episode_0001

The moon shone brightly on the night riverside park. Under the faintly flickering streetlights, the air suddenly wavered, as if it were a living mouth, and then spat something out a few times.

Uweeuk, ugh—

Upon closer inspection, it seemed like it was disgorging something utterly repulsive… Along with some unidentified liquids, what was spat out fearfully bounced off the ground.

It appeared to be examining its body with a vigilant air.

Arms and legs attached, totaling 30… no, 20 altogether.

Then, it slowly began to look around, realizing the surrounding silence.

The cityscape beyond the streetlights, people passing by at a distance, and…

“Oh… ohh….”

Finally, it found it.

Not a ground where particles of sand and dirt could be felt individually, but a road paved with various aggregates mixed with asphalt.

“Ah, asphalt…”

Concrete evidence of a distinctively modern era, it decided to examine more closely.

[Attempting target observation.]

[Rolling the dice….]

[Rumble rumble… Rolling a 1D20]*1D20 – rolling a 20-sided die once

[…1]

“This damn useless piece of crap die! Why start with a fumble! It’s the first roll here, can’t you give some kind of bonus for that! You piece of sh-”

*Fumble – a situation where a 1 or the lowest value is rolled on a die.

[The number significantly lower than the target’s intelligence stat.]

[Failure!]

[Target’s actions become simplified.]

Gegyuk.

Stopping mid-sentence, the primitive being, oblivious to the surrounding gazes, stuck out its tongue and licked the ground.

An action one wouldn’t normally do with normal intelligence, but the modified body was compelled to perform the action due to the dice correction.

Reduced to the level of a tongue-twitching hamster due to overwhelming joy at being able to speak properly, the returnee from another realm found themselves in a situation that was nothing short of a demotion.

“Ge-eok.”

It hadn’t been long since they were wrapped up, but the distinct smell of burning rubber and the nauseating taste of asphalt lingered without filtration. Yet at that moment, it was no different from heavenly flavor for them.

“He…hehe…hehe!”

The woman, who had been running for quite some time, suddenly looked to her side at the sound of laughter—then, without hesitation, she fixed her face and increased her speed.

“Damn lunatic…”

Because there was indeed a lunatic, stark naked, licking the asphalt under a streetlight on this moonlit night. To make matters worse, he was even laughing. It was downright eerie.

“Please don’t come, don’t come, don’t come, don’t come.”

It was a sight that might have caused someone with even a hint of weakness to collapse. Having dutifully reported the incident to emergency services, she quickly left the scene, shuddering at the thought that the man might follow her.

Whether you like it or not, the man reached his hand towards the sky, and at its end hung the moon.

A brightly shining full moon.

Not two, three, or four, but just one.

It wasn’t one of those crazy binary stars that make the night sky bright due to pulling entire planets or approaching too closely, but a pure moon.

It was not the kind of moon that falls and shatters continents or suddenly raises sea levels, turning Waterworld 2 overnight into reality. Instead, it was just an ordinary moon, showing off little rabbits pounding rice cakes.

[Penalty has been lifted]

It was certain.

This place was Earth.

“Yatta… owattanda…” (I did it… it’s over…)

This Yudahee had finally overcome all adversity and mockery, safely arriving on Earth…!

Tearing apart immortals… defeating the unkillable… crushing all sorts of bizarre monsters, and finally!

With this, it was proven that no one could surpass Yudahee.

“Whoooooa!”

With a cry of excitement, the distant signs of popularity began to fade away like shooting stars.

[Comment: “Invaders in SuByun Park lol”]

-Who’s the crazy person screaming naked at the sky?

-Do you not have any shame?

-But look at that solid physique in the middle.

-Did he escape from a mental hospital?

-Hey, change it to a polite GIF when you say something nice.

-Primitive idiot can’t see the big picture.

-This is an apology for disgust.

-And it’s being posted live on the internet.

Of course, Yoo Da-hee had no way of knowing this fact.

Stripping away his gender, just hearing the name, Da-hee, it sounded like an ordinary female name. However, no matter where you looked, Yoo Da-hee was an ordinary man with a sturdy third leg in the middle.

Of course, now he was about a billion light-years away from being called ordinary.

Yoo Da-hee, walking slowly towards the streetlight, discovered none other than an old coffee vending machine. His gaze at the vending machine trembled greatly.

