episode_0004

As soon as I heard Yeoni’s words, I felt a shock as if a large rock had fallen on my chest.

We were still at an age where we hadn’t even lived half of our lives. Yet, it was so unbelievable to talk about death as if it were natural.

“Particle… hypersensitivity…?”

“Particle hypersensitivity syndrome. Shortened to particle hypersensitivity.”

However, Yeoni, the person in question, continued to explain calmly.

“Do you know what material a magician uses when casting magic?”

“…I don’t know. Isn’t it just created out of thin air?”

“There is a substance called Vessel particles dissolved in the Earth’s atmosphere. You can’t see it, but it definitely exists all around us. It’s probably here right now too.”

Yeoni said, waving her hand through the air. She said that magic is the process of transforming these Vessel particles into substances with different properties.

And the people who can wield this ability are magicians, and these magicians have a special body tissue called the ‘Font’ within them.

“Just because you’re a magician doesn’t mean you can use magic right away. A magician’s body, from birth, absorbs particles through the Font. As they do, their body gradually changes to be suitable for using magic. And when that transformation is complete, they finally bloom into true magicians.”

But Yeoni had a problem with her Font. Normally, the Font gradually increases its capacity as the body grows, but Yeoni’s Font was absorbing particles at a rate far exceeding its limits.

“In order to absorb particles into the body, they must go through a process called internalization through the Font. But I can’t do that. There are too many particles coming into the Font that I can’t internalize them all.”

“…What happens then?”

“The particles that haven’t been internalized roam around the body freely, causing havoc. From what I know, it leads to immune system suppression, heart function abnormalities, vision loss, fainting, anemia, insomnia, and a pain as if thousands of needles are piercing you from the inside…”

“…Stop.”

I couldn’t bear to hear any more of the dreadful words.

“But maybe it’ll be okay? You seem perfectly fine…”

“In truth, I’ve had symptoms little by little until now. It was bearable, just causing trouble sleeping at night… but when I enter full adolescence, it will get much worse.”

“…”

“The average age for a magician to bloom is 17, but there has never been a case of a particle hypersensitivity patient surviving until that age. It’s said that even if they do, it’s due to sheer luck, and most of them die before that.”

“Is there a cure…?”

“…It’s an incurable disease.”

Yeoni finally showed a hint of bitterness on her face.

Yeoni said that the reason she came to our village was also because of particle hypersensitivity. She could delay the progression of the disease because the air particle concentration in the safe zone was low.

And she said that she could avoid the sibling rivalry within the safe zone, but being out of the guardian’s sight was practically the same as exile.

Yeoni’s explanation had ended a while ago, but I could do nothing but sit in darkness.

I finally learned the reason why there was always a shadow on her delicate face and why Yeoni occasionally skipped school.

On one hand, I could clearly understand the origin of her arrogant and haughty personality.

Although I couldn’t say that Yeoni’s previous words and actions were right, if she had grown up in an environment where siblings fought each other from a young age and even had an incurable disease, I would have naturally developed such a personality as well.

But even though my lingering questions had been answered, I couldn’t feel any relief.

As I remained silent, Yeoni cautiously spoke again.

“…I’m sorry for keeping it a secret all this time. But I wanted to tell you before it was too late.”

“…Aren’t you scared?”

“Of course I’m scared. And… I don’t want to die.”

Yeon looked lonely.

“When I first came to this town, I was ready to give up everything. But now, my thoughts have changed. I want to leave traces of my life before I die, even if it’s just a few.”

“Traces?”

“Yes. For example… like this painting you drew, Hyeon.”

As if trying to dispel the heavy atmosphere, Yeon looked at her portrait that I drew and spoke in a bright voice.

“I’m sorry for burdening you. But you were the only one I could confide in. And… I thought you were the one who could remember me the best.”

Perhaps recalling the past, Yeon lowered her head slightly, looking somewhat embarrassed.

“Hyeon. Can you help me so I have no regrets…?”

“…”

It was impossible for me to abandon Yeon at this point.

The answer I would give her had been decided from the beginning.

I simply nodded silently at Yeon.

Seeing my silent acceptance, Yeon smiled broadly. But there was a hint of unshed tears in her eyes.

***

I held onto hope that things might get better.

But Yeon’s predictions did not stray, and the signs of her illness only worsened gradually.

As time passed, the days she skipped school increased.

Since Yeon said she felt more at ease when I was by her side, on the days she skipped school, I would go straight to the mansion after school to spend time with her.

I would draw portraits of Yeon as a model once a week. Before I knew it, the walls were filled with my drawings.

Yeon’s room had become the most familiar space to me.

“Hyeon… Are you here?”

“Yes.”

“I’m cold… Hold my hand…”

“Here.”

“Hehe… It’s warm…”

Whenever the pain intensified, Yeon would call my name out of habit.

She would smile faintly when I held her hand.

Her skin felt as cold and delicate as ice.

Seeing Yeon suffer from her illness was difficult for me, even as a child. The fact that all I could do for her was hold her hand and keep her company was also painful.

