episode_0001

Episode 1: The Sad KaiST Student

“Haha… So, Office Manager, what do you think?”

I unnecessarily laughed servilely and asked.

I couldn’t help but be servile.

That’s because whether or not I win this project will determine the rest of my life as a professor.

If I can’t win it, I can’t get tenure either.

And subsequently, I’ll fail the assistant professor → associate professor reviews as well.

How did I manage to break through the top-tier competitors from abroad and finally become a KaiST professor?

And it’s not just that.

My family is at stake.

My beautiful wife, who is struggling to raise our daughter at home even now, will suffer because of me.

So this time, I absolutely must succeed.

Right, let’s be confident.

Even though I might seem like this, I’m still one of the best intellectuals in South Korea, aren’t I?

With that thought, somehow wetting my dry mouth again, I added an explanation.

“Well… I believe this research will undoubtedly be the first cornerstone for Korea’s quantum computing rise. No, not just believe, but achieve it in that way…”

“Phew, Professor Han Gyeong-jun. It’s really good, it is good, but.”

Just before I was about to explain, a little excited.

The office manager from the Ministry of Science, ICT and Future Planning, a graduate of the Grade 5 Technical Examination, sighed and cut off the explanation.

“This already exists, doesn’t it?”

A chilling feeling swept over my back.

I couldn’t just stay still like this.

Pretending to be calm, I quickly added.

“Well, that’s right. The US made it first. After that, China and Japan did it one after another as well, but to call them true quantum computers is still difficult as their scalability and computing power are low compared to existing supercomputers… But mine is different from the existing ones…”

“Different from the existing ones?”

“Yes. Google in the US uses the superconducting qubit method, IBM uses the diamond NV center, and China uses the ion trap method, but mine is based on the late Professor Furusawa of Japan’s thesis and uses light…”

“Oh, really.”

The office manager rudely cut me off.

“This is why professors are impossible. They think they’re the smartest in the world.”

He muttered it, probably thinking it was to himself.

Since I had already heard it, it was no different from saying it out loud for me to hear.

“Professor.”

“Yes.”

“Professor, you research very hard, and naturally, you must be smart. Since you’re a KaiST professor. I know all that, but.”

“…Yes.”

“But it’s always like this again.”

The office manager clicked his tongue.

For your information, that guy is at least 5 years younger than me.

“Professor, you’ve lived as long as you have, so you must know, right? That the pie is limited from the start. The country has no money, no money. No matter what I, you know what I mean, right?”

“……”

That guy isn’t just an office manager who came from the Grade 5 exam.

His father is the Minister of Economy and Finance.

He handles and budgets all the money for the South Korean government.

That’s why other professors can’t even squeak in front of this office manager who’s still wet behind the ears.

Just like me now.

“But I have researched this much, and at least I have to finish it…!”

“Phew, alright.”

“…Yes?”

“Calm down. I’ll do you a special favor this time.”

The atmosphere suddenly changed.

“Well, you know, I’d be upset if things stay like this. And you, Professor, said you’re going through the associate professor review this time, so.”

Drrrk.

The office manager gets up from his seat.

“Shall we go get some coffee for a bit?”

* * *

Ding~

[From : Sumam88@never.com]

[To : KJhan@kaist.ac.kr]

[title : Professor Han~ I’m Office Manager Hwang’s Wife~]

[Context : My husband said I should send it here~ I thought what I heard from my husband last time was really good~ But since our daughter is going to Seoul National University Medical School, it’s not good if it’s too physics-heavy, and I’d like it to be a bit related to medicine~ They said Professor Han is so smart, so I trust you’ll know well~ But my husband said a student paper is enough, but since he only works himself to death, he doesn’t know how competitive early admissions are these days, so I think at least a patent needs to come out along with the paper~ …(omitted afterward)…]

“Ah, fuck. Are you the only ones who have daughters?”

I spat out curses and completely closed the email window on my smartphone.

Son of a bitch.

I became a professor to do research, did I come here to help brats with college admission corruption?

“Phew, control your expression. Control your expression.”

Anyway, it’s resolved, isn’t it?

With this, I’ll get the project extended for one more year, and then I should be able to pass the associate professor review smoothly.

If I just hold out a little longer, my wife and daughter will be happier, so let’s just endure a little more.

Tiririk.

“Dad’s home… huh?”

I came in, quietly talking to myself so they wouldn’t wake up.

“…You’re here?”

“Honey? You’re not asleep yet?”

Unexpectedly, my wife was awake and sitting at the living room table.

A feeling of happiness suddenly surged up at that moment.

I rushed over to hug my wife, but.

“Honey…?”

I suddenly stopped because of an atmosphere that felt like I shouldn’t do that.

“……”

My wife remained silent.

“Honey, are you sick?”

I tried to take my wife’s hand with a worried expression, but.

“…I told you I feel suffocated, didn’t I? When you hold my hand like that.”

My wife’s hand had already moved away from there.

“Ah. Right. Haha…”

This happens often recently.

Right, recently she said it was hard raising Soo-young, and she also said she felt suffocated.

Maybe she’s very tired from difficult childcare.

“……”

“……”

Awkward silence.

My wife, not just avoiding my face, was looking completely to the side.

