Chapter 94: Winter

Elegant melodies flowing with each movement of slender fingers.

Curtains billowing slightly in the breeze coming through the window.

So-yul happily moving her body as she struck the keys, and me quietly smiling as I took in her performance with my eyes and ears.

If only such peaceful everyday moments could continue forever, I’d be immensely happy.

On this ordinary weekend morning in the piano room, I held these thoughts along with a bitter smile.

So-yul’s joint performance with the orchestra club was now just a week away.

Posters had already been put up all over the school. I’d heard they were even promoting it extensively outside the school.

The school broadcast had even threatened, “Absence from the charity concert will result in demerits.” This showed how much effort the school was putting into it.

And of course, all of this seemed to be weighing on So-yul.

This was the same So-yul who had practiced to the point of collapse before the concours. Given her goal of defying her mother, she wouldn’t slack off in her practice.

Because of this, this weekend had been decided early on as a piano room date.

I was simply happy to study while listening to So-yul’s playing—there was no greater joy.

But.

“…Sigh.”

The performance that had been continuing steadily suddenly stopped. In its place came the sound of So-yul’s fragile sigh.

When I glanced at her, So-yul had removed her hands from the keyboard and hung her head deeply.

The mood had been building toward a climactic point, so she probably hadn’t properly finished the piece. Perhaps she was disappointed because the performance wasn’t going as she wanted.

“Are you okay?”

When I quietly asked, So-yul looked at me.

A weary smile was drawn on her face.

“Yes. I’m fine.”

“…Really?”

Was it just my imagination that nothing about her—from her expression to her voice—seemed fine?

Eventually, as if gathering her resolve, So-yul began to press the keys again.

She went back to the beginning of the piece. It was still a pleasant melody. I hoped this time it would be a satisfying performance for So-yul too. Silently harboring this wish, I listened to the flowing notes.

Then.

“…Ugh.”

At some point, So-yul’s performance stopped once again.

When I glanced at her, I saw So-yul biting her lower lip firmly. She hadn’t even removed her hands from the keyboard, just holding them still. Her gaze was fixed only on where the sheet music lay.

Though she appeared the same as usual on the surface, to me it seemed like she was swallowing sadness inside. This was a sensation that came from having watched over So-yul for so long. It was truly a kind of boyfriend’s intuition.

Was So-yul really okay?

The piano room date that morning ended with a hint of concern.

◎

“Will you be alright for the charity concert?”

That night on the path bench.

To So-yul, sitting beside me as always, I posed this question.

I had missed the timing in the morning. During the afternoon, she would have been with her mother. Besides, it seemed better to bring up a topic like this face to face.

After much deliberation, I finally asked. Out of worry, I felt I couldn’t let it go without asking.

After hearing my question, So-yul hesitated for a moment before forcing a smile and saying:

“Yes. I’ll be fine. Probably.”

Her whispered response was completely drained of energy.

My girlfriend was as stubborn as ever about being honest. Even though I had asked her to tell me when things were difficult. Her determination to bear everything alone left me feeling helpless as her boyfriend.

Looking into So-yul’s eyes, I said:

“You don’t look fine to me.”

“…I don’t look fine?”

“Yeah. You looked disappointed with your performance this morning. You seem somehow gloomy right now too. When I watch you and ask out of concern, you only answer that you’re fine.”

When I laid out my thoughts frankly, So-yul’s lips quivered slightly.

She seemed quite surprised. Perhaps she thought she had been careful not to show any signs of discouragement. And she probably had been. She just couldn’t fool her boyfriend’s eyes.

I waited for So-yul’s response.

In a voice so small it could have been buried by the faint sound of the wind, I heard:

“I want to play as well as possible, but it’s not working out the way I want.”

“Not working out the way you want?”

“Yes.”

