episode_0004

“Are you there?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Responding to the question that came once in a while, I looked in the direction of the voice.

Moisture and water were seeping out from the slightly open bathroom door. When I lightly touched the pooled water on the floor, it was neither hot nor cold but lukewarm, thankfully indicating that the valve had been left untouched, and someone was quietly washing up.

After eating two bowls of spicy mapo tofu, sweating profusely without even rice, I declared that I would take a shower right away. Thanks to that decision, I could safely hand over the sweat-stained clothes, including sweat, blood, and other stains, to the washing machine without the usual hassle of wrestling with them.

Of course, it was a step forward just to muster the courage to do so, but it was still overwhelming to do it alone. After promising to wait until Jin finished throwing a tantrum at the door, I finally entered the bathroom.

“Still, things have improved quite a bit.”

Leaning against the wall, I muttered softly to myself, almost drowned out by the sound of water.

Jin’s body, as well as her mind, had deteriorated in various ways, but the aftereffects since the fire often interfered with her daily life.

Just a few years ago, I always had to hold her hand and take her everywhere. She couldn’t even bring herself to take the subway or bus and always had to walk around.

It was an added challenge that she would go berserk whenever I casually glanced at someone else or if someone looked at Jin or spoke to her. Of course, I loved Jin in any form, but outright rejecting others would inevitably lead to various difficulties in daily life. It was only natural that many awkward situations arose.

Anyway, I hadn’t even thought about finishing the shower all the way through.

It was a relief that her symptoms had improved enough for her to enter by herself, but she wasn’t ready to escape reality yet. It was still best to be prepared to enter at any moment while waiting like this.

“Maybe I’ll watch some TV.”

Closing the folder aimlessly fiddling with my phone, I picked up the remote and turned on the large LED TV in the living room.

My aunt had given it to me as a gift when it first came out, but I seemed to have no memory of actually watching it properly, as I was preoccupied with Jin’s daily routines. Pressing the green button, an anchor appeared on the screen, looking as if he were embedded in the panel, speaking with a rigid face, seemingly oblivious to viewers’ thoughts.

[─On the occasion of the 7th anniversary of the Red Devil Fire Tragedy, Hanja Pharmaceuticals expressed deep regret for the victims and their families at the official ceremony. However, they still maintain their previous stance that it was merely an unfortunate incident for which they cannot blame themselves or anyone else, and conflicts regarding compensation continue to persist···]

“….”

I repeatedly pressed the green button that I had slightly lifted off, causing the remote to break.

This wasn’t something I usually did. I felt like my stomach was turning. Disgust overwhelmed me. The screen had long hidden the traces, but the bitter taste of gastric acid filled my mouth. It was truly fortunate that I hadn’t eaten anything. Grateful to my past self and contemptuous of my present self twice over.

“Why are you like this?”

“…It’s nothing.”

“Your voice lacks strength.”

“Just… reminiscing for a moment.”

“Reminiscing.”

“Do you remember?”

“We were together.”

“Yeah, we were.”

“But other than that, I don’t remember.”

“…Is that so?”

Staggering to my feet, I tried to compose myself and cleared my throat again.

I would rather have forgotten everything like Jin. A ridiculous thought crossed my mind briefly. Doing something, anything, seemed better to clear my pathetic head even a little.

“Is it okay? Isn’t it difficult to cut your hair?”

“…Hmm, hmm… Shampoo.”

“What did you say?”

“…I can’t squeeze the shampoo.”

“Oh, really? Should I come and help?”

“Huh? Umm…”

It was embarrassing to be struggling like this after promising to do well on their own. Jin muttered with a cloudy tail.

But it was better this way. Unbearable pain can be erased by unbearable happiness. If Jin could wash away cleanly and organize her mind, there was nothing more she could ask for.

“Shall we go in?”

As I opened the leaking door a bit more and entered, Jin, sitting on a pink plastic bath chair with a shampoo cap on her head, was sitting with a blank expression.

Her perfectly white naked body was clearly visible, but she seemed more annoyed by her inability to handle her own hair. In fact, she had groped around several times, and pitiful soaps and conditioners were rolling on the tiled floor.

“Now that I’m here, don’t worry. Here, give me your hand.”

“Umm… here.”