“Damn!”

It wasn’t that he was happy to discover a relic of modern society, but rather that he had stumbled upon the damage engraved there, which made his blood boil.

Damn, even if it’s outdoors, does a cup of milk coffee really cost 500 won? Can such a price pop up unless the world has gone to hell?

The price of milk coffee as Yoo Da-hee remembered was 100 or 200 won. Because that was the limit he had in mind, the shock was more than profound.

Having been away from this world for over 10 years, coupled with the fact that the Wuhan-Batman had swept the world, making prices skyrocket, it was a harsh reality that was hard to accept without realizing it. However, that didn’t mean Yoo Da-hee was giving up on drinking milk coffee.

After all, isn’t it a national rule that there’s a coin under the vending machine? Even now, with not a single penny to his name, in his raw and unrefined state, with just a little effort, he could get a coin.

He didn’t care at all about getting his hands and body dirty with the dirt and dust piled underneath. Compared to the days of surviving while being splattered with foreign news’ excrement, it was easier than a child’s wristwatch.

“Oh… found it!”

After a long struggle with the ground, what Yu Dahee found was a 500-won coin minted in 1998.

If she had known its value, she would never have put it into the vending machine, but what did it matter now?

Right now, this immediate cup of milk coffee was worth a hundred times, a thousand times more than gold of the same weight.

She inserted the coin and pressed the flashing green button. Thud, the paper cup dropped, and then… the milk coffee began to pour out.

About 15 seconds later, with a beep, the light went off, and Yu Dahee could lift the warm paper cup.

The overwhelming aroma of instant coffee surged, and unable to resist any longer, she took a sip.

“Ah.”

The wait was short, but the joy was long.

A miraculous sip that the sweetness of cream and sugar, flowing down her throat, refused to release from the tip of her tongue.

It was the taste of modern civilization, a sensation not felt in a far-off dimension, in a different universe.

“I… I’m glad to be alive…”

A tear trickled down Yu Dahee’s eye.

If one were to express this emotion with a dice roll, it might be like continuously rolling the maximum number on a 1D20 about ten times in a row.

The taste of the vending machine coffee upon returning to Earth left such a vivid memory that it could rival even the most intense recollections of religious activity chocolate pies forgotten in the restroom at boot camp.

Forced into an unknown world, barely clinging to life through various foreign media crevices for… for so long…

“H-how many years has it been?”

One, two, three, four, counting by folding fingers became meaningless due to the long passage of time… So…

“…..”

Ah, forget it.

When you can’t remember, it’s best to comfortably roll the dice, Yu Dahee muttered.

[Attempting self-reflection.]

[Rolling the dice….]

[Tumble… The 1D20 rolls.]

[…1!]

Ah.

An exclamation burst involuntarily from Yu Dahee’s mouth.

Not in a good way, but in a bad way.

“Two consecutive fumbles? Is this rigged! This is rigged, damn this dice, you piece of sh-”

[If you’re upset… you know, right?]

Someone had said, throwing dice is also a skill.

Such a skill is not even necessary; it’s all about overwhelming luck. However, at this moment, Yudahee had neither of those options available to her, so quietly accepting the penalty was the right thing to do.

It didn’t take long for Yudahee, who had been beating the empty air, to become a hamster once again and start licking the spilled milk coffee on the floor.

“Squeak.”

Even though there were pebbles stuck in her teeth and sand between them… what else could be important to this hamster besides something sweet? Owner’s love? A warm embrace? No, all that was needed was the sweet interplay of sugar and cream.

Although it might take some time for this beastly Yudahee, licking the ground for a while, to turn back into a human, well, isn’t a good thing a good thing?

Medetashi, Medetashi.

Just as the night was about to pass today—without any warning, a vending machine truck suddenly appeared, breaking through everything and pushing Yudahee with its bright 100W headlights and immense weight.

“Squeak… wh… why!”

Her body bounced off, rolling several times, and despite the impact, the tree stump she hit shook, causing leaves to fall, as if it were autumn. There was someone looking at Yudahee, who was wriggling like a frog hit by a stone, from the driver’s seat of the Isekai reincarnation truck…

“An SSR-grade returnee! You’re mine!”

The delirious maiden goddess, Deike Astraea, was laughing heartily as she shouted.