So-yul paused for a moment, then:

“I absolutely need to get my mother’s recognition this time. I want to do a little better, just a little better. But no matter how many times I play it, it feels inadequate. I keep getting disappointed in myself, so…”

Was it difficult for her to reveal her true feelings? So-yul eventually trailed off and closed her mouth.

There’s no benefit in having long conversations about depressing topics. I silently nodded and gently stroked So-yul’s fragile back. In response, So-yul also gave a small smile.

To me, her performance had been exceptional. Objectively, there probably weren’t any shortcomings.

But if she herself wasn’t satisfied, that was a different matter. A good performance only happens when So-yul herself feels it’s enough. The moment doubt creeps in, it gradually falls apart.

Continuously stroking her back, I said quietly:

“To me, you were more brilliant than any pianist in the world.”

A soft response came back:

“You only know me when it comes to pianists anyway.”

Well, I couldn’t deny that.

“Anyway, I mean it sounded great. Even though I know nothing about piano, it felt impressive. What was it… it made me think I wanted to become a pianist like that girl someday.”

“Stop joking around… But thanks anyway.”

So-yul expressed her gratitude with a voice mixed with a faint laugh.

However, her complexion still hadn’t brightened much.

It seems my consolation wasn’t effective. Once things reach this state, probably no one’s comfort would reach her. At this point, So-yul would have to overcome it on her own.

Still.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Help me?”

“Yeah. Like taking notes for you. Or recording your performance. Anything that would be helpful, I’ll try to do it. Just tell me.”

I wanted to do whatever I could for her.

Though I wondered if So-yul would actually ask me for anything.

“Well then.”

But surprisingly, it seemed So-yul was about to make a request. After briefly beginning, she looked at me with a strange tension evident in her expression. Her lips moved reluctantly, as if she found it difficult to continue.

Then, as if she had firmed her resolve, So-yul looked up at me directly.

Finally opening her tightly closed lips, in an increasingly small voice:

“…M-my hands are cold, which makes me make mistakes, so I think it would be good if you w-warmed them up.”

She stuttered through this unbearably cute request.

Would warming her hands now even help? Unless she had asked me to hold her hands while practicing, they would just get cold again by tomorrow.

Of course, there was no need to think deeply about it.

So-yul probably just wanted to draw strength from her boyfriend.

“Why are you still shy about holding hands at this point?”

When I asked, half-bursting into laughter, So-yul fidgeted with her fingers and said:

“I-it’s always hard for me to ask for things directly…”

“Pfft.”

So-yul’s adorable answer caused the remaining half of my laughter to burst out.

Was she annoyed that her boyfriend was laughing after she’d done as he asked? So-yul’s cheeks slowly puffed up. She became thoroughly sulky and protruded her lips. Then she even gave me a resentful look.

I should probably stop laughing and quickly grant my girlfriend’s request. I could certainly hold her hand as much as she wanted.

“Alright.”

I immediately answered and gently took So-yul’s hand.

When our hands touched, So-yul flinched.

Ignoring this, I clasped her long fingers as if embracing them. The smooth touch of her skin and warm temperature reached me all at once.

If my hands were colder, I’d be freezing So-yul’s hands instead. I put our clasped hands into my coat pocket.

This seemed unexpected, as So-yul’s eyes widened.

I gently caressed So-yul’s hand inside the pocket.

Each time my fingers brushed against hers, the corners of So-yul’s mouth lifted slightly.

I asked So-yul, who was docilely accepting my touch:

“How is it? Do you feel warmer now?”

So-yul hemmed and hawed for a moment, then:

“Yes. I do, but…”

“Huh? Why? Is there a problem?”

Was she hoping I would let go because her hand was cold? Or did she dislike it when I suddenly put her hand in my pocket?

As I anxiously waited for what would come next, So-yul pointed at me with wavering eyes and said:

“…A-actually, my body is cold too.”

“Pfft.”

“D-don’t laugh…”

So-yul blushed visibly and grumbled.

She was a girlfriend who never missed a chance to be cute.

