episode_0014

“… Are you reflecting?”

I’m doing “.”

“I don’t think so at all.”

After a quarrel in the bathroom, my sister put a towel on her wet head and put chicken in her mouth.

Maybe it was because some time had passed, but rather than being hot, it was just warm enough to put in my mouth.

My older sister stared at me, muttering her mouth dryly. I nodded my head gently and expressed my approval to what my sister said.

However, my sister seemed to be still uncomfortable, chewing her food combatively and not taking her eyes off me.

“It’s okay to be rude to a certain extent, but it’s the worst to have someone go out like that in front of other people.”

“That’s okay too.”

“That’s not what you’re saying.”

My sister lifted her chopsticks towards me and complained angrily.

It seemed like he didn’t like something or was acting to hide his embarrassment.

I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed my sister’s tongue, and she scoffed and kicked my leg.

“Ouch.”

“It’s punishment for stopping me from hitting you earlier.”

“Isn’t it too harsh to crack one’s shins?”

“Not harsh at all.”

When I frowned as I felt the pain in my shins, my sister grinned and said, as if she was sorry.

Even though I put down my chopsticks and pretended to bend down and hug my knees, my sister didn’t even blink and put the chicken in front of me into her mouth.

My sister muttered like a hamster with a lot of chicken in one cheek.

“Sister, are you in a lot of pain?”

“I feel a bit bitter because of you.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll pay more attention next time.”

“Okay. Don’t worry about my strange tastes, just be considerate of me.”

There was silence for a moment as they munched on each other’s food.

It wasn’t particularly awkward because it was quiet, but I still wanted to talk about something, so I broke the silence first.

My sister, who was concentrating on the chicken, heard me and blinked and focused her gaze on me.

My older sister, who was staring at me, realized that this was a story about something from earlier and answered while stroking her stomach.

When I carefully apologized to my sister, she closed her eyes and nodded.

I felt a little sorry for being so violent, but seeing that he didn’t object so much, I felt like I could try a little harder.

“Now that I think about it.”

“Yes. Tell me.”

“Is it okay to drink with me?”

“I’m fine, but why?”

“No, I thought you might be talking to other friends.”

“Maybe, but what can I do if my family makes an excuse? You too will fall in love with me and the kids will believe you.”

I placed my chopsticks on my plate, promising the next time.

When I spoke to my sister cautiously, she shifted her gaze to the smartphone screen.

I feel like I’m receiving a messenger, but who is it?

I asked my sister a question while tapping the plate with my chopsticks to get her attention.

My sister turned off the smartphone screen and answered me with a shrug.

Even though I didn’t have to, I was making excuses that were pointless, and I was struggling with one hand.

Seeing me like that, my sister smiled and said it was okay.

Every time something like this happened, I felt that my sister was more adult than me.

“I’m full. Clean it up. I received the delivery.”

“Yay~”

Time passed, and my sister leaned back in her chair and looked at the clock.

Then he took a deep breath and caressed his stomach.

After hearing my sister’s request, I nodded, collected the plates in front of me, and placed them in the sink.

My sister was looking at me intently.

“What’s wrong?”

“No. I was just watching.”

“What.”

When I glanced at my older sister, she shook her head and looked away.

Soon, my sister moved away from the dining table and moved to the sofa in front of the TV.

Not knowing why my sister was acting like that, I looked at her with a sneer.

“What was the assignment today?”

“It’s a liberal arts topic and will be announced next time.”

“Then the priority would be to collect data, right?”

“Yes.”

After finishing cleaning up, our eyes were fixed on the TV as we sat side by side on the sofa and talked about our daily lives.

Even as we stared blankly at the changing TV screen, our awareness of the story was focused on each other.

Maybe that’s why the content on TV didn’t stick in my head.

“Then shall we go do our homework?”

“What is it? Let’s go in?”

“You can’t just watch TV all the time.”

After talking about school and homework, my sister looked at the clock.

As we ate and chatted, the clock was already past 9 o’clock.

My sister sighed, got up from the sofa, stretched, and threw the remote control in her hand onto the sofa.

I took the remote control, placed my hand on the button, and looked at my sister.

I nodded at my sister’s words and turned off the TV.

Leaving the living room behind, which quickly became quiet, my sister went to her room, and I returned to my room.

“… Umm.”

I closed the door to my room and leaned my back against the door, sighing.

Every time I ate, my sister kept focusing her attention on the smartphone screen.

I took a quick look, and seeing that the notifications kept coming from the same person, I couldn’t help but get interested.

Are they friends? Or is it a man? Those worries lingered in my mind and continued to make me feel uneasy.

No matter how much my sister made a promise, it’s a different story for a man to stick around like that.

“Tsk.”

I clicked my tongue at the frustrating situation, sat down at my desk, and turned on my computer.

Ugh. I listened to the sound of the main body starting to run and looked at the monitor screen with light coming on.

I didn’t feel like I could do the assignment because I couldn’t quite grasp anything in my complicated mind.

I sighed and looked at my smartphone.

“Why do you keep contacting your sister?”

Irritability welled up in my throat and I spit it out without even swallowing it.

I raised my fist and tried to hit the keyboard, but I finally calmed down and slowly put my hand down.

I sighed and gently placed my shaking hands on the desk and looked around.

I slammed down on the keyboard for no reason, but I suppressed my anger so that my sister would hear.

“Fuck.”

Cursing, which I don’t usually say, came out right away when I thought there was someone attacking my sister for no reason.

I liked my sister. I just had that feeling.

I didn’t want anyone to approach my sister, and I didn’t want my sister to approach anyone else.

