episode_0006

Furuya Takehiro

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“…On that day, Tomoe ultimately didn’t play the piano. She said there was no one she wanted to play for. Even though many Teachers had gathered, Tomoe threw everything away for you. You destroyed what Tomoe had built up, staking her life on it!”

In the past, I had never once yelled at Kyotarou or Tomoe. This anger was directed at Kyotarou for discarding Tomoe’s feelings, and also at myself for not conveying Tomoe’s feelings to Kyotarou.

After parting with Kyotarou, I punched myself in the face several times and headbutted the wall.

Doing this wouldn’t change anything. Tomoe wouldn’t suddenly start liking me tomorrow, nor would Kyotarou have a change of heart and confess to Tomoe. Nothing would change. What I could do was limited, and no matter how much I trained or how much I yelled, nothing would change.

I knew that, but still, I wanted to change. I wanted to change things.

That was both the desire for Kyotarou and Tomoe to change.

And the selfish wish for the relationship between Tomoe and me to change.

I still hadn’t been able to give up on Tomoe from the bottom of my heart. What was Kyotarou thinking? How did Kyotarou truly see Tomoe? Without even asking that, I simply took advantage of Kyotarou’s absence to approach Tomoe.

We were childhood friends to begin with, almost like siblings. And I hadn’t confessed to Tomoe yet. So, the relationship between Tomoe and me hadn’t changed at all.

“I passed. Takehiro-kun, thank you.”

On the day the results for the most difficult music university in Kanto were announced, as soon as the announcement time came, I immediately contacted Tomoe. With her mentor’s recommendation, and her talent and achievements, no one imagined a future where Tomoe would fail. Of course, she must have put in a proportionate amount of effort; meeting expectations is not something that can be achieved half-heartedly.

Tomoe continued her tireless efforts even after that day. And I endlessly pursued her, continuing to strive not to lose, pushing forward to become a man who wouldn’t be ashamed to stand by Tomoe’s side.

When Tomoe was interviewed on television, I graced the cover of magazines. When Tomoe gained popularity with video streamers, I also announced my transition to a professional martial artist, causing a stir in the world.

A genius martial artist and a genius musician. More than a scandal, it was almost an exaggeration to say that our pairing was publicly recognized, as Tomoe and I continued to evolve.

Occasionally, I would see Kyotarou near his house, but we no longer even greeted each other. I simply felt the change in the world with my skin, and in some way, I was satisfied with it.

I had almost no free time, but I started visiting Tomoe’s house whenever I had a moment. Sometimes, I’d get scooped by a weekly magazine, but we were still minors. It never became a big topic.

Perhaps it was also because the influence of both my and Tomoe’s parents was too great.

As we talked in Tomoe’s room, just like in the past, I could still sense Kyotarou in many of Tomoe’s gestures. The locket she used to wear was gone, so I figured her feelings for Kyotarou themselves had probably faded compared to before.

That’s when I thought of giving her a present.

It felt a bit like a challenge, but I didn’t like the idea of Kyotarou always being in Tomoe’s heart. If I could overwrite him, that would be fine. Their relationship was just childhood friends, nothing more.

“Thank you, but I’m sorry.” When I said that, Tomoe put my present in a drawer and locked it. If it was something she’d wear every day, she wouldn’t put it there.

I figured that was the meaning behind it, but I also thought there was no need to rush. Without rudely pressing the matter, I left Tomoe’s house that day. I believed a brilliant future awaited me after this.

During the blank period until graduation, I began pursuing a certain matter by myself.

It was the source of the rumor I’d heard in my second year, that Tomoe and I were dating.

That rumor, which had already spread among the girls, might have been what separated Tomoe and Kyotarou. It was easy to find out. One of my hangers-on told me that a girl named Watashima Chihana had been actively spreading it.

When I called out to the girl with the long hair in a ponytail, she stated without a hint of remorse that it was all for Tomoe and me, for both of us.

She said she brought it up to bring together two people who never seemed to get together. In reality, Tomoe and I looked like that, and spreading a rumor that would eventually become true wouldn’t be a big sin, right? That was Chihana’s argument.

As a result, Chihana’s words ended up hurting Tomoe and driving Kyotarou away from us. But I didn’t blame her; I just thanked her for telling me and parted ways with her.

Now, Tomoe and I are becoming a publicly recognized couple. I still don’t know Tomoe’s true feelings, but someday, just as Chihana said, she will surely turn to me.

