episode_0005

“Look over there, Ras is making Irha do his bidding…!” “Now that I look again, his clothes seem a bit shabbier too.”

Whispers of all sorts could be heard around me. Making him do my bidding, huh. I was just clearing my karma debt, cheap and easy. I even told him to take all the money except for the cost of one bread and one milk. I gave him a moderate amount, enough so he wouldn’t starve for about two days, as giving him too much too obviously might look strange.

I slowly looked up and around. My dear classmates, their familiar faces were everywhere. When I yawned widely and looked at them with my tear-filled, half-closed eyes, those who were whispering closed their mouths. My atmosphere was somehow different from usual, and they seemed to find me unfamiliar. The classroom became slightly quiet, but the silence didn’t last long.

*Click-clack, click-clack.* Along with familiar footsteps, the annoying girl entered the classroom. Lizley de Gracia walked over with a colder expression than usual and sat next to me. “Ras, good morning.” Lizley’s voice was also so chilly that her coldness couldn’t be hidden.

Her characteristic quiet fear-mongering. Ten years ago, I feared it, but now it’s just cute, like a child’s tantrum. Instead of timidly glancing around at the coldness, I casually waved my hand to acknowledge her greeting. “Lizley, welcome.”

Ras Etgard, who used to wag his tail like a black puppy whenever he saw Lizley, died on Friday. From the weekend, Ras was reborn as a stray dog wandering the streets without an owner. Being a stray might be a bit messy, but in terms of freedom, it’s much better than a leashed dog.

Around this time, I never acted so carelessly towards Lizley. I merely yearned for her pure, innocent smile, her admiration, and the occasional drop of sweet physical contact she’d bestow upon me. So you’ll go crazy wondering why I’ve suddenly become like this in just a few days. Because you only feel satisfied when you can hold and manipulate someone you consider beneath you.

Our atmosphere must have been quite cold compared to usual, as some of the students in the classroom were watching us. The whisperers were mostly the group of girls who were close to Lizley, the ones who acted as her ladies-in-waiting. Perhaps they were anxious that some sparks from their displeased queen might fly their way?

At this time, Lizley was quite central in the classroom. Firstly, she was very, very attractive, and there was no way others would know about the unpleasant nature she subtly displayed only to her fiancé. Because such a haughty and beautiful girl seemed outwardly elegant, quite kind, and gentle, everyone naturally exalted her.

Of course…. even at this point, it wasn’t as if there were absolutely no people who knew her true personality, but they were Lizley’s loyal followers anyway. She only showed glimpses of her true self to a select few who got close to her, and I was one of them. In that sense, the past Ras Etgard must have indeed been the closest person to Lizley. The face she showed me was the closest to her raw self. *Geunmukjahuk* [a proverb meaning one is influenced by their surroundings; literally, ‘one who stays near ink will turn black’], staying close to something dark meant nothing good came of it, but that was the trap.

Lizley’s whispering ladies-in-waiting cautiously inserted themselves into our cold atmosphere. The mood was very awkward, so it seemed they were trying to grease the wheels. “Lizley, Ras! Good morning. Did you have a good weekend?” A fake voice, as if two teaspoons of cheerfulness had been added. This was Emma Agnelli, Lizley’s chief lady-in-waiting and closest confidante.

“Ah, Emma. It was fun, indeed.” I chuckled and replied. Emma was visibly flustered by my welcoming answer and glanced at Lizley, who frowned her delicate brows.

Normally, I would never have accepted Emma’s greeting before Lizley did. Amusingly, Lizley intensely disliked me talking or flirting with other girls. It was a wicked nature where she didn’t truly value me, yet didn’t want to give even a hair’s breadth of me to anyone else. At the time, I even felt grateful, thinking it was ‘obsession’ with me rather than just outward appearances. But it wasn’t an obsession born of love, but of possessiveness and self-esteem boosting, so there was nothing to be grateful for.

