The Person Who Should Be By His Side – 3

“I have to concede.”

The world is a tower built of injustice.

It’s an obvious truth when I think about it now, but it actually took me quite a long time to realize this.

I was always the one to concede.

“How many part-time jobs are you doing?”

A classmate asked.

I folded my fingers, counting the things I was doing.

Cafe, pub, handing out flyers.

“Me? Three right now.”

I answered, stuffing the usual school cafeteria food into my mouth.

“Right now?”

“Oh, I have another part-time job starting next week.”

Even as I chewed on what I couldn’t tell if it was miso soup or miso rice, my eyes were on my assignment.

“What are you saving up for with all that? Wedding funds?”

“Marriage is not worth it.”

“Huh? Why? You, maybe….”

The eyes of the classmate across from me narrowed. I sighed softly and opened my mouth to clear up the misunderstanding.

“You know my family situation. I’m the only one making money.”

“Ah….”

“Paying tuition, transportation, food, and sending living expenses home. Who would want to marry me?”

“Um… you said your parents weren’t feeling well?”

“Well, not having the will to work also falls under not feeling well.”

“Ah….”

He only let out an exclamation, as if he had nothing to say. Well, what could he say?

That’s the normal reaction. I’m the weird one for revealing my flaws so easily.

“Don’t make that face. Some people just live like this.”

“Ugh, why do you say that again?”

At the gentle voice filled with concern, I put my spoon on the tray and took my eyes off the assignment.

“I just… I feel like I’m living by inertia.”

“Inertia?”

“You know, like when you want to quit everything and go somewhere where no one can find you and live a new life… I could make that choice, but I don’t think I will. I’ll probably just keep earning money like I always have, bring it home, scrape by, and keep living like that, right?”

“No. Something good will definitely happen.”

My classmate shook his head, grabbing my hand.

Listening to that confident voice, I didn’t feel an ounce of relief or comfort.

Because the world is a tower built of injustice.

“You’re home?”

When I entered the house, I saw my father leaning against the sofa, having a drink.

It was a very unsightly sight, with the sun still high in the sky.

“Yeah.”

I felt a primal disgust at the sight of my father washing down shrimp crackers with soju.

“I’m going in.”

Just as I was about to go into my room, my father’s voice stopped me.

“Do you have some money saved up these days?”

A demanding tone.

“Why?”

As always, a curt reply.

“You should answer when I ask. Don’t ask why.”

A way of speaking that grated on my nerves.

“I gave you living expenses.”

My words, of course, couldn’t come out nicely.

“Can’t you just answer the question?”

Only a nonchalant lecture and,

“I have about a hundred.”

A resigned answer.

“Let’s use some of that.”

“Where?”

“Dad has somewhere to use it. I need to meet people here and there and talk about business.”

“It’s been years since you said you were planning a business.”

“Does a business idea come out all at once? First, you have to build connections….”

“Or are you just getting together to drink soju?”

The ashtray grazed my ear.

The cheap plastic hit the wall with a loud noise and fell to the floor.

My father, his face flushed red, glared at me, panting.

I looked at his face as if I were looking at an assignment.

Deep wrinkles, an earthy complexion, bloodshot eyes.

A strong smell of alcohol, even from a distance, filled me with disgust.

There was a time when I tried to understand my family.

There was a time when I tried to lift this family out of the swamp.

Because they were family.

Because we were connected by blood.

I thought I had to take responsibility for my father, my mother, and my younger sibling.

So I tried.

I used my youth as fuel to catch the two rabbits of family and future.

But it was like pouring water into a bottomless pit.

After getting a job at a company, I ate meals of triangle kimbap divided into three pieces.

But at some point, I wondered.

Why me?

Why do I have to work for this family?

Why do they take my sacrifice for granted?

What is my life, anyway?

The world is a tower built of injustice. But I thought there was hope somewhere.

He, whom I met at work, was like that.

Looking at his pure passion, it felt like my world-weary heart was being healed.

I also had romantic feelings for him. I don’t deny that.

But, since I’m a person with a conscience, I just kept those feelings to myself.

No one would promise a future with a woman with a complicated family history.

I just wanted to stay by the side of someone who gave me bright and warm energy and receive that energy for a little longer.

There is no hope.

My head spins at the bizarre truth that the person I had feelings for is not who I thought he was.

The new world that opened my eyes was a series of shocks and a superposition of the unknown.

[You said it’s possession where the being is overwritten.]

[Then, have you ever considered that your feelings right now might be fake?]

A woman with gleaming red eyes said to me.

I denied it, but I actually knew.

That the person I was curious about was no longer there.

That I was actually chasing after a complete stranger.

Haha…

Why is this happening?

I don’t think I’ve lived that badly.

Why do I always have to be swayed by such unfairness?

Really….

It’s too much.