Chapter 90 – That’s Why I Do It  

– “To be honest, I’m not sure if telling you this right now is the right move.”

…Now what kind of scheme is she plotting?

As the Demon King laid down her usual bait out of nowhere, 

Luines returned.

Perhaps she’d shown her face just once to the children, to ease their fears after the commotion outside.

Whether it was due to a lack of medical knowledge, or because she had previously examined Cariel’s condition, it wasn’t clear, but her expression hardened further as she assessed his body.

“How were you even moving around in that state…?”

“…….”

Full-body muscle pain was honestly the least of it.

Which is to say, his physical condition was far worse than that.

If he fully acknowledged the pain, it would feel like hell itself.

So much so that all he could do would be to curl up like a child and barely endure it.

…Even so, he endured.

This wasn’t a matter of overcoming, it was about surviving, and that had to be enough for now.

“You’ll feel a bit more at ease.”

Luines reached out and touched his forehead.

A faint white light extended from her fingertips.

His body relaxed a little.

“I may not be skilled enough to fully heal you, but I can at least ease the pain a little.”

“You’re dulling the sensation.”

Ases interjected knowingly.

And separate from that, 

– “That ability you have, to peer into someone’s past and memories, that’s a special privilege possessed by only a rare few among High Elves. I kept quiet about it because revealing it would basically make your life too easy… but we’re not in a position to be choosy now.”

“…….”

Is that seriously what you call an explanation?

The Demon King had a talent for being infuriating enough to make emotion regulation a struggle.

– “The moment you rely on this, your way of dealing with others will become more consistent. Communication is reciprocal. One-sidedness always breeds distortion. That’s why realizing this later on would be more beneficial for you, objectively speaking. If this weren’t a crisis, I wouldn’t have told you.”

“…….”

“Are you alright? You don’t look…”

“I’m fine. Much better now.”

Now that most of the pain had subsided, it was easier to breathe.

Though in its place, a wave of chills surged over him.

Not that the pain had made him forget the cold earlier, it was just that both symptoms had overwhelmed his entire body at once, making it unbearable.

Now, even his cold sweat felt like thorns scraping his skin, utterly aggravating.

– “That woman in front of you has many secrets. But she’s opened her heart to you, at least to a degree. You don’t need much. That’s enough.”

“…….”

– “Later, even that won’t be necessary.”

Was she telling him to test this ability on Luines?

– “If understanding her seems like it’ll make things more difficult for you, then don’t. But you’re curious, aren’t you?”

“…….”

– “I’ll tell you how. Whether or not you do it is up to you. And even if I tell you, it’s not something you’ll pull off immediately anyway.”

The Demon King continued her explanation.

– “You don’t see it with your eyes. You see it with your mind. It’s not your eyes that perceive it, it’s your mind that sees, hears, and feels. That kind of perception is essential. This is like understanding limbs without having any.”

‘I understand.’

I do.

I just didn’t know if it was something I could do.

Thanks to her explanation, it was as if a lock had clicked open.

In a flash, the method became clear to me.

Starting with the sensation of Luines’s hand on my forehead, 

I gradually sank even deeper.

The sensation was somewhat similar to before, yet, 

Maybe it was because I intended it this time.

…It felt like I was willingly stepping into a dense fog.

A bit vague.

* * *

It was a world seen through the eyes of a young girl.

Though employed as a maid in a noble household, 

Her master was, in fact, her own blood relative.

But after her father’s death, their family rapidly declined.

As debt collectors came knocking, and their property was sold off for scraps, 

They were eventually evicted even from their home, and their lives became truly miserable.

No, perhaps the only one who genuinely felt it was miserable was her younger brother.

He was young, disabled, and had a difficult personality that made him impossible for others to understand.

“What kind of maid brings in money for her master?!”

With their wealth gone, the girl threw herself into whatever work she could find.

And the boy, forced to watch her suffer, couldn’t understand, it drove him to lash out.

“I have nothing left! I’ve got nothing to give you anymore! Why are you still staying?!”

“…….”

The girl asked herself.

Why?

She didn’t know.

Was it because of blood?

Because he was her only family?

Did blood mean anything to her?

No.

If anything, it was because of blood that her father had treated her so terribly.

Before she came here, her life had already been hell.

She hadn’t died, only because she couldn’t.

Even death was something she couldn’t choose for herself.

Because for them, dying would’ve been a breach of contract. At least on that point, they enforced strict control.

Most ended up alive but hollowed out, barely human.

She, too, should have become one of them.

“…….”

This wasn’t her original hair color.

But now, it was stark white, like pale sky.

Her eyes had lost their color as well.

She could still see fine… but how often had others called her ominous and struck her for it?

…Though truthfully, she didn’t feel much of anything.

“The master asked this of me.”

“Did he save your life or something?!”

“…The opposite, actually.”

“What?”

He may have fathered her, but he was also the one who sold her to them.

What she thought was a coincidence, reuniting with her family, turned out to be prearranged.

Apparently, her father assumed he would be either dead or worse by the time she returned.

…Because he had come to her on the day of the funeral and told her the truth.

Her father, even in the moment of death, 

Had remained a pitiful and shameless parent.

………

She was, by all accounts, devoted.

Among those who admired her dedication were even people of high standing.

Some offered her exclusive service contracts. Others offered substantial rewards, even proposed taking her in as a concubine.

She refused them all.

In the end, the boy with the lame leg and the girl had no choice but to head to the city in search of work and shelter.

But that too had its limits.

“How long are you going to keep taking care of me?!”

She had overlooked it.

No, maybe she had just ignored it.

Even though she knew that caring for someone wasn’t everything.

There had been no space in her heart to consider such things.