All I can do is refine myself and become a man who wouldn’t shame Tomoe, who will surely be active in the world of art. I successfully passed my university exams, and Tomoe celebrated that with me.

All that remains now is… Tomoe’s feelings for Kyotarou, which linger within her like a mirage.

Just completely erase her feelings for him. Then Tomoe will be entirely my girlfriend.

On graduation day, I secretly followed Tomoe alone. Popular Tomoe sadly bid farewell to many students, and afterward, she wandered the school building by herself, as if reminiscing about something.

I should have spoken to her once she was alone. But Tomoe, reminiscing about various things, was so picturesque that it felt like a piece of art, and I felt something akin to an inviolable aura around her.

…No, I was afraid.

If I confessed and Tomoe formally rejected me, I would lose everything I had until then. I wouldn’t be able to go to Tomoe’s house anymore, or chat with her. What’s more, we’d be going to different universities; I’d have even less time than before, so if I failed at the very last moment, I’d probably regret it for the rest of my life.

I was surprised by this unexpected side of myself – my lack of courage – but I mentally shouted “No!” and took that step forward.

I called out to Tomoe, who was sitting at her desk in the classroom. As if it were the most natural thing, like a scene during a break, I sat down in front of her and looked at her slightly dazed expression. “How was the last class?” “Do you have everything for the next one?” Such words crossed my mind, but those were words I could no longer use.

I had used them countless times, but none of them could be used anymore.

I chose my words, the words Tomoe needed right now.

“Kyotarou… I wonder if we can never go back to how things were.”

Tomoe’s murmur while looking at the cherry blossoms outside made it clear that nothing had changed in our three years of high school from when we were in elementary school. I still wasn’t in Tomoe’s heart, and Kyotarou remained there. Even though everything else had changed.

Suppressing my irritation, I offered kind words to the crying Tomoe.

If nothing had changed, then I was still Tomoe’s Brother. A presence to gently embrace her and heal her sadness a little. Fundamentally, nothing had changed, but this was all I could do. I couldn’t be Kyotarou.

“…Thank you, Takehiro.”

“Is that really okay?”

“…Yes, I’m okay now.”

What meaning did that “thank you” hold?

Was the true meaning of that “I’m okay” something that would please me?

Gently letting go of Tomoe, who continued to sniffle and cry, I bitterly tasted the difference between Kyotarou and me. An inferiority complex? That was karma Kyotarou should bear. I had always worked hard. As an older brother, always running at full speed ahead of them, as someone others, and the two of them, could be proud of.

But I was sure the true meaning was different. I wanted Tomoe to turn to me.

That word, “childhood friend,” would always follow me everywhere. I hated it.

“Congratulations! Both of you! I heard everything since first year! That you two had been dating all along! As a childhood friend, I’m happy for you too! Truly, congratulations! Be happy!”

I was surprised by the sudden words. How long had he been there? Kyotarou stood at the classroom entrance, hands clenched into fists. Tomoe also noticed Kyotarou and was trembling.

Was this the causal relationship of the curse of “childhood friend,” a long-standing rotten bond that continued from kindergarten?

To think that a moment for just me, Kyotarou, and Tomoe would be born on the last day of graduation.

“N-no, that’s not it, listen, Kyotarou!”

My right arm stopped Tomoe as she took a step forward. I couldn’t let her go. If I let Tomoe go now, she would never come back to me. This wasn’t a premonition, it was a certainty.

I hadn’t even confessed yet. I hadn’t even become a challenger.

Besides, Kyotarou had said “Congratulations,” hadn’t he? The rumor Chihana spread had stopped Kyotarou, and I, who couldn’t see it as evil, was surely a coward and a cunning man.

If I was cunning, if I was cowardly, then I would embrace it.

That’s the kind of person I am, Furuya Takehiro.

“…No, it’s not wrong. Thank you, Kyotarou.”

I pulled Tomoe, who was in my arms, closer, pressed down on the neatly rounded back of her head with my left hand, and kissed her. I didn’t close my eyes; I wanted to see Tomoe up close.

Tomoe also looked surprised, her eyes gradually welling up with tears, narrowing into a fine line.

She hit me, she kicked me. I hugged Tomoe with all my might, not letting her escape, even as she desperately tried to get away from me. I knew this kiss was probably a bad move. But perhaps, with this, the Kyotarou who perpetually remained in Tomoe’s heart could be erased.

