episode_0002

A few days after the small conversation in the cafeteria, the butler came into the office wearing a stylish tailcoat from the morning.

“I didn’t know you had a hobby of buying clothes like that.”

“There is no way this old man could wear such expensive clothes, right, matriarch.”

“I don’t think there is an age limit when it comes to fashion.”

“There is definitely no age limit for fashion. But aren’t there restrictions on status at banquets hosted by the imperial family?”

“Banquet… ?”

“Didn’t I tell you this a while ago? There is a Victory Day banquet today. I remember this old man clearly responding that the head of the family would also attend… ”

I don’t remember if I did that, but if the butler says so, it must be so.

“… I have no choice.”

“The lady and the madam are also attending, but if the head of the house does not go, their position will be in trouble.”

“In fact, it would be the opposite. The moment a disgrace from the family like me comes along, the two of you will feel uncomfortable.”

“Matriarch… ”

“So prepare the carriage separately. Have a large carriage ready for them. Even if it’s a bit inconvenient, something small is enough for me.”

The moment you enter with me, my mother and sister will be suffering from people’s cold stares. In that case, it would be better for them to give me a cold look along with them.

I’m so used to their cold gaze now.

“… I have no choice but to attend, but please prepare proper attire.”

“Yes, I have prepared a proper fur coat for the head of the house to wear.”

If someone who doesn’t know the situation hears this, they will ask if I’m crazy.

Who wears a fur coat in this hot weather? Even the shirts worn underneath are worn as thin as possible, so who would wear such a thick fur coat?

However, it was an unavoidable action for me as I was keeping the lights off as much as possible even while the cicadas were screeching outside the window.

“Would one suit be enough?”

“… Prepare two sets.”

“Are you really planning on not informing the lady or your wife about your condition? ?”

“For them, there would be no waste of time like listening to my news. I know that, but… I don’t even want to experience that reaction myself.”

There was a big difference between knowing and actually experiencing. I had a good idea of what the reaction would be, but I didn’t want to see that reaction with my own eyes.

Because I’m just a coward who doesn’t like to get hurt.

“… Butler. Call a maid to help you change clothes and a maid to do your makeup. Let them speed up their joining.”

“Okay.”

I needed someone to adjust my clothes so that my emaciated body wasn’t revealed, and I needed someone to decorate my face so that it didn’t show my paler face than before.

My family may not know, but I’m sure my friends will notice that my condition has gotten much worse.

“Sad. Having to deceive even your friends.”

“Aren’t you doing this to be considerate of your friends? Don’t feel too guilty.”

“Thank you.”

There was one consolation to this sad banquet. This means that you can meet people at once who would normally have had to go to you separately to convey business to you.

It was fortunate that I could at least save what little time was left.

okay. Think of it that way.

###

The sky just before sunset was pretty unappealing. At least I thought so. My mother and younger brother left first in a carriage, and I also decided to follow in a small carriage.

The time spent checking the bottom of the carriage while wearing a thick fur coat was neither boring nor interesting.

It was simply a time of wondering what the stains on the floor resembled. That too was a meaningless action, but it was my own effort to make the time less boring.

“The head of the family has arrived.”

When the carriage door opened, I got out of the carriage, holding the cane I had placed on the seat across from me.

The sound of the cane, louder than my footsteps, caught people’s attention.

“I went there personally at the invitation of His Majesty the Emperor.”

The servants who were greeting the guests also seemed quite surprised by my appearance.

“… Do you plan to open the door only by calling the landlord directly?”

“Oh, no. Just because I didn’t expect to see you in person… It’s not that I absolutely ignored you or anything like that.”

“I.”

I understood their situation. They probably didn’t expect to meet me either, and they wouldn’t be very happy about meeting someone they didn’t want to meet. It’s completely understandable.

That’s why I didn’t want to see them crushing their pride and making excuses.

I also hated the act of forcing someone to come up with an excuse. Because I didn’t want to become that kind of authoritative person.

“I don’t like conversations full of unreasonable excuses.”

“We will make sure this does not happen next time… !”

There was no need to bow so low and apologize.

“Be safe.”

“Yes… ?”

“Because there will be no next time for us.”

Anyway, I have no intention of attending the imperial banquet after today.

“Ah… ”

Leaving behind him, who sat down as if his legs had lost some of their strength, I walked into the banquet hall.

And the person announcing the entrance of important guests shouted my identity loudly.

“Member of the five heroes who led the Great War to victory and the head of the Bergé family! Raoul Bergé is entering!”

