episode_0001

(*All characters, organizations, products, events/incidents, and episodes in this novel are purely fictional creations of the author’s imagination and have no relation to reality. Even if there are coincidental similarities with real-life situations, it is purely coincidental.)

***

Scarlet, an indie rock band where I belonged as the vocalist and leader. Eventually, we couldn’t withstand the financial strain and disbanded tonight.

Although everyone acknowledged our talent to some extent, pushing ourselves to the limit in performances, especially me as the vocalist, unfortunately, we didn’t shine as brightly as our skills warranted. Looking back now, it might have been due to my stubbornness.

If only I had participated in a broadcast when people praised me as talented, a genius, a monstrous vocalist. If only I had tried to make our music a bit more mainstream.

I clung to my pride despite having nothing to show for it but my appearance, losing everything in the process. The members reassured each other that everything would be fine until the last day, but it was my fault as the band’s leader and vocalist. They were truly good people. There probably won’t be another chance like this again. What should I do now? I loved rock music so much that I immersed myself in it, neglecting everything else.

“Sigh…”

My journey with music began in middle school. I lost my parents in a childhood accident and grew up in an orphanage. Rock was like salvation to me, someone who couldn’t adapt to school or life.

From powerful vocals to guitar, drums, bass, and more. I immersed myself in the sound, neglecting my studies for the sake of rock music, particularly heavy metal. But this is the result.

While others boast about their qualifications and achievements, I only have a middle school education. I didn’t even complete high school, let alone attend it. Perhaps the only fortunate thing is having a place to live.

From the age of 17, I earned a living by busking on the streets, making just enough to afford a meal or two. The director of the orphanage, who pitied me, provided me with a vacant room and meals. She was truly grateful; I wanted to repay her by succeeding, but here I am.

Late at night.

Perhaps due to arriving much later than planned, the director greets me outside the door. Always quick to notice, she hugs me without saying a word.

“I’m sorry. I’ve always boasted to you about succeeding with the rock band, but the band disbanded tonight…”

My voice trembles at the thought of something well done, and my eyes moisten. I’m embarrassed to death.

“You’ve worked hard.”

“I’m not a child anymore, not one of your wards. The others who grew up with me are already adults, living well… except me. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s alright. It’s late tonight. Let’s go to bed.”

***

Early morning, my eyes open involuntarily in the sunlight. What time is it now?

[AM 07:30]

What time did I get home yesterday? Chatting with the members, bidding farewell. I think I came around four in the morning.

Children, you must live well from now on. Forget all the hardships you faced because of one wrong leader.

But why do I feel like this body isn’t mine? Did I accidentally harm the orphanage director, not even having a single drink?

As I stare at the clock, the smartphone screen goes black, reflecting a blurry face. A woman? A man? What? One thing is certain—it’s not my face. Am I still half-asleep?

Tap!

I slap my cheeks to wake up, but something’s off.

Were my cheeks always like this? I touch both cheeks. Shouldn’t I feel the sensation of stubble even if I shaved? Why do I feel nothing? Despite sleeping for three hours, I abruptly sit up from the bed.

“What on earth… Oh my.”

Why does my voice sound like this?

How is this situation unfolding?

Looking around, I see a guitar carelessly placed. How heartbroken was I yesterday to treat my cherished guitar so carelessly?

No, now is not the time to reminisce about the past. If my guess is correct, the current me might be different from last night’s me. I quickly switch my phone to selfie mode to check my appearance.

“Huh?”

Despite the poor quality of the smartphone, an attractive girl with lovely orange hair is captured in it. By the way, the orange hair wasn’t much of a surprise since I dyed it myself…

The face, the gender!

I couldn’t believe it, so I moved my eyes and mouth. Each time I did, the girl on the phone mimicked me, leaving me only with certainty.

Why am I turned into a girl?!

Still struggling to grasp the situation, someone knocks on the door. Before I could react, a young girl enters my room. One of the children from the orphanage, the cheerful Ian.