As Jin cautiously reached out her trembling hand, I carefully guided it towards where the shampoo was placed. Thanks to this, we naturally ended up in a close position, but both Jin and I were focusing on our fingertips.

“You just need to hold it like this. Got it?”

“Can’t you do it for me next time too?”

“I told you, you need to be able to wash on your own.”

“Why? We’ll be together anyway.”

“That’s true, but…”

If I had let slip a similar nuance at this point, the shampoo bottle in my hand would probably have been crushed into pieces, so I decided to refrain from speaking. Following a pitiful dog to the road of no return was not an option.

Regardless, washing had to be done, so I wet Jin’s hands and lathered up the shampoo.

The fluffy foam shimmered like a flower. I thought it was a pretty gift that suited the princess sitting in front of me.

“If it stings your eyes, tell me. I’ll rinse it off right away.”

“Yes, yes.”

“Even if it feels too strong or your hair gets tangled, let me know.”

“Yes, yes.”

Before applying the shampoo, I sprayed water on Jin’s body in case she felt cold. She nodded her head like a kindergartener.

Her hands were neatly folded on her lap. Normally, I would have stopped here and left, but if she was making this much effort, I needed to show some respect even if it meant getting my clothes wet.

“Uh-huh, uh-huh.”

“Feeling good?”

“Good feeling.”

As I applied shampoo to her thoroughly washed hair and massaged her scalp, Jin shivered and trembled. Each time, her chest, which couldn’t be hidden behind her long, full hair, swayed. But before indulging in thoughts, there was much to do. I deliberately turned my gaze to the shampoo cap. It was a 2-in-1 shampoo, so this should be enough. Maybe it’s best to rinse slowly. Or…

“Jin, can you wash yourself with soap?”

“No.”

“I’ll help you wash your face, but you should do the rest yourself.”

“No.”

That was a firm answer.

It seemed there was no choice this time either.

Well, after providing this much service, abruptly leaving in the middle would surely upset anyone.

Hmm… Should I? I haven’t bathed with anyone other than Jin, so I’m not sure.

It’s better than Jin, but just because it’s me doesn’t mean I can build relationships excluding Jin. There are things one can and cannot do in this world. In a world already saturated with just the two of us, there was no room for outsiders. Even if there was, Jin would erase any traces and kill them off.

“…But it is indeed too stimulating.”

“What?”

“No. I guess it’s fine since you even wore pants.”

As he resigned himself and removed the shampoo cap, the hair that had been piled up fell down and covered Jin’s body. Then he squeezed liquid soap into his hands and lathered up.

To alleviate any boredom while waiting, I lifted him onto my shoulders, and his mood seemed to improve as he flashed a slight smile. It was a rare sight, a smile like a thousand out of ten, which gave me a bit of energy.

“Do you like the bubbles?”

“Yeah, they’re pretty bubbly and nice. Soft and fluffy, I like it.”

“Okay, can you close your eyes for a moment then?”

Knowing full well how scary it could be to say such a thing, but Jin surprisingly nodded obediently without a fuss.

He even stayed still without any resistance.

“Alright, done.”

“Haha…”

Was this Jin’s form of growth?

Or was it a calculated move to endure now so that I would wash him next time too? The latter seemed more likely, understanding his stubbornness. That way, it wouldn’t be as frightening. We moved on to the next turn right away.

Where did I put the shower ball? A thick one would be good if possible.

Just as I was thinking that, Jin tilted his head and called me, swaying slightly.

“Spray it here.”

“On… your chest? It will all drip down.”

“No, no. Just do it.”

With a moment of hesitation, I generously sprayed the gathered body wash as instructed. I didn’t want to go against Jin’s wishes.

Jin’s chest valley, pressed together with both arms, was now filled with a slippery liquid. I thought it might be a bit much, but… for Jin, who already had larger breasts than others his age, this amount seemed appropriate.

“Oops.”

However, contrary to my casual expectations, Jin suddenly, abruptly, without a word, wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me.

Having just removed the shampoo cap moments ago, he hadn’t put on a single piece of clothing. His smooth skin and exceptionally soft breasts were molding against my body. With each press of his slightly bumpy nipples against my shirt, a faint moan reached my ears. If he was doing this on purpose, it would be awkward. My stash of contraceptives was running low, and I couldn’t risk anything further here.

