episode_0002

-Rustling

Morning has come.

As my body clock is almost set from the crack of dawn, the sun was just peeking out.

He’s someone who prepares for work from 6 a.m.

This guy starts work at 7 a.m. and comes around 5 p.m. Originally, the start time would be 8 or 9 a.m., but it seems like the company has good welfare benefits.

I’ve never been in a company like that, so I don’t really know. There must be companies where you go in early and leave early.

At the sound of his waking up, I automatically woke up too, intending to prepare for the morning.

“Huh…?”

However, like a toddler taking its first steps, I hesitated and sat back down.

“Jiwoo! Are you okay?”

“I-I’m fine.”

Suddenly, darkness crept in front of my eyes like bugs, narrowing in and accompanied by dizziness, causing me to lose my sense of balance.

“Oh. You got startled. It’s not like you’re feeling unwell, right? Should we go to the hospital?”

“I’m fine. Just need a moment like this…”

It feels like the world is spinning. It’s worse than when you’re hungover. My breathing became rough, and I felt pain in my chest.

“A hospital… Maybe I should really go…”

“I’m getting better. Just need a moment.”

Seemingly noticing my clutching my chest, he touched my shoulder with a worried voice. But his face wasn’t visible. A beep sounded in my ears.

I thought it might be hyperventilation, so I covered my face with a pillow. After a few minutes, the dizzying darkness gradually disappeared along with the dizziness.

“Oh. Hyung, the time!”

“Ah. Has it passed already like this?”

The clock was indicating that a lot of time had passed.

Morning strangely passes quickly.

Since I hadn’t prepared anything, he immediately changed his clothes.

I hurried to the kitchen, preparing something to eat even roughly.

You need to eat breakfast to have energy.

I took out a frying pan and turned on the gas stove.

After roughly spreading butter on toast, I cracked an egg onto the heated frying pan, making sure it stayed in place, and toasted the bread as well.

“This one’s for you to take!”

Finally, after spreading jam, I completed a sandwich that may not look visually appealing but had a slightly crispy texture due to the toasted bread.

“Thank you! I’ll be back!”

I had even prepared parchment paper to wrap the food just in case.

My hands got greasy, an unsightly task of holding the steering wheel. For him, who cherishes his car, there was no choice but to prepare.

“Phew…”

The small battle commonly fought in the morning was over.

In this slightly larger house for two, silence settled in, with only the faint sound of the refrigerator motor running.

“Well then, time to clean.”

After eating the remaining bread for a meal, I picked up cleaning tools.

Even though I had sporadically cleaned this house for three months, there was still something hidden in some corner.

The reason it was something unknown was because I truly didn’t know. Like Columbus who hadn’t discovered the New World yet, I was also adventuring in this house.

“Oh. Darn.”

Lipsticks and some unidentifiable cosmetics spilled out. Fortunately, they weren’t cockroaches…

“Oh!”

Moreover, these were almost unused, brand new items with the same color. There were two more of them.

Money doesn’t just appear out of thin air, and I didn’t buy them because I forgot.

“Sigh…”

I roughly sorted them and put them in a basket. I’ll sell them later.

“Ugh.”

I only know my older sister when it comes to women. Since graduating from an all-boys’ high school, I had absolutely no experience meeting women.

At best, my sister. A human trash compactor. All I knew was a crazy girl who turned our house into a garbage dump.

So, I’m curious. Do all women do this with their dressing tables? Can they distinguish what’s what?

Lipstick-like cosmetics are rolling around. The colors don’t seem to differ much, making me question if they are really necessary.

“Sigh… When will I clean all of this….”

I swept the cosmetics into a basket as if sweeping them away.

However, turning my head reveals trash. Turning back, I see the morning sunlight shining while more trash is visible.

I was having a small adventure in what used to be my sister’s room, now called cleaning.

“Wow, it’s cheap!”

Going grocery shopping before preparing dinner has become a habit.

Thinking ahead about what to make today, jotting it down on my phone’s memo pad, going around the mart, and finally coming back from the cheapest and decent quality place is my goal.

Now that rough estimates of price differences are in my head, I don’t just wander around but only buy cheap items from each mart.

That’s the spirit of saving.

“Goodbye~”

“Ugh… This is crazy.”

Today, I bought things very cheaply again.

This should save a lot. Points keep accumulating, so even if I don’t bring money later, I have enough points to buy a few things.

As much as my sister spends, I have to save so my brother-in-law can save money and not find another woman to remarry?

Even though I may seem like this, at 27, when asked if I have had any experience with women, I heard that I haven’t.

So the relationship… well, yeah. Such a person wouldn’t go to call girls or escorts for sympathy.

Not even my sister. It’s just lack of experience.

My sister says she’s chaste. She’s willing to throw away something that’s soaked in water on the floor because it seems like it would make the floor dirtier trying to wipe it with a mop.

Walking down the street, receiving business cards, exchanging numbers, and taking pictures, even though I live close by, driving around, I briefly wondered how I’ve never met a woman.

Thinking about how to make kimchi stew well, I move my steps towards where the sun is setting.

“…Ugh. Not now.”

Suddenly, my body went limp.

The one who came in the morning has returned.

My vision started to darken.

Starting from the edges of my eyes, it felt like insects were gradually eating away at my sight.

*Thud.*

Suddenly, dizziness hit me, losing my sense of balance, and I collapsed.

“Ow….”

