Chapter 94: The Hell of Cowardice (3)

[94] 14. The Hell of Cowardice (3)

When the sunset painted the clear sky, it was as if the sky itself was ill.

Feya collapsed against a rock, and looked up at the lake, now red with the light of the setting sun, her eyes hollow.

Where orange ripples shimmered.

The faint chirping of birds added a touch of serenity.

But Feya couldn’t find any peace in the scenery before her. Instead, it simply reopened a fresh wound.

The memory of the flames that had scorched her eyeballs.

“Bleurgh!”

Even though she didn’t have the strength to stand, her body still vomited. Feya trembled, tears streaming down her face.

The Prince had punished her as soon as she’d regained consciousness. The charge was that she had let Rosalia escape, and the punishment was… three deaths.

Being burned alive, starvation, and then suffocation.

Those added nightmares had broken her mind.

Feya’s nails dig into her skin, reopening the wounds she had carefully bandaged. They bleed, staining her red.

A foolish act of trying to claw the memories from her skin. The miserable end of a sinner.

But to someone watching, it was a heartbreaking sight.

“…Feya?”

Even though her mind was hazy, that voice was clear. Feya lifted her eyes to look at Rem.

Rem was sitting on a strangely shaped box. It was a wooden box used for supplies with wheels attached.

Something Irene would have probably called a primitive wheelchair. Rem, pushing it with his hands, approached Feya.

“H-How…”

“I-I couldn’t just stay in bed all the time. M-More importantly…”

Rem stopped in front of her, his helpless hands wandering aimlessly.

“Y-You’re covered in wounds…! What, what happened…?”

It was then that Feya finally realized what she must look like now.

Her face, beaten up by Rosalia, was swollen, and her skin was covered with scratches from her own fingernails. Even the smell of fresh vomit clung to her clothes.

Feya reflexively turned her back to Rem.

“I-I’m fine… It’s nothing…”

“It can’t be nothing!”

It was a shout she’d never heard from him before.

Feya’s body froze. Taking advantage of that moment, Rem grabbed her arm. She could smell the scent of herbs, and then suddenly his face was right in front of hers.

He looked at Feya’s face with a sad expression.

“Oh God… Your face…”

At that moment, the nightmare the Prince had inflicted on her vanished. All she could see was Rem’s face.

*Why is he making a sad expression when I’m the one in pain?*

That was the only thought that filled her mind.

After staring at her with a sad look for a long time, Rem suddenly retreats. With a sense of urgency, he said,

“Just wait here. I’ll go get some potions and ointment…”

“Wait.”

Rem looked at Feya, who had grabbed his arm, with a puzzled expression. But Feya seemed even more confused by her own actions than he was.

She let go of his arm as if she had been burned. Then, lowering her gaze, she said in a small voice,

“Just… for a moment…”

It was a sentence where a lot was left unsaid. In fact, she even looked away.

Thankfully, Rem understood what she meant.

He carefully got down from the box and sat beside her. He quietly stared at the lake reflecting the sunset.

“…”

“…”

A silence fell over them.

A silence where the faint chirping of the insects seemed like the sound of hesitation. Words they wanted to say went back and forth between their hearts and their tongues before fading away.

But silence isn’t eternal.

“I saw you hurting yourself.”

Feya wasn’t surprised. She just lowered her head. Rem’s voice trembled slightly.

“…Can you tell me why?”

Feya didn’t answer. A silent denial.

The 27 deaths that had pushed her to the edge.

The broken mental state it had left her in.

She didn’t want to use it as an excuse. She didn’t want to justify having cut Rem’s legs by revealing it.

After all, it was her choice in the end, just like the witch had said.

But silence breeds misunderstandings.

“…Are you that sorry?”

It took Feya a moment to understand what he meant.

Rem was mistaking her self-harm for an act of guilt.

She was about to correct him, but then decided to keep her mouth shut. It wasn’t exactly wrong.

After all, the sensation of cutting his legs off was one of the things she was desperately trying to claw away from her skin.

Rem, looking across the lake, continued.

“…Even though I said I’m okay?”

Feya nodded slowly without a word.

His forgiveness was only temporary. The moment he regained his memories, it would be meaningless.

What person would forgive someone who’d cut off their legs? Even if she were to reattach his legs, the anger would remain.

Feya, facing the grim truth once again, smiled bitterly.

“Then… will you take responsibility?”

His voice sounded like the color of the sunset.

Feya looked at Rem, feeling her thoughts fading away. Rem’s face, tinged with the sunset glow, wore a bitter smile.

“Feya, did, did you know that I’m actually a really cowardly person?”

Rem’s eyes grow distant.

“When I first pulled myself up after losing my legs and when I saw your face. I felt a sense of relief without even realizing it.”

Relief. That word was the furthest thing from the situation Rem was in. But, he spoke it with a smile.

“I thought that you’d never abandon me now.”

Feya’s face went blank. Rem’s eyes finally turned to her.

A face that seems to be crying, or maybe smiling.

His voice was trembling, as if he were scared.

“I’m pathetic and disgusting, aren’t I? To think such a thing after losing my legs…”

Rem, placing his hands on the ground, scoot closer to her. He stopped when he was so close she could feel his breath.

“So, Feya, you don’t have to feel guilty. Even now, I still feel that way. That even losing both my legs was a small price to pay to keep you by my side.”