Restraining my laughter that kept escaping due to affection, I opened the front of my coat.

Then I created a small gap, and So-yul immediately nestled into my arms as if she had been waiting for it.

From there, I tried to wrap So-yul in my coat entirely.

So-yul, who had seemed embarrassed, began to nuzzle her face against me once she was enclosed in the coat.

Since So-yul was so small, she was completely hidden as if there was no one inside.

Except for the “hmm, hmmm” breathing sounds coming from inside the coat, no one would notice her.

While gently stroking So-yul’s back through the coat, I asked:

“How is it? Feeling warmer now?”

“Y-yes.”

A voice that seemed to be enduring shyness came from inside the coat.

I felt like my ears and chest were screaming that they were ticklish.

This position made me quite shy too. Putting our hands together in the pocket, embracing her body inside my coat. Although it was just this much, I felt awkward, like when we had just started dating.

Even though I had experienced holding hands or hugging many times. It was amazing how such a slight difference could revive that fresh feeling.

The best way to hide these ticklish emotions was to change the subject.

“By the way, it’s gotten quite cold lately.”

“Ah, yes. It has.”

So-yul inside the coat gently nodded.

More precisely, I could feel that sensation.

“Is it almost winter now?”

“Winter will be here soon. More than half of November has already passed.”

“That’s right. Soon it will be December, and December means winter…”

As I muttered almost to myself, I suddenly fell into contemplation.

Come to think of it, winter is approaching already.

“…We met in spring, and now it’s already winter.”

It seems I wasn’t the only one lost in reminiscence. As if reading my mind, So-yul voiced a similar thought.

With a slight smile, I whispered:

“When we first met, I didn’t know it would be such a persistent connection.”

“Choose a better expression.”

“…I didn’t know we would be such perfect soulmates.”

“Good. Well done.”

So-yul patted my back while smiling as if admonishing me. She could be quite demanding.

“Back then, I was sitting on this very bench. When I opened my eyes, someone was suddenly standing there, and it startled me.”

“That’s right. You were playing the piano here.”

“Yes. I stopped after I found something to do outside.”

That ‘something to do’ was just chatting with me, wasn’t it? Well, she probably felt that talking with me was more enjoyable. I should accept it gladly.

“A few days later, we went on our first date, right?”

“That’s right. You even hid me inside your coat like now while people were passing by.”

“T-that’s something you shouldn’t mention.”

So-yul murmured softly and gently bumped her forehead against my chest.

Perhaps for So-yul, it was a kind of embarrassing dark history. Well, it was considerably awkward for me too. Even if it was beyond our control, we had skipped several steps forward.

Patting her back, I continued the conversation:

“After that, we did all sorts of couple things. We went out and enjoyed dates together.”

“Yes. That’s right. The dates were fun.”

“It would be nice if we could do it again.”

With a faint smile, I said:

“Then on the arts festival day, we comforted each other behind the stage.”

“Yes. I was really grateful then.”

“I’m the one who should be grateful for your thanks, you know.”

The arts festival became the foundation for recognizing my feelings for So-yul. So-yul also confessed that she began to like me because of the arts festival. It was a very important event in our relationship.

If I hadn’t gone to comfort So-yul then. If So-yul had left the backstage while holding back her tears. Our present would be vastly different.

So-yul continued:

“Then we got caught by the head of student affairs. We secretly met on the school trip night and cleared up misunderstandings. Somehow ended up sleeping together in the dormitory room. Even filmed a movie with a strange script.”

“Oh my, we’ve really been through a lot.”

“Hehe. We have.”

So-yul laughed, releasing her breath against my chest.

We had experienced countless times what others might encounter once in a lifetime. That means So-yul and I had done some unbelievable things.

Then.

“And on the day I returned after making a mistake at the concours, I even received a confession in the rain.”

“…Hmm.”

I closed my mouth at So-yul’s somewhat mischievous tone.

