to burst into tears at any moment.

To the passersby, it must have seemed quite natural and strange at the same time.

“Why are you crying?”

And there was a child who spoke to me.

When I turned my gaze, what caught my eye was a distinct pink hair.

The short haircut, neatly trimmed just below the neck, had not a single stray hair out of place, as if someone had just finished styling it moments ago.

The clothes were the same. The neatly worn coat did not seem so worn out at first glance.

The child herself didn’t seem to be conscious of it.

She didn’t pay much attention to the slightly loose sleeves and the stretched neckline of the coat I was wearing. She didn’t even glance at the scruffy sneakers; she only looked straight at my face.

That child was also alone.

“I… ”

I opened my mouth to reply, but then shut it firmly.

To be dependent on a five-year-old child, it was an absurd situation. My own sensibility was saying so.

But eventually, a single tear rolled down my cheek.

Was it relief that someone showed interest in me?

Or perhaps the other person, being a child herself, thought there was no need to worry too much.

Once the tears started, it was hard to stop them.

Despite knowing nothing, she came to me and embraced me.

“It’s okay.”

Not knowing what was okay, or why it was okay, she said that to me, resting her head against my ear.

I felt pathetic for finding comfort in her childish voice.

Perhaps that was the first time I cried so much since coming into this world.

And since then, I haven’t cried that much.

That day’s memory was the end of it. I couldn’t recall what happened afterward. Did her parents come and take her away to the police station? Or did the police approach us directly? However it happened, we parted ways.

And for several years, I had no idea that her name was ‘Ha-yoon.’

*

The first day of elementary school was when I met her again.

I recognized her by her distinct pink hair, but she didn’t seem to recognize me.

“Hello.”

The girl who happened to sit in front of me turned around and said.

I’m Ha Yoon. Just Ha Yoon.

She had a very mature voice for an elementary school student, and she said that.

The name Ha Yoon and pink hair.

Even after seeing the two combinations, I didn’t recall the fact that she was the protagonist of a webtoon.

By then, I knew that people in the world have hair of many different colors. Of course, in my country, most of it was black, and I was one of the “most.”

I grew up in an environment that was lacking compared to other ordinary kids, not standing out in appearance, excelling in both sports and studies, and having a good personality, Ha Yoon received admiration from many kids.

As time passed, I realized that our worlds were different.

When I kept quiet, the kids didn’t bother talking to me. Maybe it was because of Ha Yoon.

Sitting next to her, someone with a dark personality like me would be overshadowed by Ha Yoon’s light. Naturally, there was no room for me.

That wasn’t a complaint. If I had a personality that liked standing out, I wouldn’t be this dark.

However.

Ha Yoon treated me as a friend.

To be honest, she was even a “close friend” among friends.

If you asked Ha Yoon who she spent the longest time with, it was me. If you asked who she walked around with the most, it was me. If you asked who she called when going somewhere, it was me.

So I was happy.

And at the same time, I felt complicated emotions.

Because I was always by her side, I knew well how Ha Yoon appeared to others. And I was also one of those who saw Ha Yoon like that.

I wanted to be a special person. But no matter how hard I tried, I could only be a peripheral figure to Ha Yoon. Even if Ha Yoon treated me as her closest friend and made me feel special, I still felt that I wasn’t meant to be in that position.

Just lucky enough to be the one sitting behind Ha Yoon.

Just lucky enough to be the first to talk to her at school, and so just ended up walking around with her.

The reason why I could only be that kind of friend to Ha Yoon was because she chose me.

I… like Ha Yoon. As a friend, and as a person, she’s really great. Kind, good at studying, good at sports, pretty, and pays attention to the details.

I am not at all like that.

It wasn’t until later, after the Eunhae Federation made contact with Earth, that I realized Ha Yoon was the protagonist.

I finally realized that I was just a supporting character. No matter how hard I tried, I was just one of the faceless extras who occasionally appeared in everyday scenes in the webtoon.

