episode_0006

“Haah… There isn’t a single trace. Can’t even see a deer’s nose.”

It seems like I’ve missed the deer altogether.

-Grrr

Suddenly, hunger rushed over me.

I realized that I had only filled my stomach with water for two days.

I had only brought three days’ worth of food to begin with.

I hadn’t even thought about eating anything while my mind was focused on the deer, but once I realized I had missed it, my focus shifted and my stomach started rumbling.

“Oh, this bitterness….”

The emptiness in my stomach felt more disappointing than disheartening.

Should I search a little more? Should I wait a bit longer? These thoughts kept overlapping, delaying me for another two days.

Even as I prepare to return now, the lingering regrets in my heart keep holding me back, but now… I really have to let go.

Even if I were to head straight back now, I would have to walk without stopping for almost half a day to reach home… I might need to take a longer route to avoid the tiger’s territory, so it could take even longer.

Come to think of it, I’ve left my sick mother alone at home for almost a week.

If I had known this would happen, I should have just listened to my mother….

Especially since her condition has been deteriorating recently and she needs care….

Thinking of my sick mother, worries about her filled my mind, overriding thoughts of tigers, deer, or anything else.

Did she eat properly with her ailing body? Should I visit the village first?

Since I caught at least one rabbit, should I sell its skin to buy some medicine before going back?

Wait… Speaking of rabbits?

I suddenly realized that the nagging feeling around my waist had disappeared.

Frantically moving my hands around my waist, searching, but the vanished rabbit did not return….

“Oh….”

A sigh escaped involuntarily.

No matter how hard I tried to remember where I lost it, after stumbling and tumbling down the mountain, I had no clue.

‘You idiot…. You fool….’

Filled with self-loathing, I slapped my own cheeks with my hand.

… I just wanted to sit down and cry.

But I couldn’t cry.

Because I didn’t want to cry… I fought back the tears welling up, forcing myself to hold them back.

“Don’t you dare cry. You promised not to cry. Will crying change the situation now? You’ve held up well until now. Let’s not fall apart over this. It’s okay. For now… Since there’s no need to go to the village, let’s just go back home… As for the medicine… Yes… I should look for some work as a servant in the village.”

How many tears had I shed longing for my hometown in this unfamiliar world?

Yet, only after my father passed away did I realize, belatedly, that in this cruel medieval world, the tears of commoners held no value whatsoever, and even sensitivity was considered a weakness and a target for ridicule in this place where emotions were the exclusive domain of the aristocracy….

Something positive to think about. How fortunate it is to have something to do as a servant, even if it’s just that.

As being a servant is closely tied to the employer’s private life, it’s not just something you can do because you want to; it requires a kind of trust relationship.

Nevertheless, I received quite a few offers to work as a servant.

Especially from wealthy ladies who discreetly offered me money.

Hmm… I think I received a casting offer similar to what Won Bin would get when he walks around the streets, albeit exaggerated….

Am I like the Won Bin of the servant world…?

Well, I am quite big in stature.

When I first received an offer to work as a servant, they offered a substantial private income (a year’s worth) and provided meals, so I thought, why not try it out for the experience?

However, when they started subtly touching my arms and buttocks,

I declined, thinking, “Ah, this must not be a job that requires typical labor.”

Of course, there were also those who genuinely needed labor and made offers.

Chopping wood, fetching water, and other odd jobs for the employer were tasks that could be done well if you listened carefully to the instructions. It seemed like an easy job where there was no danger, and you could earn a stable income. But after much deliberation, I ultimately remained a hunter.

Ah! It’s definitely not because servants look down on hunters.

Even if I came from the 21st century Republic of Korea, I’m not naive enough to think I can do any work as I please.

If you think vaguely about servants as slaves doing chores seen on TV, it could lead to big trouble.

Most servants belong to the sheep class, so even if they are nobles, they cannot act recklessly. There were cases where servants and the master’s daughter fell in love and got married, so it’s not as demeaning a profession as modern people might think.

