chapter_0059

59 – There Are Various Reasons for Crying

59 – There Are Various Reasons for Crying

When Maru starts to cry, you have to wait.

If I, who is evaluated by others with a capital T, say something, it’s obvious that the response will be, “Are you T-fucking serious?”

Maru has never actually said that, though.

I had to be careful because there was a time when I ended up almost genuinely angry while gently asking what the problem was.

[Hic… Hic… Hic… Sniff………]

After a long bout of sobbing, she finally calmed down about 15 minutes later and said,

[I’m sorry!!]

… Is she apologizing here?

After crying her heart out?

Not long after the first-year students joined, when the Team Leader mentioned that Maru was one of the hardest people to care for mentally, I expressed my confusion.

Maru?

I had never seen her cry on stream.

When she was actually broadcasting, her mental fortitude was so strong that she was well-known for handling the chaotic chatroom as well as Komari did.

But to say she was emotional and hard to care for mentally was puzzling from my perspective, which only saw her broadcasts.

However, about six months ago.

I realized the truth when I went to help Maru one day.

“Uwaaaah!! What do I do? What do I do!! Hwaaaah!!”

A glass of water spilled accidentally led to the death of the streaming computer.

It seemed like ruining a day’s broadcast was such a tragedy that it felt like someone had died.

But when I told her to wait just an hour, that the company would bring a temporary computer…

“… I’ll wait. Thank you!!”

Maru immediately stopped crying and calmly prepared for the broadcast again.

A typical case of being tough on the outside but soft on the inside.

It was almost astonishing how well she fit her concept of a hedgehog beastkin.

Of course, since being too spiky might be off-putting, she had removed some quills and replaced them with sharp collars, epaulettes, and decorations, making her avatar closer to a mouse beastkin.

She was someone who cared a lot about others, looked after them, and had a gentle personality.

Yet, on the surface, she was loud, assertive, and never backed down in an argument, so she was just a hedgehog.

In fact, during collaborations, if she happily gifted something and the recipient didn’t react, she would worry, “Did they not like what I gave them?”

Even if some rough words slipped out during the WWE segments that naturally occurred on stream, she would always apologize or check in privately afterward.

In my case, after collaborations with the members, I would always look for stories or videos of those who had collaborated with us, and it was harder to find someone who hadn’t received a follow-up apology from Maru.

So, as I hurriedly made my way to the chicken place where I was supposed to meet Maru amidst the sudden flood of Maru’s emotions, I reflected on whether I had done something wrong.

I had stolen her voice without any prior notice.

I thought she might have been hurt by that.

Since I had slightly broken my usual principle of not invading the members’ spaces today, I felt quite guilty as well.

… However, today, Maru’s code seemed to be simply apologizing.

“I’m sorry…”

Looking at her expression and her hunched shoulders, it felt like I was the one who had wronged Maru, as if she had smashed my computer instead.

“Um, Maru, I should be the one saying sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

So, what for?

“Earlier… Jia asked for help, and instead of helping, I ended up clinging to you. I’m sorry.”

Hearing that left me momentarily stunned, and it took me a while to move again.

I had even judged eight rounds of I’m Wolf, and that was just one round.

And at that moment, it was a casual remark I threw out to use Maru.

Whether Maru helped me or not didn’t matter.

But she cried because she felt guilty for breaking that promise?

That wasn’t something to feel sorry about.

“It was just a psychological game during the game; why are you so worried about that?”

“True, but the more I think about it, the more sorry I feel…”

“You don’t need to feel sorry. I was watching the chat during your stream, and thanks to you tripping me up, the reactions were amazing. Everyone was laughing like crazy.”

“Is that so….”

Thanks to the tip the Team Leader had given me, I was saved.

To cut off Maru’s seemingly endless apologies, I should talk about the broadcast.

Especially about metrics and performance.

Since she was a praise onion, her mood would lighten immediately upon hearing it.

I had struggled with this six months ago, but not this time.

Just then, the chicken I ordered arrived at the perfect timing.

Anyway, since I had given her a flight once, Maru smiled brightly and poked a piece of boneless chicken with her fork.

“But, I have something I’m upset about.”

“Upset about?”

“Yes! You left right after the collaboration!”

This was a new approach.

“Oh.”

“I wanted to sit next to Jia and… well, not literally sit next to her, but I wanted to chat with you, but you just left, and it made me feel upset… I was even going to try to call you on Talk Code, but I couldn’t find a chance because Ronje was talking for so long… I waited to chat with the viewers after it ended, but suddenly you left Talk Code too…”

I felt a sense of guilt even though I hadn’t done anything wrong.

Maru had a truly strange power in her way of speaking.

She spoke casually, yet somehow made people feel guilty.

Even now, just a few words in, my conscience was already hurting.

Perhaps it was because I felt that my misuse of her voice was a greater fault.

Having run away like that, Maru might have felt bad, and I acknowledged that.

However, if I mentioned that I felt more sorry or that I should apologize more, Maru’s infinite apologies would start again.

It would be better to say, “We both made mistakes, so let’s leave it at that.”

It was also a no-go to say I would buy her a meal.

It hurt my heart to feel like I was taking money from the kids, but we had to Dutch pay.

