episode_0006

“Ah… Ah…!!”

After a week, it took three more days to stand properly. Even though my legs were trembling as if dancing despite being tensed with strength, just the fact that I stood up was a good thing.

The reward for sweating and working hard every day has finally arrived.

Perhaps this is what they mean by effort never betrays.

Thud!

“Ouch.”

Lost in pride and satisfaction, as the strength left my legs, I simultaneously sank down.

“Jiwoo… Oh my. Why are you like this!”

“Haha… Practicing walking…”

Just then, Suhyun came in, surprised, and rushed over to lift me up.

“Ugh… You could have done it while I was here.”

“I’m sorry. I thought I could do it alone. Still, I managed for about 10 seconds!”

“The results of Jiwoo’s efforts have paid off. Normally, I should scold you… Ugh…”

Suhyun effortlessly lifted me onto the bed and took out a small envelope from her pocket.

“Here. Open it.”

What’s this? Carefully tearing open the letter while stealing glances.

“Oh.”

My new resident registration card had arrived. I had been informed that it was being made, had my photo taken, received consent forms, and had my fingerprints retaken.

“How is it?”

“…Well, it’s… fine.”

Actually, it’s slightly scary.

Now, the person known as Jiwu is truly untraceable.

A so-called change of name. My face photo has changed to my current one, and even my gender has been corrected.

The records will remain.

“Oh… It’s not ‘3,’ it’s ‘4’ now.”

And thus, even the last digit had changed.

“…’4′?”

“My name too… Yes. It’s properly changed.”

“‘4’…”

“…?”

Why is this person malfunctioning?

“Oh. No, it’s nothing. Since you didn’t know the Chinese characters, I chose them myself.”

“Yes, yes. What… What does it mean?”

Jiwu. Ji-hye.

By changing just one character, it became a feminine name.

Since I’ve become a woman, should I get used to a more feminine name?

At least those who know me will continue to call me Jiwu. But to someone else, I’ll have to introduce myself as Ji-hye.

I wiped away the sweat gathered between my bra and chest as if holding water with a towel.

After exercising, it gets sticky, but I’ve gotten used to wiping away the sweat by now.

“Um… Actually, I changed the Chinese characters for ‘Ji’ too. It comes out exactly as I want.”

“Yes, yes.”

So what is it? How did you change it, with what meaning?

In reality, I’m not particularly interested in Chinese characters.

Even if I show them to someone, there’s no occasion to scrutinize them. That goes for me too.

“Uh… ‘Ji’ means wisdom, ‘Hye’ means love. Pretty, right!”

“…It’s fine.”

The original meaning of my name was ‘to befriend the earth.’

Feels like a steadfast friend? Like a close companion.

“If translated directly, it means ‘loving wisdom.’ It feels somewhat Pythagorean… It seems like it’s talking about Jiwoo in its own way, but I thought differently.”

Suhyun is one of the few people I can trust.

Last time, after my brother-in-law left, I even heard the absurd question ‘Do you have a boyfriend…!?’ But despite struggling every time, she always tries not to lose her smile when I’m around.

She enjoys love stories, but she doesn’t have a boyfriend… Just an ordinary person.

So, I asked her to help me choose a name. I like it. At least she wouldn’t name me with ill intentions.

In reality, too.

“Even though the name is Ji-hye, it implicitly contains the meaning of loving wisdom, right? So, interpreting it as loving oneself isn’t a strange interpretation. So… um…”

Suhyun confidently states that she thinks she’s pretty.

I thought Suhyun was cool.

Love wisdom.

Love yourself…

“Do you not like it…?”

“…Thank you.”

Gratitude was expressed. Suhyun’s feelings were felt. It was appreciated.

Thinking hard and carefully conveyed very well.

“Oh.”

Did tears come to my eyes because I was really thankful, or did I become a crybaby who sheds tears at small favors?

Rather than darkness swarming like bugs, the water in my eyes refracted in the light, blurring everything and sparkling.

“Thank you….”

I just wanted to say thank you.

Strangely, tears kept flowing.

I tried a strange interpretation too.

Love wisdom.

Wisdom. Love yourself.

Love yourself.

The last part speaks of loving one’s confidence.

It seemed like you could say to love yourself confidently without shrinking back and acting boldly.

Someone might argue against this interpretation, but it’s just self-satisfaction.

Since I started with the premise of a strange interpretation.

You can love yourself a little more, right?

Regardless of gender, I am me. It’s comfortable to think that way.

“Sniff… Thank you….”

Is my heart full of water? I didn’t know tears wouldn’t stop, but my heart felt as cool and comfortable as the grassy hill gently swaying under the blue sky.

*

“Sob… sigh….”

Embarrassed.

Really. Foolish. Stupid.

“Are you okay now?”

“Yes….”

My nose was still stuffy.

My eyes were slightly cold.

Before I knew it, I was nestled in Suhyun’s arms.