At that time, I had spoken what was in my heart. Because I didn’t want to drift apart from So-yul. Because I wanted to soothe the wounds she had suffered. I shouted out the feelings growing in my heart.

So when I recall the time I confessed now… I feel somewhat embarrassed and awkward.

Of course, I wouldn’t show it, or So-yul would tease me for a long time.

“Heh. You’re embarrassed.”

How did she know?

“Anyway, even after we started dating…”

“Hahaha. I wanted us to have a sweet, lovey-dovey relationship.”

So-yul stopped speaking there.

Of course, I knew what she would have said next.

Even after confirming our feelings and starting to date, we had gone through various incidents.

Hiding under the teacher’s desk to barely escape from classmates who burst into the classroom.

Getting caught by her mother while trying to celebrate her birthday.

Recently, even being locked in the sports storage shed and having our self-control tested.

During all this, many worries had crossed our minds, we had felt many emotions, and we had learned many things.

It wasn’t always filled with happy events, so occasionally sad and painful days had also passed.

But looking back now, every single moment remained as a precious memory.

It had been a year overflowing with joy, enough to make me smile automatically when I thought about it.

No matter when, where, or what happened, it was so unforgettable.

As I was quietly smiling, immersed in these reflections, So-yul suddenly poked her face out from inside the coat.

So-yul, looking up at me, had a smiling expression similar to mine.

“You’ve changed a lot during this time too. Did you know?”

So-yul threw out this puzzling statement.

Tilting my head, I asked:

“I’ve changed a lot?”

“Yes.”

So-yul answered shyly, then:

“The way you slightly bend down when talking to me. How you’re careful not to use too much strength when hugging or holding my hand. How you adjust your stride when we walk together. Even your way of speaking has become gentler.”

“Did I do that?”

I wasn’t even conscious of it.

But hearing it, it made sense.

Since there was a height difference, I usually bent down to talk to her. I was worried she might break if I hugged her as much as I wanted to. I wanted to convey the most comforting words possible as her boyfriend.

Because I had these goals in mind, I must have gradually changed.

We had spent enough time together that even small habits had developed.

It was natural that So-yul’s existence had penetrated my life without my realizing it.

“I guess spending time with someone makes them seep into you bit by bit.”

I made this somewhat cringeworthy comment with a half-smile.

Hearing my words, So-yul opened her eyes wide, then slightly reddened her cheeks and said:

“Seeped into… Hehe. You chose a good expression this time?”

“I tried my best to please my girlfriend, so I’m glad.”

Feeling a bit awkward, I instinctively responded playfully.

So-yul, who had been giggling as if finding this amusing, said:

“Actually, I’ve changed a lot too.”

Then, looking at me with moist eyes:

“I started doing exercises to grow taller because I wanted to catch up to you, even just a little.”

“At this rate, you’ll catch up soon.”

“I’ve become able to stand up with energy no matter how tough things get.”

“That’s because you have incredible willpower.”

“And also… I’ve started to see the face of someone I like every time I play the piano.”

After saying this much, So-yul looked up at me steadily with a faint smile.

Her pale pink lips kept trembling. Her large eyes sparkled in the moonlight. Her reddened cheeks were relaxed.

In that state, So-yul smiled broadly and said:

“I think… you’ve seeped into me too.”

With these words, she nuzzled her face against my chest again.

The statement that my existence had thoroughly seeped into So-yul as well.

The moment I heard it, heat spread throughout my body as if I’d been burned. My heart pounded so fiercely it felt like it would burst. The strong beating continued, loud enough to reach So-yul who was pressed against me.

I had never known until now that dyeing the person you love with your own colors could be such a happy thing.

It seemed like So-yul would continue to teach me countless happinesses I didn’t know about.

For that very reason, I had to cherish and protect this small, fragile girlfriend.

With this deep resolution, I gently embraced So-yul’s body wrapped in my coat.

So-yul, with her face buried in me, released warm and ticklish breaths.