I knew this was possessiveness, and I knew it wasn’t a very good feeling.

But I couldn’t let go of that feeling, and it was growing inside me.

The emotions that grew so large that I could not control them seemed to be taking control of me and controlling me as they pleased.

Whenever my sister spent time messaging someone, I wanted to take her smartphone away, and whenever she was talking to someone in a friendly way, I wanted to make her keep her distance from that person.

I know that it is petty selfishness and that it is an obscene desire. I basically knew that one person should not be tied down like that.

Without even knowing that I was liking someone, I couldn’t stop all my emotions from being directed towards my sister.

“Ha, haha.”

Only a helpless smile spread across my face.

I had a rational brain that told me I shouldn’t do that, and an emotional mind that was swirling uncontrollably.

What should I do? These thoughts filled my head one by one.

What should I do? This feeling.

“… … .”

When I closed my mouth, there was silence in the room.

The cold air touched my skin, and a deep sigh filled my lungs. I felt like I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

The sound of my heart beating fast seemed to be trying to tell me something, so I quietly listened to the sound of my heart pounding.

And then, I quietly raised my head and looked at the ceiling.

I sat blankly in my chair, staring at the fluorescent lights hanging from the ceiling, and let my uncontrollable thoughts run wild.

“… Will that happen?”

What would happen if I let my sister become isolated? What would happen if my sister became alone?

Do you get along well alone? Or will you come and cling to me? I was curious. I missed you.

If she clings to me, if she really does that, I want to make her alone.

It was a fleeting situation for me as no one paid attention to my sister and she did not pay attention to anyone else. I hoped for that situation.

Even if my sister said otherwise, I was hoping for that situation.

While I thought this thought was a little dirty, I was defending myself by saying that it would be okay if I could change my sister’s mind.

Will I ever be able to be like this? Rather than asking the moral question, “Is it possible to do that?” I was considering the question of possibility.

“Where is it?”

I opened the desk drawer and found a ballpoint pen.

I opened a small notebook in the middle of the desk and took out a ballpoint pen.

A line was drawn in ink, and I raised the corners of my mouth as I looked at it.

Preventing my older sister from enjoying college life became one of my goals.

My older sister gave me three years to get things sorted out, and considering the military, I only had one year left in reality.

“If my sister tells me she likes me… .”

I kept my mouth shut.

I was so disgusted with the dirty thoughts that I couldn’t move the pen anymore.

I threw the pen aside and pulled out my hair. He pulled back his chair, lowered his upper body, and let out a long sigh.

And he muttered quietly.

If my sister had just told me that she liked me, I wouldn’t have done something like this, but if she hadn’t drawn a line, I wouldn’t have even thought about it.

If it weren’t for my younger brother, this relationship wouldn’t have happened. However, because he was my younger brother, our relationship could not go any further than this.

I took a deep breath and grabbed the keyboard.

“How can I get rid of people attacking my sister?”

First of all, I hope there aren’t people who keep contacting my sister personally. For this to happen, other people had to have bad feelings about my sister. What can be done to make one’s sister reluctant?

And I didn’t want my sister to be interested in or have feelings for other people. Perhaps for this to work, my sister would have to be afraid of approaching other people. What should I do to make my sister afraid of approaching people?

“Hansol. Studying?”

“Uh huh. Why?”

While I was rolling my pen and thinking gloomily, there was a knock on the door.

Knock, knock, knock. With three knocks, the dark thoughts that had been filling my head were completely washed away.

I came to my senses, put aside the notebook full of dark thoughts, and answered my sister’s call.

“No, I was just trying to help you with your assignment.”

“En. What about your sister? Aren’t you busy doing your homework too?”

“Me? I did it quickly. Can I come in?”

“No, it’s okay because I have something to do for now. I’ll call you when I need it.”

My sister’s voice came through the door.

I was a little embarrassed to look at my sister’s face right now.

I was thinking of bullying my older sister right away, but when I saw her face right after that, I felt guilty.

My sister answered my question in a confident voice and then grabbed the door handle, which made a rattling sound.

I tried to make my sister go away, but she ignored me and slammed open the room door.

“Yap!”

“Well, what is it? Go out.”

“Why does this guy who usually lets me in right away refuse today?”

My older sister came in with her arms spread out, saying, “Pad.”

I quickly opened a website pretending to study, but my sister approached me with a sly expression on her face.

I couldn’t bear to look at my sister’s face, so I just clicked the mouse in frustration.

“Hansol… were you playing a game? Tasks are on the back burner?”

“That… .”

“I was going to say it was great, but I was thinking about something else!”

My sister opened her eyes and stared at the unchanging website, then wrapped her hand around my shoulder.

I felt a little uncomfortable with my sister just being here right now.

It was nice that my sister was friendly to me, but I was a little reluctant because I felt guilty.

Is this okay? With that thought in mind, I couldn’t speak properly.

My sister slapped me hard on the back, then grinned and pinched my cheek.

“… What’s going on?”

“No, it’s nothing. I was just dazed.”

“It’s really not a big deal, right? My complexion has been bad ever since I finished school today.”

“Uh huh. It’s okay.”

Perhaps because my reaction was unpleasant, my sister, who was pulling my cheek, looked at my face and rolled her eyes here and there as if examining my complexion.

I avoided eye contact and answered my sister’s words. Then, my sister was asking me with a worried expression where I thought I was sick and if something was wrong.

I really wish it would be like this for the rest of my life.

I wish people would show this kindness only to me and not to others.

I faced my sister, hiding my dark thoughts behind me.