That’s all.

I’ve always felt inferior to Hayoon.

Always.

I like her.

But I’m jealous.

Of everything around her.

I always try to catch up, but when I take a step, Hayoon is already ahead of me.

Not even realizing that I’ve fallen behind, she smiles and waves at me from up front.

No, maybe the starting point itself was different.

That’s not a bad thing. Hayoon probably didn’t want it either.

Even if we started from the same place, Hayoon would have surely made everyone around her happy by utilizing all her talents.

I know. I know, but whenever I see Hayoon, I can’t help but think that way.

Why?

She’s right there. I even already know the contents of that comic. Maybe I know more about this world than the magical girls do.

Yet, I can’t do anything.

The reason for that is all on me. Even if I try to blame others, in the end, that blame comes back to haunt me.

As a friend, I like her. Just as much as I am a close friend to Hayoon, she is also one of my closest friends. One of the few friends I have.

I want to be in a special position for Hayoon.

Not just a friend who became close by sitting in the back, but someone who, if not me, is inevitable.

That’s why I wanted to win.

Just once.

Maybe it’s because I wanted to become that kind of person before Hayoon, who became a combatant a year earlier than her.

…Hayoon eventually figured it out.

Will she sympathize with me?

I hope she doesn’t.

Rather—

*

“Ha-yoon.”

For several days, Ha-yoon continued to watch over Eun, who had not woken up.

She went to school. But as soon as school ended, she came straight to the hospital.

Eun’s collapse was not a big surprise. For Ha-yoon, Eun’s presence was never a light one.

“….”

“You really don’t want to talk?”

Happy Rose – it was Seo-hee’s words.

She was a senior by a year compared to Ha-yoon. She also became a magical girl about a year earlier than Ha-yoon.

However, that didn’t make her the leader. In the first place, there are no ranks among magical girls. When necessary, Ha-yoon nominally took on the role of a leader, but that was due to her versatile magic, and above all, her close relationships with all the other magical girls.

Dahlia and Iris compete with each other, and Delphinium and Dahlia aren’t on such good terms either.

Iris sometimes finds Rose’s frank personality a bit awkward. Conversely, Rose occasionally opposes or interferes with Iris’s plans.

Ha-yoon, Blosum had a personality that did not particularly cause friction with anyone, so when Blosum was at the center, there were no figures like magical girls coming to interfere.

But now, she was starting to feel a little itchy.

“……”

I know it’s a strange sound.

It was Rose who put a punch exactly in Ji-eun’s head, but until then, it was Ha-yoon herself who had fought almost as if her life depended on it.

Delphinium cast spells on Ji-eun, and Iris shot at her. So, this was not fair.

What Rose did was just something that happened too vividly in front of Ha-yoon’s eyes.

The sound of gauntlets and helmets clashing. A sound that seemed to be breaking somewhere, vividly heard.

First aid had already been completed. The reason Ji-eun was lying down was unknown.

It couldn’t be said that there was a problem with Se-hee, or Rose.

Ha-yoon wiped her face with her hand. There was a dark shadow under her eyes. Her parents didn’t like that Ha-yoon was here.

Perhaps for the first time, she was ignoring her parents’ words and acting.

“Ha-yoon.”

“… I know.”

Ha-yoon murmured as if exhausted.

Se-hee came silently to Ha-yoon’s side and put her hand on her back.

“We didn’t do anything wrong.”

Rose said.

“We didn’t set off the explosives. Instead, we delayed because we were fighting, and that’s why this happened. Of course, she probably didn’t know either. If she did, she wouldn’t have been there. Probably no one knew.”

Rationally, it was understandable.

But beyond that statement, it implied that ultimately the combatants were the problem.

They delayed because of the battle. Especially at the end, they resisted fiercely, and for some reason, Ji-eun started to go berserk, which further hindered them.

“The people we’ve been fighting up until now.”

Ha-yoon muttered.

“Could this have happened?”

