episode_0008

“You want me to become the sovereign of Mirtail?”

So… you’re saying that as thanks for arranging your marriage, you’re handing over an entire country to me?

Should I take this as a good thing?

……

The more I think about it, the better it sounds!

Once I quit the matchmaking business, I’ll need a stable source of income.

If I have a territory, it’ll be passive income.

I really am grateful, but…

There are two concerns. I had Cosmo send a remote message to General Derik.

…Formatted as our usual thank-you note.

“Dear Member Derik! I’m so glad to hear your marriage was satisfying!

The Magical Nation of Mirtail? That’s far too generous a gift—I’m not sure I’m worthy of it.

However, I do have a few cautious questions.

First, given my current circumstances, I won’t be able to travel back and forth to Mirtail, so managing the territory might be difficult.

Second, since you’ve taken over all of Miuna’s debts, I imagine the financial burden must be quite heavy for you.

Wouldn’t it be more convenient if you continued to govern Mirtail yourself?”

Traditionally, when receiving land, a nation, or a high-ranking position,

it’s customary to politely decline once or twice.

But the reply from the Grayfell Military Faction arrived immediately,

as if they’d anticipated all of this, complete with a manual.

“President Rosenheit, please don’t worry!

Under my name, we’ve secured a loan from the Eldoria Central Bank worth 6 trillion Eldoris!

Even after immediately repaying Miuna’s 10 trillion Eldoris debt, 2 trillion will remain.

And since the loan term is 30 years, we can comfortably repay it at a relaxed pace.

Of course, for the time being, we’ll need to raise Grayfell’s tax rates and engage in some conquest wars,

but I’ll do anything to protect Miuna.

Ah, and Mirtail already has 30,000 elite soldiers from our Ashvolt Military Faction stationed there,

so you don’t need to worry about rebellions!

Coincidentally, since direct rule might be difficult for you, I’ve already appointed a regent.

His name is Terbian—

a junior from my academy days, and an extremely thorough guy.

I’ve included his contact info below, and I’ve already briefed him, so he’ll follow any orders from you.

Once again, thank you… Stay healthy, and best of luck!”

Wow…

He really laid everything out for me.

Cosmo, munching on the salad roll I’d bought for breakfast (where did he even find it?),

spoke with his mouth full.

“Should we contact Regent Terbian?”

I took a deep breath before answering.

“Yeah. He’s the regent, after all—we should at least greet him.”

While the robotic cat was busy drafting the letter,

I quickly moved to grab the small biscuits Cosmo had bought for himself,

dunked them in milk, and gulped them down.

It’s fine. They’re not cat food.

Watching the AI cat’s expression morph into something resembling Munch’s “The Scream” as he couldn’t move while handling the letters,

I enjoyed my meal with satisfaction.

Trade-off: successful.

It hadn’t even been a full minute when

Terbian contacted me first.

…Via emergency hotline.

“President Rosenheit—no, Your Sovereignty. I apologize for reaching out like this, but…

We have a serious problem!”

Hmm… He seems extremely frantic.

Just what kind of place is Mirtail that a crisis erupts the moment I’m put in charge?

I sent a reply.

“Regent Terbian, first, stay calm! Then, explain what’s happening.”

“Well… An angry mob has surrounded the palace and is trying to break in!

From their signs and slogans, it seems they’re shouting:

‘First the warlords, now a matchmaker?!’

‘Tax rate: 85%, public rage: 185%!!!’

‘We can’t live like this—let’s revolt!’

Even the capital is completely paralyzed by protesters.

I might die defending the palace on my first day as regent.

Your Sovereignty, please save me!”

……

Wait, did I just read “tax rate: 85%”…?

Just in case, I checked General Derik’s member profile.

“Income: 15% of Grayfell’s annual GDP,

85% of Mirtail’s annual GDP.”

What the hell.

A tax rate of 85%? It’s a miracle a revolution hasn’t happened yet.

This is practically punitive taxation. Why would he…

Oh. Was the person who killed General Derik’s ex-wife connected to Mirtail…?

So he just crushed everything—citizens, the nation, all of it—with his military.

All for love.

It explains why someone who seemed so cold and calculating

was pathologically obsessed with tormenting Mirtail.

After all, if someone acts irrationally to the point of risking their life,

the motive is usually love.

There’s a saying that true love is inherently distant from rationality.

Given how things exploded the moment Derik left…

Mirtail must have been enduring it for a long time.

Another message arrived from Regent Terbian.

“I can’t hold out much longer!

Please authorize military intervention!!!”

…The regent seems cornered, but there’s a better solution.

I replied immediately.

“No need. Lower the tax rate to 10% for the next three years.

They’ll back off. It’s all about money in the end.”

“But then the national finances will…”

“Don’t worry. The country won’t collapse.

Honestly, 9% of GDP is enough to cover administrative costs.

Use the remaining 1% for your salary and bribing whoever you like—it’ll still be more than enough.”

“But what about Your Sovereignty’s…”

“No, your head’s on the chopping block right now—why worry about me?

I have plenty of money. I don’t need it right now.

So instead of fussing over me,

why not buy the starving masses an extra bowl of porridge?”

……

No reply for several minutes.

Oh no, did the palace fall in the meantime?

…A notification arrived.

“Your Sovereignty… You’re truly a genius!

