Episode 122 – The Place Where You Belong
by Afuhfuihgs
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“So~ that’s how it went.”
Deborah’s explanation stopped right at the point where she said we entered the room together.
I stared at Deborah with a dumbfounded expression, and Deborah glanced at my face with a smile-filled face, sipping her mug of coffee.
Looking down at her pale, bare upper body, with no shirt on, my throat, already parched from the hangover, felt even more dry with tension.
Even with her explanation, none of the important questions were answered, so I spread my hands and asked.
“…That’s it?”
“What?”
“Ah, no, isn’t there anything else to explain? Like why we only booked one room, why I’m shirtless. And…”
“…”
I hesitated, unable to continue, my lips twitching.
Usually, it’s the woman who’s embarrassed in the morning after drunkenly sleeping together, but Deborah seemed very relaxed.
Deborah held her coffee cup, waiting for my next words, and then chuckled as she looked at me.
“Why? Were you worried I might have pounced on you or something?”
“…Ah, no, it’s just that…”
Come to think of it, if I thought about it rationally, there was no way my teacher-nim would do that to me.
To her, I’m probably like a cherished little kid.
I knew very well that she treated me the same as always.
Thanks to that, I was able to relax in front of her.
To the point where I drank until I lost consciousness.
Realizing how stupid my question was, I waved my hands.
“No, no, it’s not like that.”
“Ahahaha, ah, hot,”
Deborah burst into laughter at my flustered, foolish appearance.
She laughed so hard that a few drops of hot coffee, shaking in the cup she was holding, spilled and touched her hand.
Seeing Deborah wiping her hand while still chuckling, I felt a little relieved.
Deborah, catching her breath after laughing, said.
“I paid for the drinks yesterday, you know. I was a little short on money to book two rooms.”
“Ah…”
“You call me teacher-nim, but you just freeload… and you’re loaded.”
“Ah, no, I’ll send you the money for the drinks yesterday,”
“It’s okay. Buy me something expensive later.”
“…Yes,”
Deborah carefully placed her coffee cup on the side table, then picked up my coffee cup, got up, and handed it to me.
She passed by me and leaned against the window, enjoying the sparkling morning sunlight.
I took the coffee cup she handed me and approached her side.
The warmth of the morning sun shining down from the beautifully clear sky.
A pleasant, cool breeze.
And the scent of coffee tickling my nose.
Despite the headache that felt like my head was about to break from the hangover, there was no denying that it was a picturesque, fantastic morning.
But what made this scene even more perfect was, of course, Deborah’s presence.
Deborah turned her head to look at me, brushing back her blue hair that was fluttering in the wind, and smiled as beautifully as the sunlight.
“It’s a good look, Ed.”
“What is? My upper body?”
“…You idiot, I’m talking about your face.”
“…My face?”
Deborah looked at my face as I sipped my coffee, then said with a smile in her eyes.
“I hated that weird, empty look you had.”
“…Lara also said something like that. Did I really look that bad?”
“…You did.”
“…”
Deborah didn’t ask me anything more.
Whether it was because she thought she already knew enough from what I said when I was with Ellie, or because she was being considerate of me, she didn’t make any clumsy attempts to offer me comfort or advice.
She had already given me the greatest comfort she could with her actions, not her words.
I could feel her consideration.
“I should probably get going soon.”
“You should. I need to go see Her Highness the Princess too.”
“…Robin must be released by now.”
“What are you planning to do?”
“I’ve thought about it.”
“…Are you really going to do it?”
“Do you want me not to?”
“…”
Deborah looked up at the sky and sighed.
“…That son of a bitch. Killing him would be so satisfying. Fucking,”
“…Haha, teacher-nim also had a grudge against Robin.”
Knowing that Robin had snatched the position of commander of the Knights, I spoke cautiously, but Deborah shook her head.
“It pissed me off a little that he took the position of commander of the Knights so recklessly, but it’s okay. Honestly, I was getting tired of it, and I was thinking it was about time to quit.”
“…”
Deborah’s expression was truly relieved, as if she had put down a heavy burden.
I couldn’t tell if the burden she wanted to shed was the position of commander of the Knights, or the weight of her life that had continued for so long.
Every time her ear, with its hideous, healed scars, was slightly visible as her hair fluttered in the wind, her confident and proud face, full of self-esteem, seemed somehow sad.
Deborah slowly hardened her expression and continued.
“But, I can’t bear to see him living so well, having hidden your death for 20 years.”
“…That’s right.”
“But, on the other hand, I also want you to stop.”
I listened to her words calmly, without getting excited.
I thought that if I were the me from yesterday, I might have gotten mad like crazy the moment I heard those words.
But now, I was just quietly asking.
“…Why?”
Deborah shifted her gaze to me and said.
“Because you seem to be falling apart every time you try to take revenge.”
“…”
“You’re not a fundamentally ruthless guy. You don’t care what happens to you, but you can’t stand by and watch when something happens to others.”
“…No, that’s not…”
“Really? Is that really true?”
“…”
“23 years ago. I taught you when I was training you. That victory is won by the side that is willing to endure greater sacrifices.”
“…”
“You can’t forgive anything, but you don’t want to sacrifice anyone either. Right?”
“…”
I couldn’t say anything.
I was even sick of my own indecisiveness, but I didn’t really know the cause of it, but it seemed that my teacher-nim understood me much better than I did.
As she said, I was wavering between those two conflicting emotions.
When I was blinded by anger, I killed Rose and Daniel without hesitation, but now I don’t really have any murderous intent towards Edward or Tess.
Of course, in Flavis, I killed them to use their corpses as a way to reach Robin, but if the same situation happened to me now, I don’t think I would make the same choice.
On the other hand, when I had Jennifer or Villard in front of me, or when I met Robin, and ironically, when I saw Mela, I was overwhelmed with a boiling rage that I couldn’t handle.
Lara and Deborah said they didn’t like it, but wasn’t that emotionless attitude and expression of mine a defense mechanism to suppress that anger?
If I hadn’t become emotionless at that moment, I might have killed everyone in that cult and given my body to the Demon King.
Or I might have insulted and torn apart Mela, who was begging me to kill her, even though I knew she was just an innocent victim.
The anger, despair, and resentment were still not resolved at all.
I chuckled at my own ridiculous state and said.
“…Ha, when you put it like that, I sound like a complete weirdo.”
“You are a weirdo.”
“…”
Deborah said firmly.
I was embarrassed by the firmness with which she answered, almost without taking a breath, and sipped my coffee silently.
“But, that’s your charm.”
“…?”
“Victory is won by the side that is willing to endure greater sacrifices. Do you remember what you said when I told you that story?”
“…Uh, no?”
“You said you wouldn’t listen to that kind of talk because you’re not a soldier.”
I spat out the coffee I was drinking at the audacity of my younger self, which even I had forgotten.
I awkwardly smiled, wiping my mouth with my arm.
“…Haha, kids these days.”
“I’m talking about you.”
“…You’ve really suffered.”
“Yeah, I made you into a person.”
“…Haha,”
“But you’re right.”
“Huh?”
“Ed, you’re not a soldier, and you’re not my subordinate. Right?”
At that moment, I remembered that day Deborah was talking about.
Deborah, hitting me on the head with a wooden sword, said, ‘You will be treated as a soldier during training. If you don’t like it, get out of this training ground right now,’ and I shouted back at her.
Looking back now, I don’t know what I was thinking.
Was it because I hadn’t completely washed away the dirt of the underworld, or was it just because I had a terrible temper when I was a kid?
It was a memory so embarrassing that I regretted remembering it.
‘Then just call me a disciple. You dumb ajumma.’
I tried to cover my face with my coffee cup, but it was no use.
Deborah, as if she was also remembering the same scene as me, glanced at me and said, pursing her lips.
“You’re a disciple, aren’t you? You idiot.”
“…I remembered.”
Deborah smiled playfully and punched me hard on the shoulder.
“You cheeky brat.”
“That hurts.”
I stroked my shoulder, pretending to be in pain.
Although the pain was real.
Deborah said, looking at me like that.
“You’ve been a weirdo since way back, so don’t try to act all mature now. Everyone is like you, changing their mind all the time.”
“…Person.”
“Yeah, person.”
I pronounced the word very strangely.
I still couldn’t say for sure whether I was human or not.
Perhaps the reason for my confused mental state was due to the fact that my identity was shaken from the start.
The Goddess defined me as a human, and Ulgaros called me a monster.
But the word ‘person’ that Deborah said felt a little more special than human or monster.
“…Person.”
“…”
Deborah said, looking at me lost in thought.
“Ed.”
“Yes,”
“You know, you can always come back.”
“Come back… What do you mean?”
Deborah didn’t answer my question and slowly approached the bed, picked up her coffee cup, and drank it all in one go.
She breathed out, “Hoo-,” and put the coffee cup down on the side table and said.
“It seems like the place where you belong is as my disciple.”
“Yes…? What does that mean?”
“Let’s go now.”
“…Yes.”
I blankly stared at Deborah walking towards the door, and without realizing it, I chuckled.
I was puzzled because I didn’t know what she meant, but for some reason, I couldn’t help but smile.
I drank the remaining coffee like her and picked up my clothes that were lying on the floor.
“Ah, come to think of it, why were my clothes taken off in the end?”
“…”
Deborah, who opened the door, suddenly stopped walking at my question and glanced at me out of the corner of her eye.
Then, she slowly licked her lips once with her tongue and said.
“Who knows?”
“…”
“I’m leaving first. See you again, Ed.”
“…Ah, no, wait a minute.”
Deborah went down the stairs without looking back.
.
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