Her once tidy clothes had grown shabby and worn.

The only thing still intact was the iron cane he leaned on.

Aside from that, he had become pitiful in every way.

Angrily, he staggered away in a clumsy, miserable movement.

She couldn’t even stop him, just stood there, dazed, watching.

By the time she came to her senses and chased after him, 

She saw him in the middle of the street, having dropped his cane and fallen.

And then, 

…A carriage was racing toward him.

– “That’s far enough.”

The girl ran forward.

She wrapped her arms around the boy as hooves trampled them, striking and crushing.

The carriage body hit her, and she was flung beneath its wheels.

– “You’re really going to watch that all the way through? You’ll die like this.”

And all of it, this entire scene, it was like watching from a distance.

Yet everything was warped.

I was seeing this through her memories.

Therefore, I couldn’t see what she herself hadn’t remembered.

“If it had ended there…”

There would be no Luines today.

……

……

“Thank you for your concern.”

“…….”

She seemed genuinely frustrated by her own lack of ability.

“If only the sister had been here…”

“It’s alright.”

Cariel blinked, as if to say not to worry.

His condition hadn’t improved.

Only the pain had lessened slightly.

And even that returned to its original intensity the moment she removed her hand.

‘So it’s unavoidable, huh.’

Voices whispered from within.

If I’d just stayed at home quietly, I wouldn’t be going through this pain.

That was true, but also false.

Why come out here and put myself through this suffering?

True again, but also false.

No matter where you are, it hurts all the same.

…Though compared to the utter despair and pain he felt now, the agony and torment of those days might seem like childish whining.

But before this, every single moment back there had been suffering.

“……”

Luines.

Why is she here?

And why was the past I glimpsed of her so dark, so hopeless?

“So? What now? You planning to just sit here and rest? Or are you going to move?”

Ases snapped him back to reality from his daze.

Venus had already left after hearing Cariel’s message.

“…There’s something I need to do.”

“What is it?”

“Before that.”

Cariel extended a hand.

“Give me a hand up, will you?”

“You’re really gonna borrow the hand of a delicate little lady like me? Out of all the people here?”

“…….”

“You’ve really gotten no sense of humor, huh? So boring these days.”

Gripping her hand, he barely managed to pull himself upright.

And at that moment, 

Through her eyes, he caught a glimpse of his younger self.

Even at a glance, he was nothing but a little kid.

The only difference was his neatly combed hair, which gave his forehead and features a more distinguished look.

But still, he was just a kid.

The girl was shunned by those around her.

A foreign princess with extraordinary talent, and a way of thinking far removed from others.

She rarely connected with children her age, lacking any common ground.

She mostly mingled with adults.

Hunting monsters. Organizing troops. Confronting danger and fighting battles.

But even those who understood her situation kept their distance.

“People are allowed to be different, aren’t they?”

God said that even weeds are born with meaning.

“Ases, maybe you’re different from others because you’re meant to do different things than them?”

“Is that so?”

She brushed it off as if it meant little to her.

But she simply didn’t show it.

…Even though everyone feared the young girl, this kid who was younger than her accepted her not because he was naïve, but because he acknowledged her existence on a fundamental level.

That, for her at the time, was an immense comfort.

“I thought I’d stay by your side for a while during your stay.”

“I’d like that!”

Those who saw Cariel showing kindness toward Ases often called him a strange child.

The Devil of the Lake, 

That’s what they were already calling her by the time she turned ten.

Ases never doubted that Cariel’s kindness toward her would continue.

But, 

That was a serious misjudgment.

Because he treated everyone the same way he treated himself.

One day, she couldn’t help but ask him directly:

“With a gift like that, why are you so eager to help others?”

The way he persuaded people, made them open their hearts, that was a power in itself, as far as Ases was concerned.

To him, it was natural.

To her, it was impossible.

“Why else? If I can help, then it’s only right to help as many people as I can, isn’t it?”

‘Only right’?

“Why? Why help them at all? They should be the ones worshipping you. You’re a noble being. No one can replace you. For you to be doing the same work as them is a waste of time and energy! Losing you would be a far bigger loss. Even if others don’t know it, you do, don’t you?”

Why live selflessly?

Why dedicate yourself to others?

“You were born with the right to be selfish! Why don’t you see that?”

Many found salvation and hope in his hands, that was, undoubtedly, a noble journey.

But what about him?

At first, she wondered if he was doing it just to prove his worth as a hostage, but no.

That’s just how he was.

“…Ases. Things like efficiency and effectiveness… A world that only weighs profit… to those who can’t keep up, it becomes another kind of hell. I hate that.”

“Civilization developed that way, didn’t it? Sure, the weak can be carried along, but there’s a limit to compassion. You’re going to look after people from the moment they’re born to the day they die? What’s the difference between that and livestock? If you’re human, you should handle your own problems. Who are you to save and protect others? If it were just some ruler’s ideological justification for governing the masses, I’d get it. But you, you actually believe it’s your responsibility. You really think you can do that? It’s impossible. It is.”

“I know. I know it’s impossible.”

“Then why do it? When you know it’s bound to fail.”

“That’s why I do it.”

That’s why.

“Because everyone gives up, thinking it’s hopeless… I thought maybe I should at least try.”

That’s the problem with being smart.

You can see it won’t work. So why bother? Is it even worth doing? What’s the point in trying? Is it valuable? How much effort will it take? Time? Energy? And what will you even gain from it?

…All of those questions, all of that logic, were just excuses.

She realized that.

Through that exchange.

But that realization wasn’t salvation.

It didn’t save her.

It only, 

Made her aware of the path ahead and planted the courage to walk it.

And that alone was enough.