episode_0018

[Episode 18] – Love is Blind and Venomous

“It’s the princess’s birthday soon, but His Majesty doesn’t even come out of his chambers, let alone give the princess a name. I just don’t know what to do about His Highness, my son.”

Veins bulged on the pale back of the Queen’s hand as she held her glass. As if to soothe her boiling insides with alcohol, she gulped down the contents of her glass.

“You’ll ruin your stomach drinking like that.”

“Since when have you been so concerned about my health to say such things?”

“You should be a bit healthier, shouldn’t you? To see the princess grow into a beautiful lady. I hope for Your Highness’s long-lasting health, and the princess wishes the same for you.”

“…Tsk. Do you think I would heed your words if I were to sell the princess?”

Thud—

Contrary to her words, the Queen pushed her glass aside. I chuckled at her action and refilled her empty glass with water, placing it in front of her.

Gulping down the water I brought as if it were a snack, the Queen sighed briefly, then turned her head to glare at me.

“Perhaps it would be better if you named the princess.”

“…You’re going too far with your jests. Your Highness knows it too. I am not much different from the princess.”

“…Well, I suppose I went too far with my jests.”

The Queen, after a long sigh, chewed and swallowed a grape in an annoyed manner. In the first place, I couldn’t name the princess. Vivian also couldn’t receive the surname “Snow White.”

Likewise, the Queen couldn’t name the princess either. If the Queen, ignoring the king in his chambers, were to name the princess, the court officials below would surely think this way:

Her Majesty the Queen intends to put the princess on the throne.

Her Majesty the Queen ultimately gave up on the king in his chambers.

Her Majesty the Queen judged the king as nothing more than a ‘dead person.’

Everyone would undoubtedly speak with one voice.

The queen probably didn’t name the princess because she’s thinking about what will happen in the future. It’s unlikely that a young princess who ascended to the throne could grow up properly.

…Come to think of it, I felt an urge to storm into the room where the king was and drag him out by the hair. Why is every problem because of the king?

I wondered if the queen also felt the same way as me and let out a tired sigh. The most ideal way would be to get the king out of the room within the remaining 3 months, but…

“You seem quite dissatisfied. It’s been two years since you married His Majesty, yet you haven’t even sent ‘Choya’ to him. Why does the custom of sending ‘Choya’ after giving birth still remain?”

“Cough, cough!”

I involuntarily choked on the water I was drinking due to the queen’s harassment. Ah, it’s really fortunate that the princess isn’t here. Vivian knew that ‘Choya’ hadn’t been sent, but it’s not a story to tell the young princess yet.

“Ahem, let’s not worry about that now, cough! Please.”

“Is that so? Is that why you’re acting as if you’ve changed? Have you healed from the emotional wounds of ‘Choya’ not coming?”

“…I’ll leave that to Your Majesty’s imagination.”

I wiped my mouth with a handkerchief, quickly turned my head, avoiding the queen’s piercing gaze. As if finding it amusing to tease me, the queen continued.

“Yes, clinging to a man tied to the past will only bring you more pain. It’s fortunate that you’ve let go of that feeling now.”

‘Clings to a man tied to the past.’ The queen described her son like that. Suddenly, the image of the room I saw earlier came to mind. It seemed like a preserved relic of the first queen’s time. The more I learned about this place, the more I felt trapped in a mystery of whether the first queen was dead or alive. The solution to this problem lies within ‘that room’ where the king is confined…

As time passed, the room where the king abdicated began to feel like it shouldn’t be opened, almost like ‘Pandora’s box.’ Even if that door were to be opened, it felt like something I wouldn’t be able to handle… that kind of feeling.

However, leaving the king alone wasn’t an option. The only one who could name the princess was the king in the corner, and with just about three months left until the “main event” of spring, I had to meet the abdicated king no matter what.

For the princess, for everyone else.

To do that, first…

“Your Majesty, I have a question.”

After my words, the queen consort tilted her head as if urging me to speak.

…In the first place, the only one who could tell me this was the ‘queen consort.’ Einsel couldn’t say anything about the first queen, and the queen consort was the only one who could precisely tell me this ‘fact.’

“Could you tell me why the first queen made that ‘choice’?”

*

Tap, tap, tap.

After my question, a heavy silence fell over the dining table. The queen consort seemed to ponder whether she should speak or not, tapping the table with her fingers.

“…You must already know about the rumors surrounding the late queen.”

“I am not foolish enough to believe that the first queen made such a choice based solely on the education of a mere late queen. Your Majesty.”

“I wish you were that foolish.”

