Episode 166. Confirmation (2)

“Huh?”

Suddenly. Edward’s face popped up right in front of Monica’s eyes. She felt like the resolution she had hardened just now, the heart she had recomposed, would crumble if she saw this face, so she closed her eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“…Well.”

Hoo.

As she closed her eyes, the image she had seen this morning, starting from that face just now, unfolded again. Because they were married. That expression, that attitude, that should only be shown to his partner, to her. The thought made her blood run cold again. It was a scene she had already clearly seen with her own eyes, but. She wondered if there was a need to confirm it. She opened her eyes again and mustered the courage to ask him.

“By any chance, earlier this morning-“

Knock-knock-

“What is it?”

“I have a matter to report.”

“Just a moment, yeobo. I’ll just receive that and come back.”

Cutting off Monica’s question, the messenger who had come to report entered. There was only one matter that could cause a messenger to come directly to the office like this, and she had practically delegated all authority to her husband, who was going to sortie, regarding that matter. Monica silently watched Edward read the report.

The beast-like, corrupted snake-like appearance she had seen this morning was nowhere to be found. Edward’s current appearance was exactly as she knew him, a capable, intelligent, handsome husband. So perfect, without a single flaw-she didn’t even want to imagine that appearance was an act.

Suddenly, she remembered what her mother had said before she even met Edward.

‘This is really the last time.’

Nineteen years old, a considerable age for a daughter of a noble family. Even considering that she was an uncommon, hereditary female count, it was definitely not a young age. The marriage proposals that had come and gone, broken and broken again, were all of them. Except for the Mountberne Family where Edward was, all possible contacts had been made. Edward was the last one connected to her.

‘You must continue the line, mustn’t you.’

A woman cannot continue the line alone. However, she can’t just continue it with any man. It’s not easy to find a man as excellent in status, ability, and in many other ways as Edward. If it were, she would have been married before she even met Edward.

‘A woman is happy when she gets married.’

Really, until just this morning. She was truly happy. Even if she lacked stamina and had a busy schedule. Doing something together with him. Fooling around together. The fact that she could proudly say that person was ‘my man’ made her truly happy. It was a time when she could fully feel the meaning of her mother’s words. Really, because she didn’t know. Because she didn’t know, she could be happy.

‘I saw you with Winnie earlier this morning. Why did you do that?’

Then, what if she asked like this? No, could she even ask like this? Maybe beat around the bush a little more? What did you do? Or, I didn’t see you, were you with Winnie? Should she pretend to know? If she asked like that.

To the question she asked, in any form, hearing that question, which the perpetrator would inevitably realize the other person had noticed. If her husband, Edward. Affirmed it. If she kicked him out? So, if he disappeared from her side….

If Edward disappeared? If Edward abandoned her instead of her kicking him out?

She couldn’t bring herself to speak.

Her extremely common moral sense that ‘he did something bad, so he must be held responsible’. If she just put it aside for a moment.

If she just stayed still like this.

Just that scene she saw earlier.

Just that short memory of less than five minutes.

If she erased it from her mind.

Like she didn’t know again. No, like she was when she opened her eyes this morning….

No, still. She had to know the truth. What the situation was in the scene she saw. Maybe, just maybe, she had seen it wrong. If it was true-

“Yeobo?”

“Huh?”

Before she knew it, in front of her face. Edward’s face was right there, meeting her eyes. Edward, who had drawn her attention, spoke again.

“You don’t look so good today. Are you sick somewhere?”

As he said that, with the hand stroking her hair. The rough and rugged hand, the feeling of it moving softly. The mind she had sharpened sharply, the sharp words she had prepared, all became dull. While calming her down, Edward read the paper.

“Lumis Barony. Urgent. Thousands of barbarians, estimated to be five or more of the warrior class of the enemy… The date of dispatch is three days ago. Geez, thousands. Even if it’s urgent, that’s an exaggeration. Right?”

“…That’s right.”

How foolish, she thought so in her head herself. But she doesn’t have the courage to break this atmosphere, the courage to speak. That vague fear and terror that she might be abandoned by Edward was strangling her throat. The female count who coldly judged everything for her authority was no more.

“Still, I think I should go right away today. I thought I’d get some rest for once, sigh.”

Edward called the messenger who was waiting outside and gave instructions. Towards Monica, who was blankly watching the scene, Edward approached.

“So, what were you going to ask?”

“…No, it’s nothing.”

In this atmosphere, with this mindset, she knew very well that she could never ask. But words that have already been spoken cannot be taken back. With just a few small words that she had already slightly let slip, Edward persistently questioned her, and in the end, Monica, unable to win, indirectly revealed her inner thoughts.

“I’m just, somehow afraid.”

“Why suddenly. Are you afraid I might get hurt?”

That was also scary, of course. The moment you go to the battlefield, if you’re unlucky, you can get hit by a stray arrow and die. She trusts Edward’s skills, Edward himself. But if battle was something where you could kill and save people with faith, she would have become a devout believer more than anyone else.

“You don’t think I’ll lose, do you? That I might disappear… No, why are you crying?”

Edward was incredibly flustered by the sight of Monica suddenly shedding thick tears. She had never shown this kind of reaction before. He had heard from Daria that she had been a bit sensitive while he was away, but at least in front of him, Monica had always smiled and never showed any signs of worry. Perhaps she was in a bad mood today, or perhaps it was because of this sudden, extreme reaction to a sortie that was similar to usual, Edward hurriedly comforted her.

But Monica’s tears did not mean that. She could show that strong appearance as much as she had done so far. But, but.

‘Your heart is already gone from me….’

While loving another woman. While being her husband, to the point where he would have a child with another woman instead of her. His appearance showing this kind of reaction felt hypocritical, but. She was clinging to that hypocrisy, gaining comfort in her heart. Comforting her as she lay in bed crying, Edward said.

“Stopping those barbarian bastards is something I can do with my eyes closed.”

“…Just don’t actually fight with your eyes closed.”

“Anyway. I’ll definitely come back, so don’t worry. I always have, right?”

“Yeah….”

‘Is it right for him to come back to my side?’

The man she’s waiting for is only one person. And there are at least three places she knows of where he can return to. When she went to Retinel, when she went to the Mountberne territory. What he did, what woman he met. And what kind of relationship he had with that woman. The spark of suspicion that had begun to grow was burning her heart black.

“You really don’t seem to be feeling well today. Get some rest first. I’ll wake you up when it’s time for dinner.”

“Kiss… me.”

“Huh?”

From within her heart that had been completely burned. So that she could have a glimmer of hope. So that she could know that she had not been chosen, but at least she had not been abandoned. Monica wanted a kiss. Not the pleasurable tongue-mixing she had seen this morning, like mating. Even if it was just lips touching lips.

She saw Edward’s flustered face. Had he not expected her to ask for something like this? Or, was it because he really didn’t love her. That he could make a child for pleasure, but it was difficult to kiss with affection, that he was such an existence-

Tch-

“Sniff. Hng.”

Tch, chuup.

Edward comforted her, who was crying, with a kiss. Whether it was hypocritical pretense, or forced acting, it didn’t matter. At least she could confirm a feeling similar to love. With the fact that he had given her the kiss she had longed for, she felt much more relieved. Groping for his finger, feeling the shape of the ring she had matched with him with her fingertips. Monica shed tears. That sobbing was all swallowed into Edward’s throat.

That’s how on one winter night, Edward left Eulstein Castle for battle.