episode_0002

-This is a beach somewhere.

A seagull, drying its wings in the sea breeze, flies low. The waves rushing toward the sandbank became stronger.

It is a sign that it will rain soon.

Except for the one girl in front of me, all the vacationers around me had suddenly disappeared. The situation is unusual, so I move quickly.

“Yenaya. Let’s go back to the pension.”

The sandy beach just before the rain was so sticky that I dug into my sandals.

It’s not like sand, it’s like a living thing with a will, so I feel bad and uncomfortable.

He frowned slightly and patted the back of the girl who was absorbed in something.

“I finally completed the sand castle!”

Yena, with her fair blonde hair braided down, introduces us with her palms spread out on either side of the sand castle with a bright smile.

This is a portrait of me when I was 8 years old and in the first grade of elementary school.

I realized it while I was in a daze. This is not reality.

‘It’s a dream. When I was in elementary school, I used to go to the sea every summer… .’

This must be something called a lucid dream or a perceptual dream.

I was so uncomfortable that I tried to wake up somehow, but I just gave up.

“Ehehe- Is it made beautifully? how is it? Huh?”

Nowadays, he is unusually shy and asks about his impressions.

It was a surprisingly boring sand castle, but since it was in the form of a simple villa, it was much lower in class than the single-family home where Jena lived.

The lips move freely. I can’t control a perceptual dream!

“I was wondering what to make earlier… . It’s so ugly.”

At the cold response, the girl lowers her head for a moment as if she is downcast.

Then, slowly, he turns his head and looks at me.

“Hmm, no. When I get married, I want to live in a house like this!”

“-Why?”

As the question ends, the sand castle collapses due to the wind that blows.

Even the surrounding scenery is the same. It falls to pieces.

noise… The girl’s face is covered with a noise that should be called. And just like that one time in my childhood, my voice, filled with affection, naturally changes to informal speech and then whispers.

“… Because it will collapse soon. When we go, let’s go together-.”

It was such a sweet thing for Yena, my childhood friend and close friend, to say, that it made me tremble.

“Yes. Let’s be together forever.”

My young self kept nodding as I held his porcelain-white hand.

The girl was confused by my answer, and there was only a strange smile on her face.

Really, all that was left was laughter… … .

***

The dream I had this morning was roughly like this.

It was a typical dog dream, except that I realized it was a dream. reason? That’s why it’s such a bad dream… … .

Not only is the three-story single-family house next to my house and the crumbling sand castle in my dream as different as heaven and earth, but my next-door neighbor, who has been in a cold war for several years, appears in my dream.

… That makes me feel even worse.

‘shit.’

As I entered class with my head throbbing, I saw my childhood friend, who lived next door but was now estranged, sitting on my desk and chatting with his classmates.

“That senior is really persistent too~ I told him several times that he would focus on studying for the exam, but he didn’t understand?”

Although he appears happy on the outside, his smile is fundamentally different from the first smile in his dream.

It’s so pretentious that it’s annoying.

At some point, she started wearing a mask that didn’t suit her.

“Didn’t it go well? You look good.”

When a female student, who must have had a friendship as shallow as a piece of paper, laughed, Yena waved the smartphone in her right hand and denied it.

“Mmm. Aside from being handsome, it’s not my taste -.”

“Yena, it’s really high.”

“Stop teasing me. It was actually difficult to follow him around. Well, I’ll probably give up soon anyway.”

Yena Joo, 18 years old. A person of the same age as me who has known me for 12 years.

As a result of atavism, she is the daughter of the president of Nakwon High School in City I, with blonde hair as bright as gold dust.

With this background, ‘bright’ personality, and ‘leading by example’ attitude, he established himself as the center of the class.

“Get out of the way.”

As soon as I join in on the friendly atmosphere, the temperature around me suddenly drops.

“I’m sorry. Just sit in my seat until the bell rings.”

When a female student whose name I didn’t know casually pointed to a window seat, I furrowed my brows.

“I didn’t say that to you. Joo Yena. I would have told you to get out of my seat right away.”

“If you don’t like it-? Why me?”

Bouncing her head with the back of her hand, Joo Yena answers me briefly in a low tone for a woman.

Although the hair is in two pigtails, it is not a frivolous style that bounces up and down.

Her blonde hair is parted downwards and gives off a more mature look.

‘Fuck.’

When I glared at her with fierce eyes, the one who gave up first was the blonde Madonna.

