episode_0003

What did you say?

What did Kael just say to me?

Are you looking for a remarriage partner?

“What are you talking about? How can I be looking for a remarriage partner when your father is still here?”

“Mother, it’s because you don’t love father.”

Huh? Well, that’s true, but what does that have to do with this now?

In the marriage of nobles, what importance does individual emotion hold? My nature turned into a mere formality long ago. After all, I’ve already given birth to two children.

“It’s not like your mother is an indifferent woman who would turn her eyes away for such a trivial reason. Bayoren’s nature isn’t possessed only by your father, is it? She has to uphold her honor even for your sake.”

“Then why would father indulge in escapades as soon as he leaves his seat?”

“Escapades? Isn’t that a bit much, Kael? Your mother just wants to get some fresh air for a moment during this opportunity.”

“If she wants fresh air, can’t she just wander around as Bayoren pleases? Although our family is from Jajak, our territory is quite large. There are plenty of places to wander. The people of the territory and the guests all respect my mother. Wherever she goes around here, she’ll be welcomed.”

Who says so? It’s not like I’m satisfied with my life either. I enjoy interacting with the people who like me and wandering around the territory.

At first, I was forced into a marriage through an unwanted abduction, which made me suffer, but spending time with my beloved children made me somewhat happy.

Even though I’m a regional lord, I’ve lived a fairly affluent life as a lady from Jajak. Because the citrus-related businesses I drove were very successful, my subjects didn’t disrespect me as a commoner and recognized me as their lady.

But I can’t accept the reality that I can’t even go to my son’s coming-of-age ceremony. Kael is no different than my own flesh and blood. He’s my precious child, so why can’t a mother attend her son’s coming-of-age ceremony?

“It’s not just about wanting to get some fresh air.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

It’s a secondary issue that I’ve spent over 20 years confined to the territory. I want to officially celebrate the achievements of my one and only eldest son after spending more than 20 years in the territory.”

“…So, you’re not really considering remarriage?”

“Of course not. Oh, really! Kyle! Why would I even think about meeting another man? Your father is quite a decent man.”

“Wait, are you saying my father is quite a decent man?”

Seeing her blue eyes sparkle, it was truly an unexpected reaction. Well, given Kyle’s response, it wasn’t that surprising. Considering my past behavior, it might not seem like I hold a favorable view of her father.

“I know it sounds strange coming from me, but isn’t your father relatively decent for a nobleman?”

“What happened in the last 3 years? You used to dislike father.”

“…I still don’t like him. But we’ve spent time together. We have you and Kiel as a family. What more can I do? I have to be satisfied with this and live on.”

“Haven’t you always harbored resentment towards father?”

“Well…?”

“Saying he’s like a horny animal, calling him to the bedroom at every opportunity…”

“Wait a minute!”

Right. That’s how it was. I used to sneak into the guest room and vent my complaints about my husband.

It was never foolishly confiding these emotions to my children. As it turns out, Kyle had been eavesdropping on his mother’s words from the adjacent guest room. Several times, in fact.

I didn’t realize this until my child was twenty. If Kyle hadn’t told me himself, I would have never known.

But no matter how much one loves their mother, is that kind of behavior warranted? Well, maybe it was out of consideration for the suffering parent, who knows…

“Actually, now that I think about it, that was my fault. It’s not right for a lady, especially a noblewoman, to badmouth her husband, even if it’s just to herself…”

“I’m not trying to interrogate or blame you.”

“I know, I understand. Anyway, as you know, your mother has some peculiar emotions, right?”

“…I admit that.”

“Think about other nobles besides your father. You, who freely roam the capital, probably know better than your mother, right?”

The term “peculiar sentiments” here refers to my thoughts that cannot escape the modern mindset of my past life. Of course, what my husband did to me was wrong, and coercive control is also wrong. However, in this world that pursues medieval fantasy, considering the status of commoners and the authority of a lady writer, expressing my dissatisfaction from my perspective would only sound like a spoiled complaint to others.

