episode_0018

An empty self-study room.

The homeroom teacher didn’t show up.

“The night sky is really beautiful.”

The rain had cleared up, painting a pretty night sky outside the self-study room window.

I was craving a cold beer.

After enduring a year, it wouldn’t be illegal to have a drink with the homeroom teacher, using the sky as a side dish.

But the world wouldn’t see it kindly.

“The weather is perfect.”

It was a good day for a drink, but Yoo Seoyoung wasn’t by my side.

That was a bit of a problem.

“Sigh…”

Probably Kwon Yang.

He must have barged into the teacher’s office and rambled on with his short mouth.

“Really, so annoying.”

I let out a deep breath.

I learned not to rely on people.

But sometimes there are too many people below my standards.

I often find myself thinking, “I’ll do this much for them,” only to end up betrayed.

Feeling a bit stifled, I took out my phone and called the teacher.

– “I’m currently unavailable. Please leave a message…”

“Teacher.”

I felt as dark as the night.

The world always turns differently from my emotions, and even on a day like this, the stars were shining brightly in the sky.

The blooming white flowers.

It’s a shame I can’t spend such a wonderful day with you.

I slightly resented Yoo Seoyoung.

“Where can I find a slave who doesn’t answer their master’s call?”

I really wanted to punish her.

Persistently, at length, for a very long time.

I wanted to manage her fragile life.

Make her fall asleep only by my side,

Not even able to touch her depression medication,

Always smiling when she sees me.

Not getting hurt.

“That part is regrettable.”

If it were high school, I might have been angry in this situation. Angry at the world I didn’t like.

But I was already a regressor.

Emotions and rationality separated, I did what I had to do.

My heart was slightly sad without the teacher, while my mind cynically shouted not to trust the world.

We were on parallel paths with no meeting point.

“Come to think of it, I’m not an adult at all.”

No matter how much I think about it, I’m not.

“Let alone an adult, I’m not even sure if I’m normal.”

Middle school days.

A bully tore apart a friend’s work.

A school where looking down on others leads to a pitfall in life.

I didn’t want to be his “punching bag,” and neither did my friend.

So I hit him on the head with a rock.

I thought it was the right thing to do.

Of course, there was a moral justification, but there was a bigger reason.

“He was bigger than me.”

The deformed middle schooler who thought that way grew up to become an adult.

As an adult, I regressed once by chance.

I heard that I was more mature than others.

I could handle conflicts skillfully.

I could organize my thoughts logically.

Yet the question remains.

Am I really an adult?

Since those middle school days, have I grown up?

“Yoo Seoyoung.”

In that aspect, you are truly special.

Meeting you, nursing a broken heart, waiting for you, feeling a little flutter of love.

Feeling stronger only in those moments, feeling meaningful.

Moving forward only in those moments.

That’s why in my world, there can be no one else but you.

The only one who makes me feel like I’m becoming a better person from my middle school days,

The only one who makes me feel like I’m progressing even a little,

Is you.

“See you tomorrow, teacher.”

As I was tidying up the things on my desk, an uninvited guest walked in.

– Knock, knock.

Round forehead. Messy black hair. Eyes that seemed a bit mischievous.

Although I realized it too late, it was easy to see that she was interested in me.

Lending me textbooks.

Manipulating things to pair us up.

Carrying water around and feeding me.

Asking about diet-related information.

When I think about it, it was all just a sign of rational affection.

“I’m just… a fool.”

But back then, I didn’t have the luxury to think about it.

I wanted to become a man who could protect Yoo Seoyoung – so I set an absurd goal for a high school student in the growth stage to lift 500 kg.

I earned 3 billion won by hanging on to stock options to the point of heart failure.

There was no time to accept external information.

“Baek Seonghyun. Do you have time?”

She asked me if I had time.

Of course, I had some time now.

I was still thinking about things, even at this moment.

“If I give time to talk… I might be able to reduce the variables. There is no benefit in not having a conversation.”

When I didn’t leave the self-study room, Lee Hyeji came and sat in front of me.

The first thing she said was a textbook-like response.

“Today, Jihyun was a bit noisy.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry.”

It was neat.

Instead of showing emotions from the beginning, she approached with an apology.

It wasn’t bad.

And so, the conversation between a man who wants to be alone and a woman who wants to be with him began.