But she’s just a second grader. Wouldn’t it be shocking for someone like her to be standing here instead of who should be here? How do I explain this unfamiliar situation?

“Um, well! The thing is… I’m not a bad person, for starters.”

“I know. Seo-ah unnie, have breakfast!”

“Huh? What did you just say?”

Seo-ah?

That’s not my name?

“Seo-ah unnie, I said that!”

“Unnie?!”

“Yeah. Unnie. Why? Hehe. You seem silly.”

“…”

I don’t understand what’s going on, but one thing is certain—I’ve turned into a girl.

Do people around me think I’ve always been a girl? That’s absurd. Suppressing my embarrassment, I casually threw a question.

“Suddenly, want to try a quiz?”

“I want to go eat breakfast quickly.”

“It’ll be quick. Oh, by the way, who is ‘unnie’?”

“Kwon Seo-ah!”

“Age?”

“27!”

“Dream?”

“To become the world’s best vocalist. Done!”

As Anna urges to go eat, I ask the most important question.

“Wait, wait, what about gender?”

“Female!”

Everything is the same except for my name and gender.

It seems like everyone has always perceived me as a girl.

As the hypothesis is confirmed, I suddenly find myself at a loss for words.

Then I notice my wallet and grab it. I may have no money, but I have an ID to confirm my gender. The problem is the ID photo showing me as a woman. Moreover…

[Kwon Seo-ah]

[xxxxxx-xxxxxxx]

Changed name, ID number.

At this point, it seemed like I was the only one affected by the gender change. It feels like I’ve been repeating the same thing, but what on earth is going on?

“Unnie, I’m hungry. Let’s go quickly.”

She reaches out her hand.

“Okay. Sorry, let’s go eat first.”

As we walk hand in hand, I feel pressure on my chest. When did I put on a bra? And the view below is obstructed by my chest, making it uncomfortable.

Fortunately, growing my hair long for my rocker style from when I was a man seems to have made adjusting to the length easier. Well done for growing it out. Sigh.

“Unnie, my hairpin is weird. I can’t fix it myself.”

“Huh? Just a moment.”

Since I usually don’t look down much, I awkwardly bend over. Women are quite different than I thought.

“Why, unnie?”

“No, nothing.”

How can I tell her it’s because of my chest? Though my mind is complex, I smile brightly as I fix her hairpin.

Inside the orphanage, dining hall.

Children of various ages sit at different tables.

They too seem familiar with me, not saying anything.

“We brought her~!”

“Well done. No matter how late you stayed up last night, you should have a hearty breakfast in the morning.”

“Principal, is there something different about me?”

“Hmm?”

Though she looks puzzled by my question, she quickly smiles and kindly responds.

“Being cool, right? Come on, have a seat. This much food should be enough, right?”

“…Yes.”

The headmaster seems to perceive me as I originally was a woman. That’s why it feels like a dream, as if the time when I was a man is now a distant memory.

Lost in thought for a moment, the fragrant steam rises, filling the air with a delicious aroma.

Come to think of it, I haven’t eaten properly since last night. From the struggles of daily life to disbanding my rock band, I couldn’t even have a proper farewell dinner. Since I’m hungry, let’s eat first and think slowly.

“I’ll enjoy this meal~!”

The children’s enthusiastic voices and the succession of side dishes.

Still, the teacher’s instruction to eat remains unchanged. It’s the same routine as usual.

What has changed is me. The one recognizing the change is also me.

On one hand, I’m relieved that the police didn’t show up due to my unauthorized entry into an unknown women’s orphanage, or something like that…

“Seoa.”

The name Seoa doesn’t quite sit well with me. But I can’t ignore it either. It wasn’t the headmaster who called me; it was another teacher from the orphanage, Teacher Jeong Hye-in. Usually referred to as Teacher Jeong or Jeong-saem.

“What are you planning to do now? Since the band disbanded.”

“…”

It seems she’s hitting the nail on the head while I’m still confused.