The symptoms of her particle hypersensitivity peaked when the full moon rose and gradually subsided as the moon set. On days when the pain was not severe, taking painkillers allowed her to continue her daily routine.

But the anxiety of not being able to be with Yeon all the time manifested in a different way.

“Who is that?”

“Who?”

“Why are you pretending not to know? You were talking for a long time in front of the school gate.”

“Oh, that’s Dain. Don’t you remember? She always sat in the front row of the classroom.”

“You seemed to enjoy talking to her. Laughing and chatting for so long. And then you two went somewhere. Did you do something embarrassing that you can’t do in public?”

“Yeon. What are you talking about…”

“Why are you avoiding the question? If you like her, just go to her. You should just leave someone like me behind!!”

As time passed, we gradually forgot the grudges that arose from our past pranks and actions.

I, too, was almost forgetting those incidents, and now I had formed friendly relationships not only with Yeon and Ina but also with other children.

But Yeon did not take kindly to my changes. Especially if I exchanged even a single word with a female classmate, she would throw a fit, and I would have to spend a considerable amount of effort to calm her down.

“It’s not like that. There was a heavy load in the bus, so I just helped move it. It was a spot where other friends were too.”

“Are you stupid? It’s obvious you were trying to get close to her. Why don’t you understand that it’s frustrating… Hng… Huhuh…”

“Yeon, are you crying…?”

“You’re such a fool. I told you I liked you. You hit me because you liked me too much. That’s why I forgave you specially… sniff… you’re flirting with someone else… sniff…”

“…? Yeon-ah, what’s…”

“Because you’re on a deadline, I can understand if your feelings changed… sniff… But at least in front of me, with another girl… sniff… Isn’t that unacceptable? You’ll die soon anyway, so if you just wait until then… hic… it’ll be fine… sniff…”

Yeon’s sudden words left me dumbfounded.

It took extra effort on my part to finally calm Yeon down.

And I could also hear the full story of the past that I had completely forgotten.

That day a few years ago when I severely scolded Yeon.

My mom, who had come to school, said those things while taking care of Yeon’s wounds.

It’s said that boys usually show interest in girls they like in that way, and because I liked Yeon too much, I acted too aggressively.

And somehow, Yeon fell for that mother’s words and actually believed that I liked her, which is why she said she forgave me that day.

She also mentioned how she stopped the maid who threatened to kill me and the security guard who wanted to lock me up in prison.

But I continued to show no signs of any action, and Yeon thought that I had lost interest because she confessed her illness.

“…sniff… Even so, I was understanding you… But you… You…!!”

“…”

My head was spinning, making it extremely difficult to organize my thoughts.

No matter how much of a banishment or similar situation it was, I finally found out why I had beaten Yeon without any punishment.

But at that time, I didn’t hate Yeon, not even a bit.

What was most incomprehensible was that Yeon, who believed the absurdity that boys hit girls they like, and the mother who said such nonsense.

If the mother’s words were true, all husbands in the world would be in prison.

“…Yeon, listen…”

After much deliberation, I honestly told Yeon about the conspiracy my mom had concocted.

I couldn’t lie about something like this, no matter what.

Yeon’s expression darkened rapidly as she listened to my story.

There was almost no light in her eyes.

Yeon looked at me with a sad voice, asking cautiously.

“…So you… don’t like me…? I was the only one… who misunderstood…?”

Tears welled up in Yeon’s eyes.

Her voice trembled so much that it was barely understandable.

I pondered on what answer to give Yeon.

It wasn’t that I didn’t like Yeon. If anything, it was the opposite.

I recalled the past memories I shared with Yeon.

And I thought about the various efforts Yeon had made.

Whether it was her personality or appearance, even now, traces of those efforts were evident in Yeon.

Yeon, who had meticulously scrutinized almost everything about humans, had unwittingly become the embodiment of my desires.

Even without realizing that Yeon was a pitiful person with a deadline, it was impossible to dislike someone who made such efforts.

Once someone who hated being restrained, I had somehow come to accept Yeon’s obsession so naturally.

I had long since become Yeon’s prisoner.

“…That’s impossible.”

As I gave my response, Yeon’s pupils shook violently as if an earthquake had struck.

“How could you hold the hand of someone you don’t even like all the time?”

“…Then?”

“…I like you.”

After hearing my awkward words, Yeon lowered her head deeply.

“…I know I’m going to die soon. But it’s okay, right…?”

“…It doesn’t matter. If you’re okay with it, then it’s fine…”

– Po Ok

Before the answer could even finish, Yeon rushed towards me. She nestled into my arms and buried her face there.

“…You fool… I should have told you earlier… sniff…”

“…I’m sorry.”

“You fool. Really, you fool. Such a clueless fool… stupid… sniff…”

I had to comfort the trembling Yeon for a while. Later, I took the swollen-eyed Yeon home, deliberately avoiding the fierce gaze of the maid.

That night, I couldn’t fall asleep at all.