episode_0024
by admin-Thump, thump…
The sound of paper turning always fills this office.
Inside was a familiar face that I hadn’t seen in days. However, that familiar face sometimes comes to me as if it has something to say, and when I see it without saying anything, it’s scary.
“Father.”
“Baekhan… . You know that too, right?”
“What do you mean?”
My father’s rambling questions were ones that left me feeling bewildered.
My father looked a little frustrated as he saw me like that.
“You idiot! Of course I’m talking about your son, you idiot! I’m talking about Lee Yeon! Do you know that he’s been soaked in evil?!”
“Amount… Yes?”
It was the first time I heard that. I didn’t sense any unpleasantness from that kid. But what a curse.
That child is soaked in water. What kind of nonsense is that? It wasn’t even the time for children to go there yet.
“No way- Am I the only one who noticed? Hey you…! Hey you! No matter how cruelly you raised the child, you should have really taken care of him, you!”
“… Father, but-”
I really didn’t feel it. I neglected the child? It could be because the location was far away. I couldn’t take care of the child one by one. But I really didn’t feel that the child was going through something like that.
So that’s what happened. I was pretty sure that kid wasn’t like that. But.
“… . After… .”
My father bowed his head for a moment to calm down, then looked at me and said.
“Just in case, make sure to visit the family of the master later. Please, I beg you.”
“… . Yes.”
It was the first time my father had reacted so violently, so it was something I couldn’t forget. Then and now. When my father did something like this, it was definitely something serious.
It is said that the wisdom of the wise should not be ignored. No matter what, it is not bad to be careful.
‘I guess I should visit the Zhujak family next time.’
It was a moment when something had to be done.
As the year slowly goes by, these are the books I organized and put out.
My brother followed behind me, still standing guard over me.
In fact, if you only look at this appearance, this person wasn’t that scary. The image of the giant white tiger that comes to mind sometimes was the biggest fear and terror for me.
“You worked hard today too.”
“Yes.”
He said hello and walked away from me.
There was nothing else I could say. He was my escort from now on.
In fact, I thought about why my father had put me in charge. It wasn’t just because he was strong, but more like he wanted me to learn how to handle him.
This person who had been watching and observing for a long time was a person who strictly followed orders.
A person who strictly follows orders, lives only for orders, and for whom orders are the meaning of his life. That was the person named Baek I-yeon.
It was just what I saw, so I knew that I had to have a conversation with him someday to find out what he was thinking, but I didn’t want to do that.
I knew that as I grew closer, when this person started to run wild, I wouldn’t be able to make rational decisions.
So I… No, so I’m going to distance myself from this person. Because there’s nothing good that comes from me getting close to this person.
This person and I are strangers. That level of distance is appropriate.
I feel that way though.
The smell that prickles my nose, the smell I’ve smelled since I was little – it seems like he’s telling me that I know him well. It seems like he’s telling me that he’s hurt, that he’s in pain.
I’m getting more and more confused.
-Keep going.
When you don’t know what to do, stories are the best.
Let’s talk and find answers. Isn’t that what humans are meant to be?
It was the situation I hated the most. Stories and answers that had no answer in sight.
If the existence of my brother had almost taken away my abilities, then as the world’s providence would have it, a great calamity would come.
At that time, I would rely on my brother more than anyone else. However, my brother was the scariest being of all. If he wanted to, he could trample and crush this world, this country, all by himself.
Stronger than anything else.
That being was my brother. How dare I imagine that I could stop him, but if I could at least distance myself and find out about him… . That was the thought that started from the idea that anything was possible.
“… . I should go see my mother.”
There was nothing else I could do. It was something I could do.
My mother will give me the answer, because she always knows everything.
-Thump. Thump.
I walked towards my mother, with whom I had always been together. She was looking at the small building where the servants lived.
“Mother.”
The sight was so aloof that I wondered if I could even speak to it.
“Ah, it’s Han! What’s going on? First, find all these mothers.”
Actually, unless she’s playing a prank, my mother doesn’t usually come looking for me, and I don’t often look for her first. Except, maybe, if I’m having tea with my mother.
“I came here to have a cup of tea.”
“Oh… . So? Well, I guess I’ve been hanging out with Yeon these past few days, so this mother has been on the back burner!”
My mother would joke around and tease me, which seemed to make me feel a little more secure.
“So? What brought you here today? Our baby?”
“That’s- I don’t know how to treat my brother.”
While my mother prepared the tea, I told her my worries one by one.
“My brother is scary. The thought that he might turn into a giant tiger someday and kill me, no- he might kill everyone, never leaves my mind. But- but when the big trouble comes, I will end up relying on my brother the most.”
“… … .”
“And what’s scarier than that is someone dying next to me.”
“Then do you think that’s what your brother would make?”
“That might be the case-… I think so.”
My mother looked at me quietly for a moment. I couldn’t even pick up the tea she gave me, and just looked down at my teacup.
I know that. How ridiculous this is. But what can I do? I’ve already had those feelings.
“I don’t have anything else to say.”
Actually, my mother also gave me the same answer. When she said this, I could only hear that she had similar concerns.
“This mom too? Yeon-i is scared. She didn’t really push her dad like that often.”
My brother was the only one who drove my father to death. I heard that too. But it didn’t seem to be the only reason.
“I also often have the same thoughts as you. But what can I do? Can we change something about it? Other than treating that child well?”
Mother picked up the teacup with slightly trembling hands. She was also afraid. What she was most afraid of was her brother who had turned into a giant white tiger.
When I realized that, I also lowered my head. That means that in the end, there is nothing I can do… .
There was nothing.
“ I said that, baby.”
“… … . Yes.”
“You do whatever you want.”
“… Yes?”
I didn’t understand what my mother said. Was it something I could do as I pleased? If I wanted to keep my distance, I should keep my distance. If I wanted to be close, I should be close.
Does that make any sense?
“If you are going to get closer someday, what is the answer you have thought deeply about? Are you already getting closer, or are you avoiding it because you are afraid of running wild? What is it that you are hoping for and saying deep in your heart?”
Things I’ve been wishing for deep in my heart.
I didn’t know that, so I asked my mother.
“You asked me this, baby. It means that you have two thoughts right now, but you think that it is wrong to stay away. It is scary to get close, but it is also not right to stay away. But scary things are not things that can be overcome right away.”
“… … .”
“In your opinion, is your brother a scary person?”
“… . No.”
“Then, the answer is out. Approach slowly. At your own pace.”
My mother’s clear answer melted my heart a little.
As always, the conversation was good. Even now, it has helped to relieve my burden.
… I’ll have a conversation like this with my brother someday.
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