episode_0025

Was my house this big?

If I think about it, I’ve never been alone since I fell into ‘Children of the Star’. I always returned home with a smile on my face and the future in my arms.

It’s unfamiliar.

The sound of one person’s footsteps.

The sound of one person’s breathing.

The living room where no voices can be heard feels so unfamiliar.

“Future… .”

I climbed into bed with staggering steps.

How long has it been since I last lay in bed alone?

It was cold. It wasn’t the new bed I’d chosen with Mirae, the one I’d been lying on all this time.

When I hugged the future under the blanket, I quickly became warm, but now, no matter how much I curled up, the empty space in the future only grew bigger.

I see….

Until now, I thought I was growing my future on my own.

I just thought that I had to be by the future’s side, that I had to do things right for the future, that I had to be the future’s support.

But that wasn’t it. The reason I was able to nurture Mirae was because Mirae was by my side.

The future was the reason for my life. It was my guidepost in a strange world where I had no connection, and it was a light that illuminated the bleak path ahead.

So, right now, I was no different from Mia who had lost her way.

What on earth should we call Iharu, who is not a future mother? A young man who endured each day in a single room, or a child who should have returned to his parents a long time ago?

I felt lost. I couldn’t easily decide what expression to make, what action to take, anything.

What would Lee Haru, who is not a future mother, do in a situation like this?

“The future… .”

High school student Lee Haru, left alone in an empty house, could do nothing but repeat the name of the child he had raised like a daughter.

* * *

Tiddididi, tiddididi─

My eyes squinted at the sound of the alarm.

My eyelids were stinging. My nose was stuffy and my throat was sore. It was the worst condition I’ve ever been in. I didn’t think I could get out of bed.

Still, my body moved according to my lifestyle pattern.

As if yesterday had passed and today had come. Even if there is no future, time passes. If you have no intention of dying, don’t you have no choice but to live?

“Red… .”

I muttered as I looked in the mirror. If I didn’t at least talk to myself, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to get out of the sudden silence.

“What should I do? Will it get better if I wash my face? ”

I lay in bed for a long time, but I could barely sleep. I had just passed out and the alarm went off right away.

Perhaps because of that, her pupils were bloodshot. Not only that, but her red eyes and tear stains were still stuck to her cheeks, making her look quite shocking.

“I need to shower before I go to school… .”

I took off the clothes I had worn yesterday and stood under the shower. As I was absentmindedly soaking in the warm water, I felt drowsy again.

“Ah… .”

I was in a hurry to finish my shower, thinking I might fall asleep, but I stopped dead in my tracks, holding a towel.

Now that I think about it, I didn’t use body wash. Well… I guess it’s okay to skip it for a day or so.

I said it was nothing and put on my school uniform. In the first place, time was tight. I had no other way to avoid being late.

─The future daycare is closed today. I’ll go to school first, so don’t wait for me!

I texted the lady on the way. I didn’t have the confidence to speak on the phone in my usual voice. I knew I would worry her.

─What happened to Mirae?

─No, that’s not it. Mirae has to go to her parents’ house.

I sent a reply while getting on the bus, and got a call right away.

If I don’t answer here, it’s too obvious and I’m afraid I’ll cause her to worry. I cleared my throat several times before answering the phone.

“Hello?”

[What do you mean, chin-ga-rani?]

“Ah… That’s… The person who will be my future aunt came… .”

As soon as I put it in my mouth, tears started to well up in my eyes. It was even more so because the voice coming from the other end of the phone was so warm.

If she were an old lady, she would definitely comfort me. She might even suggest a good solution. But she would also be in pain.

So I couldn’t help but smile.

“Don’t worry too much. It’ll be here soon.”

[It would be fortunate if nothing happened…]

“Ah, I arrived at school. I’ll hang up now.”

[Okay, have a nice trip.]

I get off the bus and pass the bustling school gate. Students are running around in groups of three or four, full of energy since morning.

Some people yawn with tired, droopy faces, while others greet their friends by putting their arms around their shoulders. Some students study hard without putting down their notebooks on their way to school, while others play games on their phones.

Even the most everyday appearances are all different. But they all have one thing in common: they are all moving forward.

I was the only one who wanted to stand still, and I was the only one standing there on my way to school.

“Should I not go… .”

As I got closer to school, a thought suddenly occurred to me.

Will I be able to concentrate in class in this state? Will my depressed mood be causing trouble to others? My heart becomes even heavier as I recall the time when I shouted at Mirae without realizing it.