I can’t see anything. Even when I strain my eyes, it feels like there’s a problem with the facial muscles, stiffening my face, and the dim darkness keeps expanding, indicating that I might have truly fallen, as only the pain in my knees tells me.

“Ugh….”

Dizziness worsened, feeling like I was about to vomit.

Is this what it feels like when the world spins? Surely, I must be sitting or lying down.

But whether my head is spinning on its own or not, the dizziness and vertigo continued.

“Ack…!!”

Then, a sensation of twisting in my stomach seized my whole body.

What kind of comprehensive gift set is this?

I touched my eyes with trembling hands, not knowing if they were open or closed, pressing them forcibly.

At least, I wished to just faint.

Feeling like my body was being torn apart, screaming in agony, it felt like my bones were shattering or moving on their own.

It felt like my body was being compressed by hydraulic pressure, experiencing a lifetime of pain all at once.

I prayed to God or whoever could hear me to please make this damn pain go away.

“Ugh….”

Still, with my hands covering my pitch-black vision, I forcibly shut them tightly.

***

Upon entering the emergency room, the faint scent of disinfectant that made me feel like my body would be cleansed gently permeated the air. The beeping sound turned my head, revealing monitors that seemed to indicate my heart rate and water in a vinyl pack connected to a hose running down my arm.

I have never been hospitalized before, but I already knew this was a hospital from my drama knowledge.

Single room. It must be expensive.

Still, it’s a hospital. Fortunately, I seem to be alive.

The excruciating pain that felt like it could kill me has subsided, but when I try to move, my body feels sore as if my bones are finding their place.

And something feels slightly heavy in my chest…

“…Huh. Huh?”

The sight that greeted me as I lowered my head is endlessly new.

It seems like my belly has slightly risen, but there are two lumps.

They look quite tempting. Not a watermelon… maybe a melon.

“…Ah. Ah… Ahaha.”

Feels a bit foolish. What is this? It’s definitely not a woman’s chest.

Could that excruciating pain that twisted my whole body have been hysteria? Maybe acute hysteria, and suddenly it grew, and because of the chest, my unexpected female voice also screamed in pain… My voice even changed a bit after resting.

“Ah. Ah… Ah……”

I can’t feel the precious lower part that I used to touch unintentionally. Even the cherished one I had wondered about has disappeared.

At least I could have used it once. Suddenly taking it away isn’t right.

-Drrrr

“Eh.”

As I struggled to fidget in an empty place, someone entered the hospital room by opening the door.

There was a person in a doctor’s gown and a woman in a nurse’s uniform next to them.

I may not know much, but I do recognize doctors and nurses.

“You’re awake. Don’t worry. This is a hospital. You’re Ms. Lee Ji-woo, right?”

“Yes… that’s correct.”

The person in the doctor’s attire adjusts their glasses and checks the paper in their hand again.

“I think there’s still a lot you don’t know. The disease you have is very rare.”

“Rare…?”

I don’t really understand. What disease am I suffering from? A disease that turns you into a woman?

But I haven’t heard of such a disease. Not even in the top 5 rare diseases video recommended by YouTube.

“Would you like me to explain the current situation?”

My throat felt slightly itchy. The rough sound coming out due to the parched throat felt hoarse.

“It’s commonly known as TS syndrome. Even though it’s rare, with less than five cases in South Korea… there are treatment methods available. But for now, it’s better to consider that there isn’t any.”

So, does this mean I have to live as a woman forever?

In a very small and trembling voice, I spoke to the doctor.

“Surgery…?”

“You’ll need to continue hormone therapy, and even if you undergo breast removal surgery or gender reassignment surgery, you shouldn’t expect to return to your previous appearance.”

One day, I learned about transgender people.

I got tired of ordinary videos and happened to come across it.

Men who want to become women and women who want to become men go through hormone therapy to change their bodies and undergo various surgeries to make themselves look exactly like the opposite gender.

Even after going through all these processes, I heard that in modern medicine today, complete gender transformation is impossible.

Even if you become a woman, you can’t bear children, and even if you become a man, you can’t have erections. You can’t ejaculate.

No matter how much surgery you undergo, you can’t change your skeletal structure.

“Ah….”

In that sense, I have become a perfect woman.

I felt dirty.

What is this?

Something feels blocked in my chest, continuously making me feel suffocated.

Annoying. I can’t find any relief.

Unspeakable emotions began to rise little by little. Despite that, not knowing what emotion it is only increases my irritation.

I moved my body for no reason. I put on slippers and stood up.

The slippers were a bit too big. It’s just that my feet have shrunk.

“Ah! If you move now…!”

“Yes?… Ah?”

I clearly tried to get up, but there was no strength in my legs.

“Wow… I was surprised.”

Fortunately, as I had no strength in my legs to begin with, I couldn’t even take a step when I tried to get up. The nurse who noticed my actions quickly caught me and safely guided me back to bed, so there wasn’t a big problem.

“You shouldn’t move right now.”

“Yes….”

The toothpick-like legs peeked out from under the hospital gown.

I must have been foolish to try to get up with these.

“…Let’s start with a physical examination tomorrow. We should also check everything else that’s needed.”

“Yes….”

Suddenly, I wanted to eat rice.

That long-legged guy might be giving me nutrients, but I want to eat rice.

I turned off all the lights and lay back down, looking out at the dark window.

I tried to fall asleep. I couldn’t fall asleep right away.

…My chest felt uncomfortable.