episode_0011

Watashima Chihana

――

After Tomoe-san rushed out, the sound of sudden car brakes came from outside.

When I went outside, the road was already stained crimson with blood. Kyotarou-kun and Takeo-kun, along with the male driver, went to Tomoe-san’s side and were doing something.

I couldn’t bring myself to go to her side, nor could I arrange for an ambulance.

It was my fault that Tomoe-san attempted suicide.

The reckoning for the lie I told three years ago isn’t over yet.

Perhaps meeting Kyotarou-kun was also something meant to reveal that.

Biting my nails, I desperately pondered what to do. I don’t want to run away anymore. It’s an undeniable fact that I fell in love with Kyotarou-kun. I want to be with him; I’ve never felt so at ease with anyone in my life.

I’m a horrible woman. Even at this point, I’m still thinking only of myself.

I’m even thinking that it would be better if Tomoe-san just died.

Hearing Kyotarou-kun tell the paramedics, “I’ll accompany her,” I quickly asked to ride along in Takeo-kun’s car and headed to the hospital. Seeing me get into the car, Takeo-kun simply said, “Let’s go.”

This person knows everything about my past.

Even the lies I told for the sake of trivial relationships.

But he didn’t deny it. Looking at Tomoe-san just now, it’s plain to see. Without a doubt, Tomoe-san had liked Kyotarou-kun since high school… no, even longer.

Because of the lie I told and Takeo-kun’s acceptance of that lie, Tomoe-san’s feelings never reached Kyotarou-kun.

Childhood friends—before that cursed word, her love creaked and collapsed with a sound.

The same goes for my feelings. If Takeo-kun and Tomoe-san hadn’t been childhood friends…

No, if they hadn’t been childhood friends, they probably would have started dating long ago.

And Kyotarou-kun probably wouldn’t have even met either of them.

The surgery will surely be prolonged; it might not finish until deep into the night.

In the waiting room, I prayed desperately. Please, let my lie not be exposed.

I glanced at Takeo-kun a few times, but he was looking at his smartphone and didn’t even spare me a glance. Of course. He’s a genius, and I’m just an ordinary person. We’re fundamentally different; why did I even think of relying on him now?

“Tomoe’s parents are coming to the hospital right away.”

It seems Takeo-kun has no intention of forgiving me.

He looked at me with eyes as if I were trash, and then said:

“Why? You know the answer to that, Watashima Chihana.”

Something within me that had been holding up until then crumbled with a sound.

It’s over. All of Kyotarou-kun’s feelings for me will vanish.

No matter how kind Kyotarou-kun is, he could never forgive a lie that led Tomoe-san to attempt suicide. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I never even realized that Tomoe-san was in love with Kyotarou-kun, let alone that it was a love bordering on obsession.

If that’s the case, instead of bothering with something as troublesome as trying to win him over with piano, you should have just confessed or had sex with him and held onto him. You’re a brilliant person; surely a single word from you would have been enough to change everything.

I wish you had done that before I fell so deeply in love with Kyotarou-kun.

It hurts, my chest hurts. Takeo-kun is saying something, but I can’t hear it.

I want to hold Kyotarou-kun’s hand, but even though he’s right next to me, he feels incredibly distant.

Tears are falling; was the lie I told truly this painful?

I want to run away, I… I want to run away.

Maybe there’s no point in living anymore.

Nothing will change anyway, it’s just like being bullied in junior high. My place as a person is probably always predetermined. Even in high school, the last words I received were the absolute worst. Even in college, it’ll surely be the same.

After a while, we were told the surgery was over and were guided to the patient room.

Tomoe-san, painfully wrapped in bandages, was sleeping peacefully under the effects of the anesthesia.

We received an explanation from the doctor, but her future life would undoubtedly be accompanied by immense despair. Disabilities in both legs, and though I don’t know how they were originally, disabilities in both hands.

Surely, living a normal life will be difficult. She won’t even be able to wash a single plate.

Kyotarou-kun asked if she could play the piano, but that’s impossible, of course.

He didn’t blame me for the lie I told, but Kyotarou-kun’s gaze was solely on Tomoe-san. At one point, he looked at Takeo-kun, but his eyes were completely those of someone looking at an enemy.

Would I also be looked at with those same eyes? In half a year, how deeply had I managed to embed myself in Kyotarou-kun’s heart? He might not forgive me now; I know it’s not that simple with the pitiful Tomoe-san before us.

But I’ve fallen in love with you.

Even now, I believe Kyotarou-kun is the only future for me.

A simple, ordinary life is fine; I don’t need incidents like this, straight out of a drama.

