episode_0019

[Episode 19] – Just Compassion.

After that, the evening banquet came to an end with a single remark from the Queen Mother about her fatigue. I, too, didn’t know what else to say, so after exchanging mere greetings, I headed towards the guest room where the princess was resting.

…There weren’t many mentions of the first queen in the game. Just stories about her dying from illness and how the king truly loved the first queen.

Only such minor background existed. There seemed to be no description about the first queen ardently seeking love from His Majesty when I looked back on it.

After hearing the Queen Mother’s story, I made a slight effort to try to understand even a little bit the first queen who made extreme choices due to love and the king who mourned her all day long in his chambers.

‘Compassion and affection are different…’

However, the more I pondered the story, the less I understood. They loved each other so much, yet they didn’t show any love to the princess born from that love.

There’s a word ‘blessing’ for children.

Was the princess not a ‘blessing’ to them?

Entering the guest room, I looked down at the princess sleeping snugly under the blanket. She was curled up under the covers, completely unaware of my presence, wandering in dreamland.

Carefully lowering the blanket to her shoulders to ensure she wouldn’t wake, I noticed Einsel tightly clasped in the princess’s hand. Perhaps she had been talking to Einsel inside the covers while waiting for me.

“You did well to hold onto it when leaving the dining hall.”

Gently untangling each of the princess’s small fingers from the mirror she clutched, I rescued Einsel from her grasp. As I wiped the mirror, covered in the princess’s fingerprints, Einsel peeked out.

“Has your conversation with the Queen Mother ended?”

“…Yes, it has. Have you been having fun with the princess?”

“Yes, we chatted about trivial matters after the maid left. She said today’s boat ride was enjoyable, and Her Majesty the Queen Mother wasn’t as frightening as she had thought.”

I pulled the blanket up to my head, creating my own secret hideout within it. The image of the princess chatting quietly with Ainsel came to mind, and I couldn’t help but smile. Carefully holding Ainsel so as not to disturb the princess, I made my way to the terrace. Stepping onto the terrace, a fragrant night breeze from the garden swept through my hair.

I hung Ainsel back around my ear and sat on the terrace railing, gazing down at the night garden. Thanks to the bright starlight and moonlight, the garden exuded a faint bluish hue, creating a different atmosphere from the daytime.

Unlike the bright moon rising over the city’s night sky, the moon that rose here cast a subtle blue light over the dark garden, while jewel-like stars sparkled and illuminated the garden along with the moonlight, flowing like a Milky Way.

Was it because of the gentle atmosphere of the summer night garden? Listening to the story of the first queen from the queen mother seemed to quiet my restless heart a little.

“…I heard the story of the first queen from the queen mother.”

-…

“Even if I listen, I don’t know what to say. It doesn’t seem like a story I can understand. I don’t want to understand. Ugh.”

Somehow, a bitter laugh escaped me. After all, Ainsel wouldn’t be able to say anything about the first queen, so this was nothing more than my own soliloquy. Wiping my face in frustration, I asked Ainsel,

“Did you feel that way? Vivian performed a ritual to change her body out of jealousy for the first queen, who was loved by the king. And she failed.”

-…Yes, that’s right. Vivian truly loved the king. She wanted to be loved by him, so she became the second queen.

…There’s no normalcy.

Neither Vivian, nor the king, nor the first queen.

In my eyes, none of them were normal.

As I cooled my throbbing head with the night breeze, I continued to ponder. One thing was certain: the first queen was definitely not in a complete state right now.

“I don’t know if she’s alive or dead, but considering the time frame, it’s safe to assume she’s somehow still alive. After the first queen’s suicide, Vivian married as the second queen.”

That’s why Vivian performed the ritual: “out of jealousy for the first queen, who was loved by the king.”

Then, it was highly likely that Vivian had met the first queen. Could it be that after meeting the first queen and seeing her being loved by the king, Vivian went mad with jealousy? That’s why she performed the ritual to change her body.

“It’s just a guess, but it’s probably right. Since Einsel can only speak about the contents of Vivian’s ritual. Considering the nature of fairies who do not lie, that statement must definitely be true.”

However, Vivian’s ritual “failed.”

I came into Vivian’s body as a result of that failure. So, what was the cause of the failure? After all, Vivian was one of the “Coven Witches,” of which there were only 13 in this world.

It was difficult to believe that such a witch had failed due to a simple mistake. Or could it be that she made a mistake out of blind jealousy? Surely Einsel and Sylphid must have restrained Vivian, as they mentioned.

What was the reason Einsel couldn’t talk about the first queen? Did she make a “contract” with the first queen? Was she told not to talk about herself? If so, then that would mean she could also “see fairies,” wouldn’t it?

“…Sigh. I don’t know.”

The living first queen. The cause of Vivian’s failed ritual. Einsel unable to speak about the first queen. All of it was just vague speculation, and there was nothing certain. I cooled my overheated head with the night breeze, exhaling deeply.

“For now, I’ll think of you as being threatened, Einsel.”

-You…

“So, you have to tell me once everything is over, okay? Understand?”

-…Okay. I’m really sorry.