In the end, unable to bear the awkward atmosphere, I was the first to start talking.

“Well… is Soo-young asleep? In the master bedroom again today?”

“Yeah.”

“Haha, it seems our Soo-young really likes Mom and Dad. Right?”

Thanks to that, I sleep on the living room sofa every time.

It feels like the three of us could sleep together cozily, but my wife keeps saying it’s too cramped and she feels suffocated and can’t sleep.

So only my wife and Soo-young sleep together, just the two of them.

“……”

This time too, my wife didn’t answer.

I deliberately put on an even brighter expression and smiled.

“Ah, ah. About today. It seems I can become an associate professor safely. Then I won’t have to leave you alone every night like now, and I’ll have more time so we can travel with Soo-young too…”

“Oppa.”

Just like Office Manager Hwang did today. She cuts me off.

“I can’t take it anymore.”

And the words my wife said were meaningless.

“I think we need to live separately for a while.”

* * *

My wife left me.

It’s been one year since we lived separately like that.

My daughter said she liked Mom better and would follow my wife.

“Ugh… fuck… fuuuck…”

All that was left to me now were crumpled documents and such.

And just piles of empty liquor bottles that hadn’t been cleared for months.

“I wondered why she didn’t look like me and was pretty… was she really someone else’s kid…?”

The daughter was not my child.

After the divorce, I did a paternity test with hair left in the room, and they said the probability of being the biological father was below 0.1%.

What on earth did I fail to do for them?

It’s not like a doctor or a judge/prosecutor, but.

I had achieved some success and had a respectable job as a professor.

To become that, I gave up all my school life and campus life and only studied.

But it was all useless.

“What’s an idol? What’s good about a guy who looks like a gisaeng’s brother…”

My ex-wife’s old boyfriend.

Probably her ex-ex-ex-ex-boyfriend.

My wife went to that guy.

While that guy was preparing for the entertainment industry, she spent all the living expenses I gave her on him.

“What the hell were those living expenses for… Ha, it was all just to feed that bastard…”

Of course, I sued.

But that was all.

“Phew…”

What on earth did I study for and live so diligently for?

I should have just met this woman and that woman freely too.

“…No, that’s impossible with my face.”

I vaguely knew that my wife married me for money, not for my face.

But we had a child, and I thought affection would build up over time and there would be respect.

Even if it was a bit slow.

I thought it would become true love, even if it was like that.

But it was nothing more than an illusion.

And it was my own doing.

I dared to try to buy love with money.

And despite that, I hoped that love would be true.

Nobody forced me or pushed me into it.

It was clearly a path I chose.

If so, I should have known my place and endured with sheer grit and malice.

I couldn’t do that.

I shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.

The very idea that studying leads to success was wrong from the start.

I had vaguely felt it.

But now, it was too late to face it head-on.

“…Phew.”

Still, call it Saeongjim’a perhaps.

The research I did, using anger and sadness as motivation.

Perhaps because that’s all I had left, I did achieve tremendous results.

South Korea probably became the second country in the world, after the US, to commercialize a quantum computer.

And achieving that with light, I would certainly be the first.

I would surely have been called a global genius to succeed Elon Musk, hailed as K-Musk, and it would have been a huge sensation.

『Now computers with light?! China, first to commercialize a light quantum computer!』

If those Chinese bastards hadn’t stolen my research, that is.

『KaiST Professor Han Gyeong-jun, research data leaked to China? Must be punished by strict standards.』

『Professor Han Gyeong-jun “It’s not a leak”, Government claims it leaked. Public bewildered.』

『Quantum computer rise, South Korea ultimately fails to achieve it and hands it over to Japan after China and the US.』

Right, among these documents scattered around the house now, the divorce papers are only a small part.

Most of them are complaints and lawsuit forms.

Of course, the outcome is obvious even without looking.

Just by looking at the news headlines listed there, you can know everything, can’t you?

Whether it’s my wife, my daughter, that son of a bitch Office Manager Hwang, the public, the government, or anyone.

I was abandoned by the world.

That’s why I’m trying to end it.

Although I lived harder than anyone.

But was more miserable than anyone.

“Mother, Father. I am truly sorry for being such an incompetent son.”

To this meaningless life of mine, a futile end.

Wishing this death is more valuable than life.

And in the afterlife, if there is one, promising not to live like this again.

* * *

I should have definitely died.

But I can feel temperature and breathe like this.

I guess I even failed at dying.

“…Just as expected.”

I really thought it was too much.

I clearly blocked all the windows and turned on as much coal briquette as possible.

Could it be that the smoke somehow triggered the fire alarm?

No.

Wait.

Something is strange.

“Ah, ah.”

My hoarse voice was gone.

My throat, clogged from being steeped in cigarettes and alcohol, was wide open too.

And the biggest change was.

“It’s not my house…”

A completely new ceiling.

Unfamiliar wallpaper.

But somehow, this space feels too familiar.

“This is… Math Workbook 7-A…?”

The moment I witnessed the most definite proof of all next to the desk.

-Son, eat your rice!

I heard the shout of my deceased mother.

-My son made such a fuss about having spicy squid rice for breakfast that Mom made it~!

I couldn’t help but swallow my dry saliva and mutter.

“O-Oh, spicy squid rice…?”