Chapter 96: If you want – 4

“Really… the culprit?”

As two seemingly ordinary words intertwined, Vivian’s heart began to race fiercely.

Suppressing his anger, Nestor took another step closer to Vivian.

The shallow nod he gave carried a heavy sense of resolve, as though he had been waiting his entire life for this moment.

The weight he had concealed until now began to surface, and Vivian couldn’t understand why it terrified her so much.

“It was… Alan… especially Jade Alan, who caused my family to fall apart, wasn’t it?”

Her words, which seemed so obvious, trembled as they left her lips.

“Jade Alan certainly isn’t without blame. However…”

Nestor hesitated as if unsure where to start.

Retracing numerous memories with his eyes, he took a deep breath before speaking.

“Let’s start from the beginning. Lady Vivian, wasn’t the duchess’s will too heavy a burden for you to bear?”

Vivian, overwhelmed by the sheer scope of secrets slowly being unearthed, could only remain silent.

“‘Do not appoint a regent.’ Because of this will, you had to bear an overwhelmingly heavy responsibility alone, enduring the scornful gazes of many vassals. As a result, you grew up lonely and burdened. I still remember the nights when you cried in secret. And I… I clenched my teeth and pretended not to notice. Did the duchess not foresee such consequences? Why did she leave such a will behind?”

Vivian forcibly closed her eyes as she listened.

Memories of her childhood—crying as she felt the emptiness left by her family—vividly resurfaced.

Back then, she had indeed blamed her mother at times.

“She also appointed Kailo Alan as your guard. The eldest son of the Alan family! The very family the duchess despised and resented night after night… She appointed their eldest son as your protector. Didn’t that will also weigh heavily on you?”

“P-please stop. That’s enough…”

Vivian murmured weakly.

She had an inkling of where this story was heading, but she wasn’t ready to accept it.

“There was a traitor in the family.”

Tears of rage welled in Nestor’s eyes, but they didn’t fall.

His emotions burned so fiercely that it seemed even his tears had evaporated.

“I’m sure you’ve already realized who it is, Lady Vivian. But back then, neither I nor the duchess had any clue who the traitor might be.”

Vivian clenched her fist so tightly her fingertips turned white.

Ever since she had taken on Kailo’s pain as her own, her immobile left hand felt stiff and unyielding.

“To ensure the hidden traitor’s blade could never reach you… the duchess opposed appointing a regent and placed Kailo Alan—a man untouchable by anyone—at your side. It was a gamble neither the duchess nor I knew would succeed. But it was the only choice we had.”

“Stop… Stop it!”

Terrified, Vivian interrupted Nestor.

“Stop trying to shake me. A traitor in the family? Hasn’t everyone betrayed me at some point? No one around me has truly trusted me or been loyal to Rondor. That’s why I’ve been purging the vassals and consolidating my power. Don’t try to pretend this is some revelation!”

“Those so-called traitors were merely the seeds sown by the original betrayer. They were the weeds above the ground, but the roots lie deeper. The reason you’ve been left alone… the reason this once-glorious family faltered so much…”

Nestor’s voice grew softer.

“…Let’s go back to the past. I confronted the duchess with suspicions, saying there seemed to be a traitor in the family. Although it wasn’t something I could prove, there was an undeniable unease I felt as I pieced together the stories from my informants. Lady Vivian, do you remember how the former Duke of Rondor died?”

“In a duel with Jade Alan…”

“He fell from his horse. But once a duel is decided, the outcome is final. Jade Alan… though I hate to admit it, is not a dishonorable man. He understands the value of honor. Once the duel was decided, he did not harm the duke further. As a result, the duke sustained only minor injuries and a broken arm.”

“But—”

“Yes, but those wounds became infected, and he never recovered. Lady Vivian, you may know him only as a father, but the duke I remember was a strong man. Not just mentally, but physically as well. He was the only one who could stand against Jade Alan. And yet… he died from an infected wound?”

Nestor’s voice trembled more and more but never broke.

