Chapter 91 : Difference In Direction (6) Part-2

“Earth was recognized as a planet inhabited by intelligent life from the moment of first contact. If that stance were to be overturned now, other planets would also assume that their status could change arbitrarily. I hate to say it, but our squeaky planet might be among the first to worry.”

There are aliens resembling hamsters, bears, dogs, and even beings far removed from the realm of typical organisms, like rock-like entities.

Some of their remains are apparently “useful” but left unused for moral reasons.

Even with such examples, it was impossible to completely erase the concerns.

On Earth alone, there have always been people who refused to treat others as human.

Across times and cultures, it’s been a constant, so saying it “still exists” feels more accurate.

“Well, that’s no reason to feel entirely reassured,” James said with a shrug, as if reading my thoughts.

“Just remember, Noir Corporation only operates as a company because it exists on Earth.”

I couldn’t help but nod at his words.

“Oh, right. And…”

“Do you have another question?”

“This circuit.”

I showed James the circuit on my wrist.

A faint white light still pulsed from it, completely unlike the state it was in when despair had consumed me.

“What happened to it? Isn’t its structure supposed to be different?”

“Of course, it’s different. If changing the direction were so easy, the Federation and Noir Corporation wouldn’t have wasted time researching each other’s circuits.”

“…Then what is this?”

“As I said before, it could be a harmony of magic.”

“But to even use magic, the circuit has to function. How could magic reverse the circuit’s direction when it wasn’t working?”

“Perhaps your hope influenced another magical girl’s circuit.”

“My hope?”

“Yes. You’re already familiar with resonance. Your hope, entangled with Blossom’s, may have triggered some unknown form of magic.”

“That’s not common, is it?”

“Common? Not at all. I’ve never seen anything like it. Circuits themselves were created here. Normally, magic is harnessed by extracting power from objects imbued with mana. And non-Earthlings often know how to wield magic directly.”

James noticed my puzzled expression and hesitated before continuing, speaking more cautiously than usual.

“However, there’s a hypothesis—a theory proposed by the former chairman.”

“A hypothesis?”

“Why despair and hope? Why not other emotions? While circuits can be faintly influenced by other feelings, creating meaningful energy requires the complex emotional states tied to despair and hope.”

James paused, deliberating whether to continue, then spoke slowly.

“The hypothesis suggests that despair and hope are simply differences in direction.”

“Differences in direction?”

“Yes. If powerful emotions drive the circuit, the situations that produce the strongest emotions might differ in direction but share a similar essence.”

Despair is a feeling of endless descent.

Yet circuits crave “endless despair.”

If someone consumed by despair gives up entirely and refuses to feel any more, the circuit ceases to function.

To use the circuit meaningfully, one must endure despair without surrendering—like me.

Conversely, the same applies to hope.

Only those who cling to a slender ray of light from afar can activate the circuit.

Perhaps the fact that all those who can activate circuits in this country are “magical girls,” and that they’ve all come from relatively privileged backgrounds, is more than coincidence.

Hearing that, I couldn’t help but feel deflated.

My shoulders slumped.

So… if James’s theory is true, I was talented from the beginning.

Whoever cast me into this world remains unknown.

But that being didn’t leave me entirely helpless.

Perhaps they granted me strength—or talent of some kind.

Did they throw me into this situation because I had talent?

I’m not sure. I’ve never actually met or spoken with whoever did it.

But one thing is clear: despite having this talent, I didn’t trust myself.

I only envied Hayoon and thought about beating her by going in the opposite direction.

“I see.”

I exhaled deeply as I spoke.

James didn’t bother responding.

Although I used to sleep outside the tent, the tent was still considered my room.

The temperature had risen enough that using a winter sleeping bag felt unnecessary.

Bit by bit, I was clearing out the vinyl sheets inside.

Honestly, I could have slept outside, but whether I did or not, Hayoon always insisted on sleeping beside me.

I felt too embarrassed to let the others see this, so I ended up hiding in the tent, and Hayoon continued to follow me.

At this point, refusing her seemed impossible.

If I rejected her now, misunderstandings would spiral out of control.

“Do you have something on your mind?”

Hayoon always lay down facing me so naturally that I ended up turning my back to her every time.

Facing her felt too awkward, though I’d occasionally done so with Ji-hye.

But Ji-hye is my sister, and even with her, lying face-to-face in such a confined space felt strange.

If I lay on my back, Hayoon would effortlessly rest her cheek against my shoulder.

I sometimes wondered if that wasn’t an uncomfortable position, but she seemed determined to maintain it.

The problem was, her face ended up dangerously close to a certain part of me as she lay like that. Her position inadvertently had her gazing downward.

On top of that, the close proximity meant she often ended up wrapping her arm around my waist or even resting her leg across my thigh.

I knew she didn’t mean anything by it.

The tent was small, and we couldn’t help but move closer to make space.

When we tossed and turned in our sleep, we inevitably ended up in such positions.

Even outside the tent, it felt similar, but that’s how things were.

So, I always turned my back to her when lying down.

When I did, Hayoon would naturally wrap herself around me from behind.

I felt her arm drape over my stomach, her soft body pressed against my back.

Sometimes, her forehead brushed against me; other times, it was her cheek.

Oddly enough, I sometimes found this comforting.

Perhaps avoiding her gaze dulled the discomfort.

“Jieun.”

…

“Do you have something on your mind?”

When I didn’t respond, Hayoon softly asked again.

I had no words.

I had envied Hayoon unfairly.

Despite having the ability to stand on equal footing, I had acted recklessly and made a mess of things.

How could I tell her that?

Maybe James might blurt it out one day.

Hayoon probably wouldn’t be too disappointed, but that’s just my assumption.

Maybe I was justifying things to myself, deluding myself as I always had while living as the “black magical girl” or a “combatant.”

So, I didn’t want to say anything.

No, I hoped I wouldn’t have to say it—ever.

This was the conclusion I reached after overthinking and overjustifying everything on my own.

“…If something’s bothering you, let me know.”

Hayoon eventually relented.

“Whatever it is, I’ll think it over with you and try to help solve it.”

Her kindness always shone so brightly.

And it was me who had envied her and gone off in a strange direction.

“Direction,” they said.

Maybe the direction I first took was the wrong one.

Even if I’ve found the right path now, can I really go back?

It’s ironic for me to say this after everything I’ve done, but…

Have I strayed too far to turn back now?

And hasn’t Hayoon been caught up in my twisted mindset?

No, she has. Of course, she has.

If that’s the case, then it’s my responsibility to set things right again.

Clenching my fist, I closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep.