Episode 157 – Saying Goodbye
by Afuhfuihgs
*
As the brilliant sunlight shone down at midday, several burly laborers with manly statures flocked from all over the harbor and began to gather at the tent set up on one side of the harbor.
From the rising aroma of meat and the sound of stew bubbling in the pot inside the tent, anyone could tell that the reason the laborers were gathering at the tent wasn’t simply to avoid the sunlight.
Hoveba, who was holding a large ladle behind the pot, shouted at the laborers who were crowding into the tent, reeking of sweat.
“Alright, today’s menu is… well, see for yourselves! Don’t eat too much ’cause it’s delicious! If I hear that someone couldn’t work in the afternoon because they were too full, there’s no meat tomorrow!”
“We get it, just give it to us already! There’s a line behind us!”
“Tsk, these gluttonous bastards, I can’t get used to seeing them swarm like a pack of dogs, even after seeing it every day.”
“Hoveba-ssi was like that back in his prime too…”
“You, go to the back of the line.”
“Eek, please let me off just this once.”
The laughter of the men, chattering boisterously, spread out beyond the tent.
Perhaps it was because Hoveba-ssi, who usually carried himself with a heavy weight, was making jokes more readily today, but people’s gazes and footsteps were gathering towards the tent even more than usual.
A corner of the harbor.
No one was paying attention to the pitch-black ghost ship, the Mistflower Woman, which had been docked and neglected for years.
Ed leisurely walked out onto the chain connecting the harbor and the ship, step by step.
The intense sunlight was so dazzling that Ed shielded his eyes from the pouring rays with his palm.
A woman stood before Ed.
“…”
“Lara.”
Lara kept her mouth shut.
It wasn’t for a one-dimensional reason, like simply being angry or too happy.
Of course, she was angry at him for disappearing and overjoyed to see him again.
But at the same time, she was worried that he hadn’t been doing well, seeing his poor complexion; she resented that he couldn’t have at least said a final goodbye before disappearing; she was in awe of his still-lovely appearance after so long; and she was afraid that she might never see him again, like the 20 years after he died.
Her head was so full of too many things that it was bubbling as if it would explode at any moment, but ironically, she couldn’t say all those things at once, so Lara couldn’t open her mouth.
Ed looked at Lara like that, nodded as if understanding, and spoke first.
“Did you hear too? Is that why you came?”
“…?”
“Mela… they said she went to the goddess… is that why you came?”
“…Mela died?”
Ed murmured as he looked at Lara, who was frowning and asking back.
“You didn’t know…”
“…”
At Ed’s words, Lara bit her lip and contorted her face.
Her fist, clenched so tightly that her fingernails dug into her palm, trembled, unable to overcome her anger, and droplets of blood, squeezed out between her tightly clenched fingers, beaded up and fell one by one.
Lara lowered her head.
With each tear and drop of blood that fell to the ground, Lara slowly spat out each word in a voice filled with rage.
“Ed.”
“…”
“What is that?”
“…”
“After disappearing without saying a word to me, the first thing you say to me after seeing me again for the first time in seven years… is just about Mela?”
“…”
Lara’s lips, which had been chewed on by her hard teeth, eventually broke through and tore her weak skin.
Lara shed tears at the stinging pain spreading around her mouth.
“Mela. Mela. Mela. Mela…”
“…”
“Did you ever think of me? Even just once, did you ever long for me?”
“…Lara.”
Lara ran and lunged into Ed’s arms, grabbing his collar.
Clumps of blood filled Lara’s palms and stuck all over Ed’s neck, but neither Ed nor she cared.
Lara said in a tearful voice.
“I know, I know I’m talking nonsense.”
“…”
“I know that you don’t have any lingering feelings for Mela, that you were just surprised by the news of Mela’s death, I know it all… But, but you know. Ed.”
“…”
“When you left the city without meeting Mela, why did you disappear without seeing me either? Am I that resentful? Am I that unpleasant to look at? Even now, after that bastard Robin died and Mela died, is there absolutely no chance for me? Can you really not feel any emotion for me at all!”
“…”
“Ed… please say something. Answer me!”
Ed couldn’t bring himself to shake off Lara’s hand, which was grabbing his collar.
But he had no intention of hugging her either.
Ed spoke quietly to Lara, who was sobbing with the crown of her head against his chin.
“20 years… and 7 years.”
“… What?”
Lara slowly raised her head.
Ed’s face, reflected in her gray eyes, was frighteningly calm.
A voice as dry as that expression flowed from his chapped lips.
“…It’s been a long time, Lara. What lingering feelings did you have for someone who’s already dead that you spent such a long time grieving like that.”
“That’s because I… you…”
“…I know.”
“…Ed… please,”
“… Lara.”
“…”
Lara felt it.
20 years, and 7 years.
She hadn’t helped Ed hoping for any reward.
But Lara, feeling that an absurd ending that would make her look so pathetic was approaching after such a long time of suffering, shook her pupils wildly and looked at Ed.
“I was too harsh on you. There were various reasons… but in the end, it was all just packaging.”
“…”
“It’s a lie. All of it. Just lies I spouted to make myself feel better.”
Shut up.
Lara wanted to shout that.
She wanted to scream at him to shut his mouth.
But she was just blankly watching Ed’s dry lips, which were repeatedly opening and closing.
“Lara.”
She knew.
Lara knew what Ed was going to say so well that her heart was tearing apart.
Even 7 years ago, when they were together… no, she had already known it from 20 years ago, before he died.
But still, Lara couldn’t let go of her lingering feelings.
Just in case, even if there was a very slight possibility,
If time passed, if the situation changed, if the person by his side changed, wouldn’t that answer change?
She just couldn’t let go of that vain hope that there might be a small place for Lara in a corner of his heart.
“You were like a part of me. No, you still are. You will be a part of me forever.”
Please stop.
Each time ceaseless tears fell from the tip of her chin, Lara’s mind screamed like that, but in the end, that thought never became a sound from Lara’s lips.
It was because Ed knew that he had rejected and pushed her away countless times.
Perhaps that rejection was passive.
It must have been because he was concerned about Lara’s feelings, which might become a variable in carrying out his revenge.
But no matter how weak Ed’s intention may have been, its direction was always towards the same place.
Knowing that, Lara kept her mouth shut.
Ed wasn’t the only one who used her.
She too, used Ed’s situation, where he desperately needed help.
She had stubbornly ignored and postponed the meaning of that farewell and rejection, which was as good as a predetermined result.
What did Ed do in the end?
He left without even seeing her.
The past 7 years felt as long as the 20 years before that.
Even for Lara, who lived the life of an elf living a very long life, it was the longest and most terrible 7 years she had ever experienced.
Lara didn’t want to repeat the same mistake again.
Above all, it was a fact she realized only now, after facing Ed’s face like this again,
Lara too, was tired of her selfish obsession.
She barely pressed down on her twitching lips, and blood trickled down her mouth, meeting and mixing with tears at the tip of her chin.
Ed looked straight at Lara’s face like that and declared.
“But not as a lover.”
“…Hah, eugh, heuht”
Lara’s hand, which had been grabbing Ed’s collar, fell limply at the same time as a sob that swallowed the pain.
Droplets of blood, which had been falling one by one, gushed out from her palm, where the pressure had disappeared.
The same was true of her tears.
Ed spoke slowly, but firmly.
“I don’t love you. I will never love you as a lover in the future either.”
“…”
Lara slowly gathered her breath.
She can’t put strength into her legs properly.
Ed gently grabbed Lara’s arm, which was staggering like a newborn deer.
Lara asked.
“As a lover…”
“…Yes. You know what that means too, don’t you.”
From the beginning, Lara’s place in Ed’s heart was there.
Lara, who had struggled for another place but only kept bouncing out of Ed’s heart, pondered.
Will she be satisfied with his friend’s place?
Or will she leave him forever?
Lara asked.
“…How can I do that now, how can I do that now.”
How painful was the 7 years of life without Ed?
To Lara now, even the place of a friend seemed so sweet that it was extravagant.
But, does she have the right?
No, is she confident that she will be satisfied with that place?
It was a question containing all those questions.
But Ed said with an indifferent expression.
“What’s wrong with it? I don’t have many friends.”
“…Hah,”
Lara wiped away her tears with the back of her hand instead of her bloodied palm, then slowly took off Ed’s support and stood up straight.
Lara slowly raised her head and looked at Ed.
Her vision was blurred because of the tears welling up in her eyes, so she kept rubbing her eyes to shake off the remaining moisture and looked at Ed again.
As if engraving that figure in her eyes.
Lara, who had been facing Ed’s face for a long time, said with a sad smile.
“…I don’t want to.”
*
Mela’s funeral was held in Sioland according to the wishes of the deceased during her lifetime.
This place, the capital of the former empire, wouldn’t have left her with such a good impression, but still, Mela asked her son, Edward, to bury her in Sioland.
Carriages with black cloths hanging from them entered the Sioland cemetery one after another.
It was Queen Ellie of Sioland and her guards.
Ellie, who got out of the carriage, moved slowly with a stiff expression.
Far away, in the middle of the graveyard, a tall priest with orange hair was standing with his head bowed, and a few people with white flowers were gathered around him.
The place where Mela’s body was buried.
Ironically, it was the very location where Ed’s coffin, which had been closed long ago without a body, was buried.
According to Deborah-sensei, Mela, who had screamed to bury herself there instead on the day of Ed’s funeral, eventually had many things happen, but in the end, she was buried in Ed’s grave as she had wished.
Her body had gone through so many storms and so much sadness, but perhaps she hoped that at least in death, she would be the same as she was when she loved Ed.