“Ugh, what, what! Stop looking. I’ll get out of the way, so sit down as much as you can. Be thankful. Do you understand?!”

“I understand. Thank you.”

To Yena, who countered as if provoking me, I answered dully.

The more I get involved with her, the more tired I get, so I don’t want to drag the conversation any further.

“… It feels worse than swearing. How long are you going to be stubborn?”

It passes by with a dark face and grunts softly.

It makes me feel better because he seems to be in a really bad mood.

Yena claps her hands once and returns with a smile on her face, urging the friends she was chatting with.

“Now, now. Let’s go to the temple.”

“What is that stupid bastard? Bad luck.”

The female student who was criticized by me as if I was telling her to listen to me outright complained.

“Regular… No, don’t mess with Shin Jeong-gyu for nothing.”

Yena, with her arms crossed across her bare chest, gives advice clearly and with a hint of sympathy.

To me, it is worse than swearing.

“Yeah, really?”

“I was in the same elementary and middle school as him, but I guess he had no intention of hanging out with people due to some circumstances. How many times have I suggested this? But I didn’t come here just to make memories. It’s so funny-?”

“What is that… … .”

When I heard the word ‘ejaculation’, my anger rose for a moment and then cooled down.

I got so excited. It shouldn’t be like this.

“Let’s change seats and talk~ Now that I think about it, are you going on a school trip to Jeju Island in a month? Have you all decided on a group? 2 people per person.”

Joo Yena looks at it as if it is revenge and quickly moves on to another topic that has little to do with the current situation.

-I hate her for ignoring me. I will probably hate you forever as I live.

***

Nakwon High School here is a general high school with the highest deviation in I City, the small city where I live.

Since special-purpose high schools are hard to find in this declining city, it can actually be said to be the most prestigious high school in the region.

Maybe that’s why I’m not openly ostracized… … As I become more and more isolated, my circle of friends is extremely limited.

―Since the third graders graduated last year, the only person I talk to for more than one minute a day this year is the person in front of me.

“Senior bought bread and ate it again today. Isn’t it a waste to pay for school meals paid by your parents?”

The library of the old building.

The girl, who was sitting comfortably on a chair and flipping through the pages of a book, asked a question as she swallowed the last of the cream bread she bought at the store.

A junior, one grade lower, with his trademark ribbon headband on top of his neatly swept-back hair, tilts his neck.

“You have to eat lunch together with the kids in your class. Because I just couldn’t get used to it. And it’s not my place to talk about my in-laws.”

“Yes. That’s true though. Ugh… I suddenly feel depressed.”

“You’re not denying it.”

There’s something in common between people of the same name.

Jeong Da-hyeon, the only member of the [Literature and Information Department] excluding me.

The library, nominally the second library, is the club room of the [Literature and Information Department].

Nakwon High School, which emphasizes autonomy, neglects even one club member. The same goes for clubs with poor performance.

“… Senior Jeong Gyu, are you going to play today too? Was it a horn?”

“No. I’m going to take a nap.”

Dahyun looks up from the bookshelf and looks disappointed.

“It’s a shame. I read the book better when I listen to my senior play.”

“Don’t you usually have trouble concentrating when it’s noisy?”

“No. If there are a lot of younger siblings at home and they are noisy, I can concentrate better.”

When he heard that, he stopped refusing out of politeness and took out the horn. At first glance, it is a round brass instrument that looks like a snail.

I stopped learning professionally due to certain circumstances, but I maintain it by oiling it every day, so it hasn’t lost its brilliant shine.

I played a calm and simple song nicely for about 2 to 3 minutes, and my junior left a comment as I was breathing hard.

“It’s not very good, but it’s a performance that puts my mind at ease.”

“Is that so.”

“If you don’t mind, one more song! Can I ask for an encore?”

Instead of answering, he responded by grabbing the horn again.

―At this school, this [Literature and Information Department] department was a sanctuary for my heart.

Until it disappears.

***

Exactly two weeks after the day I had a strange latent dream.

In the middle of the night, someone knocks harshly on the front door.

I responded by lying down on the bed.

However, when I couldn’t stand the persistent knocking and went outside, a whip made of blonde hair flew out and hit me on the shoulder.

“You. Do you know how many times I knocked? Do you hate seeing my face so much? Did you come here because you liked someone? There is a thing called courtesy between people. manners. Open it quickly.

