episode_0004

*Drip. Drip. Drip.*

“Sigh…”

I wanted to let go of Lily’s hand, but her sleeping face was adorned with a smile.

*Drip. Drip. Drip.*

She looked so happy that I couldn’t bring myself to disturb her.

*Drip. Drip. Drip.*

How could everyone be so foolish as to label this angelic Lily, who knew nothing, simply based on rumors as a demon, a witch, or a villainess, driving her to death?

*Sigh.*

“Ugh… Ouch!”

As Lily unexpectedly pinched an unusual spot, I unintentionally let out a groan.

Feeling her touch becoming increasingly sensitive, I gently lifted Lily’s hand, unable to help it.

Her face contorted and she made whimpering noises.

Apologizing internally, I guided her hand down from my body, then got up from the bed.

Surprisingly, as soon as I left Lily’s embrace, she shivered.

“Is she having a nightmare?”

Though there were many tasks at hand, all of them were ultimately for Lily’s sake. So, I slowly stroked Lily’s head, and her heavily distorted expression gradually returned to a smile.

The painful groans disappeared, and like a cat, she made content sounds such as “Sigh…”

It’s fascinating how quickly her demeanor changes even while asleep. Could it be because she’s exhausted?

Unconsciously, I sat next to Lily, admiring her as she slept, feeling her hand.

Continuing to stroke her, I checked the time.

An entire hour had passed since I woke up.

Terrifying. I had only been gazing at her sleeping face, yet an hour had vanished.

*Whoosh.*

I cautiously removed my hand, which had been caressing Lily.

Fortunately, she seemed to have fallen into a deep sleep; her eyes briefly fluttered open but quickly regained a lovely smile.

After ensuring Lily was sound asleep, I carefully got up and left the room.

It was more serious than I thought. I couldn’t fathom how long it had been since the place was last cleaned. I covered my mouth and nose with a clean cloth like a mask.

Upon arriving at the location the maid mentioned earlier, I was relieved to find the cleaning tools in good condition, appearing unused.

What were the previous maids doing? Well, they had ignored Lily from the start.

Calmly, I assessed the layout of the house.

The first floor consisted of a living room, kitchen, one bedroom, a bathroom, and a storage room.

The second floor housed Lily’s room, the room where I would stay, an extra room, and another storage area.

Since Lily was sleeping on the second floor, I decided to clean the first floor first.

Armed with a duster, I opened all the windows on the first floor.

Thankfully, a gentle breeze was blowing.

Once prepared, I began cleaning. The process was dreadful.

With every swipe of the duster, dust poured out as if I had cast a Dust Blizzard spell.

Despite covering myself, my nose and throat itched, and my vision inexplicably blurred, likely due to dust particles settling in my eyes.

Fortunately, after some time, the house regained its original brightness as the dust dissipated. It was astonishing how much brighter a home became once the dust vanished.

“Oh.”

While surveying the slightly tidier house, my eyes met a clock.

“3 PM…?”

Considering I arrived here around morning, I realized…

I hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch. Meaning… Lily hadn’t either.

*Thud.*

I felt a shock as if my heart had dropped.

I had overslept and missed making breakfast, and I had forgotten about lunch while cleaning.

This was a problem.

Missing mealtime during the peak hours of hunger was a significant oversight.

What should I do?

I must wake Lily up. Or perhaps she’s already awake due to hunger…?

Abandoning the duster on the floor, I dashed upstairs.

*Knock, knock.*

“Lily, are you awake?”

No response from Lily.

*Tock tock.*

“Lily, I’m coming in.”

After knocking again and receiving no response, I assumed she was still asleep. I turned the doorknob, opened the door, and entered.

“Lily!??”

Upon entering the room, Lily’s appearance shook me to the core.

Lily was sitting on the bed, hugging her knees. At first glance, everything seemed fine, but it was her bleeding hands that were concerning.

Lily was scratching between her fingers with her nails, causing them to bleed profusely.

The blood seemed to narrate Lily’s suffering, continuously flowing as a testament to her pain.

I knew this state all too well.

If left unchecked, Lily exhibited symptoms of PTSD, scratching her fingers until they bled due to excessive stress.

