episode_0006
by adminLeaving my feelings of confusion behind, I looked at the child again.
He was my child, whom I could love even if I just looked at him and put him in my eyes without any pain.
Anyone who saw it would know that it was a child who had his exact image in him.
Since I decided to teach the art of assassination, I had to teach teachings that fit that.
‘The basic weapon techniques are mostly similar… .’
I was the one who rose to the position of Commander of the White Tiger Army, if not to the position of Grand Instructor, who had mastered everything.
It would be safe to say that there was no martial art in Baekho-gun that I did not know.
‘… At least I can stay by your side and teach your child like this for a few days.’
Until he noticed.
The practice of martial arts continued late into the evening.
When I told her something that seemed to suggest that I had to go back, the woman looked quite regretful.
‘What the heck.’
That woman and I had never met before and we didn’t even know each other.
Why on earth?
There was no such thing as an answer that came out just by thinking about it.
‘It’s dinner time anyway, I should go back and eat dinner.’
-Beep… . Beep… .
“… ?”
Clearly, I was just going back the way I always went.
But from somewhere, a sound like an animal crying kept coming from there.
‘What the heck.’
Even the sound of breathing was weak, and it sounded like he was about to die.
‘Where is that coming from?’
I felt like I needed to be careful.
I felt like I had to survive.
-Tadadak.
“Where…?”
An inexplicable sense of foreboding gripped me.
The ominous feeling that I absolutely had to miss this kept holding me back.
“Over there.”
The thing discovered that way was a very small bird.
“… ?”
Something small seemed to have fallen from somewhere.
‘It looks like someone dropped it on purpose, since the hair has grown.’
What the heck?
There’s no way my parents dropped it.
“… Let’s take it with us for now.”
It was an impulsive decision.
I don’t even know why I picked it up.
Such an impulsive decision.
‘I guess I can just put it in my arms and take it with me.’
I don’t have any energy, so what should I eat when I go in?
A multitude of thoughts continued to fill my head.
I don’t know if I ate the food with my mouth or my nose.
Since it’s a bird with no energy, I think we should give it water first… .
‘Right now, I need some water in my seat….’
I still don’t know why I care so much about this animal’s death.
But I hated seeing someone die right before my eyes.
Thinking back now, it seems like I really acted impulsively.
‘If we get caught doing this, we’ll be in big trouble.’
I’ve already been told to reduce my impulsive thoughts so many times, but if I knew that I was acting that way…
Who knew that the instructor might kill this bird?
‘…Then that won’t work.’
I brought this child here because I wanted to save him, but he ended up dying like this.
‘… Should I tell the room manager?’
I thought the room leader would rather help.
Because it seemed like he took good care of people weaker than him.
‘Okay, then let’s stop by the room first and then go.’
With that thought in mind, I headed to the room and held out the bird.
And that wasn’t supposed to happen.
“What? New?”
“Yes.”
“… .”
The host looked at the bird carefully.
“… . sup… .”
The room manager’s expression began to worsen as he continued to look at me.
‘…Why are you like that?’
And then.
“Kill it.”
“Yes?”
“There’s no hope, so kill him. You brought him here.”
When I heard those words from the person who seemed like he had at least a chance of being saved, I felt like my eyes were going dark.
“… . There is no hope?”
“This bird is one of the birds of prey. I think I know why you brought it here, but this bird’s parents have a habit of dropping and killing birds that are hopeless. No, most birds do that.”
“… … So, now… . What the host said is… .”
“You brought it, so you have to kill the bird yourself.”
“… .”
“Looking at it, it seems like it’s a young one that hasn’t grown up well since it has fur. Even if it grows up, it won’t be able to live properly without human care, and you won’t be able to take it with you to the place where evil spirits are purified.”
“… … .”
“If you don’t do it, I will.”
“… Room Manager-”
“3… .”
“Please…!”
“2… .”
“Stop it!!!”
“… … .”
“… Okay. Just kill him… .”
“Yeah.”
The host started patting me on the back.
“Good idea.”
“… .”
“You can just stop them from breathing. Or, just squeeze them tightly, or bury them somewhere.”
“… … . Okay.”
As the host said, I held its breath.
Silently, I could feel something in my hand losing its pulse.
… . Clearly, he wanted to save me.
Now I don’t even know why.
Why am I doing this?
I see the little child in front of me taking my breath away.
Normally, in that situation, you would be busy crying at my words.
Without showing any sign of it, just… .
I started killing it without any hesitation.
‘It seemed like a few tears were shed.’
I thought he was used to it now because he didn’t make any noises in pain even when other guys harassed him.
Wait, you’re used to it?
‘… . I think it’s too late.’
I always watched from afar.
Even if I, who am older, step forward, it won’t be of much help.
What can a young child do?
I thought that later on, when I realized that I was a ‘fellow abandoned human being’, I would stop… .
‘You left me like that and came this far…?’
I’ve heard that children who are abused from an early age usually grow up to be bad people.
And now, that child is growing up like that.
The first time I met that child was when he was 4 and I was 10.
‘It would have been okay if I, the oldest person on this floor, had stopped it from the beginning.’
“… . Tsk.”
What can I do if I take care of it now?
Why did he forget that while other children come here when they are around 6 years old, that child has been neglected and raised here since birth?
‘I was such an idiot.’
Here, I thought I was treated like an adult and handled things well, even though I was 10 years old.
Not at all.
‘… It might be better for us to hang out together from now on.’
After work, I have to stick with you as much as possible.
“What do you plan to do in the future?”
“… . I’m going to the class that I had the other day.”
I thought my voice would tremble, but it didn’t tremble anymore.
Instead, he looked at me and spoke in a voice that seemed to contain nothing more.
“… . I’ll leave it behind.”
“Have a nice trip.”
“… . Yes.”
… … . Wouldn’t it have been better to just let that bird live…?
I’m on my way back after cleaning up the birds.
“Master?”
“Why.”
“… .”
He seemed a little embarrassed because there was something like dirt on his clothes.
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing.”
“… . Is that so?”
He began to speak to me with an expression that said that it didn’t seem like that at all.
“Let’s meditate first.”
“… Yeah.”
Today, the scenery I saw while meditating was a little different.
The instructor’s words were audible, but it felt a little darker.
When did it become so dark inside here?
It was a dark, dark space with not a single ray of light left.
“… .”
The only thing that showed some light in it were the emotions that I had somehow tied up.
Today, other emotions came flooding back.
Now that I think about it, those emotions had colors.
‘Anger, sadness… Is this joy?’
What came out now was black.
What could it be?
this.
‘despair?’
If you try to distinguish them by color, you can find similar colors if you want.
‘That’s why I said it was despair.’
The book describes despair as a feeling of having lost everything.
Really, now.
It felt like I had lost everything.
‘Well, that’s what I wanted to do recently… .’
Even that has now been denied.
‘it’s tough.’
I want to sleep.
What should I do now?
If you just do as you are told, you will be able to survive.
… . But, that bird earlier.
Dead, but dead anyway.
It felt like I was sleeping comfortably.
…if I die too.
Is it possible to sleep so comfortably?
… . What should I do?
“–nim! –nim!!! Young Master!!!!”
“Uh uh… . Why.”
“… You woke up. I was worried because you didn’t wake up even when I called you.”
“… Really?”
“Yes.”
“… I see.”
I don’t know why they made such a fuss about it.
Well, now that it was over, I had to go back.
To face another day tomorrow.
“… I’ll go.”
“… Yes? But,”
“If you’re asking me how I feel, don’t worry, I don’t feel anything.”
“… … Yes.”
… Now I really have to go back.
0 Comments