“… … … … ”

Even if you don’t answer, the words you kept in your mouth continue to flutter.

“Why didn’t you come to school? Well, it’s probably just a lame trick anyway. Not me… The lady said she was worried so I gave her a few items, so just take them.”

The person called ‘Ajumma’ is Yena’s housekeeper who has been fond of me for a long time.

I felt sorry for the lady, but she threw the shopping bag Yena gave her across the yard and snatched her wrist.

“-What are you doing!? Don’t you feel sorry for the lady? Don’t you let go right now?”

Joo Yena protests, raising her dark eyes.

I strengthened my grip and pronounced it clearly.

“It’s your doing.”

“Are you really stupid? It’s all my fault? What?”

“He made me organize the old building’s library. It’s locked now.”

Yena, who seemed speechless for a moment, closed her eyes and said yes.

“I won’t deny it. It’s true. I told my dad to move the supplies to the new building because the club room was full of dust.”

It was also this guy’s fault that the site of the [Literature and Information Department] disappeared.

“Is Dahyun also avoiding it?”

“Yes. that’s right. I warned the first grade kid. Don’t hang out with you. You said you would move to another department right away?”

It was this guy’s fault that other members of the [Literature and Information Department] were avoiding me.

I ask in a dazed way.

“Why?”

“Why-!? Seo, do you really think that I deliberately ripped it off because I was jealous of an idiot like you flirting with a junior?”

Wasn’t it? He shot at Yena, who denied it harshly, her face turning red with anger.

“Then what is it?”

“You told me not to touch the instrument again because I was noisy, right? If you get caught breaking a promise, you should beg for it instead. Isn’t that right?”

This is the reason why it is so boring.

It would have been better to resolve the misunderstanding if it had fueled speculation.

“It’s not a house, it’s a school. I practiced a few songs-”

“If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Well, give me a good reason to refuse to move to a new building. Do you really hate upgrading?”

“That’s… … .”

If the club room is moved from the old building to the new building, which is crowded with people, horn practice will not be possible.

There will be complaints right away that it is noisy in the study room or reading room.

Above all, once a junior has quit the club, the motivation to pick up an instrument again plummets.

-I’m not just angry about this, it’s that everything I’ve been building up against this two years old has come out.

“It’s not just this time. You’ve been interfering with me for years. Ignoring it. It makes me give up my instrument.”

“Hmph. Objectively, what are you good at? The same goes for horns. You were only good at an amateur level. Did you try to become a virtuoso? Are you so stupid that you don’t even understand yourself? stop! Stop.”

When the force that I inadvertently held was enough to twist my wrist,

Sigh-

A palm hits my cheek.

I held my numb cheek and just glared at it, but my blonde childhood friend fought back without giving up.

“Shin Jeong-gyu, come to your senses. Don’t act like a kid at that age. Can’t I just live a normal life from now on? Study hard like everyone else, get a job, get married… . Stop giving up on going astray.”

My rebellious spirit rose as I listed out my horribly routine life.

“I don’t like it. Don’t interfere. I’ll ask the school again tomorrow.”

“It’s already over… . I don’t care because I like you. It means pretending to be a person.”

“Pretext of a person?”

“If you can’t bear it, why not die. Your dead mother will probably find you pitiful when she sees you. I told you to let go of your hand right away.”

He even mentions his mother, shakes off his hand and turns back.

In addition, I add one final note.

“… I can’t understand. Just sleep.”

I feel miserable again as I see Jena moving further and further away.

You seemed like a child having a tantrum. He was so mean to the girl as if the world was ruined just because the club room disappeared.

However, this wasn’t the only time Yena interfered or eliminated my place.

‘It’s been like that ever since middle school.’

The old relationship of playing house on equal footing cannot return.

Jena is on the top of my head now and I have to keep seeing her face as long as we go to the same school.

“If you can’t hold on, then you should just die.”

Her words were deeply embedded in my mind.

Am I really going to die… … ?

Then wouldn’t it be possible to stand on Jena for a while? I’ve been watching it for over 10 years, so I think I might be agitated for at least a day.

―When a nonsensical thought passes through my mind, a mysterious phrase appears before my eyes.

[The constellation ‘The opposite of living is suicide’ is interested in your twisted affection.]

[Acquire the skill “Suicide (EX)”!]

[Make people around you regret your repeated deaths.]

… … What. Fuck.