“Let go! Why, why!”

Wiping her mouth with her uniform sleeve, Tomoe yelled at me for the first time.

Doesn’t she still understand? How long will Tomoe keep chasing Kyotarou?

That guy can’t be that charming, can he? I should be superior in every way. So why? Even though I’ve pursued Tomoe for over ten years, why won’t she turn to me? Why does she always make such a scared face when she looks at me?

Gritting my teeth, I yelled at Tomoe for the first time in my life.

“You know, don’t you?! Our worlds are different now! He’ll be a burden in the future! There’s no way an ordinary person and a celebrity can be a match, right?! He’ll experience that disparity every single day, for decades until he dies! You should know how much that will torment him, Tomoe!”

I had never once thought of Kyotarou as a burden. He was my best friend, and I believed that no matter how famous I became in the future, my relationship with Kyotarou would remain constant and unchanging.

Before I knew it, Kyotarou, who had nothing, had evolved into the biggest wall.

As the greatest wall, one I couldn’t overcome no matter how hard I tried.

I couldn’t chase after Tomoe, who had run away.

I sat down alone in the empty classroom.

I’m not wrong, I’m not.

But why is there no one around me?

My best friend, my childhood friend, my lover—not a single person remained around me.

“Tomoe-chan asked me the other day, you know, Kyotarou moved to a place quite far away. It’s really far even by car, so… I can tell you the address, but it’s distant, okay?”

Several days passed since graduation, and amidst magazine interviews, video streaming, weight adjustment and training for competitions, I had no free time at all, but I found a gap and visited Kyotarou’s house.

Since that day, I couldn’t get in touch with Kyotarou. And of course, Tomoe either.

Regarding Tomoe, I had seen her out and about a few times. I called out to her, but the way she looked at me was as frightened as if she’d seen a monster. It was such a strong rejection that I thought, “It’s probably impossible now.”

I decided to tell everything to Kyotarou at least. That Tomoe and I weren’t dating, and that it was just a rumor spread by that girl Chihana.

In truth, I should have done it in my second year of high school. But I couldn’t back then.

It might be too late now. But I really hated the idea of our three-person relationship ending without telling them anything. As a result, I might be truly cut off by both of them… In that regard, I’ll act like the coward I am and cling to the word “childhood friend.”

If time passed and Kyotarou and Tomoe perhaps got married, I might be able to become at least a friend. That was my selfish thought.

Kyotarou was gone.

Right, of course.

If I were in his shoes, there’s no way I could interact with him like before.

I violently scratched my head and headbutted the utility pole repeatedly.

I must have done something irreversible.

“Long time no see. Hey, Takehiro-kun, do you remember Yako Tomoe-chan?”

I heard that story at a university club mixer. I only participated when invited to kill time, and there, I heard a familiar name. It had been half a year, and the season was about to turn to autumn.

Since then, I hadn’t contacted either of them even once. There was no way to. Kyotarou had gone far away, and Tomoe had completely built a wall.

“Apparently, she dropped out of university? I heard she even quit playing the piano, after working so hard… What a waste, right?”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Tomoe dropping out of university? Quitting music? Tomoe, who used to play the piano so happily? That’s impossible.

Later, when I asked Tomoe’s parents, they said that recently Tomoe had been going around destroying everything from her past, as if possessed by something.

Trophies, the piano at home, certificates of achievement—everything, all of it.

She kept saying she would drop out of university, and her parents seemed to have prevented that much… But as a result, Tomoe hadn’t gone to the university she worked so hard to get into, and several months had already passed.

Tomoe’s parents were crying. They said they had no idea what had happened to their daughter.

They apparently also had her go to a psychiatrist, and she was diagnosed with autonomic imbalance.

But I knew. The cause was, without a doubt, that graduation day.

A few days later, Tomoe’s parents contacted me. She had taken all her savings and gone somewhere, and hadn’t returned even after a full day had passed. Where would Tomoe go? That was obvious, to Kyotarou’s place.

I didn’t think anything would change if I went… but this was probably the last time.

I didn’t intend to go back to how things were. But, as their Brother, I wanted to atone for all my past mistakes. With that thought in my heart, I headed towards the town where Kyotarou lived.

――

Next Episode: “I Don’t Want to Lose to a Childhood Friend.”