episode_0014

Why did it have to turn out like this?

How did I end up wearing gloves and protective gear, engaging in a sparring match with someone who’s not even on my level? And to make matters worse, it’s with a terrifying former famous mixed martial arts fighter who eyes me as if I were her prey.

This was never something I would have done under normal circumstances.

Honestly, at this point, I just wanted to walk away.

“Geonwoo! You can do it!”

Park Sihyun cheered me on, seemingly oblivious to my true feelings.

Clueless girl… If you cheer like that, I can’t just stop.

A pretty girl cheering for me might seem nice on the surface, but if she stops, it’s like confirming my incompetence.

Thanks to Park Sihyun, there’s no way I can back down now with all the extra attention from people around us.

“Just relax. It’s just a sparring match.”

“Oh, okay…”

“Now, give it all you’ve got.”

In reality, even though it’s a sparring match, I didn’t feel intimidated since I was the one throwing punches.

If I were on the receiving end, I would have refused, regardless of Park Sihyun’s encouragement. Of course, her father, a professional, wouldn’t have asked me, a beginner, to do such a thing.

“A-alright, here I go.”

Whack. I threw a punch with all my might. Park Sihyun’s father effortlessly blocked it with his sparring glove.

Bang!

“Come on, hit harder! How else will you catch a fly?”

He seemed completely unfazed by my punch. His momentum alone was overwhelming me. If we were really fighting, I knew he could knock me down with just one blow.

Whack! Thud!

“Faster! Your movements are too obvious. Yes, like that.”

“Panting…”

Just throwing punches was far from easy. Ironically, as the one throwing the punches, I was the one getting tired. Park Sihyun’s father effortlessly dodged or blocked all my sincere punches without breaking a sweat.

“Alright, one more time.”

Whack!

“Well done. You’re doing great for a beginner.”

“T-thank you. Huff…”

“Hahaha, it’s tough, isn’t it? It’s because it’s your first time. You’ll get used to it as you go along.”

It’s slightly unnerving how he talks as if I’ll keep doing this, right?

I couldn’t bring myself to say those words out loud, so I just looked earnestly at him, but he gazed back at me with meaningful eyes.

“Looks like you and Sihyun are getting along well.”

“Oh, no, we’re just friends… Sir.”

I lied through my teeth. But well, it’s not entirely untrue, right? Just ordinary friends. Friends who kiss, hug, bite, suck, and do everything else together.

“Is that so? It seems like Sihyun really likes Geonwoo.”

“Really?”

“Yes, since last year, I think. The atmosphere suddenly changed, and she even brought Geonwoo home… She’s been completely different since then.”

Last year was probably when Park Sihyun turned into a woman. Back then, Park Sihyun might have been getting chewed out rather than liked by me, but from the family’s perspective, it would have been different. Perhaps just by becoming a girl, the way they looked at Park Sihyun changed from a problematic child to a sore finger, and as Park Sihyun gradually became more feminine, it might have seemed like she was coming to her senses in their eyes.

“It seems that a daughter changes a bit when she gets a boyfriend. As a father, it’s not entirely unpleasant for my daughter to have a boyfriend.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I didn’t say that to hear those words… I should be grateful instead. You’ve become a good boyfriend like Geonwoo.”

Park Sihyun’s father spoke as if offering praise while drinking water after coming down from the ring. Park Sihyun was looking at us from a distance as we talked alone. Even from afar, her expression showed a mix of hope and curiosity.

“You may or may not know… When our Sihyun was in school, she wandered a bit. Our family relationships were also a bit strained…”

“……”

“I was very worried, but now it seems like she’s come to her senses. It’s all thanks to Geonwoo.”

“No, what did I do?”

In truth, I had done something. In fact, I had relentlessly taken revenge for a year. Of course, I couldn’t tell the truth. If I did, I’d be in for it until I died.

It felt strange to receive gratitude when I had done that.

“Humble. Anyway, thank you for getting along with my daughter. I don’t have much to offer as a token of gratitude, but… please come to exercise. Of course, I won’t take any money.”

“Th… Thank you.”

“Well then.”

Park Si-hyun’s father extended his hand to me. I shook his hand and we exchanged a handshake.

“Treat our Si-hyun well.”

“Understood.”

With those words, he left, smiling warmly.

Treat her well… Do I even deserve that?

“Hey, what did you talk about with Dad?”

“…Just this and that. Shall we go home?”

“Already?”

“It’s almost dinnertime. I’ll drive you home.”

“Oh, I can go by myself.”

“Never mind. It’s dangerous for a girl to be alone.”

“Haha, what’s that about… Well, then give me a ride.”

Smiling awkwardly, Park Si-hyun, her face slightly flushed, went to the changing room to change clothes.

I also went to the changing room, took a shower, and changed clothes.

“Sorry, kept you waiting.”

After a while, Park Si-hyun, dressed, came out of the changing room.

She went in before me but came out later. Being a girl, she probably had more to prepare.

“Let’s go.”

“Uh… okay.”