Ellie smiled bitterly.
Of course, Mela herself didn’t request to be buried in Ed’s grave.
After leaving Sioland, Mela, who was taking care of children at the Vatican, hadn’t recovered enough to make such a brazen request.
Of course, the pure children’s appearance and the beautiful and magnificent appearance of the Vatican, built to allow her to feel the goddess’s grace, healed Mela’s wounds and embraced her sad past, but she never managed to shake off her guilt.
Because of her name as a former saint, she took the initiative in menial and dirty work, fearing that people would feel burdened by her, treated everyone with kindness and affection, and prayed more desperately and sadly than anyone else, but she never regained that sunshine-like smile.
After Mela died, Mela’s son, Edward, named after the man who was the original owner of that grave, asked Ellie to dig up that grave and allow his mother to be buried in that place.
Ellie could clearly remember his face, saying that it was the only last gift that her foolish son, who couldn’t help his mother in her life full of regrets, could think of.
Ellie vaguely sensed that he had learned the truth about Ed, Mela, and her father, but she didn’t bother to ask.
It was because his expression was already answering.
It may have been because of the sadness of losing his mother, or because he was living in a harsh place due to the newly appointed Pope and was suffering from chronic fatigue, but the regret and compassion that filled the man’s face, from which the youthful appearance had disappeared, were enough to say that no further questions were needed.
Even though she walked at a very slow pace, Ellie finally reached the grave and made eye contact with Edward, who was wearing a black priestly robe.
Edward bowed lightly in greeting.
Ellie glanced over the people who attended the funeral.
Her son and daughter, who had grown into dignified figures beyond adulthood.
A nephew who couldn’t hold back his tears.
And a young girl with a much smaller frame and limping leg than her age.
And Lily.
That was all.
Excluding Ellie herself and her guards, only those five people were present at the funeral of the saint who had illuminated the empire.
Even if it was the last moment of an ordinary deceased person, it was a lonely sight, but it was needless to say that it was the end of a saint, a symbol of hope who had once been loved by all the people.
Ellie felt a sickeningly cold fear at the sight of a world swept by the ominous sense of crisis of civil war ignoring her death.
Ellie crossed her arms and stroked them, then raised her head.
The weather was crazy good today.
Edward, the saint’s son and guardian priest, took a moment to catch his breath, then slowly recited the prayer aloud.
The blind nun, holding a white, straight stick as tall as a person, recited the prayer along with him, her long silver hair swaying.
The red-haired girl also tried to recite the prayer, but she seemed to be constantly blocked by the sobs rising in her throat.
The funeral began.
Ellie raised her head slightly and looked around.
He’s not there.
The reason why Ellie walked slowly after arriving at the grave.
And the reason why Edward, the priest, waited silently even though Ellie was delaying at his mother’s funeral.
Ed’s figure was not to be seen.
Ellie whispered quietly enough that no one could hear.
“Ed… in the end, you didn’t come? Or…”
*
Mela’s youngest daughter, who had been limping since birth.
Unfortunately, the little one, who was seven years old but had a much smaller frame and thinner limbs than ordinary seven-year-olds, was also a little lacking in her head compared to her peers.
Perhaps it was because of the painful time Mela had during her pregnancy.
Mela shed tears and blamed herself every time she saw her youngest daughter’s symptoms.
She even lashed her back with a whip on the day she first found out that she couldn’t walk properly.
Her self-abuse continued until Tess ran over, falling as she couldn’t see, and stopped her.
This poor little one didn’t understand the fact that her mother, who was always pretty and kind, no longer existed in this world.
Why are her older brother and sister, and strangers, praying in this strange grassy field?
With such questions in mind, she was just blankly putting her thumb in her mouth and sucking on it when she suddenly turned her head sharply at the sound of rustling coming from somewhere.
The sound was clearly coming from a place much higher than her height.
It seemed to be coming from that tree.
“Squirrel-?”
The little child approached the tree, avoiding the eyes of the adults who were only reciting prayers.
“Squirrel? Shh?”
*
“Auntie, I hope you rest in peace.”
Lily, who had delivered her last farewell to Mela, shook off the tears welling up in her eyes slightly and slowly turned her head.
Dena, who was next in line, passed by Lily’s side.
Dena, who had become quite a wonderful woman, was kneeling in front of Mela’s grave and saying her last goodbye.
In the meantime, Lily followed Mela’s youngest daughter with her eyes.
Even if she doesn’t understand funerals and death, if she doesn’t leave her last farewell now, wouldn’t she regret today later when she realizes this meaning?
“Where did she go?”
Lily, who had been looking around for a long time, found her in the distance under a tree, raising her head.
Lily slowly approached her.
“What are you doing here?”
“Shh!”
“Shh?”
The little one said, pressing her index finger firmly in the middle of her lips.
“Shhh! The squirrel says to be quiet!”
“Squirrel…?”
.
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