episode_0009

Before I became a girl, I had a best friend. Needless to say, just as I was a leader among boys, he was also a leader. However, he was more the type to hang out with the leaders rather than being one himself. He was good-looking and popular among girls, the kind of guy that leaders would use as a shield when they went around. Until I became a girl, we were quite close. It seemed like he didn’t mind playing with me, even though I was a leader.

But after I became a girl, I met him again at the private institute. At first, I was surprised, but it seemed like he remembered me as a girl from the beginning, so he treated me without any discomfort. I thought it was fortunate at that time. That is, until he confessed to me.

“Si-hyun, I like you. Will you go out with me?”

“What? W-why are you suddenly saying this…”

“…It’s not sudden. We’ve been pretty close.”

We did hang out together, but I was a boy back then. Regardless of how his memory had changed, he seemed to have developed romantic feelings based on our past experiences. Naturally, I couldn’t accept that. At that time, all I wished for was to return to being a man, so dating a man was out of the question.

“Sorry… Even if it were you, dating is a bit…”

“…Is that so? Alright. I must have been mistaken. You like me too.”

“……”

Naturally, I wanted to say it was a mistake, that those memories were all fabricated. But I couldn’t. His expression was too dark.

That’s how I lost my best friend.

“It’s because of you.”

“Because of me?”

“Sob… Yeah. Because of you, jerk.”

On that day, Kim Geon-woo, as always, thoroughly enjoyed tormenting me.

Every time I resisted, whimpering, he continued to push harder, until sex became somewhat familiar. It was around that time that I calmly mentioned what had happened that day.

“Lucky you. Because of you, I couldn’t make a single friend.”

“Even if it wasn’t me, you wouldn’t have had any friends.”

“You’re kidding, you bastard.”

“Sob♥ I’m not a b-bastard, I’m a guy.”

“Say that after putting your dick back on, you bitch.”

“Haa♥”

Geon-woo was relentless, like a beast, as he continued to torment me.

Actually, Geonwoo never sympathized with her story. That’s because there were many times when he laughed alongside me while I was tormenting Geonwoo. Even if I didn’t directly hit Geonwoo, there couldn’t have been any good feelings. That’s why Geonwoo started saying mean things.

“Hey.”

“Why?”

“He said something like she liked you from before?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, could she possibly be gay?”

Geonwoo said this while performing oral sex after sex. I responded with a bewildered expression.

“No way? Then, am I gay for dating her too?”

“You’re sucking a guy off right now?”

“Damn! It’s because of you!”

“Anyway, keep going. And finish what you were doing. Why did you stop?”

I looked at Geonwoo with an angry expression and resumed performing oral sex.

While stroking my head, Geonwoo continued his malicious speculation.

“After you became a woman, people’s memories changed. But in my speculation, it’s only the memories that have changed. I don’t think you actually became a woman.”

“Of course not.”

I agreed as well. If I had originally been a woman or had changed to a female world, it would have been more horrifying for me. All my memories, experiences, and dreams as a man would have become fake.

Moreover, even if that weren’t the case, there were some inconsistencies in people’s memories. It felt strange that weak me easily joined a group of tough guys who weren’t even women and that my father’s memory seemed a bit off, considering I had been strong enough to aspire to be a martial artist. Despite that, seeing my resident registration correctly recorded as female, it was confusing. But even that could be manipulated by some magical force along with the memories.

“Isn’t that a bit strange then? She had her memories manipulated, yet she felt romantic feelings for you. She confessed to you to the point of being clingy. But is that really due to manipulated memories? Maybe she originally had feelings for you?”

“No!”

“You don’t think so? Really? There was never a time when she was overly conscious of you or showed interest in you?”

“Well…”

…Thinking about it, it didn’t really seem like it wasn’t there.

But I’ve never thought of him as gay.

Besides, if he’s gay, he wouldn’t confess to me, a girl, would he?

“Well, you never know. He might not realize he’s gay himself or could be hiding it. If that’s the case, maybe he thinks he likes you because you’re a girl, causing confusion in his memory.”

“……”

I couldn’t easily refute Geonwoo’s words. Even though it was a conjecture based on suspicion, it was certainly unexpected for him to suddenly confess to me. So I was seriously contemplating…

“Hey, stop it.”

“Huh? Hey, wait—ah! Are you crazy? I told you not to smear my face.”

“I really hate getting smeared.”

“Of course! Who would like that?”

About a year later, I’d come to enjoy getting smeared. But at that moment, glaring at Geonwoo, who had suddenly smeared my face while I was deep in thought, I looked as if I could kill him. There was nothing else I could do.

Then, Geonwoo chuckled and said, “Actually, it’s because you look so ridiculous that you shouldn’t take it so seriously.”

“What?”

“With that face and those hips, who would have just been friends with you? You were the closest friend. There must have been all sorts of things happening, and if you’ve changed into that kind of appearance in his memory, it’s understandable that he’d confess to you.”

“…Is that so? Is it that serious?”

“It’s not a joke. Don’t act so stiff like that. If you take care of your makeup and clothes properly, other guys will be crazy about you, not just him. You’re doing great, adapting well to being a girl.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! That’s never going to happen! I’m not going to bother trying to look good for guys.”

At that time, I said confidently that it would never happen.

And now, a year later…

“Is this good… No, maybe being like this is cuter.”

…I was standing in front of a full-length mirror, trying on various outfits.

It’s been two days since Geonwoo became my boyfriend.

We agreed to meet at the academy today, but I suddenly felt like I hadn’t dressed up enough.

“Gosh. It’s all so mediocre… There aren’t as many types of clothes as I thought.”

Somehow, over the past year, I had become aware of myself as a girl, having been influenced in various ways.