I reached for Park Si-hyun’s hand first.

I didn’t think much of it at the time, but it seemed like the first time I had held someone’s hand first.

Park Si-hyun seemed a little flustered, but soon she held my hand, and we walked side by side.

For some reason, holding hands now felt very warm and soft. My heart raced a bit.

“Hey, did you hear anything unusual from my dad?”

“Why?”

“You seem a bit strange right now.”

“How am I being strange?”

“Well… I don’t really know, but… it’s kind, I guess.”

Kind? Me? Then does that mean I usually sound rough?

…Come to think of it, maybe I was. Honestly, I wasn’t exactly gentle.

“He asked to be treated kindly.”

“Huh?”

“Your father. He asked you to treat him kindly.”

“Oh… really?”

“Yeah.”

“I see…”

“….”

“….”

The street outside the gym was getting dark.

It was a night where the sky wasn’t visible, but the streetlights and store signs seemed to take the place of the stars. Walking among those city lights were people, and among those people were me and Park Si-hyun, holding hands as we walked through the streets of Seoul for a while.

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re going to treat it preciously, right?”

“You’ll do whatever you want anyway.”

“Well… just however you want to…”

I stopped walking. Park Si-hyun stopped too. We looked at each other.

“Park Si-hyun.”

“Yeah…”

“I hated you. It’s obvious, but…”

It wasn’t just dislike. It was loathing.

“You ruined me. That’s why I couldn’t bear not to ruin you in return. If I hadn’t, I probably would have lived with regret and self-loathing for the rest of my life.”

“Geon-woo…”

Every single word is true.

Bullying isn’t just a matter of getting hit or not on a certain day. The experiences that torment someone for a day or two, or even a few years, last a lifetime, until the person dies. In reality, it ruins their life. It’s no different from killing them psychologically. The only way to make amends and heal is through revenge. But society says not to seek revenge. It’s more convenient for social order if revenge isn’t allowed. Because the moment revenge is permitted, Korea will become a bloodbath. Unlike in America, where shootings happen just because someone is bored.

So, in this world, you just have to endure the injustice of a few. There’s no one who pities the suffering. Originally, I should have become a failure who couldn’t stand up to violence and lived a broken life.

“But now I’m okay. I’ve recovered everything I lost by ruining you. But you remain ruined. Violence can only leave behind a ruined result.”

“So… You decide how I should treat you. At least while you’re my boyfriend.”

If you ask to be treated preciously, I will treat you preciously. If you ask for sex in moderation, I will do so. If you ask for something, I will do it, if I can.

If you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend for a year, that’s the deal. What happens after that, I honestly don’t know. Whether we’ll break up, continue this strange relationship, or if by some chance it might become something I should really call a real romance. In short, I felt like I had to pay the price for what I did.

“I… don’t know. What should I do?”

“Don’t decide right away. Take your time to think. We still have plenty of time.”

After that, we walked in silence again. We took the subway and arrived at Park Si-hyun’s apartment.

During all this time, neither I nor Park Si-hyun said a word. The long silence only broke when we reached the entrance.

“We’re here.”

“Yeah…”

“I’ll go.”

“Wait a minute…”

Park Si-hyun grabbed me.

I turned to look at Park Si-hyun with a somewhat dry gaze.

For some reason, Park Si-hyun’s eyes seemed slightly moist.

“I… was a complete idiot. I won’t tell you why I was an idiot, you probably know better without me having to explain it all.”

“……”

“I lived thinking I was better than others just because I was a bit stronger than them.”

“……”

“But you know what? When I became a woman, I could see things I couldn’t see before.”

Park Si-hyun listed everything she had seen.

She saw how insignificant and powerless she was once her pitiful strength disappeared.

She also learned about the unrequited feelings of her same-sex friend, which she didn’t even realize.

She found out that her parents, who she thought had given up on her, were actually very worried about her.

The arrogant fool who lived in his own little world turned out to be nothing but an ignorant idiot.

“It was all thanks to you that I could see those things. You made me fall apart.”

“So, does that mean I’m not at fault?”

“No. We both made mistakes. Mine were bigger. So…”

Park Si-hyun came closer to me and hugged me.

“Make me fall apart more. With your colors, your tastes, your preferences.”

Make me fall apart so I can’t think about anything else.

Park Si-hyun’s request was truly destructive.

It was like saying, “Do whatever you want to me, I’ll give you anything.”

“You can play with me and then throw me away if you want. Even so…”

“Idiot. Don’t you remember what I said?”

“…What?”

“You said you’d take responsibility. Whether I get pregnant or no one takes me, I’ll be the one responsible for screwing up your life.”

“……”

“It seems like… you need to mess up a bit more from your words.”

That’s the only way to get yourself together.

I held Park Si-hyun as she was.

“I’ll mess you up until you come to your senses.”

“Yeah. Then start with a kiss. A naughty one.”

“You damn brat.”

With that, I passionately kissed Park Si-hyun as if I were going to mess her up.

Seeing Park Si-hyun staggering home that day, I went back to my place too.