“Um… is this because you slipped earlier?”

“Huh? No. I’m sorry for being the only one washing.”

“What do you mean?”

“You need to wash too.”

It made no sense.

But as Jin glanced at me, not understanding his own feelings, he continued to rub his foam-covered body against mine, murmuring.

“I… can’t use my hands properly.”

“Uh.”

“So, I’m doing it this way.”

“I see.”

Certainly, compared to my hands that were trembling and not moving as intended, his chest had a large area, volume, and elasticity. Just like my hands, there were exactly two of them. According to clever Jin, there was no inadequacy in using his uncomfortable body wash instead of the shower ball.

“Hahaha…”

Laughter escaped involuntarily.

People often said strange things about him, claiming he was abnormal or not in his right mind. But it was all just noise from those who truly didn’t understand. Jin was clearly aware of issues with his own body. This constant worry was due to his fear of me getting hurt. There probably wasn’t anyone as kind-hearted as him in the world. Those who forget even the slightest consideration are the strange ones.

“…I’m truly a happy person.”

“Hmm, what was that?”

“It’s nothing. I just felt so good that my thoughts slipped out unintentionally.”

“Really, feeling good?”

“Extremely, extremely good.”

“Hehe…”

The excessive happiness was so overwhelming that it lacked any sense of suffering. It surpassed the appropriate amount by far, making me feel like I could collapse at any moment.

If possible, it would have been nice if they had noticed that I was wearing clothes, but expecting that much was an excessive luxury. It was enough for me to enjoy this virtue of someone doing their best for me. Asking for more would have been asking for divine punishment.

“Aren’t you feeling hot?”

“Nah~ I’m fine~.”

How much time had passed like that?

After successfully washing off all the fatigue from my body with Jin, who was now dressed in a soft knitted dress, I managed to regain my dizzy mind intoxicated with happiness and started cleaning up.

As Jin, clad in a cozy knitted dress, hummed a tune childishly while I dried my hair with a blow dryer, it seemed like we could just leave things as they were since there were no plans for tomorrow’s leisurely weekend. However, given the need to visit the hospital for an examination, it seemed necessary to administer medication. As positive emotions surfaced honestly, so could negative ones. It was a situation where something like resentment could emerge, especially there of all places.

“Where… the nerve stabilizer. Oh, here it is. The sleeping pills. Jin, take these and go to sleep.”

“Already? I still want to play with you.”

“I’ll play with you tomorrow. We have to get up early, and you’ve had a tiring day out today.”

“I’m fine. I can kill more.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Let’s go out again tomorrow. Straight after visiting the hospital.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Really really?”

“Really really.”

“Got it. It’s a promise.”

“Yes, a pinky promise.”

As we interlocked our pinkies and stamped the deal with our thumbs, Jin smiled happily as if satisfied. It was a stark contrast to the stoic expression visible outside.

I wanted things to stay this way if possible. Not going outside, not getting involved with anyone else, just the two of us living together forever. Then, I wouldn’t harm anyone. Jin could also live happily like a child.

But dreams are just dreams.

They are fleeting illusions when you turn your eyes away from reality, never to be realized.

In the future, Jin and I must continue to compromise with the world forever. Just like forcing down distasteful medicine, we must live with reality.

“Gulp… Jin. Did you finish it all?”

“Yeah, yeah. I finished it all. Are we going to sleep now?”

“Yeah… Let’s go to the bedroom and sleep…”

Huh.

Unexpectedly, the sleeping pills seemed to take effect quickly.

Did I overexert myself today? If I fell asleep here, I might catch a cold… That’s fine for me, but what about Jin…?

“It’s time to say goodbye already.”

As I began to lean forward slightly, losing my balance, Jin opened her arms as if waiting for me. Embraced by the soft touch of her knitted sweater, my eyelids began to droop rapidly.

Perhaps because of that, I couldn’t see Jin’s expression as she held me.

Whatever she was saying, it didn’t quite register in my ears.

There was much to do tomorrow. I had to ride the teacher’s car to Auntie’s hospital. I needed to get new medication. I had to play with Jin. And then, and then…

“Sleep well tonight. Together, always. See you again tomorrow.”

Though unsure, those words seemed to reach me.

So clear and distinct, it felt like a farewell that wasn’t part of a dream as my eyes slowly closed.