“Why do you treat me like that?”

The Baek Seonghyun observed by Lee Hyeji always had that expression.

Cold, blunt, and seemingly staring at the other person. Yet his skin was better than girls who wore makeup.

He murmured in a low voice.

“Is that so.”

“You don’t talk more than three words with any girl other than the teacher.”

“Is there a need to?”

He still doesn’t show his true feelings.

‘What should I do so that a high school student doesn’t end up like that.’

Baek Seonghyun was armed with unbelievable muscles.

He had a body like a bodybuilder.

His chest muscles were so thick that it seemed impossible to tear them even with a cutter knife.

His perfectly straight waist was asserting the fact that no one could physically beat him in a fight.

Even when he wore loose pants, they seemed to fit well because his thighs and legs were incredibly thick.

‘Why did he go to such lengths.’

He must have put a lot of strain on his young body.

Although it was a body born naturally, he had consumed excessive protein during his growth period and built his body through excessive weightlifting.

There seemed to be no side effects.

‘Is it armor.’

Armor he put on to protect himself,

To not express himself,

To reject others.

“If someone treats you kindly, shouldn’t you treat them kindly too?”

Baek Seonghyun looked at Lee Hyeji as if he found it amusing.

Lee Hyeji hated it, but on the other hand, she liked it.

“It’s not always like that.”

A smile that seemed to play with a cousin or nephew. Moreover, even after hearing that Lee Hyeji was from an orphanage, there was no change in her attitude.

Her eyes that looked at things as they were were mature.

‘You were always like that.’

There is no reason for love. If you had to find a reason, it was Baek Seonghyun’s aspect, but…

On the other hand, she hated it.

His mental age seemed too high – she didn’t even dare to approach him.

“I like you. You know that too.”

In the end – unable to bear it, Lee Hyeji blurted out.

Because if she kept talking, Baek Seonghyun might leave. She was about to lose.

With a slightly flushed face, she expressed honesty without being pathetic.

It was the best response she could give.

“Did you have to reject my feelings like that?”

“Sorry.”

Then, unexpected words came from Baek Seonghyun’s mouth.

She looked at Baek Seonghyun in surprise.

It was sincere.

He was sorry for hurting her.

But the next words didn’t follow.

Why he was sorry.

Why he did that.

What he was thinking.

He seemed to have no intention of speaking.

‘Why,’

It’s not social.

It’s ignoring people.

“I’ve been waiting for you for a year. Don’t you know? You know too…”

Lee Hyeji was slowly crumbling.

There were beautiful stars, and the petals falling one by one in spring were beautiful. And Lee Hyeji was sad.

Baek Seonghyun said,

“There’s also unrequited love. Just get used to it.”

“Hey!”

Hyeji shouted.

She felt like a fool.

Why had she been clinging to someone like him until now?

“Just get used to it? Can you say that to your teacher too?”

“Tsk…”

Baek Seonghyun suddenly started laughing.

It seemed like he couldn’t contain the laughter bubbling up from within. Hyeji looked at him with a disgusted expression.

“You’re probably already used to it enough…”

He said something incomprehensible, then fell silent.

“There’s a life where you cling even though you know it’s not possible. Whatever choice you make, it’s your responsibility.”

Baek Seonghyun was already looking into the distance.

It seemed like it was his past.

‘Why? Why on earth? Even if it’s just a year’s difference. What kind of life did he live to have a higher mental age than a woman living on the streets?’

A person who looked at her as a human being.

The only man she trusted.

Hyeji asked,

“…What do you see me as?”

“A kid.”

Hyeji felt like she was going crazy.

Even after all this, she liked this man.

“I… I’m going to confess anyway.”

She said.

She was choking up a bit.

From Baek Seonghyun’s perspective, it was just a passing connection, but she had been showing signs of affection in her own way.

It was too unfair to end it like this.

Hyeji ran out of the classroom.

.

.

.

And so, morning came again.

March 14th.

White Day.

A day created by confectionery companies.

A meaningless day made to sell more chocolates.

But the spring day was bright, and the students were lively like blooming flowers.

It seemed like anniversaries brought joy to them.

-Drrrrk.

When the teacher came in, her sunken expression was visible. It seemed like she hadn’t slept well. It was a bit pitiful.