“Then, since we both have things to apologize for, let’s eat this chicken and make up.”

Fortunately, Maru smiled brightly.

“Yes!”

Her mood shifted quickly.

Well, this is how the firmness of the broadcast and the softness of everyday life can coexist.

Feeling good again, Maru, unlike her boisterous broadcast persona, ate the chicken very gracefully, wiped the crumbs around her mouth with a tissue, and lightly swayed to the music flowing from the store.

It was natural for the conversation to shift to the next topic.

“By the way, I heard that news. Jia is going on a trip too!”

It was more about watching over the kids than going out to play together.

It was a trip to give the members some breathing room and to create memories, so if they wandered around more relaxed than usual, various accidents could happen.

“Don’t worry too much about me. Just have fun with the members. I’m going to help the Boss and the Team Leader.”

However, when I conveyed that thought, Maru furrowed her eyebrows.

“Isn’t it supposed to be fun with us…?”

“Just because we’re going together doesn’t mean we have to play together.”

“Ugh… that’s not what I meant. I thought Jia was finally getting comfortable with us. Recently, you’ve been streaming with the kids one after another. During the pre-show, you were more passionate than anyone else in boosting us…”

In fact, I knew best that there was no particular reason for me to appear on the broadcast.

I thought my voice wouldn’t be grating to the viewers’ ears anymore.

I just thought it would help the company, so I went on.

However, since it had been almost a year since that happened, it seemed to have created this misunderstanding.

I needed to correct the facts a bit, so I conveyed only the objective truth.

“I’ve never felt uncomfortable with you guys. I just wanted to keep a distance because my work is behind the scenes… Besides, I’ve said a lot of harsh things, right? So, it felt a bit funny to approach you with a smile after that.”

Maru’s eyes widened.

“Really?”

“If I had felt uncomfortable, would I have bothered to help with the broadcast? I even streamed with Dora and Komari at their place.”

“Hmm. That’s true.”

“Well, it might be because the other kids aren’t as considerate as Maru, but from what I see, everyone else seems fine. So, don’t worry too much and feel free to treat me comfortably.”

I am the staff behind the scenes.

It goes against nature for a performer on stage to feel uneasy around the staff behind the scenes.

That doesn’t mean the staff should be treated arbitrarily or like slaves, though.

Still, I believe that performers should be a step above the staff.

I ended up speaking informally to Komari by chance.

I use formal speech with everyone else for that reason.

If I treat the other person well first, they will naturally feel that they are relatively above me.

And in that state, the members won’t have to worry about the staff.

They will be able to express whatever they want, share their brilliant ideas, and say whatever comes to mind.

Sometimes it can be too much, and the company has to intervene, but most of those ideas lead to good content, viewer engagement, and improved metrics.

Of course, it seemed that my intention didn’t quite get through to Maru.

After a while of eating chicken while glancing at me, Maru suddenly snatched my beer glass and gulped down the remaining half.

As she set the glass down on the table with a clink, Maru said,

“Then, shall we drop the formalities!! ……… okay?”

Since I was only speaking informally to Komari, this was something that could come up from any member at any time.

Especially with Maru’s personality, she might have felt anxious about being treated differently.

Since we were the same age, it didn’t really matter if we dropped the formalities.

“Sure.”

With her eyes wide open, she started to breathe heavily like someone about to hyperventilate and said,

“Y-yeah! Jia! From today, we’re friends!”

“Wait a minute.”

I immediately put on a serious face to correct the misunderstanding.

I didn’t want to drop the formalities just to become friends with Maru.

There were few customers in the store, but I lowered my voice just in case someone might overhear.

“We’re not friends. You’re a Virtual Youtuber, and I’m the staff supporting you.”

“… Oh.”

However, since Maru looked like she was about to cry, I had no choice but to add some explanation.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be friends. I just worry that if we get too close, I might make mistakes while working. Please understand.”

Maru smiled brightly.

“If that’s the case, then, yes! I understand!!”

Majiya is someone who is more serious about work than anyone else, and Maru understands that sentiment.

Though they couldn’t become friends, Maru took a step back with a hint of regret.

What was important now was the significant event happening next week.

All the members had met Jia once, and now that Maru, the last one to step forward, had successfully dropped the formalities as a peer, they all agreed to execute an important event on November 22, the day of their group trip.

“Everyone, take out what you’ve prepared.”

With serious expressions, the members took out the gifts they had prepared.

Maru, who organized this secret meeting, smiled with satisfaction.

“Next week, we can’t make mistakes, okay? We absolutely can’t let it show, and if we mess up, we all know we’ll have a penalty broadcast, right?”

“I know. I’m very aware of that.”

“Yeah… Horror Game penalty!”

“I’m definitely not going to mess up. Honestly, I’m most worried about you, sis.”

“Komari, quiet. Anyway, the Boss and Team Leader have agreed to help, so if it seems dangerous, don’t forget to ask Nana and the two of them for help right away.”

Maru’s phone screen, which hadn’t turned off, had the following written in the calendar app for next week:

A word from the author (Author’s Note)

Weekend Special Collaboration Operation!!

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday will each have one episode uploaded between 7-9 PM and 10 PM-12 AM!!