episode_0021

‘Please… don’t leave.’

Sierra was pleading on her knees.

Both eyes were bloodshot, and her lips were trembling.

Her words were desperate, and her gaze resembled an abyss just before collapsing.

I quietly watched her.

On the surface, I showed no reaction, but my inner self was violently shaking.

What in the world is this feeling.

What feeling am I experiencing?

At first it was anger.

That woman is threatening me right now.

Taking her own life as a gamble, she’s trying to trample on my freedom and will.

‘I’m going to die.’

‘I’ll hand you over to the Empire and end everything.’

Yes, if that’s not a threat, what is it?

The attitude of trying to subdue the opponent by using ’emotions’ as a weapon, I terribly disliked that.

I even felt it was repulsive.

Her distorted affection was suffocating.

The fact that she was trying to restrain me so ‘desperately’ was suffocating me.

Contempt.

Yes. That feeling was also mixed in.

Trapped in self-pity, packaging herself with the word death and ensnaring others, I felt she was despicable.

Selfish. Only knows herself.

Words like ‘You can’t live without me’, that was ultimately violence that completely disregarded my freedom and life.

But…

The moment I met her eyes,

That contempt slowly began to erode along with cold reason.

Those eyes,

That crying,

Every single word…

was too real.

She wasn’t simply trying to manipulate me.

That was just,

a scream wanting to live.

To live,

the one thing she could rely on uniquely in despair,

because she didn’t want to lose it from me.

That was me,

and she clung to me staking that one thing.

Only then,

I felt the emotion called sadness.

At first, I didn’t believe that was the feeling I had.

But I couldn’t deny it.

Everything she showed,

every single scar etched on her body,

her trembling fingertips,

because they were all ‘real’.

She wasn’t threatening me.

‘Save me’, just like that…

believing that only I could save her, she was crying.

The words I shouted at her.

All those words…

When I realized that they had pierced her even deeper than if a blade had been held against me.

I got angry at myself.

That doesn’t mean I can say I understand her.

Her method was wrong.

It tormented me.

It ensnared me and led me into inescapable chains.

But at the same time…

the fact that she is a person who genuinely cannot live without me.

That reality,

because I could understand it,

that’s why I was even sadder.

I had to choose.

I suppressed all the feelings I felt at that moment.

Anger,

Contempt,

Pity,

Sadness too.

Because I had a hunch that a single word I chose here and now

would completely change my future life.

I didn’t want to die.

I wanted to achieve my goal.

More than any emotion,

more than any sense of shame,

surviving was the priority.

“…Ha… Okay.”

“Do as you please.”

Those words were a desperate compromise binding complex emotions.

Keeping her by my side without loving her.

Holding her hand while hating her.

I felt like I was losing myself.

Still, I chose.

Because this…

was by no means a choice for her.

To survive,

to achieve my goal,

I just had to pretend to accept her.

I convinced myself that way.

Because I had to believe it, even forcefully.

But that those words were deceiving myself…

perhaps I already knew.

“Uh… eh? Ma’ster?”

Although she made a foolish sound,

I could tell what she wanted to say.

‘She must be asking if it’s real.’

“Yes, real.”

“Do as you please.”

———–

Sierra wore her usual smile again.

The face that was just moments ago weeping and crying with tears and snot… as if nothing had happened, had returned to that cold, serene face as before.

I felt dizzy somehow.

That a person could change their face so instantly.

No, it was possible because it was Sierra.

Just by looking at her face,

my insides twisted.

‘See, it was acting after all?’

A thought that flashed through my mind instantly.

But no.

I knew how serious Sierra was at that moment.

Nevertheless, this face now…

Pretense. Disguise. Mask.

And behind that mask, a ‘broken child’ was still hidden.

“Yes, Master.”

“For a moment… I made a spectacle of myself.”

Sierra’s words were dry and calm, like a curtain call at a play.

“…Stop being fake.”

“Just speak comfortably. I’ve already seen it all. Your spectacle, and your secret too.”

The moment those words left my mouth,

my insides grew cool.

She didn’t glare at me.

Instead, she smiled and nodded.

“Yes. Understood.”

There was no emotion felt in that short reply.

She had returned to being a shell again.

A stiff and rigid way of speaking.

A gaze deliberately devoid of strength.

That was a trained posture to hide emotions.

Yes and

since when, Sierra had been using ‘Telepathic Magic’.