It was warm and comfortable, so maybe I cried even more.

…Embarrassing. Insanely embarrassing.

But maybe it’s okay.

“…I’m okay now.”

I’m a woman now. Even if I cry my eyes out, no one will tease me for being overly emotional.

Perhaps tears acted as coolant because when they stopped, I felt my whole face getting hot.

“You’re cute….”

“Yes…?”

Will I turn into a beetroot and burst with a ‘pop’?

Why am I cute? Why suddenly say that….

Suhyun grabbed my hand firmly.

“…I have one favor to ask, could you please call me ‘Unni’ just once?”

“…Eh?”

Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I’ll readily accept another woman entirely.

Maybe it’s stubbornness or forced reluctance to take advantage… But still, ‘Unni’…!

“…No.”

“It’s a lifelong wish… I’ve never asked a patient for something like this before….”

Even though I refused, Suhyun only uttered regretful words, evoking sympathy.

“It’s a shame… I’m disappointed… I’d like to hear it at least once before I die….”

“Uh… I’ll do it just once. Later… after preparing my heart… I’ll do it then.”

“Oh. Really!?”

“…When have I ever lied.”

Seeing her delightedly jumping around over such trivial matters, I couldn’t help but let out a hollow laugh.

“So… when!?”

I don’t know. Figure it out yourself.

Intentionally staying silent, Suhyun, irritated, hugged me again and urged me.

“Eek…!”

“Ugh! Tell me quickly~!”

Chest. Chest! Even if I look like this, I’m a man!

“Ugh! Okay, I got it. I’ll tell you. When you’re discharged! That’s when I’ll call you for the last time.”

“Then… make it fresh, cute, and charming.”

“…Can I just go?”

If even making a request is demanding, I lose interest if the order is too picky. Who’s the boss here?

Only then did Suhyun step back politely.

“Hehe… Should I massage your legs?”

“When I fall asleep, it’s fine.”

“You were standing alone without any apparatus, so as compensation, I’ll do that for you.”

Though the ulterior motive was obvious, I decided to accept it.

Do you want to hear me call you ‘Unni’ like that?

Then should I call you ‘Hyung’… Oh… Oppa…?

“Ugh.”

“Are you in pain?”

“Oh. No, it’s refreshing.”

It’s hard to put into words.

A sensation rising from below as if my body is resisting came up. Goosebumps were already forming on my arms.

“I’ll look forward to it!”

“Uh, don’t get your hopes up.”

Unni… Unni? It seems okay up to Unni.

This feels somewhat strange too.

Walking became possible, and for the first time, I decided to step outside of the world.

It may sound grand, but in reality, it’s just taking a walk in the garden inside the hospital.

Yet, it’s inevitable to feel nervous.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes, yes…”

Although I had clearly stated that I would take on the challenge, I became afraid to go out.

Last time, the physical therapy room was empty when I went there, and it was the same when I walked.

I was still afraid to show my face to others.

It’s just a face. It’s just showing my face, isn’t it?

“Oh….”

Soo-hyun gently hugged me.

“If you’re scared, you can do it later. It’s okay.”

“……”

Since I could only stand for about 10 minutes, I sat in a wheelchair.

If I had just wanted to see trees and grass, I would have covered my face with bandages or something.

I am embarking on a great adventure.

For my daily life, to adapt to people’s gazes first.

“Let’s go. Are you ready?”

“…Yes. If you’re uncomfortable, please let me know anytime.”

And if I show myself like this in front of Hyung, I might be criticized and driven away.

That must not happen.

Riding down the elevator, people are immediately visible.

Normally, everyone would have their own purposes and wouldn’t care about people’s gazes, and I would have gone my way as well.

“But today, why does it feel like people’s gazes are more noticeable and focused?”

“Sh-should we go?”

“Yes~”

Whether she knows what’s in my heart or not, Soo-hyun smiled and moved forward.

“Um… Everyone seems to be looking at me only… Is this a persecution delusion?”

“A persecution delusion? Then you must have received treatment already, right? They’re just staring because Jieun… Ji-hye is so beautiful.”

Beautiful…?

I’ll admit that.

Someone might call me narcissistic, but I can’t deny it.

What can I do if I’m pretty?

“Um… Can I get used to this…?”

“You could ask for a number or subtly try to find out~”

“Uh… I really don’t want to.”

I’m not gay.

Being a man and receiving advances from another man….

“Then there’s this guy named Maehyeong, right?”

“Maehyeong… Why him?”

“Just that Ji-hye and Maehyeong seem to have the kind of appearance that could be called a handsome couple, right? If you think you might get his number while walking around, show him a picture and say you have a boyfriend~”

Um… Um….

It might be okay, but I don’t have a picture of a guy.

And it would be a big problem for Maehyeong too.

Surely he’s divorced and doesn’t have a lover, so if I pretend to be his lover… That wouldn’t be right.

I’m not really going to become Maehyeong’s lover and get married.