But the events occurred when she was 17 or 18. She’s only 8 now…?

No. I shouldn’t dwell on game information. This is reality.

A child living in such conditions couldn’t possibly be okay.

I quickly approached Lily and grabbed her hand.

*Thud.*

Even though I was there, Lily showed no response. When I held her hand, she tried to scratch it again, pushing my hand away.

Remembering that Lily liked being close to me,

*Embrace.*

I hugged Lily in my arms.

“Uh, Am… Amelia?”

Thankfully, Lily seemed to regain her senses and called my name.

“Yes. I’m Amelia. Lily, it’s Amelia.”

*Stroke stroke.*

As Lily received my gentle touch, her trembling body began to calm down.

Fortunately, her hand, which had been self-harming, seemed to lose strength, and the scratching sound ceased.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

I didn’t ask why or what caused this. I simply held her warmly, caressing her beautiful hair without saying a word.

Perhaps sensing my intentions, Lily also embraced me.

We comforted each other, feeling each other’s warmth until we both found solace.

When I tried to loosen my grip slightly, Lily tightly hugged me back.

She still seemed unsettled.

“Ugh… Haa…”

“Hmm…”

Despite wearing clothes, I could feel Lily’s breath on me.

It felt like she wasn’t breathing but trying to inhale my scent. Maybe it was due to her mood…?

Now that Lily seemed calmer, she let go of my hand and moved away from my embrace. I felt a bit disappointed.

“Are you hungry? It’s a bit late, but shall we have dinner?”

There were many questions I wanted to ask, but our relationship was still new, just meeting today.

“Yeah.”

“Just wait a moment. I’ll cook something quickly.”

*Sigh.*

As I got up from the bed to prepare food, Lily grabbed onto my skirt.

With her small, adorable, blood-stained hands, she held onto my skirt tightly, shaking.

As if she didn’t want to let go.

I sat back down, meeting Lily’s eyes.

Her small, cute eyes were filled with tears.

I didn’t know what had happened before I arrived as a maid, but it must have been terrible.

To see a child like this in such distress…

When we first met, I had resolved to make her happy and keep her safe, but reality weighed heavier than I expected.

Seeing Lily holding onto me with her bloodied hands and tears streaming down her face, I couldn’t help but cry too.

Making her happy wasn’t the priority.

Healing this child was what mattered most.

Creating a future that defied any ending required enduring countless hardships and challenges.

Each one was a perilous obstacle, endangering Lily’s life.

But I was there. I was by her side.

“Shall we cook together?”

Quickly wiping away my tears, I tried to hold Lily’s blood-stained hand with a bright smile.

Only then did I realize that my hands were already soaked in Lily’s blood.

I had already shared pain with Lily.

Without hesitation, I took Lily’s hand.

“Shall we go get your hand treated first?”

==

I didn’t expect it to be this severe. The PTSD I experienced before going back to the past.

The drug use that started due to the nightmares of Amelia’s death every night. My body was a mess back then.

After returning to the past and finding no issues, I felt relieved.

Thinking I could meet Amelia in two years, I didn’t even have nightmares. There were no withdrawal symptoms either.

But everything changed after meeting Amelia.

Was it because I endured and held on until now? When I woke up and didn’t see Amelia, my body instantly turned cold.

My head spun, my whole body trembled, and my fingers itched like crazy.

These symptoms were like the feeling when drugs ran out. I tried to calm down as much as possible. But my mind wouldn’t allow it.

I know.

Amelia is alive. She just left my side for a moment.

I’m anxious.

Afraid Amelia will disappear again. Afraid she’ll be gone forever by my side.

I want to die.

I miss Amelia. I want her by my side every single moment of my life.

When I briefly came to my senses, my hands were already covered in blood.

‘Ah…’

I wanted to show Amelia my clean body, but my fingers were already full of wounds like the rest of my body.

Even when the drugs ran out, it didn’t get this bad, but my current state was serious even by my own standards.

I could immediately understand the reason.

Back then, I couldn’t feel the already deceased Amelia. But now, she’s alive, and I felt her just moments ago.

Wanting something you can’t have versus wanting something you can have is like night and day.

My body already desires Amelia. And I’ve already felt it.

My body has become one that cannot live without Amelia.