How did you disperse the rioters with just a single sentence…?”

Heh.

Terbian seems genuinely clueless, so I replied earnestly.

“No, a tax rate of 85% was insane to begin with…

What kind of greedy bastard would…?”

Cosmo shared real-time updates on Mirtail’s public sentiment.

“‘The Saintess is watching over us!’

‘The blessing of marriage for us too!’

‘Mirtail welcomes Sovereign Rosenheit!’”

…They’re absolutely ecstatic.

……

With Mirtail’s affairs settled for now

and my conversation with Regent Terbian concluded,

it was already lunchtime.

Cosmo, who’d left the hologram screen on for three hours, was slightly overheated.

Smiling, I spoke to the robotic cat as he took a quick nap.

“Hey, hero, let’s grab some food~”

Startled, the AI cat jolted awake and replied,

“Master, where are we going to eat?”

Crossing my arms, I answered confidently.

“Where else? Church lunch. It’s Sunday today.

And honestly, Eldorian church food is delicious.”

Cosmo gave me a look of utter disdain.

“Wait, so you never attend the service,

just wait until it’s over to go eat?

And you enjoy being worshipped as a saint for a dopamine boost,

using the priests’ reactions as seasoning for your lunch?!

You’re seriously the worst;;”

Still smiling, I logically refuted his argument.

“Now, now! What kind of nonsense is that?

I’ve been tithing every week since coming to this world!

That’s why our current earnings are around 1.27–1.28 billion won, not 1.6 billion.”

Instead of countering, the robotic cat went straight for the kill.

“Tithing a lot doesn’t guarantee heaven…

What matters is the heart, and yours is rotten.

Quit trolling as a matchmaker and start being a decent person.”

……

I yanked a mop from the cleaning supplies

and swung it at Cosmo, shouting,

“Today’s the day you shake it for Buddha!”

Effortlessly dodging, Cosmo leaped high,

planted his artificial claws into the ceiling,

and hung upside down!

No matter how much I jabbed at him with the mop, I couldn’t reach.

Looking down at me, the AI cat declared victory.

“Triggered?

President Rosenheit, properly roasted by your AI assistant?

And even though your body’s young, your software’s the same—slow reaction time, huh?

Old? LOL”

Ugh… headache…

Two weeks later.

Eldorian Disaster Log.

A little over a month had passed.

Normally, our first client would arrive at 9 a.m.,

but an hour earlier…

Cosmo would wake me up, acting as my alarm clock.

A few days ago, the deranged AI cat

played the Korean military wake-up bugle—in another world!

PTSD kicked in, and I lunged at him the moment I opened my eyes.

I’ll spare you the details of how that ended.

But today…

When I woke up, the sun was already high.

Checking the time… 11 a.m.

Why didn’t Cosmo wake me up on a weekday?

Don’t tell me… the robotic cat has lost his purpose in life…

Suddenly worried, I pushed aside the bookshelf in my pajamas

and rushed to the office next door.

Cosmo was sitting quietly on the desk, staring out the window.

His pupils were trembling slightly, and his lips quivered.

…He looked genuinely shocked.

I followed his gaze outside.

What I saw was unbelievable.

Esposa Matchmaking Agency.

Right across from our building…

A new office had appeared overnight.

Its name…

“—Serika Matchmaking Agency—”

Just yesterday, our office had endless lines, packed to the brim,

with consultations limited to premium appointments—one per hour.

But now, at this hour,

that once-busy office…

had not a single visitor!

The entire crowd was surging toward

Serika Matchmaking Agency!

Cosmo stared blankly at the scene.

……

YES!!!

Finally! Finally!

After over a month of grueling work,

Lady Luck has finally smiled upon me.

I quickly changed and got ready to leave.

Seeing me suddenly full of energy, Cosmo tilted his head and asked,

“Where… are you going?”

“I have urgent business. Something I must do today.”

……

Stopping by a nearby beverage shop,

I picked out an expensive, energizing

pink fruit drink—ten cups—and had them packed in a fancy box.

I’d gift this to Serika Matchmaking Agency as a token of goodwill.

Technically, the newcomer should be giving gifts, but

this is purely my generosity.

Oh, and just to clarify—I’m not the type to spike drinks with laxatives.

But in case they’re suspicious,

I even attached a “magic-free” certification to the packaging.

With light steps, I headed to Serika Matchmaking Agency.

Ignoring the line, I walked straight to the entrance.

People in the queue recognized me and whispered, but I paid no mind.

As I climbed the building’s steps,

someone blocked my path.

Looking up…

It was a massive wolf beastman bodyguard!

His blue-gray fur made him seem even more imposing.

Recognizing me, he called my name and asked,

“President Rosenheit? What brings you…?”

Smiling, I held up the gift box and said,

“You’ve just opened, right?

I brought a little something to keep your spirits up.

I’d like to deliver it personally, but

if you’re busy, I’d appreciate it if you could pass it along!”

The wolf bodyguard scrutinized the expensive drink box

and the “magic-free” certification…

Then suddenly ripped open the packaging

and poured all the drinks onto the ground!

??????

He didn’t even bother pouring properly—

the pink liquid splashed onto my white socks, staining them.

……

Without a hint of apology, he said,

“…I can’t give this to Lady Serika.

Please leave.”

……

……

Rude much?