His unyielding demeanor radiated the suspicion and fury only those who refuse to crumble can possess.

“…I couldn’t believe it.”

***

“It doesn’t really feel like your room, does it?”

Kayla said as soon as she entered the room.

I had tried to hide it to keep her from worrying, but now there was no need for a clumsy lie.

“It’s not my room. I usually sleep with the other soldiers.”

Kayla let out a short sigh.

The more she learned about my life, the deeper her sighs grew.

“So they treated you like this… while calling you a guest?”

I patted Kayla’s head and replied.

“Calling me a guest was just for show. Did you really think they’d treat me lavishly in Rondor? We were enemies.”

At my pointed response, Kayla slowly quelled her anger.

“I know… but still.”

After hesitating for a moment, she muttered.

“Now that I’m face to face with you, imagining all the hardships you must have endured makes my heart ache so much.”

I laughed lightly.

“Just knowing you care is enough for me. Besides, it wasn’t as hard as you think.”

I had focused only on Vivian.

Other hardships didn’t even register.

Kayla looked around the room before glancing up at me.

It was the first moment we were truly alone—no maids, no guards, no soldiers, no Vivian, and no other eyes watching us.

Kayla locked eyes with me for a long time, then began to cry again, her tears flowing freely.

Standing there, she sought solace, silently crying.

I slowly embraced her.

“…You’ve been through so much.”

When I spoke, Kayla shook her head.

“Compared to you… I…”

She slowly looked up at me, brushing her hand across my face.

“Why… Why is your body in such a state?”

For the first time, she voiced the worries she had kept to herself around others.

“What happened to your back and neck? Did you get burned? Your ear… Why is half your ear gone…? And your arm, why is it covered in scars?
Your hands… Why are they so rough…”

“Didn’t you feel lonely? Even when you were so hurt… you must not have received any comfort. You must have kept it all to yourself… endured it all alone…”

“What’s the point of thinking about the past? It’s fine. I endured it all. Look, I’m here, aren’t I?”

“You nearly died!”

Kayla suddenly yelled, overcome with anger, and began hitting my chest with her small fists.

“If you had died… sob! What would I have done?! Mother is gone…! Father is barely holding on…! What would I have done if you were gone too…?”

“How was I supposed to take care of our siblings…? How was I supposed to lead the family…?”

Kayla’s tears gave me a sense of déjà vu.

I remembered Vivian, who had cried the same way.

She was only 13 when she lost her parents and her siblings.

If even an adult like Kayla struggled this much at just the thought of such a loss, how much more must Vivian have suffered?

In this strange moment, my sympathy for Vivian only grew.

“You kept protecting… kept protecting that crazy woman! And you got hurt because of her! These scars on your back… your ear…! They’re all because of her, aren’t they?”

I couldn’t deny it.

It felt as though Kayla already knew everything.

“Why… Why did you protect her? Why did you have to get hurt like this because of her? Did she force you? Threaten you?”

I couldn’t give Kayla the answer she wanted to hear.

I shook my head and replied with the excuse that always worked best in such situations.

“Look at yourself. You’re struggling so much just at the thought of losing me or Father. Vivian actually lost everyone because of our family.”

“What does her situation have to do with you?”

“-It matters when you’re by her side.”

I cut off Kayla’s retort.

“How could I just stand by and watch? Even if it wasn’t my fault… it was still Father’s doing. Because of him, Vivian cried every day.”

The fact that our family caused Vivian’s suffering was undeniable.

I could dress it up in many ways, but that was the plain truth.

“How could I turn away from that guilt?”

***

Vivian struggled to accept the words.

She spoke as though rejecting what she had just heard.

“You can’t seriously expect me to believe that my father’s death was anything but an illness. You claim there’s more to it, but… Am I supposed to believe someone else was behind it?”

“I’m a coward, Vivian. Even if it was just a coincidence, I can’t—”

“And No, you’re wrong… There’s more to it than just that!”

Taking a deep breath, Nestor continued,

“Lois Rondor.”