The white dress I am wearing now was worth ten years’ wages for a commoner, and beneath me, who was a commoner, were countless noble residents. The divine beings who serve the lady writer were originally higher in status than me.

The success of tangerine and orange farming was supported by the wealth of the lady writer. Originally, a commoner woman like me should have been grateful even to marry a wealthy commoner, let alone a lady writer.

Would it be a big deal if a local warlord, who commands tens of millions of people, raped a common woman just because she was a commoner? In the first place, in a noble society, a common woman like me is usually taken as a concubine and used as a childbearer, then discarded when old. Even the lowest-ranking nobles look down on commoners.

Therefore, regardless of my feelings toward my husband, the noble residents praise the relationship between a lady writer and her divine beings as a romance of the century, connected by true love beyond status and position. Since there are no concubines for common women, it’s understandable.

So, my husband may have had barbaric and rough sentiments, but it means he is not a mere human being like other typical nobles. In simple terms, he is a noble worthy of receiving enough respect and love from a woman.

Of course, I didn’t start thinking like this from the beginning. For decades, I shivered in agony at the difference between my perspective and that of medieval people. However, living a relatively comfortable life, as time passed and ‘medievalization’ took place to some extent, I couldn’t help but realize that I was a fortunate human being relative to others. It was even more so after realizing that our wealthy family’s tangerine farm immediately faced famine.

Of course, I still feel a little unjustified resentment towards my husband, who always slips between my legs without permission.

“Your father sometimes understands your mother’s perspective, doesn’t he?”

“Do you mean that ‘peculiar temperament’?”

“Yeah, when I think about it, he kidnapped me at the age of 7 and didn’t even touch me until I reached the minimum marriageable age of 14. After marriage, he claimed to be considerate and abolished the custom of abduction. His attitude towards his wife is sincere, isn’t it? Above all, considering that he named this castle after your mother, using the name ‘Darin’…”

“I understand what you’re saying, but didn’t your mother always tell me to marry someone I love? She used to say that a life without loving someone is full of suffering. So why is it okay now?”

“You were only five at the time, right? Your mother wasn’t in her right mind then. Wait, what did I say to the child? Sorry, Kael.”

“I actually liked it. I found it endearing that my mother was honest only in front of me. I’m just curious about why the things she said to me have changed now.”

“Well, that’s your noble perspective. It was more than an honor for a commoner mother. And love? Do we really need to bother with that? I already love you and Fiel.”

“…It seems like your mother has changed a lot in three years.”

“Maybe? After you and Fiel left, I had a lot of time to think alone.”

“Well… Oh, never mind. I understand. If that’s how my mother feels, I don’t need to doubt further.”

“Haha, thanks for understanding, my son.”

I thought she was being harsh for no reason, but I’m relieved that she accepted it despite her unpleasant attitude. The truth is, I’ve just been fantasizing about what it would have been like if I had married a woman while reminiscing about my past life as a man.

Wait, why did I have such a fantasy?

Accepting that I am a woman doesn’t mean I’ve come to like men. As an example, I’ve intertwined my body with my husband for over 20 years, but considering that the emotion called love hasn’t sprouted, this is to some extent a confirmed fact.

Do I, who has become such, commit adultery with another nobleman? Absolutely not. Even now, rather than finding joy in intertwining with my husband, I simply entrust my body to the pleasure originating from below.

Now, looking at my grown-up children, I don’t even think about an interest in the opposite sex. Attachment to people isn’t all about heterosexual love, is it? If my beloved children marry and create happy families, I have nothing more to wish for.

I smiled gratefully at my son who understood his mother’s words. Huh? But something seems a little strange? Why does Kyle’s face still look stiff? Could there be something else he wants to say?

“Mother, what you’re saying is strange.”

“Huh? What, what’s strange?”

“I’m not calling you a depraved woman trying to commit adultery. But you said from the beginning that you wouldn’t commit adultery ‘under the assumption of having a husband.’”

“Uh…?”

“Your son asked from the beginning like this. Are you searching for a ‘remarriage partner’?”

“……”

“Hasn’t it been almost three months since father went missing…?”