I wished she could be a bit stronger.

Because you are truly beautiful.

More than you, for me.

And at that moment,

“Baek Seonghyun.”

A very small voice was heard.

There was some sincerity in that statement, so all the students and the teacher looked at her.

“It’s a gift.”

Confessions are not usually done like this.

Because loving someone is personal and precious.

‘But I can see that you mean it.’

“I like you.”

“Ha…”

I looked into the eyes of this lamb holding a letter in front of me.

I felt sorry.

She seemed embarrassed and blushing, even to herself. She knew how today’s conclusion would turn out.

“Wow! They look good together!”

“Get married! Get married! Get married!”

I laughed awkwardly as I looked at the kids.

There was no malice in their expressions.

They were just caught up in the festive madness, shouting for them to date.

“Date! Date! Date!”

But if you change the word ‘date’ to ‘die,’ you might actually end up killing someone.

‘They’re deliberately stirring things up. Setting the mood.’

They probably turned a blind eye to each other. If one confessed, they would ask for help from the side.

It was a burden even though it had regressed psychologically.

‘If this were a past life… you might have won.’

But if this were a past life, there would have been no confession.

‘In the end, your choice is that.’

I looked at the teacher’s desk.

My homeroom teacher was there.

My one and only slave.

The one woman I love.

Until yesterday, she was a woman who could surrender herself to the joy of love without any thoughts.

Now her eyes were filled with unnecessary thoughts.

-Am I really the right person for you?

-Am I a pervert?

-Will I only be met with disgust?

Her dark self-doubt covered the eyes of the woman she loved, staring at me with anxiety.

I felt a bit sad.

There was no malice in this sheep.

But, I wished Yoo Seoyoung would remember today.

No matter who you are – there is an unwavering love.

I,

am only looking at you.

Always.

“I hate you.”

“Ah…”

That was the end.

I wondered if I could have been more mature, being an adult and all. That thought crossed my mind.

But I am an ugly person.

Still not a grown-up human.

This was the best I could do.

Surely it could have been overlooked.

But Yoo Seoyoung was someone who took antidepressants.

Baek Seonghyun wanted to protect Yoo Seoyoung,

And this sheep was sincere about her love.

All three were serious people, so if someone were to get hurt, I had to choose.

“…Sniff…”

Soon, tears welled up in this sheep’s eyes.

She cried out with a broken voice.

“Is this, is this what you wanted?”

This sheep forcefully placed a letter in my hand.

“Can you please take the letter? Damn it. I liked you for a whole year. I stayed up all night writing it yesterday!”

She yelled. Her tear-filled eyes were half crying.

“What’s so good about you? What’s better than me?”

“Stop it.”

“Teacher… you’re older than me-”

Her eyes were bloodshot.

‘I’m sorry.’

A person’s malice comes from obsession.

It’s nothing.

It’s nothing at all.

Something that is worthless to someone is so precious to them.

That person is not stupid.

To this sheep, those emotions,

the words in that letter are probably one of the most precious things in her life.

I knew that.

‘I didn’t want to hurt you.’

But Yoo Seoyoung still takes antidepressants.

She’s someone who throws a tantrum if I’m not around.

I couldn’t let such a woman get hurt.

I loved Yoo Seoyoung.

-Sniff.

This sheep tore the letter she gave me with both hands.

“Ah.”

-Sniff.

From two to four. From four to eight.

Spring must be starting now.

Under the blue sky, flowers unable to withstand the downpour were torn and fell.

Torn pieces of letters fell down.

‘I know how much you must be suffering.’

You worked hard to make it.

You wrote it with care for hours. I understand how it feels when they are torn apart.

Because of that –

I almost killed someone in middle school.

But, I can endure Yoo Seoyoung doubting me.

I can’t stand her doubting herself.

That’s why I threw the pieces of the letter.

The letter pieces fluttered like flower petals on this sheep’s face.

“Lee Hyeji.”

I called her name.

“I have no interest in you.”

“How, how can you, treat me like this?”

Tears streamed down one of this sheep’s eyes.

Spring.

It hasn’t been long-

The flowers fell.

She ran out of the classroom as if fleeing. The classmates looked at me with eyes that said, “Are you even human?”

My beloved teacher, with a face that seemed about to collapse, soon ran out as well.

It was spring.