The moment that name was spoken, the air in the room grew icy.

Nestor reflected on the man who should have been his lord with a distant gaze.

“…The brilliant future we once envisioned, the pride and confidence he inspired as he grew. How could I accept that he was taken in an ‘accident’?”

Vivian closed her eyes tightly, but behind her lids, she could still see the radiant figure of her brother, who had shone like the sun.

In a heated tone, Vivian responded,

“No one could accept it! That’s why everyone believed it was a scheme by the Alan family! They feared my brother, who had been taken as a prisoner of war. They faked his death as an accident!”

Nestor smiled weakly and asked.

“…Because the Alan family is savage and despicable?”

Vivian was momentarily at a loss for words.

“Lady Vivian, perhaps Northerners are like that. But as I’ve said, Jade Alan is not a man who lacks honor. Do you know how many years I spent investigating the existence of Jade Alan? While the Southerners cursed and feared him, treating him as an object of hatred, he is not a despicable being. He is not someone who would scheme such plots.”

Nestor lifted his head and looked at Vivian.

There was a fierce conviction in his eyes.

“Jade Alan is a natural-born fighter, not a conniver. If he dislikes someone, he confronts them head-on and takes their head. He’s not the type to promise mercy and stab someone in the back. Have you forgotten who his son is?”

Vivian couldn’t breathe in or out.

“Think of Kailo Alan. As much as you hate him, you must acknowledge what must be acknowledged. Everyone who met Jade Alan says they are reminded of him whenever they encounter Kailo Alan. The two are alike. Lady Vivian, can you even imagine Kailo Alan lying and stabbing someone in the back? Kailo Alan would sooner cut a throat in front of him than act from behind.”

As her immense belief slowly crumbled, Vivian’s thoughts froze.

She wanted to refute but couldn’t find the words, and her mind became increasingly empty.

“Moreover, Lord Lois once showed mercy to Kailo Alan. He attacked the soldiers who had been observing the war from afar, killing them all and capturing Kailo Alan. While everyone cried out that Kailo Alan must be killed, Lord Lois claimed he was too young and could not bring himself to swing his sword. That decision, which led to Lord Lois being captured as a prisoner, was known to Jade Alan, who later released him. And then he betrayed him?”

“…We only believed what we wanted to believe. We must have wanted to see Jade Alan as a monster. That way, we could blame all our misery and despair on him, making it easier to accept our pathetic plight, comforting ourselves by thinking it was an unavoidable disaster….”

“…What are you trying to say?”

“Now, you surely understand. The Duke died from his festering wounds, and Lord Lois perished in a landslide on his way home? I didn’t believe it, and I found the culprit.”

For a moment, silence reigned.

Nestor spoke.

“Robert Rondor. He orchestrated their deaths.”

***

“…How can I turn away from this guilt?”

At my words, Kayla’s emotions grew even more intense.

“Why do you even feel guilty, Brother? It wasn’t your fault!”

“It was Father’s doing. I can’t deny that, Kayla. You may find it hard to understand, but… Vivian has lived a life similar to mine. Surrounded by no trustworthy adults, no family to protect her, burdened with many responsibilities… That’s probably why I couldn’t just leave someone like her behind.”

I grabbed Kayla’s shoulders to steady her as she tried to lash out.

“I don’t know, Kayla. It’s too tiring to explain every little thoughtless action I’ve taken. I just made those choices at the time.”

Kayla seemed to have a lot to say, but she swallowed her words after a few nods.

She sighed deeply and ran her hand over my face.

Her eyes scanned the scars on my neck, ears, and the exposed parts of my skin.

“…Fine.”

Suppressing her tears, she loosened her grip and spoke.

“…Fine, what does it even matter now?”

She continued.

“As you know, there’s only one reason I came here. To take you back.”

“…Kayla.”

“I’ve prepared everything for negotiations. Father said to stake everything to bring you back.”

“Kayla, wait—”

“—Brother.”

She spoke.

“…Brother, let’s go back now. The estate needs you.”