episode_0020

“Mom! Check this out!”

A childhood I can’t remember well anymore

Even though I was much shorter than other children, I really enjoyed drawing.

If I draw things I remember and like on drawing paper with a wide white background, the drawings can remain for a long time.

I liked cute animals and pretty flowers, but I especially liked my mom’s gentle smile.

I captured that beautiful smile on white drawing paper with various colored pencils and crayons that were given to me as a birthday present and handed it to my mother, but her expression did not look very good.

“Hmm… you drew it well, but now is the time to study, right?”

My mother just smiled and raised the corners of her mouth with a blank expression. She patted my head and took out a thick English or math workbook and placed it on the desk.

“Because my son is a gifted child. This can be solved easily, right?”

My mother put away the drawing tools on the desk, opened a higher education workbook that was not appropriate for my age, and handed me a black pencil.

I wanted to draw with more beautiful colored pencils and crayons, but my mother didn’t seem to like it.

More than anything else, I wanted to make my mother smile, so I held a pencil and solved various arithmetic problems one by one without showing any displeasure.

“Mom…if I finish this, I can go play soccer with my friends…”

“No”

The answer, as sharp and resolute as a knife, cut off my words at once, so I kept my mouth shut again.

When I looked at my mother’s expression out of the corner of my eye, I saw that she was looking at me with scarier eyes than usual.

“Once you solve all of these, you have to go to a gifted education center, right? Mom always says, right? My son is different from other children. If he is going to play, he should play with his friends from the education center.”

“Yes…”

[Youngjae] When I was young, I didn’t know what that meant.

However, my mother always said that I was a very special child, different from other criminals, because I inherited the extraordinary brains of my father, the director of a successful university hospital.

The word ‘special’ had a good resonance.

Because I have always made my mother and father proud.

My mother dressed up extravagantly, always brought up my story whenever she met other ladies, and smiled brightly when the ladies’ faces frowned.

“Is my son 11 years old now? Please be patient”

My mother smiled and stroked my head.

“If my son becomes a good doctor like his father and inherits that position! From then on, you will only do things that are more enjoyable and interesting rather than meaningless things like painting or soccer.”

“I’m 10 years old…”

Out of frustration, I muttered what was in my heart without realizing it, and fortunately, my mother didn’t seem to hear me.

I never once again told him that my age was wrong.

The warm touch just felt good, so I solved the problems faster than usual.

“When will Dad come home today?”

My mother looked surprised for a moment at my question, but then changed her expression, shook her head, and gave no answer.

-Jiing~

My mother checked her cell phone, which was vibrating when she received a text message, and bit her lip so hard as if blood would burst out at any moment.

“This human…again!”

I glanced at my phone without my mother knowing.

The contents of the square cell phone included a photo and a small text that read, “Using the card’s content, resume.”

“You can’t come today too?”

My father was always busy and only came home once a week.

Even on those days when I came home, my father would look at me for a moment and then go out again.

When he looked at me, he always had a blunt expression and only said, “Listen to your mom.”.

“Haha… that’s right… the hospital is very busy. Why?”

In response to my question, my mother hurriedly turned off the phone and placed it gently on the desk.

I quickly took out the amusement park pamphlet I had read on the way home from school from my bag and gave it to my mother. When she saw the pamphlet, her expression darkened.

“ People are smiling happily in this photo! It looks like a very fun place! So, if you go with mom and dad…”

I stopped talking at the small sigh my mother let out.

My mother threw the pamphlet I gave her into the trash can with an expressionless expression, as if nothing had happened, and took the workbook I had solved and started grading it.

How much time has passed?

“5 out of 50 questions were wrong…”

My mother got up with a cold-blooded expression and left the room. Then she came with a long, thin bamboo stick and grabbed my arm.

“Just because you think about having fun doesn’t mean you can’t solve even basic problems like this!”

The tingling pain I felt in my calf made me feel like crying, but my mother didn’t like me crying, so I held back the tears that threatened to break out.

My mother is angry because I couldn’t solve these problems.

My mother became furious and whipped me a few more times, then threw the cane she was holding on the floor and hugged me tightly.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I guess it was because mom was too excited, right…If my son gets 100 points in all subjects on this test, should we go to the amusement park with dad? Mom will ask Dad.”

Getting 100 points in all subjects was a very easy condition for me.

Because I have already mastered the educational level of the school I am attending.

So I thought my mother was still trying to play with me, so I quickly felt better, and I smiled and nodded while holding her in her arms.

A few days later, when the test was over, I got into the car of the driver who came to pick me up with my red-eyed test paper and a very puffy heart.

I stamped my feet, wishing I could go home quickly.

I hope Mom and Dad smile like the picture in the pamphlet.

I wish I could walk down the street holding both of your hands.

What does white and fluffy cotton candy taste like? Is it really like eating clouds?

While I was imagining something as sweet and melty as ice cream, the car arrived at home.

When I got out of the car with a smile and was about to run to my mother with the test paper with a perfect score, the driver suddenly blocked my path.

“A little bit…a little while, then come in with me.”

The driver leaned down, held my shoulder in a serious tone, and spoke with a smile.

Out of curiosity, I slightly turned my head and looked at my mother over the driver’s shoulder.

“Uh, it’s Dad.”

My mother was getting angry at my father with a very flushed face, and my father was irritated and saying something.

I tried to shake off the driver’s hand that was holding my shoulder so I could show off my test paper with a perfect score to my father, whom I hadn’t seen in a while, and say, “Let’s go to the amusement park together.”

At that moment, my mother’s palm turned towards my father’s face.

I couldn’t help but be surprised.

Even though my mother hit me, it was the first time I saw her hit my father.

Transparent teardrops streamed down my mother’s beautiful face like rain, and my father bowed his head, put his hands on his hips, and kicked a stone on the floor.

After that day, we moved into a smaller apartment than the house we lived in before.

It wasn’t just the house that changed.

My father, who used to come once a week, no longer comes home at all.

When I asked my mother about my father, she looked very angry and told me not to even mention that trash.

Later, after drinking late at night, my mother informed me that she and my father had divorced.

As a child, I didn’t know what that word meant and didn’t really care.

In fact, a few months before I moved,

For some reason, my father came into my room and asked if I wanted to live with him, but I refused.

To begin with, I had no contact with my father and have never even talked to him.

Rather, I thought it was good.

I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to be with a mother who cared for me rather than a father who didn’t pay any attention to me.

I was fine, but my mother didn’t seem to be.

One day, he cried all night, and another day, he got very drunk and slapped me, calling me a disgusting face.

On days like that, you always taught me that I must become a better doctor than my father and take revenge on him.

I didn’t understand what that meant.

Why should I avenge my father? However, if that was what my mother wanted, and if it made her smile even a little, I could be satisfied with that.

Was it my greed?

My mother began to change drastically as time passed.