So I thought I had prepared enough, but it seems not at all.

There were fewer types of clothes than I had thought, and many of the ones available had a very boyish feel. There were even more types of pants than skirts.

Still, if I wear them, I can probably look stylish, but I wanted to change my usual vibe a bit. I mean, in a lovely or cute kind of way.

“I guess I can’t help it. I have to do it this way…”

After struggling to pick out clothes, I checked my face to see if the makeup was done well this time.

I don’t usually do makeup well. I didn’t completely skip it, but because of my decent skin due to basic care, I didn’t really pay much attention even if it fell a bit short.

But since yesterday, every time I looked in the mirror, it seemed like I could see some flaws. I became slightly scared that if I kept this face, someday Gunwoo might say something like, “Hey, you’re terribly ugly. Put on some makeup.”

So, I asked my mom to teach me how to put on makeup yesterday.

My mom was extremely happy and did my makeup in the style she used to do when she was an idol. She didn’t know much about makeup, but it really felt like I had transformed. They say women’s makeup is not just makeup, it’s almost like a disguise, and that was true.

“Okay, this should do.”

I spent nearly two hours on makeup and choosing clothes. We were supposed to meet in the morning, so I naturally had to wake up earlier.

I was a bit tired, but I was somewhat satisfied, so I finally left my room.

“Mom, I’m off.”

“You’re leaving now? Oh, you’ve dressed up so nicely. Gunwoo will like it when he sees you.”

“T-that’s not it!”

After throwing a tantrum at my mom’s unnecessary comment, I stepped out of the front door.

Once I was out, I couldn’t stop thinking about what my mom said. Will Gunwoo really like it…?

Gunwoo has a strangely dense side to his personality, so he might not notice. No, why am I dressing up for a fake girl theme… Why am I acting so absurdly…

Thinking like that, my confidence wavered slightly. All sorts of negative thoughts came to mind… Would it have been better to deliberately lose the bet from yesterday and continue being a servant?

“Hey, I’m here.”

“Huh… you’re here?”

Arriving at the agreed subway station, I waited for Geonwoo, having arrived a bit early.

“You’re here early.”

“Yeah. Well, I was closer, so.”

“But seriously, why did you doll up so much today?”

“Huh? Oh, well… something like that.”

I could tell right away. It’s foolish to worry about it.

Somehow, I felt really happy that he noticed. It felt like joy overflowing from deep within my heart.

“You look really pretty. Is it because of me? Even though we’re just on a one-year contract and you have a boyfriend elsewhere?”

“Of course. It’s just practicing having a girlfriend once. Hmph.”

“Well, you wouldn’t really mean that seriously. Still, thanks to you, my eyes are being treated well.”

“… ”

He keeps subtly complimenting me. This guy. Is he doing it on purpose?

I’m being a bit ridiculous too. Why does hearing that make me feel good? I barely manage to keep the corners of my mouth from turning up.

“Oh, the train’s here. Let’s get on. What are you doing?”

“Yeah…”

Geonwoo briefly took my bewildered hand.

Now holding hands doesn’t feel as awkward. Or is it still awkward, but we’re not showing it?

Glancing at Geonwoo, his cheeks are slightly red too. Maybe Geonwoo is feeling a little embarrassed as well?

“It’s quite quiet today. Let’s sit over there.”

“Okay.”

Today, unlike yesterday when we took the subway, there were plenty of empty seats.

So, Geonwoo and I sat side by side. I sat at the left end.

I could have sat elsewhere, but maybe it was considerate of him to make sure no one sat next to me? He didn’t say that, but…

“Hey, what should we eat for lunch when we arrive at the academy?”

“Um… Tteokbokki?”

“Such a typical girl’s taste.”

“I am a girl.”

“Jeez.”

The academy was quite a distance away, so it took some time.

We exchanged small talk.

As the small talk faded, both of us fell silent.

Because of that, I started to feel a bit drowsy. The subway heating was too warm for the chilly winter.

“Hey.”

“…”

“Hey, wake up. We’ve arrived.”

“Um… ugh.”

I had unknowingly dozed off, leaning slightly on Geonwoo.

It was embarrassing to have been like that for a moment… Did I look unattractive? Did I drool?

It seems like the problem was that I had to wake up early after all.

“Couldn’t sleep last night?”

“A l-little.”

“Go to bed early. If you sleep in, your skin will suffer. It’s a shame to ruin good skin, isn’t it?”

“Yeah…”

“……”

“……”

For some reason, the atmosphere became awkward. Geonwoo and I just held hands and headed to the academy.

“Park Sihyun?”

At that moment, a familiar voice called out from behind.

Turning around, there was that kid.

“…Insung?”

“Long time no see. It’s been a year, hasn’t it?”

“Oh, uh…”

It was the kid who confessed to me a year ago. We used to be close friends. But after confessing to me, he disappeared from the academy.

“But who’s the person next to you?”

“Oh, that’s…”

“Long time no see. Can’t remember me? Well, maybe you can’t help it.”

Before I could respond, Geonwoo stepped forward. His expression was so stern that it felt almost intimidating.

“No way, you’re Kim Geonwoo? That loser…”

“Yeah. But you still remember. Don’t people usually forget? Especially those who were bullied.”

Geonwoo’s words felt like thorns piercing my heart. Before I knew it, he had let go of my hand. His empty hand felt so cold.

As we both felt the weight of forgotten guilt, we stared at each other in silence for a while. The atmosphere was like thin ice.

I wanted to break the tension somehow. But I didn’t know what to say.

And then…

“Why are you with Sihyun?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Realizing – along with those words, Geonwoo pulled me into his arms.

“I’m dating her.”

Being embraced by Geonwoo, my face flushed hot.