Things I Tried Not to Face – 2

Seong-a’s face crumpled.

Looking at that face reminded me of when I first came to this house.

I could see the tower of trust and familiarity I had painstakingly built collapsing.

“I have no idea what you’re trying to say.”

Her voice was stiff and hard, with a similar hardness to the words I had just spoken.

“Not just pretending not to know?”

I met her head-on, without backing down. Come to think of it, had I ever had an emotional fight like this while wandering through dimensions?

“Then why aren’t you going to school?”

“That’s… because bad guys keep attacking.”

“…That’s not it.”

There had been no enemy attacks on any day other than today.

“……”

Seong-a slammed her chopsticks down on the table. A gaze full of dissatisfaction shot at me.

For a moment, I paused, reminded of old memories by that similar, childish look of animosity.

But, as always, I was the type of person who had to say what I wanted to say.

“I told you. If I became your guardian, I would say things you didn’t like.”

If I ended the conversation vaguely here, it wouldn’t be good for Seong-a.

“…Yes.”

She nodded, as if she remembered that time too.

But her expression was still stiff.

“Time doesn’t always wait for you. There are things you have to do at your age.”

I was passing on the same things my superiors had told me.

“I know you live a different life than other kids your age. But you have to do what you have to do. You’re an adult now.”

“Adult?”

Her question cut off my words like a sharp knife.

“What’s so adult about it?”

She didn’t hide her displeasure.

“……..”

In response to her question, countless definitions of adulthood flashed through my mind and disappeared.

“Everyone says that. You’re an adult now. You have to take responsibility for yourself.”

Seong-a gave a bitter smile. It was terribly cynical, a mixture of loneliness and fatigue.

“After Mom and Dad died, my aunt told me that. Study hard for school. It’s a student’s duty.”

“So I worked hard. I can’t say I did well, but I still tried to live like a student.”

The rising emotions made her body tremble.

“But do you know what they said when I became a senior in high school? Now you’re an adult, they said. Now you have to be independent, they said.”

“No one ever told me anything about what you have to do when you become an adult. How to manage a house, how to cook, how to save money, how to make and break relationships, nothing!”

She raised her voice.

It was an outcry full of injustice.

“When they just told me to study and left me alone to live like a student. Have you decided on your career path? What’s with the state of this house? Now you’re an adult! That’s all they said!”

Her clenched fist slammed down on the table.

“You know, until I lived with you, I didn’t even know how to take care of the yard. I didn’t know how to repair the house. Food? You’ve made more and better food in the last 5 years than I’ve ever made in my life.”

Tears welled up slightly in her eyes.

It wasn’t sadness. It was injustice.

She slammed the table two more times. The table shook, and the dishes rattled.

“In the meantime, those damn guys keep attacking. I want to ignore them too. I don’t want to fight them while my body hurts. But if I turn away, other people will die. They’ll bleed, suffer, and lose loved ones. So I have no choice but to step up.”

“Because there’s no one to remember me, I spend every day surviving on the mental victory of protecting other people’s dreams and hopes…”

Tears streamed down her face.

“Seong-a.”

I had been watching the emotional explosion in front of me, and I carefully called her name.

“Ahjussi. You’re really too much.”

Her anger turned towards me.

“I told you, you’re the only one who remembers that I’m a Magical Girl. But why don’t you understand me? A guardian doesn’t just play the role of scolding. A guardian also has the role of embracing, understanding, and comforting.”

My mouth shut.

“But why are you talking like I’m a bad person, like I’m a bad kid who doesn’t do what I’m supposed to do? You know what kind of life I’m living, you’re watching from the side.”

“…But, I’m worried about you.”

Maybe she was right, and I should be comforting her.

But if I let it go like this, she would just repeat the same life again.

Unable to move forward, living a life of constantly spinning her wheels in a familiar life.

Even that wheel would sink into the swamp as time went on.

Therefore, I thought this conflict was necessary.

I wanted to soothe and persuade her in a softer voice than before.

“Worried? You said worried?”

She scoffed.

“If you were really worried about me, you should have asked questions instead of interrogating me. Is asking questions after already deciding I’m a bad kid what you call worrying?”

She gave a crooked smile.

“That’s why I asked you in the first place. You were the one who lied.”

I corrected the facts.

Seong-a seemed to realize she had made a mistake, and her eyes widened slightly.

And then, she narrowed her eyes.

“Okay. You’re right about everything, Ahjussi. I’m a bad kid.”

It was a familiar feeling.

Perhaps that’s why discomfort suddenly rose from the depths of my heart.

“Don’t talk like that. If you really didn’t want to go to school, you should have at least told me. You said you were going to school and then skipped, Seong-a. And you were the one who tried to deceive me with lies until the end.”

Suppressing my annoyance, I conveyed only the facts.

“…Annoying.”

Her very honest feelings were conveyed.

And so, Seong-a and I maintained silence for a while, with the food in front of us.

I desperately bit my lower lip to suppress the old memories that had been suddenly dragged out.

But unlike my efforts, Seong-a didn’t seem to be able to tolerate ‘losing’ like this.

“Would it hurt you to just say you’re sorry? Do you have to win to feel better?”

It was something I had heard often somewhere.

The anger I had been trying so hard to suppress began to creep up my chest and towards my throat.

Had she realized that this attack was effective?

Seong-a continued to attack in that direction. Maybe she knew it instinctively.

But I thought I could endure it. It wasn’t the first time I had seen someone lose their temper and express their hurt feelings.

I would feel bad, and there would be resentment left in my heart, but I was confident that I wouldn’t lose my reason along with her.

“Did you treat your ex-girlfriend like this too, by any chance?”

If I hadn’t heard this one sentence, full of sarcasm, that is.