“As I mentioned before, take the Level 3 Childcare Educator exam before the law changes. Get at least that qualification. Once you have it, you can work here. Level 3 doesn’t require a specific educational background. It shouldn’t be too difficult to study while doing music. Immersing yourself in one thing in life is good, but having insurance is also important.”

With no way to avoid it now, following the teacher’s advice seems to be the right thing to do. Then the headmaster chimed in.

“There are still a few years left until the revision. You can focus more on music for 1-2 years.”

“Well, that’s true… Where could the answer to life be found? Anyway, Seoa, don’t be too disheartened by the band disbanding. You’re still young and full of potential. Stay strong.”

“Thank you.”

In reality, I’m more worried about the present than the future. Suddenly turning into a woman, I can’t even complain. I might be treated strangely because of it.

After breakfast, as I tried to discreetly start washing the dishes, the headmaster put on rubber gloves before me.

“I can do it…”

“It’s fine~ Rest a bit. You came early this morning.”

If you live rent-free and don’t do anything, you’ll be noticed.

This fact hasn’t changed even though I’ve become a woman.

“Then I’ll help Teacher Jeong with the kids’ bath.”

“Oh, you can rest.”

As I headed towards the bathroom, the headmaster called me back.

“Earlier, I asked if anything had changed. Whether you were a rock band vocalist or not, you, Kwon Seoa, are already an amazing person. Understand?”

“Thank you.”

I didn’t ask, but thanks to that, I feel empowered. Yes, even though I’ve turned into a woman, I’m still myself. Let’s get to work.

“Let’s get started.”

“My clothes are all wet!”

Upon reaching the bathroom, some were vigorously washing their faces, others were wiping their cheeks, and some were brushing their teeth with such vigor that they almost scrubbed their faces. Some were trying to dry their hair, while others were putting on clothes, creating chaos everywhere.

“It’s wet. We need to dry it. Let’s quickly wash up and change. Wait! Don’t undress right now!”

“Gurururu. Puhaha.”

“Don’t spit on the floor! Here.”

But having seen such chaos frequently, I’ve come to accept such situations with a calm mind. There are more children compared to the teacher, but I’m taking care of them one by one. It was a good decision to come and help.

“I’ll help too.”

“Really? Thank you.”

Guiding the children, I join in washing up. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It’s different from the low-quality selfie mode on my smartphone earlier.

Is it okay to be this pretty? Even though I’m a man, it seems like having a well-toned body reflects a healthy and attractive physique. That’s why people’s hearts flutter, wanting to see more. No, no. What are you thinking with kids around, me.

“…?”

But I’ve been feeling it since earlier, why do the kids seem to cling to me more tightly than when I was a man? I thought it was a mistake, but there really are a lot of kids around me.

“Seoa unni, I brushed my teeth!”

Even though there are other teachers present, they seem to want more praise from me, seeking validation.

“You did well. You’re brushing your teeth well now.”

Along with the praise, I also ruffled their hair. They smiled satisfactorily. One child even held out their little finger, wanting a hug.

When I hugged one child, others clamored for hugs too. To avoid discrimination, I embraced them one by one… One child came up to me and even gave me a peck on the cheek. When I was a man, I disliked stubble.

“Kids, let’s hurry and wash up! Only those who have washed can hug Seoa unni.”

At Jung teacher’s words, everyone suddenly rushed to wash up. Who knew washing up would lead to this with me? Veterans are different.

“You’re popular. Indeed, because you need to be here at our childcare center.”

“Ahaha…”

I understand the children’s hearts well. I grew up in this childcare center when I was young. They must need a mother’s embrace. Although there are the principal and other teachers, looking through the eyes of the children, they all seem too old to be mothers.

Becoming a woman, if I can be a body that the children can rely on, maybe that’s not so bad.

Since becoming a woman is inevitable, just like how the band disbanded, instead of lamenting my fate, I should think about how to make use of it.

Making use of it… In that case, wait a minute.

While there was no precedent until now, how about singing with this body?