episode_0004

This terrible pain that is squeezing my heart feels so meaningless.

Did they say that dying before one’s parents is a ‘catastrophe disaster’? I understand that it means that grief is so cruel and miserable that it cannot even be measured.

As the only child, I had to deliver to my parents not congratulations on my promotion, but the news of my poor son’s death. That’s why my heart aches so much and I hate it so much.

The sorrowful look of injustice flowing through both eyes obscures my vision.

＇He’s like an X god..＇

I wonder if I’m going to be starving… I miss my mother’s kind smile, who gave me pocket money while splitting the living expenses I didn’t have, and my father’s hand, which always stood up silently and became the pillar of the family, even if the damn business went bankrupt, and firmly supported the position… I miss it so much. It’s coming.

They were people I looked up to endlessly, and they were parents who deserved to be happy. I always felt proud.

Maybe there was a way for everyone to live together?

I kept thinking.

Was my choice really the best?

I thought about it again.

What on earth was the person driving that car thinking?

I tried to blame it, but…

No matter how much I denied the reality and regretted it… In the end, thinking about my parents who were left behind by their children who ended their lives only made my heart ache even more than when I died.

I regretted not being able to send my parents on a trip, as they were busy with work, and I hated myself for not being able to dress them in luxurious clothes. I couldn’t wash away the overwhelming feeling of guilt. It was so miserable.

It is so painful that it cannot be expressed in words.

I continued to cry out to myself that I was a failure, but just as spilled water cannot be contained, life cannot be undone. Everything seemed awkward, like a cruel reality that had to be acknowledged and accepted.

***

How much did I sob and cry? The area around my eyes was so swollen and sore that tears no longer came out.

I lightly wipe my sniffling nose with the back of my hand and decide to take a moment to compose myself. Another memory I was trying hard to deny…

I felt as if the memories of my current life were comforting me from my past life, and I was able to quickly regain my composure.

＇Where am I?＇

Only then did I realize that the place I was in was in the forest on the shore of a lake that never dries, behind the mansion that exists in my memories of this life.

In an effort to soothe this anxious feeling, I naturally move to the lakeshore in the center of the forest. I wanted to see the open scenery right away.

That much is out of breath! Because it was so frustrating that I got stuck.

Tread.. plod..

Crawling that moves naturally. A familiar path leads me.

The sound of cool wind coming from all directions. The smell of grass in the forest felt through the wind. Even the cool shade of the trees makes you feel good.

Every moment I was heading to the lakeside, every sensation I felt reminded me once again that this was not a dream, but reality.

‘There must be a reason why you killed me..’

I never thought that the reason I died in my past life was because of a mistake or something natural. no! Maybe you don’t want to admit it. I should have cursed as much as I could at the unknown being who gave me that terrible experience, but I felt like this unjust anger that was rising like crazy would subside.

Even in such a complicated situation where I couldn’t even figure out why I was able to recall memories from my past life, the memories from my current life also remained clear. Of course I’m embarrassed.

My whole body was trembling, as if I had died in a car accident a while ago, but as I looked at the never-dry lakeside stretching out in front of me, I was once again reminded that this was reality. It was a scenery that touched the heart that much.

‘beautiful..’

Unidentifiable green trees formed a large circle, and even the sunlight rising on the clear lake shore was reflected so gently that it was dazzling.

Me in my past life, who couldn’t go on a school trip every time everyone else went on a school trip with the excuse of being sick… I didn’t even tell my parents about that fact and had no choice but to smile quietly and lie that I wasn’t going on school trips these days… This was the first time I made myself regret it. It was a spectacular scenery.

I thought that if I had treated myself more carefully and lived with more leisure, I would not have shed tears while looking at such a beautiful lakeside.

‘Do you really regret it?’

＇My life in the past?＇

No matter how much I deny myself that I feel this way, no matter how much I see Tyler… this thought that keeps coming up is driving me crazy.