“No, you…”

“But.”

Rem’s bronze hand touched Feya’s cheek. Feya felt her breath stop.

“If even after I’ve said that, you still feel guilty, if you’re so sorry that you’re hurting yourself.”

The world disappeared, and all that remained was Rem’s voice and the sound of both their heartbeats. Even the thirty deaths she had suffered were gone.

“Take responsibility for me.”

His mechanical eyes, reflecting the sunset, seemed to be crying. His hot breath tickled her throat.

“Give me your life.”

And then, Rem kissed Feya’s lips.

At that moment, Feya’s reason screamed.

It argued that Rem’s feelings were just a form of dependence, that they would vanish once his memories returned.

It prophesied that this would only end in despair.

However, because Feya’s arms had already wrapped around Rem’s waist, because her heart was faster than her thoughts…

Feya quietly accepted his kiss.

…

…

…

Quiet murmurs painted the night sky.

Feya and Rem talked about many things.

Feya mainly talked about the past.

What kind of person her father was,

how much ‘Invincible’ resembled Rem,

and how she’d left the Great Divide.

Looking at the stars reflected in the lake, she unraveled her memories, one by one.

Rem, on the other hand, talked about the future.

How he would improve his ‘mobile box’,

where he wanted to visit when this was all over,

and what he wanted to eat.

Looking at the stars in the night sky, he painted the future with hope, one by one.

If you just looked at the words, it would seem like their conversations were on two completely different wavelengths.

But, strangely enough, that wasn’t the case.

Because, even if their eyes were looking in different directions, their hearts flowed in the same direction.

But, just as silence doesn’t last forever, neither do conversations.

“…”

Feya looked down at Rem, who was now asleep on her lap, his voice, which had been mumbling, now silent. He looked peaceful and happy.

A smile crept onto Feya’s lips.

And then she realized that she no longer had the nightmares that the Prince had inflicted on her.

The thirty deaths she had experienced in that illusion.

It’s not that the sensation of that pain has disappeared from her skin.

It’s just that Rem’s warmth erased it all. The moment she stroked his hair, the pain became so faint it’s as if it never existed.

Feya unknowingly let out a laugh.

She was thinking about all the foolish things she had done with her nails until now.

It was so easy,

all she had to do was hold someone in her arms.

How foolish she had been.

Feya, with a smile that was both bitter and sweet, caressed Rem’s cheek.

But her smile didn’t last long.

Like a rising star, she felt a weight, a weight she’d forgotten, and her hand unconsciously reached for her pocket.

A blue fruit, the size of a baby’s fist, appeared under the starlight.

The fruit that grew from Rem’s Memory Tree. The witch’s voice echoed in her ears.

[If you feed it to Rem, his memories will return.]

[It’s surprisingly simple, isn’t it?]

Feya exhaled and looked up at the sky.

The stars, hanging between summer and autumn, shone with a strange light. It felt like they were watching her.

“Right, this is the right thing to do.”

Feya held the fruit in her hand and brought it towards Rem’s lips.

And it was clearly the right thing to do.

Perhaps, it was the only way she could escape this hell.

“…”

But humans are fundamentally cowardly beings.

Her hand froze right before it reached his lips.

*And then what?*

A single question made her stop.

After she feeds him the fruit, after he regains his memories, then what?

What happens next?

It was the witch’s words that gave her the answer.

[Of course, the answer is already obvious.]

Her hand, clutching the fruit, moved away from Rem’s lips.

Who could possibly forgive someone who had cut off their legs, after losing them?

Her hands and eyes began to tremble, and as if sensing something was wrong, Rem frowned and mumbles in his sleep.

At that moment, Feya overlaid an ominous image on top of him.

Rem’s face glaring at her with eyes full of hatred.

The hand that had caressed her cheek now chokes her neck.

A musician who has experienced the ecstasy of music will never let go of their instrument until they die. A painter who has seen perfect beauty in a painting will never leave their easel until their dying moment.

How could she return to hell after having been at heaven’s doorstep?

Feya’s hand moved away from Rem.

Away from what was undeniably the right thing to do. And what inevitably followed was justification.

Trying to convince herself.

Was it really the right thing to do, to return his memories?

If his memories return, Rem would reunite with Rosalia. And, with his crippled body, he’d go up against the Prince and Sheila.

Would that really be for his own good?

And most of all…

Feya looked down at Rem, who had fallen back asleep. His expression had returned to its usual peaceful state.

[Take responsibility for me.]

[Give me your life.]

Just how easily do desperate hearts twist everything?

In the end, she set the fruit down.

Feya took Rem’s hand and kissed it.

“I will, I’ll take care of you. I’ll take responsibility and make you happy.”

Feya’s hand, along with her morality, lowered Rem’s head down to the ground. Picking up the Memory Fruit once again, she stood before the lake, her heart heavy with guilt.

Doing the right thing is difficult, but abandoning your conscience is easy.

She threw the fruit into the lake with all her might.

*Splash*, and then, silence.

Feya turned away and pulled out the communication device from her clothes. She channeled her magic into it and waited for an answer.

[I’m listening.]

Rosalia’s voice came back immediately.

Feya felt her heart hardening as she opened her mouth.

“The Prince has the fruit.”

[…]

“It seems we’ll need to change the plan a bit…”

And so, Feya cut the last lifeline that had led out of hell.