“Fun… huh… yes… it was fun….” Meanwhile, the way she spoke with a slightly lowered voice, filling it with many ellipses, was laughable. But I’m telling you, that doesn’t work anymore. No matter how much of a fearful atmosphere she creates, I’m not going to be scared of a child’s growl. Especially when I recall how savage the woman I served as my master until the last moment of my life was.

Perhaps Emma caught Lizley’s increasingly chilling voice, as she hastily began to choose her words. Emma, that idiot, would also know. That what sounded to others like a slightly tired tone was actually Lizley’s signal of being utterly furious.

“Haha..! You two said you were going to the flower viewing, right? The festival was so beautiful. Wasn’t it, everyone?” The strategy itself of pulling multiple people into the conversation and eliciting responses wasn’t bad for calming Lizley down. If I wasn’t talking to another girl alone but just casually chiming in with the group, Lizley wouldn’t be upset.

But this time, she chose the wrong topic of conversation. “Ah… that… well. It just so happened that I couldn’t go to the flower viewing?!” I feigned innocence and said with a silly grin. As I chuckled and nonchalantly scratched the back of my head, Lizley let out a very faint scoff.

Some tactless girl next to me chimed in. Oh, she has no presence, so I can’t remember her name, sorry! “Eh..! Something really busy must have suddenly come up. The flower festival was so beautiful. What a shame!” Oh, you’re going to have a hard time later. Emma’s murderous gaze probably isn’t visible from where you’re sitting…

I decided to throw out a very sensitive word, partly to draw some of the aggro my way. “Ah, well… the engagement…” “Engagement??”

As soon as the word ‘engagement’ popped out of my mouth, Lizley’s face, which had been scoffing, quickly stiffened. Emma’s expression next to her was beyond mere embarrassment; it was filled with rage. Her over-involvement, as if it were her own business, was repulsive. Swallowing the words, “Idiot, I’m engaged to *her*, not you?”, I concluded my sentence.

“Turns out, the whole family suddenly had to gather for my sibling’s engagement. A tiny acorn of a kid, already engaged… I’m jealous.” “Wow~ Isn’t Ras’s sibling only twelve? That’s incredibly precocious.” It seemed that a twelve-year-old getting engaged was amazing, as sounds of “Wow, wow~” came from around.

It was actually a lie. What kind of engagement for a twelve-year-old? He’s still a little kid who pestered me to “play heroes and wizards!” when I went home. Regardless, I felt proud that I had poked at Lizley’s, and by extension Emma’s, sore spot: ‘the engagement with Ras’.

It’s a very surprising fact, but we were engaged before entering the academy, yet almost no one outside of us knew about it. Except for the two of us, the parties involved, and Emma, who was fuming as if it were her own business. Originally, at this point in the past, Lizley’s ‘noble’ affair partner would also have learned about our engagement after Saturday, but this time I didn’t go to that scene, so it’s a pass. Anyway, some might wonder why we bothered to hide the engagement.

There’s not much to say, but Lizley roughly persuaded me with this logic: “Ras, I’m absolutely going to marry you, but what if, just in case, the marriage falls through? If a noble’s engagement is broken… the loss is too severe. So, could we keep the engagement a secret until it’s very certain?”

Thinking about it now, the statement itself is just funny. How could she think of using “I’m absolutely going to marry you” and “what if the marriage falls through” in the same sentence? Well… rather than imagining the engagement falling through and praying endlessly, she probably just wanted to hide the fact that a noble was engaged to a commoner as much as possible. Up to this point, with the utmost understanding and consideration, a glimmer of comprehension is possible…

Rather, the more I chew on it, what’s truly difficult to grasp is… “Th-that’s right! You really never know with people…!! But, you wouldn’t hide the fact that we’re dating too, would you?” That was me back then, wagging my tail and uttering such words. This bastard must have had no backbone in his previous life. Was it because he was such an idiot that he was taken advantage of and ruined?

Anyway, that’s why the word ‘engagement’ had become a forbidden word between us. Ah, and among all that, the funniest thing was actually Emma, more than me. Lizley and I at least had a personal stake in the matter, but she, an outsider, genuinely trembled with indignation as if it were her own affair.