Exhaling deeply, the queen consort gulped down some cold water, as if trying to soothe herself. After briefly glancing at me, she sighed again and slowly began to speak, her words weighed down with gravity.

“Just as you loved Her Majesty, love is blind and venomous.”

“…Pardon?”

The late queen, who was the unique heir to the throne and the sole successor of the former king, inevitably bore the weight of heavy expectations, even from the tender age of five.”

The queen consort reminisced about the past as she continued her story.

“I, too, had no room to give love to Her Majesty. By the time I married the former king, the previous queen had already passed away.”

“…”

“So, I’ve never received any affectionate love from His Majesty since I was young. Nevertheless, I was able to become a great king of this country under the guidance of excellent teachers.”

The queen consort, with a bitter smile, gazed at the swaying water in the cup she raised, not setting it down to quench her parched throat each time she spoke.

…It was a story she knew to some extent. The queen consort couldn’t express love to her own son, so she couldn’t do so when she looked at her granddaughter, the princess.

“So, in His Majesty’s eyes, the first queen must have appeared exceptionally sweet. She was a woman who freely offered love to His Majesty, who had to make bloody efforts to receive love until now.”

“The first queen, you say?”

“Yes, the first queen was such a woman. She taught love to His Majesty, made that love blind, and eventually became venomous to him.”

“Venomous…”

“…If that blindness hadn’t been mutual, it would have been perfect. Tsk.”

Mutual blindness..?

Did it mean that the first queen also loved the king blindly? The queen consort, as if finding it unbelievable even now, let out a bitter laugh.

Their love didn’t diminish even after the princess was born. Many were hoping for a little sun to rise in this country soon. The result was tragic, but you know…”

The little sun probably referred to a ‘prince.’ Vivian could marry the king because there was no ‘prince’ between the king and the first queen. However, as she listened to the queen consort’s story, she couldn’t understand.

If they loved each other, why didn’t they give the princess a name? Why did they abandon the child, the fruit of their love, without giving her a name?

“…Your expression seems to ask why they didn’t give the princess a name despite being so in love.”

“…Do you see that?”

“Even at my age, I can read some thoughts through people’s expressions.”

The queen consort chuckled softly and returned to a calm expression.

“…I’ve never given love to His Majesty, so what’s the point of me saying this… ‘Duty’ and ‘affection’ seem to be different things.”

“…What? What does that mean…”

“His Majesty and the First Queen only loved each other, and as a result, they had no interest in the princess. Doesn’t this mean that ‘duty’ and ‘affection’ are different?”

…?

In that moment, my mind felt like it was being overwhelmed by emotions. I couldn’t help but continue listening to the Queen Dowager’s story, feeling as if my common sense was being shattered inside.

“…Continuing the story, they loved each other too much. If His Majesty even glanced at another woman at a ball or similar event, the First Queen’s chambers would echo with her wails for days.”

“……”

“The First Queen pleaded with His Majesty to look only at her, to love only her, and not to cast his gaze on anyone else. And His Majesty heeded her words.”

“So love is said to be both blind and venomous… you said.”

…Even without hearing more, I felt like I knew why the First Queen had taken her own life. They were both too blindly devoted to each other, and in the end, that blindness turned venomous, leading the First Queen to take her own life.

A dreadful image filled my mind.

And as if to fuel that dreadful imagination, the Queen Dowager continued her story.

“…She asked why the First Queen chose to end her own life.”

I nodded slightly.

“If I told you that His Majesty exchanged greetings with a female envoy from another country, would you believe it?”

…It’s unbearable.

Unconsciously, my face twisted at the First Queen’s unbearable blindness.

“The letter left behind by the First Queen was said to be written by me, stating that she was simply exhausted and weary, thus choosing to end her life. But her original letter was so poorly written that it was almost impossible to read.”

“……”

“The contents of the letter, stained with blood and ink, were so difficult to read. The only discernible words were ‘Your Majesty,’ ‘love,’ and ‘always by your side.’”

The queen’s face, as she continued the story, began to furrow. Seemingly reluctant to recall any further, she nodded slowly and then let out a heavy sigh before turning her gaze towards me.

“…After that, amidst His Majesty’s unclear state of mind, the councilors took it upon themselves to fill the void left by the queen’s passing, allowing you to ascend to the position of the second queen.”

“…”

“And as you also remember, shortly after the wedding ceremony, His Majesty secluded himself in his chambers and began to deteriorate.”

Clearing her throat as if choked, the queen adjusted her collar, gulping down some cold water before looking at me again. Unsure of how to respond to that gaze, or what expression to wear, I simply gazed down at the plate of food in silence.

“…Has your curiosity been satisfied now, Second Queen?”