Such a noisy stance was not only unpopular, but it was also a nuisance to people. Everyone took a step back as if I was uncomfortable, and the faces of people who were chatting happily became hard.

I was planning to go quietly and just show my face, but this will only cause trouble for both of us.

And I also felt disgusted when this person shouted my name. My first name in ancient language was ‘hope of life’, and my last name was ‘love of those around me’ in ancient language. Both of these are things I don’t have now, so having a name like that is just a simple deception. Well, if you think about it that way, my name doesn’t exist.

“What on earth are you doing in a place like this? ”

“Shh, what are you going to do if you hear that? You are the one who caused the deaths of my comrades and subordinates. Do you think I will just leave it alone?”

“Your Majesty is indifferent to recognizing someone like that as a hero.”

“He was a close friend of His Majesty the Emperor, so he probably had no choice but to take the position. If it weren’t for your close friend, His Majesty would have cut off your head.”

What are they overlooking? Are they overlooking the fact that their own voices are loud enough to be heard? Or am I overlooking the fact that my ears are still fine?

If not, is he playing a trick on me even though he knows all the facts?

There wasn’t much interest in either one. It’s not that I didn’t know that there were people who thought that way, and it wasn’t much different from what I expected to hear today.

“… Excuse me.”

I spoke to the servant who was busy carrying the alcohol.

“Nothing. What’s going on… ?”

“I would like to be guided to the break room. Can you tell me the most secluded place?”

“The party has just started. Do you mind if I don’t enjoy it any longer…? ?”

“I’m tired. I want to close my eyes even just a little bit.”

I couldn’t sleep, but I felt like time would go by a little faster if I counted, even if just for a moment, with my eyes closed.

“Yes… We will guide you.”

He was trying his best to smile, but I could see the irritation behind his expression. Nevertheless, I just admired him for trying his best to hide it, and I wasn’t angry at all.

“It is the quietest place because it is the furthest from the hall… It may be a bit uncomfortable. Are you okay?”

Although it was definitely clean, it was a bit narrow. If you just look at the size, it would be smaller than the rooms that the maids who work in our mansion stay in.

“It’s okay.”

I handed him a silver coin. Although he seemed disappointed that it was not a gold coin, he bowed and expressed his gratitude without losing his smile.

Isn’t he truly an amazing person? It felt professional that he was trying so hard to hide his emotions, and I wanted to at least applaud his professionalism. I’m not being sarcastic, I’m being sincere.

“Phew… ”

After sending him off, I quietly squatted down in the corner next to the fire. And with his face between his knees, he stared into the darkness.

The sense of time that was paralyzed in the dark gave me a little bit of breathing room. I wanted to remain like this, drifting in the darkness until the banquet was over.

But my wish was cruelly broken by uninvited guests.

“Hey, return invoice! Are you not drinking again, and are you stuck in a place like this, shaking like a Cheongseung?”

“Ha… There is no trace of dignity. You seem to have forgotten that you are the daughter of a noble family.”

“… Your Majesty. Your Majesty’s act of opening the door without knocking is equally undignified.”

Although my eyes were accustomed to the dark, I was able to clearly recognize who they were.

“… Get out.”

At least now that I was resting, I didn’t want to see anyone’s face.

Just as eyes accustomed to darkness prefer darkness, I, accustomed to being alone, wanted to remain alone like this.

“You have grown up a lot, Count Bergé. How dare you give an order to the emperor.”

“… Could you please go away, Your Majesty?”

Is it because my childhood days of calling people by their names informally have passed? We started calling each other not by our names, but by the status that came with our names. Yeah, this might be a very sad thing.

“Haha, the Count seems to be in a bad mood today.”

My name was not Count.

“……”

I put my face between my knees again.

“Count I just wanted to ask you just in case… ”

If it was just a matter of needless worry, I was planning on answering with silence.

“Are you, by any chance, menstruating? This is the first time that a man has menstruation.”

And the moment those words reached my ears, an ear-splitting burst of sound filled the small room.

If we look at the cause of that plosive sound, it is probably the fault of me and the emperor.

I swung my staff that I had thrown aside, and the emperor blocked my attack with the sword he had on his belt.

“… Isn’t this act an attempt to assassinate the emperor? Count ”

“Please rest assured. Soon it will no longer be an attempt.”

I was serious. At least I didn’t have the tact to make a joke in this situation.

I wasn’t particularly angry. It’s just that the strings of reason are not tight enough to restrain the body from moving naturally.

At least in front of them, I was able to loosen those ties of reason.

Yeah, it was just that kind of relationship.