Teaching Feeling-1

NB returned to the base hours after the moon had risen.

It seemed they had gone to Aaru alone, as they were carrying a mountain of luggage and claimed to have single-handedly completed the maintenance of the dimensional navigation ship CLBS-1283.

When I asked why they had gone alone, NB said it was because of the Drone’s behavior yesterday.

“Until I understand all of the Drone’s routes, I think it would be best if I travel alone for the time being.”

NB took out books and various items.

“Next time, at least tell me you’re going. I was worried.”

I said to NB while organizing the luggage.

Today, without NB, the day had felt the longest, and I had been startled by the smallest sounds, hiding under a blanket, holding my breath.

“Kang In-ho was asleep, so I did not wake him. There was not enough time to wait for Kang In-ho to wake up. Since you cannot read, I will devise a symbol.”

NB looked at a branch that had fallen into the base for a moment, then took a string lying around and tied it to the branch in a ribbon shape.

“If this ribbon is on the branch, it means I have gone to Aaru. I believe this will suffice.”

I nodded at the symbol NB had created.

After finishing organizing the luggage, NB said they would cook using the base’s ingredients.

Come to think of it, there seemed to be a cookbook among the books they brought. When I asked, they said it was “[A Cookbook That Even Beginners Can Easily Follow].”

“How was Aaru?”

While watching NB cook, I asked about what had happened today.

“The security level has been raised. A larger number of Drones than usual were patrolling the outer areas.”

“It seems like they’re looking for something?”

“That is highly probable. Every time the number of Drones in operation increases, power consumption also increases. The Ark values efficiency, so they would not have increased the number of Drones without a specific reason.”

NB said, grilling canned ham.

“Wasn’t it dangerous?”

“I almost encountered Drones several times, but I was not detected.”

“Did you find anything?”

“I obtained some parts that could be used to repair the dimensional navigation ship and a book.”

The smell of ham cooking in oil stimulated my nose. Feeling my mouth watering, I started setting the table.

It was just taking out plastic dishes and disposable forks, though.

NB skillfully placed the grilled ham on a plate. Canned corn and small bread followed.

“Enjoy your meal.”

“Thank you, I will.”

I greeted NB and started eating with my fork. As the food entered my mouth, my tongue danced, and dopamine was released in my brain.

My stomach, which had been gnawing with anxiety and worry all day, seemed to be shouting with joy at the appearance of the food.

NB picked up a book of moderate thickness from among the books they had brought.

“What’s the title?”

Since it was written in a foreign language, making it difficult to guess the title, I asked NB.

“It is a book called ‘[What Makes a Person].'”

“A science book?”

“It is a novel.”

“You’ve become interested in novels?”

“I have been able to understand most of the novels at the base through Kang In-ho’s interpretation. Therefore, I have replenished them with new novels.”

“So, is it interesting?”

“The novel, you mean?”

“Yeah. Although there are various reasons, a novel is only meaningful if the person reading it finds it enjoyable.”

“There are also novels that end in tragedy. Does Kang In-ho find that enjoyable?”

NB asked me with a blank expression, but for some reason, I felt like there was a hint of disgust on their face.

I corrected myself before I was misunderstood.

“Saying ‘enjoyable’ might not be the right word. Interesting? Would that be better? Does something emotionally remain after reading the novel?”

NB stared silently at the book in their hand at my unrefined explanation.

Were they thinking, or calculating?

I decided to believe that NB was thinking.

“Androids do not have emotions. Of course, there is an Emotion Module. However, that is also just an algorithm that dictates what expression to make in a given situation. It is far from human emotion.”

“I know. But NB, you’re a little different.”

“Different? I require a more detailed explanation.”

“You just rejected the Ark’s request.”

“At that time, Kang In-ho spoke about ‘free will.’ If one has free will, does that mean they have emotions?”

“Not necessarily… I don’t know how to explain it. I’m not an expert, and it’s just some half-baked philosophy from my head, but…”

I became long-winded because I lacked confidence.

“If an android has free will, wouldn’t they also be able to have emotions? Both are differences between androids and humans. Since you have free will, unlike other androids, you might also be able to have emotions.”

From the point of showing interest in novels, I wondered if NB could even be defined as an android.

“I understand Kang In-ho’s explanation.”

NB opened the book with a blank expression. I started eating the food on my plate again, and NB and I focused on our respective tasks for a while.

NB was the first to break the silence.

“The sentence, ‘[I wish I were a doll that couldn’t feel anything],’ appears. Why does a human want to abandon emotions here?”

“Emotions sometimes make people suffer.”

“Through the novels so far, I have understood love as a positive emotion. However, the character in this novel is suffering because of love.”

“Like ‘[Smiling Tears]?'”

That expression appeared in the novel we read last time.

“Similar. In the end, it didn’t work out for the protagonist, right? So they end up crying.”

“If love does not work out, does one cry?”

“…Crying is the least of it.”

I thought back to the days when my feet were chained, and I couldn’t leave the house.

“I understand that crying is an action associated with sadness. However, it is difficult to understand that one cries because of love, which is a positive emotion, and that this becomes sadness.”

Steam was rising from NB’s head. Was their processing circuit overloading?

“Love isn’t something that can be divided into positive and negative. It’s just an emotion, and from that emotion, you can be sad or happy.”

“Does emotion create new emotions?”

“Um… to summarize?”

“I understand that emotions can change depending on external factors.”

NB nodded and turned their gaze back to the book.

I put the last piece of ham in my mouth and started cleaning up.

As I placed the dishes and forks in the box where we collected trash, NB looked at me again with sparkling eyes.

“What else are you curious about?”

“It is written, ‘[First, knock them down and then kiss them. Even love that didn’t exist will be created?]’. Do humans feel love even if they are physically restrained and subjected to forceful physical contact?”

-Cough, cough

I felt like the food that had just gone down my throat was coming back up.