＇Did I also want to live like other kids… playing… and traveling… like that…?’

Am I wrong for thinking this way? Because I have adapted to the given environment, all the things I have not been able to enjoy come to me too late and bind me to my foolish self.

‘It was all my choice and a reality I had to accept. ‘I tried to deny it, but the emotional ups and downs that came again only deepened.

“it hurts..”

I settle down for a moment on the shore of this damn lake that awakened these feelings. The area around my eyes, which were already swollen, has turned red, and it feels more sore than I thought. Is your skin naturally weak?

Why did I feel so exhausted just by crying a little? It was only at this point, when the memories of my previous life returned, that I realized that I was not able to adapt to my small body in this life.

For a moment, I reflect on the calm lakeside.

“That’s right.. this was me.”

Short hair that is as dark as the night sky. The eyes are slightly sharp and the eyes are as blue and sparkling as sapphires.

This is the me I knew. Of course, me in this life…

‘Pale skin…’

‘As far as I know, there is no illness…’

How pale the pure white skin looks. The area around my eyes was swollen and red from the tears I shed.

She looked so thin that one could mistake her for a slender girl, and at the same time, she looked dangerous.

‘It looks like it’s about to collapse just by looking at it.’

There is an indescribable feeling of disparity between my previous life as a 25-year-old adult and my current life as a young person. When I moved my arms and legs, they moved at smaller intervals than I expected, which felt both familiar and yet completely unfamiliar.

“Ha…..”

In the sigh I let out, there was a great deal of complexity and embarrassment as to why something like this had happened to me.

As if deep emotions that could never come out of a young boy were revealed. So I started looking at myself and trying to eliminate the feeling of disconnection.

In a snap…

The gentle waves of the lakeside make your hands cool. The whisper of a gentle breeze. It was amazing that a person’s heart could be turned upside down just by seeing and feeling it, but perhaps a little bit of the emotions of this life were also added to it.

＇It’s bitter..＇

Just like that, I bring that clear water to the area around my stinging eyes.

Not only is the headache not going away as I am still feeling gloomy and coming to terms with the memories of my past life, but even the swollen corners of my eyes are causing trouble again.

＇Cool..＇

After guessing that the water was clear enough to drink, I rinsed my face again and tried my best to understand and accept this absurd situation. It was just a compromise with reality.

Should I live my whole life with regrets like this? Should I live with the burden of being an immoral child, burdened with the unforgettable sins of my parents from my past life? No matter how much I regretted it, I couldn’t go back to that moment, so I had no choice but to admit it to some extent and make a promise.

I will never experience something like my previous life again…

You will never regret it again…

This much could be concluded with certainty. Of course, I know that this is not a problem that will be resolved immediately.

However, because he was caught up in the memories of his past life and could not give himself such a gloomy life in his current life, he held on tightly to his spirit and made up his mind. I had to try.

＇But.. what is this??＇

In front of me, who had barely come to my senses, there was a square button the size of a thumbnail that was fixed and following me no matter what point I looked at from earlier, attracting attention.

An unknown button that makes anyone want to press it.

I press it without a moment of hesitation.

In a way, it was natural to be interested in this mysterious button that did not exist in my current or past life memories, and it seemed like I was drawn to something instinctive that I couldn’t help but press.

Kuuk…

It clicks as if you were pressing a keyboard button! As soon as I felt the distance, an opaque text window clearly unfolded before my eyes.

I couldn’t help but be surprised by the sudden phenomenon.

『Information Window』

□Name: Dian Deluca Dahein

□Gender: Male

□Age: 13 years old

□Title: None

『Abilities』▼

[Stamina: 3] [Magic Power: 0{+2}] [Strength: 1]

[Dexterity: 1] [Intelligence: 3{+1}]

『Ability Window』▽

I soon realized that the text window in front of me, which was visible more clearly than ever before, was not an illusion.