“Leeharu.”

As I stood there for a moment, staring blankly up at the school, I heard a familiar voice behind me.

Why of all people… .

He was the person I least wanted to meet right now. He was also the person who accounted for most of the reasons why I didn’t want to go to school.

“What are you doing if you don’t go in?”

Hanna Yeon, who approached me with an indifferent expression as usual, frowned when she met me.

“Oh, it’s been a while. I didn’t see you yesterday… .”

I quickly opened my face. I curled the corners of my mouth, closed my eyes on purpose, and even forced a half-smile.

But my efforts were in vain as Hanna Yeon’s expression gradually hardened.

“Follow me.”

“Huh, huh?”

Hanna Yeon grabbed my wrist. She didn’t stop there, and dragged me along. I felt like I would fall to the floor if I just stood there blankly, so I had no choice but to follow Hanna Yeon at a brisk pace.

Knock, knock.

“Why the health center?”

“Lie down.”

The place we arrived was the infirmary. Perhaps because it was early, the infirmary teacher was out. There was no one else there besides us.

“Why are you lying down all of a sudden?”

“… Listen.”

Hanna Yeon opened the curtains and approached the bed, and even lifted the blanket herself to make space for me to enter.

“Okay.”

I decided to just follow Hannayeon’s advice. If I pretended to be sick and lay down, I wouldn’t make any more mistakes. I also didn’t want to go to class at the time.

I lay quietly on the bed and pulled the blanket up to my chin.

“Is that okay now? I’ll get some rest, so listen to the class diligently.”

It was almost time to call the paper. But Hanna Yeon didn’t move and just looked down at me.

“Why, why are you doing that? You’re late… .”

“Trying to be late.”

What the hell is this?

While I was dumbfounded, unable to figure out her intentions, Hanna Yeon lifted the blanket and lay down on the bed.

“Hey, hey!”

“Sleepy… .”

Following the lip-wiping and forehead-butting, this was Hannah Yeon’s most embarrassing impulsive behavior to date.

Hanna Yeon lying next to me with her eyes completely closed. Does it make sense to be sleepy and drowsy? If that were a legitimate reason, 70% of students would still be at home.

“Stop fooling around and come in… .”

“… … .”

As I gently pushed Hanna Yeon’s shoulder, her calm gaze turned to me.

“Leeharu.”

“Don’t call my name. Before I get late… .”

“Keep your word.”

He looked at Hanna Yeon, who was at a loss for words as she spoke in a voice that had no trace of playfulness whatsoever.

Keeping my word… In fact, there were more than one or two things, and it was hard to pinpoint exactly. Above all, I couldn’t figure out why Hanna Yeon said such things.

“Take responsibility.”

I still don’t know. And eventually, my thinking stopped without me knowing.

“But if you keep your mouth shut, I don’t know what you’re thinking.”

It was because Hanna Yeon had me in her arms.

The warmth that only humans can give, embracing all the loneliness that I endured during the long night. Now, just smelling it made me think of Hanna Yeon’s face, and the citrus scent lingered in my nostrils.

“Ha, Hanna Yeon. Let go, let go… Why, why are you doing that… .”

My eyes were spinning. No matter how much I squirmed inside Hannah Yeon’s body that completely covered me, the warm feeling of the knit vest touching my face only became more vivid.

“Because I asked you to hug me.”

“My, when did I… .”

“With an expression.”

Thud, thud, thud, thud.

Hannah Yeon’s heart, which is right in front of her, is quiet. Then who is making this loud noise that is disturbing my ears?

“Hey, let me go for now! I didn’t even wash my body this morning… !”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Ah, no! I care… And, and who, what if someone sees!”

“Nobody is watching.”

Well, no one is watching, though… .

Strangely enough, my face flushed to the beat. What was even more strange was that, although I was clearly embarrassed, I felt strangely relieved.

I only spent one day alone yesterday. But that day was so long. No matter how much I tossed and turned and cried, morning never came. The night I spent alone was cold and painful.

“Hanna Yeon… .”

For Iharu in his previous life, that was his daily life.

But now, Iharu has become unable to survive without others.

That fact hit me so clearly that I held on to Hanna Yeon’s knit vest.

My hands were shaking incessantly. It felt like all my emotions were being conveyed to me.

“What should I do now…? The future, the future…!”

Eventually, all the tears I had been holding back burst out.

I cried for a long time in Hanna Yeon’s arms, shedding all the tears, snot, saliva, and everything else until I fell asleep from exhaustion.