Things I Tried Not to Face – 3

A hot sensation traveled from the nape of my neck to the crown of my head.

I understood why they said someone was “grabbing you by the neck.”

Rough, unrefined words swirled haphazardly in my mouth.

Like a racehorse waiting for the gate to open,

Like a bull provoked by the matador’s cloth,

I wanted to unleash all my emotions on this tiny girl.

“You’ve heard you’re not empathetic, haven’t you?”

Kim Sung-ah relentlessly pushed me.

“Stop it.”

“Hit a nerve, did I?”

“I said stop.”

“If you keep interrupting like that, no one will like—”

“I SAID STOP!!!!”

The shout, filled with all my emotions, consumed the house.

The echo of the sound bouncing off the walls reverberated, shaking the house.

Seong-a looked at me, her mouth slightly open like a startled rabbit.

Actually, she had been looking at me from the start.

But only now had I truly entered her eyes.

My ragged, heavy breathing, my face flushed red.

“Ahjussi?”

“What do you know? You think you know everything about me just because you’ve spent a little time with me? Do you know the life I’ve lived, the life I’ve been living?”

“Um…”

“This fucking, goddamn! What glory am I supposed to enjoy that I’m suffering like this, going back and forth, getting caught up in incidents!”

“……”

“Did I say something weird? You’re the one who asked me to be your guardian first. But when I do, you can’t even empathize? Can’t you understand? Am I your emotional buffet? Huh? Tell me!”

“That…”

“The more I talk, the angrier I get? Fucking flowing all the way here. Still trying to do well. Huh? Are you unfairly targeting me? Or is this also a law of the world?”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s too much!”

The house reverberates again.

“Why do I have to be the only one suffering, understanding, yielding, knowing, and sacrificing!”

“The bitch who committed the wrong is out there, so why do I have to suffer the consequences! Is pointing out what’s wrong, saying that something is wrong, such a death-worthy sin? Huh? What do you think?”

“Ahjussi, first, sit down.”

I realized I had been standing up for some time.

“I’m tired too, I’m exhausted too, I wish it would all end if I died! Do you know what it’s like to have a different world unfold before my eyes every time?”

“Do you know how I feel when I wake up and have to figure out where I am, who I am, and be careful not to touch any switches!”

The storm of words shook the house, and the anger that had risen to my head made me dizzy for a moment.

My vision went dark.

Ah… this is dangerous.

With the feeling of my blood running cold, my body swayed.

“Ahjussi!”

Seong-a, who was suddenly beside me, grabbed my arm. I shook it off.

My vision returned. The image was doubled, but I could still see.

I strode towards the front door.

I shoved my feet into my shoes haphazardly and opened the door.

“Where are you going?”

Seong-a, who had been watching me from the kitchen, ran over in surprise.

“No matter how I look at it, I don’t think I can satisfy you. If you want a guardian who will do whatever you want, make one with your fancy magic.”

“Ah, Ahjussi!”

“Who cares if you live and die as a high schooler forever. Now that I think about it, why should I care?”

I left the house as is.

I came out onto the street, dimly lit by streetlights. Unlike the commotion inside the house, a silence like fog settled outside.

It was a night when even the moon was hidden by clouds.

I hadn’t decided where to go, but I started walking.

Whether she was too surprised to move, or whether she had no lingering feelings, Seong-a didn’t chase after me.

I was rather relieved. It would be annoying to shake her off if she stubbornly followed me.

“Ah.”

After taking a few steps, I stopped.

Something came to mind.

I took my phone out of my pocket. I turned around and threw it.

The phone, drawing an arc, fell into her house.

I discarded even the small device that connected me to her.

There were things I had been trying not to acknowledge while Dimensional Shift-ing.

[Unreasonableness]

If I started complaining about that unreasonableness, my heart would break.

But, after pouring out all my emotions, I realized that trying to ignore it wasn’t the only answer.

“Ah, that feels good.”

I felt like I had cleared away something stuffy and blocked that had been bothering me as I went through various dimensions.

After the commotion, Kim Sung-ah stood blankly in the messy house.

“……”

She thought she had found his weakness.

She thought that if she latched onto it, she could get an apology.

Then, she thought he would understand her better.

However, the result was different from what she expected.

“He has nowhere else to go.”

Still, she had a firm belief that he would come back.

Wasn’t he someone with nowhere else to turn?

Since they were both excited, he would cool down and open the door again after a while.

Yes, that’s what would happen.

Thinking as she pleased, she returned to the table with a dazed look.

Despite the commotion, the food on the table was safe.

She sat down in the chair with a blank face and picked up her chopsticks again.

She put a piece of spam in her mouth with rice.

The salty taste spread in her mouth.

“It’s… not good.”

Was it because it had cooled down in the meantime?

She couldn’t understand at all.