Moreover, there was a legendary hardworking old man who used to be a government official in Korea.

Here, even in a society similar to the noble class mixing with the commoners, sometimes nobles also worked as servants. So, thinking of servants as mere slaves and disrespecting them could lead to serious consequences.

Hunters? How do hunters compare to servants? If servants heard that, wouldn’t there be a fight?

That question is akin to comparing nurses and nursing assistants. It’s even more severe.

During the Goryeo Dynasty, Yang Suchuk, who worked in the meat industry, was a hunter. Considering that Yang Suchuk later became the lowest class of commoners called “Baekjeong” in the Joseon Dynasty, hunters are not inferior to servants.

In this world mixed with elements of Goryeo and Joseon, handling blood-stained work like butchery or working in the meat industry as a hunter is not highly regarded.

Not commoners, but treated poorly due to their lowly work like peasants?

So, offering me a servant’s job like that was either from people with hidden motives like those who have a lot of money or from grateful individuals who appreciate my hard work despite doing menial tasks.

The reason I remained a hunter despite the circumstances was due to my father’s influence.

My father had the artisan spirit typical of those who considered one job their destiny.

He always carried the pride of being the best hunter in Geumgangsan.

Was it a desire to carry on his legacy? Did I want to continue the pride embedded in those words instead of the unfulfilled legacy?

So, every time we hunted together, I felt like I was continuing my father’s legacy.

It felt like that bond proved that we were truly father and son…

So, happily, I learned the ways of hunting, whether it was fate or not.

But was that just my selfishness?

After my father passed away, my mother started getting sicker.

I should have just become a servant at that time… I regretted it.

Despite hearing my mother cough, my selfish desires clouded my judgment.

I missed my father so much…

Even though I tremble at the sight of tiger tracks, blinded by hatred towards the tiger that took my father…

Someday, someday, I must catch the one who killed my father.

In the meantime, I didn’t realize how severe my mother’s condition had become.

Regret and self-blame filled my heart.

If I had worked as a servant in the village, my mother would have moved there too. If that had happened, she wouldn’t have been sick…

She wouldn’t have had to worry about medicine costs like now, and I wouldn’t have returned home empty-handed after trying to earn money…

These thoughts filled me with self-loathing.

Looking at it this way, thinking of this place as a novel and perhaps mistakenly believing I am the protagonist was truly absurd.

How can someone incapable of even guarding a single rabbit consider themselves a protagonist? What a pathetic kid.

Someone once said, before trying to gain something, take care of what you already have.

I don’t know who said it. It must have been some great person for even a miserable guy like me to hear it.

Even such a great person emphasized the importance of what you already possess.

Like an idiot, I let go of a rabbit I had already caught just to chase after a deer.

Like a lunatic, he trembled at the sight of a single nail mark and hurt his mother by vowing revenge.

Well. There’s no way this is a novel. The protagonist must have no regrets. They must always achieve success.

With every choice I make, full of regret and failure, where are the readers who would like a sweet potato like me…

When I get home, let’s forget about hunting or whatever and take Mother down to the village.

Let’s go ask to be taken in as a servant at any house we find….

Continuing to blame myself, I kept moving forward.

Far away, I see a thatched house.

Our home.

Where Father and Mother are. A precious place where they always embraced me with a smile.

Most of the poor people in Yuldo country live in houses like this.

It may be humble, but after spending over ten years here, it’s a warm and comfortable place for me.

The place was getting closer. But why am I so anxious?

My heart raced, and my steps quickened with an anxious heart.

“Mother!”

I call out to my mother loudly

……

There was no response.

“Mother! I’m here! Your son is here!”

I need to hear a voice to feel relieved. I should at least hear that cough that pained my heart, but there was no answer.

“Mother! Why aren’t you answering!”

I push open the door and enter.

In the dim house, there was no warmth, only a chilling coldness.