“Kyotarou, shall we step outside for a moment?”

Saying that, the two left the patient room.

Takeo-kun looked at me, handed me his contact information, and told me to look after Tomoe.

Left alone, I sat down nearby and again directed my gaze towards Tomoe-san.

Though her head was bandaged, she was very beautiful sleeping with her eyes closed. I somehow understood why Kyotarou-kun would fall for her. She must be a warm person too. The kind of person who makes you smile just by being near them.

If I were a man, having such a beautiful woman as my girlfriend would surely fill me with a sense of superiority. Something like, “Look, this is my girlfriend!”

The more I looked, the more I felt, the more I knew I couldn’t win against her.

My being by Kyotarou-kun’s side now was due to multiple miracles aligning.

With such strong feelings, Tomoe-san must have surely made many advances toward Kyotarou-kun. But each and every one of them was obstructed, and her unspoken feelings swelled up like a balloon. And then, *pop*.

It’s quiet. Only Tomoe-san’s breathing can be heard.

Now, neither Kyotarou-kun nor Takeo-kun is here.

I have to tell Tomoe-san sometime when she wakes up.

I might not be able to; I’m a coward, and I always run away immediately.

So, at least I’ll say it to you while you’re sleeping. I took a deep breath…

“……………I… I didn’t know. That you were in love with Kyotarou-kun. Because you were always with Takeo-kun, weren’t you? That’s why I lied. I honestly thought everyone would be happier that way. That Takeo-kun and Tomoe-chan were dating… I’m sorry. I truly didn’t know that my lie caused you so much suffering… I’m so sorry.”

And I, being so greedy, don’t want you to take Kyotarou-kun from me. He’s such a kind person, he’ll surely stay by your side until you can return to society.

Can I be by his side too? Supporting you… Would you forgive me for at least that much? Hey, Tomoe-san—

*I won’t forgive you.*

I gasped. I quickly closed my mouth, but at that moment, Tomoe-san’s eyes had opened.

And those eyes told me she would never forgive me. They said that I would be the next one to suffer. My teeth chattered. Perhaps I’ll have to fight this monster for the rest of my life.

As long as I love Kyotarou-kun, I’ll have to suffer forever.

Can I do it? Should I run away? Abandon everything, right now, from this room.

Kyotarou-kun and Takeo-kun returned to the room. When I offered Kyotarou-kun a stool, he sat down, rubbing his eyes. Was he crying? I looked at Takeo-kun, wondering what had happened, but he leaned against the wall without saying a word.

“Tomoe… Oh, Tomoe!”

A few hours later, Tomoe-san’s parents arrived and cried upon seeing her lying in bed. Then, they thanked Takeo-kun and bowed to Kyotarou-kun and me.

At Tomoe-san’s parents’ request, she was transferred to a hospital closer to their home.

They strongly wished for this to happen before she woke up.

“I’ll go too,” Kyotarou-kun said, so I went to his side and said, “Me too.”

“…No, it’s no good. If Tomoe sees you, she’ll surely get agitated again. It’s better if you stay away.”

Kyotarou-kun stated the most obvious thing. And hearing that, Tomoe-san’s parents’ eyes toward me changed. Again, my enemies had increased. My heart pounded so violently it hurt.

Kyotarou-kun, who was right before my eyes, had indeed become distant again.

Now it’s my turn, isn’t it? Tomoe-san, now it’s my turn to experience the suffering you endured, isn’t it? Even though he’s the person I love so much, even though I conveyed my feelings, we were lovers just hours ago.

Tears dripped down, but… this time, I can’t run away.

I don’t want to run away, Kyotarou. Why are you so kind?

You should have cursed at me just now, shouldn’t you? You should have yelled that it was my fault Tomoe ended up like this. What should I do? I’ll probably keep waiting forever. I’ll keep suffering forever, there’ll be no end… What should I do?

“Even so, I… I love you.”

The confession I whispered, barely audible, vanished into thin air.

Once Tomoe-san’s transfer was complete, Kyotarou-kun also left with her.

In the waiting room, which had grown crowded, I remained sitting alone.

I have to go to university with Kyotarou-kun; we had classes scheduled today.

Such thoughts had become surreal.

I couldn’t accept it; I was so sad, and my tears wouldn’t stop.

I want to see Kyotarou-kun, I want him to say something kind to me. I want to walk hand-in-hand with him again. Is it impossible? Kyotarou, wasn’t I important to you? …Hey, Kyotarou…

――

Next Episode: ‘That’s Why We Stopped Being Childhood Friends.’