She was hiding her emotions as much as possible, and

for that much time already… she had been preparing to test me.

‘Since when was it…?’

‘Since when had she been preparing like this?’

That fact came to me as a secret sense of betrayal.

But I didn’t question it.

Because now wasn’t the time for that.

Now is the time for negotiation, not emotion.

“Alright.”

“What do you want from me?”

I brought up the main point first.

Emotional struggle no longer had meaning.

“Ha.”

“Aren’t you being too confident?”

“You didn’t come here to make a deal with me right now.”

“I am currently… holding Master’s life in my hands and shaking it, you know.”

Her words were quiet and calm, but

a sharp poison was contained within them.

‘Is it a threat…?’

A different kind than before.

Sierra no longer used emotions now.

Rather, having shed her emotions, she was more threatening.

“Yes.”

“Along with my life, I’m also holding your life.”

“My life is not important at all.”

“I could even die if Master orders me to die, you know?”

“Of course… provided that I go with you, that is.”

I was speechless.

She was smiling, but ‘sincerity’ was contained in those words.

She really could die.

If I were to die, she would follow that path without hesitation.

Scary.

A being scarier than a person who can die,

was a person who wants to die.

“Alright, have you understood who has the upper hand now?”

I was silent.

She no longer pleaded.

She no longer shed tears either.

She was now presenting conditions.

The initiative was completely hers.

“Understood.”

“What are the conditions?”

“Exactly three.”

Inside, I felt relieved.

If it was just three, even if they were unreasonable conditions, there was at least potential for negotiation.

In a situation where rebellion and life were on the scales, her demands seemed rather merciful.

But that relief,

was soon crushed.

“First.”

“Come out from the Other Side of the Moon.”

I narrowed my eyes.

“…Are you kidding? That’s—”

“Absolutely not allowed, you mean? Okay. I understand.”

She nodded her head a beat later.

And the words that followed.

“Then I’ll revise the conditions.”

“Me. Please accept me as a member of the Other Side of the Moon.”

Instantly, my mind went blank.

“What?”

“I can’t leave you alone in such a dangerous place.”

This doesn’t make sense.

To be exact, it was a problem because it did make sense.

Sierra had sufficient qualifications.

Although of low birth, an anomalous being who handles magic.

Combat power strong enough to defeat 100 soldiers by herself.

There was no reason for the Other Side of the Moon to refuse.

However…

The more so, the more dangerous she becomes.

Right now, because she is by my side, I could control her, but

if she enters the organization, she becomes a ‘weapon’, and simultaneously a target.

But before such worries… I had to listen to her words.

“Alright…”

“Regarding that part, I will allow it with my authority.”

“But you won’t be acting as a member of the Other Side of the Moon.”

“Because we don’t trust you yet.”

Those words were half truth, half lie.

The real reason was—

Because I want to protect you.

“Hmm. Well, understood.”

“Then the second.”

She calmly folded one finger.

“Don’t be apart from me.”

“Impossible.”

“Starting tomorrow, I’ll be at the Academy—”

“Exclusive maid.”

“I heard that exclusive maids can accompany at the Academy.”

“No.”

This time, I was resolute.

This was sincere.

“Are you saying this because you don’t know how exclusive maids are treated?”

“They’re below slaves. Beings worse than animals.”

“I know well.”

“It’s okay anyway.”

“I told you. I just need to be by your side.”

“My status is not important at all.”

“From the beginning, I was yours anyway.”

I almost stopped breathing.

Those words…

Why, why do they pierce my heart so desperately?

Those words…

Why, are they so painfully sweet?

I should have refused.

But I couldn’t.

Because I know Sierra.

Sierra was actually a person who would abandon everything and follow me.

I could no longer find a reason to object.

“…Alright. Then consider it permitted.”

“Okay.”

“Then, the last condition.”

She slowly approached.

In the eyes hidden beneath those eyelashes,

an entirely different emotion from earlier was contained.

Ominous, heat.

“When it’s just the two of us, please allow me to be myself.”

“…What do you mean by that?”

“It’s literally what it means.”

“Without pretense… like now.”

“Simply, Young Master just needs to… respond obediently to my words.”

Those words sounded easy, but

the meaning hidden within them was never simple.

But the simple-minded me…

I replied without hesitation.

“Alright. Understood.”

But—

One minute later, I bitterly regretted that choice.