Einsel barely responded with a stuttering voice. Seeing Einsel react like this made it seem certain that someone had forcibly silenced her.

“…Let’s go inside, it’s cold.”

We had been on the terrace for quite some time, and as the night wind brushed against us, I shivered. It was time to return to the main palace and gently wake the sleeping princess in her room.

Upon entering the room, I saw the princess still sound asleep, sniffling softly on the bed. I sat down gently on the edge of the bed and peered down at the princess, who was curled up, resembling a young puppy.

As I brushed aside the stray hair from her cheek, I couldn’t help but recall the portrait of the first queen that I had seen earlier. The resemblance between them was striking, being her daughter and all.

In a barely audible voice, I asked Einsel, “Could it be that Vivian disliked the princess because she resembled the first queen?”

“Yes, that’s right. She despised the resemblance… and took it out on me,” Einsel replied.

Her answer left a bitter taste in my mouth. As I calmly gazed at the peacefully sleeping princess, I remembered the expression on her face as she looked at the portrait of the first queen in the room filled with portraits.

She called the first queen in the portrait “Mother” and her longing, her yearning, her pitiful expression as if she wanted to meet her, kept flashing before my eyes.

Did this child, yearning for parental love, ever receive anything that could be called love from them? Does the princess even realize they never cared about her, not even a bit?

“They… Her Highness and the first queen only loved each other, and as a result, they had no interest in the princess. Doesn’t this show the difference between ‘duty’ and ‘affection’?”

“…,” I felt bitter. My feelings towards the princess were not of ‘affection’, at best it was ‘pity’. Watching the lonely princess, unloved by her parents, in this vast palace, my emotions were nothing more than ‘pity’.

So, helping the princess was only until the king emerged from his seclusion and everything returned to ‘normal’. If everything returned to normal…

“Then, I won’t need to be by the princess’s side anymore.”

I gently tidied the princess’s hair, thinking that I should wake her up soon. I must have been here too long; Elly at the main palace must be worried.

Slowly, as I shook the princess’s shoulders, her small hand tightly grasped my index finger. I looked down at her, let out a small sigh, and then lay back on the bed.

Even as I lay on the bed, the princess didn’t release my finger, as if pleading for me not to leave, like a child clinging to its mother’s skirt.

“…I guess there’s no helping it.”

Exhaling heavily, as if I had given up on everything, I pulled the blanket up to my waist and lay down. If I covered any more of the blanket, it seemed like the princess would be completely engulfed in it.

Spending a day in the Star Palace shouldn’t draw any objections from the Queen Mother. Besides, if the princess were to greet the Queen Mother tomorrow morning, the Queen Mother would surely approve.

So…

Even if it was a bit uncomfortable for me today, it seemed like I should sleep like this.

With the blanket covering us both up to her shoulders, I gently patted the princess’s body and drifted off to sleep. Amidst the drowsiness that kept washing over me, I faintly heard Einzell’s voice in my ear.

“Sleep well, Vivian. See you tomorrow.”

I couldn’t respond to his greeting and fell asleep just like that.

*

It was a white space.

The princess turned her head to try to figure out where she was. In every direction, there was nothing but a pure white space, with two figures, a man and a woman, visible in the distance.

For some reason, her heart pounded, and she broke out in a cold sweat. She ran after the two figures, but no matter how much she ran, the distance between them didn’t close.

“Mommy! Daddy!”

She ran and ran, but the unease and the unchanging distance in the white space made her steps heavy, as if something large had seized her, like she was wearing shackles on her feet.

“Let’s go together! Mommy!”

Still, for some reason, she felt she had to follow the two figures. She didn’t know why. She just found herself compelled to chase after them in this space.

As if someone was holding onto her, with each heavy step, the princess managed to walk until she could grasp the clothing of a woman with black hair. With a joyful heart, she lifted her head. That’s when she woke up from her dream. As she opened her eyes, she confirmed what she had been holding onto in her dream: it was the finger of the queen, who was sleeping soundly beside her. The dazzling white light she had seen in her dream was actually the morning sunlight pouring in through the window. Half-awake, the princess looked at the queen’s finger she was holding onto. Then, as if something was strange, she shook her head and tried hard to recall the memories of last night with her unyielding head. Surely, she had been chatting and playing with Einsel under the covers…? At some point, she fell asleep, and when she woke up, it was morning. And there was the queen, sleeping beside her. “Huh?” Why was the queen sleeping on my bed? No matter how much she thought about it, the princess, unable to understand, sat up halfway, then fully, and yawned, rubbing her sleepy eyes. Then she shook the queen’s shoulder, urging her to wake up quickly. The queen, waking up with a gasp, looked at the princess dazedly. Seeing this, the princess shook the queen’s shoulder as if telling her to get up quickly. “Even if you’re the queen, you shouldn’t sleep on my bed…” “…??? Huh?? Your bed…? This is the Star Palace, isn’t it..?” “Star Palace..?” At the mention of the Star Palace, the princess quickly turned her head to look around and finally realized that this wasn’t the room she usually stayed in. “Oh…” Fully awake now, the princess remembered what she had said and blushed with embarrassment. Blushing like a ripe apple.