episode_0022
by adminIt was difficult to deal with the emotions that arose because of the ability.
-dump.
Jeseon asked me with a puzzled expression as I arrived a little late.
“What happened?”
“No big deal.”
“I see. Then let’s do the same thing today.”
“Wait a minute.”
As Jeseon prepared to measure the time, I made a suggestion that I had been thinking about on my way here.
“I want to do it while being humanized.”
“Are you in a state of personification?”
“Yeah. My emotions don’t act the way I want them to.”
Feeling emotion is emotion. Being moved by emotion, reacting, being surprised, laughing, crying, and getting angry are emotions.
However, it wasn’t something that was needed for fighting or using abilities. It was something that should be removed.
-‘Even if you do that, the feelings won’t completely disappear.’
‘At least you’ll learn how to control the emotions you send your way.’
-‘Okay, whatever. Go ahead and try it!’
Even though I told him not to send me his feelings, and that it couldn’t be helped since they were becoming one, I still couldn’t help but be concerned.
‘Because as a result, I see bad things.’
-‘… . Sorry about that.’
‘You shouldn’t be sorry. It happened because I was weak.’
If I had been strong enough not to be overwhelmed by power, there should have been no problem with power affecting me in that way.
But, since I didn’t do that, it meant I was weaker than I could be.
“Okay, then let’s get started.”
-Ssss.
Silently, I let the power take over my body. I and it, blend together appropriately.
Then, I feel things that I had not heard of and suppressed begin to run wild inside me.
-Illegitimate child.
-Just go out and die.
-Why are you alive?
-Whoaaah
“Ugh… Shut-”
It hurt, it hurt like hell. It hurt so much, I didn’t think I could do anything.
‘This is why I feel like I’m slowly going crazy when I use my abilities.’
The things that came up were things that I had long ignored, suppressed, and pretended to forget.
They continued to torment and torment me. At least in my mind, they had a form, so I searched for them.
I start to quietly tamp them down and put them out where they won’t affect me. I suppress them and confine them.
Stronger and more solid than before. I lock them in like that, and as time goes by, the things that were bothering my head start to disappear one by one.
One by one, let’s bury them somewhere inside me, and then everything will be okay.
After a while of completely confining and suppressing my emotions, Je-seon quietly woke me up.
“Is it that time already?”
“Yes. That’s it for this week.”
“Okay. Got it.”
I quietly got up from my seat and headed out to dinner.
The bullies, who no longer come, helped me get used to normal life. Since I didn’t get hurt much, there was nothing special for those who still tried to take care of me to do.
After a quiet dinner, the host looked at me and said.
“Hey, Yeon-ah.”
“Yes.”
“What are you going to do when you leave here someday?”
“Are you leaving here?”
“Yeah! There must be a dream!”
It’s a dream.
I never thought about it. I just thought it would be nice to just rest quietly in a place with nothing.
I’ve had that thought before.
“I wish I could just be somewhere with nothing, quietly, and sleep.”
“That’s… . Yeah. Okay, I understand.
After that, we didn’t talk at all.
That day, after spending time so quietly, I was called to the main mansion by the head of the household.
I was still busy rebuilding the training grounds that had been destroyed since my last rampage, and the place where the soldiers trained.
‘Just the size of the main building and the place where the soldiers train and the servants stay combined, well… .’
I could understand to some extent the story that half of the family was lost.
“Deferred.”
“Yes.”
“From now on, you will be the successor’s direct bodyguard.”
“… . Yes?”
I was a little taken aback by those words. I hadn’t fully mastered the ability yet.
Even apart from that, I was an illegitimate child. It was strange to use such an illegitimate child as a guard for the family.
Or is that it? Is it an example of ‘I’m at the bottom anyway, so don’t even think about going against it’?
-‘That might not be it.’
The power that shaped me spoke kind words to me. But I couldn’t think of anything else. It sounded like a warning that I was an illegitimate child anyway, so I shouldn’t expect to rise any higher.
Well, I’ve been feeling a bit better lately.
I guess they felt that way from above too. If not, then it would have been an absurd treatment.
-‘No, it’s not just because you’re strong?’
‘If you look at it that way, even if he’s not as strong as me, there’s someone right below me. There’s no reason to use an illegitimate child. It’s better to use someone who’s a little weaker, but has strong loyalty.’
I am far from being loyal. I just do things half-heartedly so that I don’t die.
Of course, the instruction in swordsmanship felt like learning the necessary things. But that was it. I never showed any loyalty.
To them, I must be someone who can take up a sword and seize the direct lineage at any time.
If that weren’t the case, this kind of treatment wouldn’t make sense.
‘Whether it happens or not, what I’m going to do won’t change.’
In any case, I must not disobey the order. I am a worthless bastard, so no one will care when, how, or where I die.
With that thought in mind, I simply nodded obediently. Then, he smiled faintly and continued speaking.
“Lee Han-i will be here soon. I think it would be good for the two of you to say hello to each other.”
That’s how my sudden greeting with my stepbrother began.
-Click.
The sound of the door slamming that I heard shortly after was enough to startle me.
“Hello.”
The way the child spoke was as if he had seen something scary. Perhaps he had seen me go wild last time.
“Hello.”
I bowed politely. He seemed slightly taken aback by my greeting. Perhaps it was because he had a different expression from the one he had been running around with, so I quietly ignored it.
“Uh… . As you probably heard from your father, I am Baek Yihan. What about you?”
“… My name is Baek Yi-yeon, and I am of humble origin and have received the name Baekhoga.”
I knew it was the best way I could introduce myself.
Because I’m just a lowly piece of trash.
There was a rattling sound behind him. Baek Yihan, the young master I was supposed to protect, was seen looking in the direction of the sound.
Well, I could see it in a rough way. He seemed flustered, not knowing that I would be spoken of so lowly. But isn’t it true?
I am not a slave, I am just closer to being a slave.
Just a lowly bastard who had to do whatever they said. That was me.
“Ahem, I’m sorry. You two finish talking.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
Lee Han ran towards him and examined his complexion.
Well, it hasn’t been that long. I’ve already heard that the wound is just a scab. That’s why I even asked him not to push him too hard during the sparring session…
When I saw him say sorry about that, I felt like my heart was aching for some reason.
I thought that he had a very sensitive heart, even though he had not done anything or been through anything.
-Ugh.
I put my hand on my heart, feeling strange for no reason. They don’t care about me right now.
The answer that came to me after thinking about it for a long time was – I decided to just think of it as frustrating.
“That’s nothing special, but anyway, is the public announcement over?”
“Ah, what… . It’s my first time seeing you. There can’t be that many stories.”
He answered my father’s question with a simple answer and was busy worrying about him.
“Ahem, more than that- there is another reason why I gathered you all here in such a hurry.”
“Any other reasons?”
“Yes. In a few days, you will go to the palace. The king has ordered you to bring your children, illegitimate or not.”
“… . I see.”
“So I’m sorry, but you all have to go. While you’re at it, Lee Yeon, I want you to guard Lee Han.”
“Okay.”
If that’s the case, I understand. Whether it’s an illegitimate child or a prostitute, once you call them, you never know what might happen.
however,
I don’t know why, but I keep getting this feeling that I’m being recognized. Why is that?
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