Emma Agnelli. The young lady of the Agnelli Viscounty, one of the few remaining vassals of the Gracia Earldom, whose ties had been greatly weakened by repeated failures. Given her family’s position, she was a master at acting as Lizley’s lady-in-waiting from a very young age.

And she disliked me just as much, subtly. Whether she was projecting herself onto Lizley or what, I don’t know, but she once said to my ruined face, “A vulgar commoner doesn’t know his place…” Of course, this girl was also incredibly good at wearing a mask, no less than her master, so she didn’t openly show her true fangs to me before my downfall. Although, not long after this point, she was the one who thoroughly stabbed me in the back…

Thinking about it, unlike Irha, she was one of the real major threats. “Haha… Ras’s sibling is indeed very mature and precocious. Should I tell them congratulations on the engagement? Shall we get ready for class, everyone?” The way she gritted her teeth and glared at me, spitting out her words, made it seem like she was saying, “Just you wait.” She’s never even seen my sibling, yet she’s trying so hard to act like she knows him. You don’t know how your life ended up in the past, do you? I don’t know what it will be like this time, but if you keep playing lady-in-waiting, it won’t end well for you.

Ah… now that I think about it, it’s time to take that out. At this point, I quietly pulled out the kill list I had mentally prepared. This kill list, meticulously organized over the weekend, wasn’t actually a roster distinguishing who to kill and who to spare. To be more precise, it would be more accurate to see it as a table of probabilities for a random roulette wheel to hit, rather than a ledger.

A ledger that noted whether this person would provoke me in this life or not. Simply put, I intended to kill past antagonists if they provoked me in this life, and spare them if they didn’t. This was due to a capricious characteristic of regression.

I had returned from the future to the past, and with every word and action of mine, the path I had walked in the past would change. In fact, I had already acted differently from the past, whether subtly or significantly, on Saturday, and as a result, the future had already shifted. Whether the words and actions I took that day, different from the past, would end as merely a butterfly’s flap or become a typhoon sweeping through the city… I couldn’t know yet.

Ten years ago, my life instantly crumbled due to a confluence of various events. My body became disabled, my five senses and all other senses ruined after suddenly ingesting poison. The subtle schemes and false accusations that turned me, now helpless and weak in mind and body, into a rapist. Amidst that, beyond my personal problems, internal strife erupted within the family over the succession of the merchant guild… Finally, the finale where the family, torn to shreds by internal division, was framed for treason and shattered into pieces.

In those days, amidst the chaos, I survived due to an inexplicable, overlapping stroke of luck, and I grew stronger. As I, now strengthened, deliberately put in the effort, I came to know in detail what threads had intertwined to collapse my life back then.

There were flows that would have disappeared on their own even if my ruined self at the time had just casually touched them, and there were also flows that would have been difficult for me to change no matter what I did. What was certain, however, was that in this life, if I remained still like in the first round, I would be bitten to death by teeth swarming from all directions. Therefore, the settling of the past in this life would depend entirely on whether this person provoked me or not.

You might think, “Aren’t you going to avenge the unfair things that happened to you? Don’t you feel wronged?” To say I won’t repay the grudges would only be half true. Because…

Just as I was about to continue my thoughts, Irha came running, clutching bread and milk to his chest, out of breath. But what’s with the bread’s wrapper color?? “Ra… Ras… here’s the bread and milk… but there was no chocolate bread, so I bought mint chocolate flavor…” “Hey, damn it..! Who eats this stuff!!! You eat it all!!!”

Anyway, I dumped all the bread and milk on the idiotic Irha and looked around the classroom once more. There were countless familiar faces. Those vividly remembered, those who were just so-so, and even those I thought, ‘Oh, that kid existed too,’ a diverse bunch. More than half of the people sitting in this classroom had died by my hand in my reborn past life. Funnily enough, Irha’s name was surprisingly not on the list of those I killed back then.