Mother lay in that cold place.

A dreadful thought crossed my mind, and my heart sank with a thud,

“M… Mother….”

My head felt dizzy, and I couldn’t breathe.

Thud,

A sound came, and I realized my legs had given way, and I sank to the ground.

Slowly crawling towards Mother.

“M… Mom….”

“……”

“Mom!”

“…Saeak… Saeak….”

Oh, I can hear her breathing!

Thank goodness! Truly fortunate!

But Mother’s body was extremely cold.

When did she become this cold….

Her breath was so faint, it felt like it could break off at any moment.

After a moment of relief, I was engulfed in fear once again.

First…. I need to go to the doctor.

I gathered all the clothes in the house, whether they were worn or not.

I must somehow dress Mother in all of them….

So that not a single bit of the cold air touches our mother… to keep her from getting colder… I must go down to the village like this.

As I tried to dress Mother, she regained consciousness amidst coughing.

“Cough! …. My child….”

“Mom!”

“My child…. Mother has something to say….”

“For now. For now, please wear this first. We need to go down to the village now. Let’s hurry to the doctor….”

“My child….”

Even when I suggested going to the doctor, Mother just slightly shook her head.

“What are you saying? It’s better to go to the doctor rather than suffer. Your son brought back a large deer this time and earned a lot of money. Don’t worry about money….”

“My child…. Was it tough?”

“……”

As she hesitantly held my hand and spoke, tears suddenly poured out. Even though I promised not to shed tears no matter how hard it got.

The tears that burst out in a moment continued to flow despite my efforts to stop them.

“I should have told you much earlier…. I was too late to worry about you.”

“……”

As Mother continued speaking, she no longer coughed.

“I’ve sorted out my feelings long ago. So, I hope you won’t be too sad.”

“But Mother….”

“Enough…. Those who survive must live. A life that has already burned out. How much will going to the doctor help? I don’t like spending the hard-earned money your son made from hunting like that. It’ll only shorten the time I have left with my son…. So, will you just listen to what your mother says?”

“……Yes.”

Mother raised her hand and gently stroked my cheek with the back of her hand.

“When such a lovely child became my child, how happy I was…. I thought the Buddha had granted my wish….”

“……”

“The mother was always anxious…. She knew that the child didn’t want to give affection to anyone…. As if she would leave far away at any time…. She smiled kindly, treated warmly, but as one approached, she grew cold…. It seemed like she built a wall in her heart and told me to leave her alone… My mother’s heart was hurting.

That’s how it was. She was afraid it would be harder to leave after giving affection here. When I grew up a little more and could work, let’s leave after repaying the favor. I tried to find a way back to where I should return….

“How happy I was when you first called me ‘mom’…. After my hair grew a bit, it was uncomfortable to call me ‘mother’….”

It was so warm. In reality, I was very lonely and scared. No matter how much I pushed away and built walls, beyond the wall seemed too warm, and being alone was too cold, so unknowingly, I approached.

“I wanted to tell the child those words…. Not to distance oneself from people who come close to us…. Not to try to be alone but to live together…. To meet good partners…. To have children… Live like that… Can you do that?”

“…Yes.”

“You want to see me smile…. Smile widely…. Don’t cry too much…. Don’t ruin your pretty face….”

I didn’t know my lips were so heavy.

Tears wouldn’t stop… I had to force myself to stop and smile…. I just showed a foolish face.

“Sanga…. Misanga….”

Misang (美祥). A beautiful and noble name given by my father and mother for having a beautiful child.

My mother quietly called my name.

In truth, I wanted to say don’t go. Stay by my side…. Don’t leave me alone….

If even my mother leaves, I will truly be alone….

But in the end, unable to speak in case it became a burden on their journey, I couldn’t say anything.

“……Yes, Mother.”

Forced to smile, I barely answered in a soft voice,

Yet my mother held my hand tightly once and said nothing.