“… No, it couldn’t.”

Rose replied.

But she seemed unable to answer with a confident voice.

“We controlled our strength, right? And those people also fought using circuits. So, there shouldn’t have been any problems until now.”

Still, mixed in with that statement was the idea that they must have been hurt to some extent.

“It’s not our fault.”

Looking at Ha-yoon’s expression, Rose emphasized once again.

“… It was for justice.”

For justice.

For the first time, really strangely, for the first time, Ha-yoon thought that perhaps the combatants were not ordinary people.

Until then, she had thought they were professional employees of the company. Or maybe thugs. She had never once thought that the beings inside the suits were “ordinary people.”

Nobody had told her that. Hayoon was just thinking that way by herself.

How could she imagine that the being inside would be a close friend?

… If that’s not the case.

Surely, Jieun…?

Hayoon shook her head vigorously.

No, it can’t be.

There must be some reason for it.

The unavoidable reason why she was moving like that in that place.

“Ah.”

As Hayoon bit her lip and got lost in thought, a slightly startled voice came from behind.

When she turned her head, there was a child who had been visiting steadily for the past few days, just like Hayoon.

Her name was Jihye. They had met once before.

Unconcerned, she was walking more confidently than Hayoon beside Jieun.

“Oh, um, excuse me—”

Is it because there are two magical girls inside? The girl seemed a little flustered.

“Sorry. I’ll move aside.”

“Oh, no, if you were in the middle of something important, you can continue…”

“No. It’s not something that needs to be said here.”

Rose said that and patted Hayoon’s back before leaving the hospital room.

Hayoon hesitated a little longer before getting up from her seat.

“Oh, um, if you want to stay longer, you don’t have to worry.”

Jihye’s words made Hayoon’s steps toward the hospital door pause for a moment.

…It was a natural thing to say.

As if Jihye herself being here was natural.

What kind of relationship did they have?

Until now, Hayoon had known nothing about the child named Jihye.

Come to think of it, Jieun was the one who listened, not the one who spoke. Whenever she tried to recall, Hayoon didn’t know anything about Jieun’s personal stories.

She wanted to ask right now.

Since when have they known each other, and how exactly have they known each other?

But ‘Hayoon’ stopped her.

Hayoon, always loved by everyone.

Perfect at everything, Hayoon.

That name prevented her from asking such a question honestly.

Moreover.

She shifted her gaze.

Jieun was still sleeping with her eyes closed.

Right. Moreover, there’s no point in telling such a story unless Jieun hears it.

If it’s not a story that Jieun wants to hear directly, what’s the use of telling it to someone else?

Jihye had a few snacks in her hand.

Even though Jieun couldn’t eat them anyway.

No, did she bring them to eat herself in the first place?

As Hayoon was thinking that, she blinked in surprise.

But even so, Hayoon had nothing to say about it.

At least Jihye wouldn’t hit Jieun or anything like that.

No matter how inevitable it was, that fact itself didn’t change.

Thinking that way, Hayoon didn’t want to be with Jihye any longer.

However, she couldn’t drive out the wisdom. Ha-yoon was blocking that too.

“…I’ll take good care of Ji-eun.”

“Yeah. Leave it to me.”

Eventually, as she stepped back, she added a word for no reason.

Ji-hye accepted those words too naturally.

As if she already knew what to do and how.

She’s a good kid. She must have her own time, but she comes to visit the sick on purpose.

But still, for some reason, Ha-yoon can’t help but feel bad for Ji-hye.

To hide that confusion, she quickly turned her body, hurriedly left the hospital room.

She walked quickly down the corridor and reached the stairs.

She confirmed that there was no one around and wiped her face with her hands.

What should I do? What am I supposed to do?

Ha-yoon just couldn’t grasp it.

Whenever Ha-yoon was like this, Ji-eun always gave a clear answer.

At the very least, she helped fix things.

“….”

After thinking that, Ha-yoon became even sadder.